~ Debutaunt & Zoe Say Eat Some Turkey or Tofuturkey and Give Thanks~
May 28, 2009
Not Even Death Can Stop Deb From Having Her Say

[Every single one of the posts on this blog were typed and written by Deb. Except this one. She died on May 18, 2009, peacefully and no longer in pain, with family and friends by her side. I wish I could write that less abruptly, but that's what happened, and there is no easy way to say it.

I'm Sis#1 in the blog, and throughout Deb's illness, I'd ask her if she would want me to type an update. She'd always refuse, saying she wanted to do it herself when she felt better. She wrote some amazing things, even when she was in a lot of pain and taking a lot of medication.

She finally asked me to update the blog for her after doctors told her that she was certain to die. We talked a lot about what she wanted to say, and she had a lot of pent up things because she hadn't been able to post in a while.

If you follow this blog, you'd see that Deb was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in October 2005, had a stem cell transplant in February 2006 but then suffered a relapse of her leukemia in November 2008. She had been continuously in the hospital since Thanksgiving until her death, and in the ICU since December and then moved to a rehabilitation hospital ICU in February to see if they could wean her off the respirator, remove the tracheotomy, and get her able to move, and get out of the bed.

Eventually, the doctors informed us that Debby wasn't going to be able to get off the respirator, that her organs were struggling from massive infection and that she had developed a new form of leukemia, chronic monocytic leukemia. As I understood it, the new leukemia was likely a result of the massive DNA damage that occurred during the first treatment that put her acute leukemia in remission.

When Deb was given the information that rehabilitation wasn't going to work, that she was never going to leave the hospital and all hope to get her old life back was totally gone, she request the focus of her care be more on comfort than fighting, signed the Do Not Resuscitate order and prepared to die.

What a difficult thing. To be there in mind, trapped in a painful, failed body, waiting for a death. But, during this time, she thought of her online friends from both close and far away, and she wanted to give you a final blog post that shared her views. So here it is. The following may not *sound* exactly like her because it's hard to read lips but it is certainly her views. In her last days, she dreamed of walking and running, and you could see her legs moving as she slept even though she barely moved when she was awake. I'm not sure what she is doing now, but it certainly has nothing to do with being confined to a bed.

Immeasurable thanks to all for being with her on her journey in whatever way you were able. You have no idea how much it helped. -Steph/Sis#1]

Deb's Last Blog Post:

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February 10, 2009
NEWS from the Tract hole

Got a card from Z. you can talk and record messages.

HI MOMMY! I LOVE YOU. I HOPE YOU GET BETTER

PLAYS YOULL BE IN MY HEART BY PHIL COLLINS
I MISS HER SO MUCH

I NOW HAVE A TRACT IN MY NECK AND CANT TALK OR EAT.. SO WEAK. NO FOOOD SINCE NOV.BEINNG TRANSFERRED TO A REHABB HOPEFULLY TODAY TO LEARN TO BREATHE ON MY OWN AND WALK N STUFF.

TIM, THAT COMMENT IS WHY I ADORE YOU.

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February 09, 2009
missing you

cant type well, but thought i'd try it.

will update when i can. still accepting prayers1

love goes out to Alaska Rachel, who lost her son at 40 days. sweet baby.

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December 03, 2008
Houston Battle Red

First, yay for the Houston Texans winning on Monday Night Football. Second, hey, they are going to have a big blood drive too. Sis #1 wrote about it on her Texan's blog at the Houston Chronicle. If you go there, you also can give them my information so I get credit for that donation.

Here is the link:

http://blogs.chron.com/texanschick/2008/12/i_need_your_help_for_the_most_1.html

Thanks Sis # and the Texans!

And thank you to anyone that donates blood products, regardless of if I get the donation credit or not. There are thousands of patients like out there like me. Waiting every day and being so overwhelmed that people really do take time out of their days to donate my blood.

In the past, I've made people who have donated blood cry before. They say that they just do it because it's kind of a habit by now, but they forget that someone actually receives those blood products. It still amazes me. I am always thankful for when I get a transfusion.

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November 30, 2008
More Blood Products

Any suggestions on healing bruises? Like big ones that trauma patients get?

I got 2 pints of red blood today. I always say prayers for the person that donated.

I'm tired
Still unable to eat much
Mouth sores (will try the tea, thanks, Bren/Cody's mom) Snaggy looking rats nest in the back of my hair, but I can see that it's thinning and falling out. I need to walk more, but I'm a peeing machine (I hate lasix!) I am finally able to stand up on my own and walk around the room a little bit.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me. I feel so weak now it's crazy. I really just wish I was able to eat without everything tasting like fire. Unfortunately the only good thing is Gatorade.

Reading comments. Going to bed.

Mucho much love!

Donate blood if you can or make someone donate for you. It truly has been life saving for me lately.

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Fast Entry. Not Much Energy

This chemo has just opened such a can o' whoopass on me. I finished up the inpatient stuff last week and lo and behold (just because I wanted some stuffing and pie) the extreme bodily fluid explosion decided to keep me up all night. I dry hurled for hours and now there is some speculation that perhaps I inflamed a rib. I've never broken a rib, but I can imagine that is how this feels.

I got way too dehyrdrated for my own good and Sis # kindly drove me to the ER, where they made me HIGH!!! So they just kind of gave it the good ol' college try and then admitted me to the hospital. A day later I got some additional chemo and have had quite a few transfusions of platelets and red blood cells. I got some additional chemo again this evening. Yet, dangit, I still have had not pie. Not that I could actually enjoy it because el diablo rojo has given me crazy sores in my mouth. So basically mashed potatoes tasted like jalapenos.

I feel way too weak this time. My muscles are just bruised and battered. I swear I do look like I've been beaten up. I should call Zoe's uncle (former pro boxer) and ask how to heal the stutf.

My numbers are spooky low to me. My platelets have been in the 200's for yers. They are supposed to be at least 140, and today they were 11. ELEVEN! I wish I felt up to eating steaks because I just would just eat a filet at every meal.

I do get pretty much dailly transfusions or bags of blood. I would much rather eat steak.

Sis #1 and Sis #2 have been visiting mucho. It's just nice to have someone come in your room and tidy up a bit when you are weak. Sis #1 made the magical muffins again and Sis #2 helped me out with a major power shower. It's the closest thing to a massage I think I am allowed with such low platelets.

It felt sad to miss Thanksgiving with my parents. I don't think I have missed even one before. Zoe had a great time with the cousins that she practically passed out last night. I haven't spoken to her often, but I am the only one that can update her list on Amazon. I don't think she really needs much as she has so much, but her dad is buying her a bike and a DS game to replace the one she lost. I would just have to ask what games she likes. Personally, I know she likes to shop at Target and Marshalls and Blockbuster, but the girl gets way more than she needs. She's starting to ask more questions than we can really answer. It hurts to know I can't see her little face. I used to always drag my photos of her with each hospital stay.

Me? I need nothing except prayers, which I totally have to make myself hear sometimes. I'm trying but it's hard to feel so scared and vulnerable to God's will.

I can do this. It's trying to kick my ass, but I just can't let it.

Your assignment today is to drink something just really tasty. Right now the greatest thing I have had so far was an icy cold Gatorade. I wonder how an Icee would do on sore mouth? More 7-11's need to make Crystal Light Icees. Then perhaps a hot tub of soda wouldn't give you the tub with it.

Love you. Thank you so much for the comments. I"m still too out of breath to talk much on the phone, but trust me, I hear the power of the internets loud and clear!

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November 25, 2008
My kind of day

A little humorous and a little bittersweet.

circus.jpg zoe funny face.jpg

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November 24, 2008
A Long Night with el Diablo

Ok, these Chuck Norris jokes are cracking me up.

I had more platelets today and I always try to pretend that some studly, tri-athlete, handsome doctor has donated my blood products to me. So I get extra POWAH!

I'm now hooked to my least favorite chemo, nick-named El Diablo Rojo. It gives you the worst heart burn of all time and nothing makes it go away.

I am so bruised I look like I have been in a bad car wreck. Even tape bruises me now. I hope I don't get hit in the face, because then people might stare. *rolls eyes*

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November 23, 2008
More Blue than Black

In so many many ways.

diagnosis second time around.jpg

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November 22, 2008
Chemobama

Day 2 of Chemobama.

I got platelets yesterday and 4 pints of blood today. It's helped with the breathlessness. Sis #1 brought her amazing muffins and Sis #2 is going to drop off some laundry and maybe dinner. I love my family so so very much. I'm completely blessed.

Thanks for the comments. They really mean so much to me. This has been really hard and I"m sooo so missing my sweet bird-talker. She still doesn't know the full extent of all of this. My heart is breaking over that, but I don't know if she's ready to understand that I might not see her for months.

I'm still big time black and blue and it's getting worse. I got some lasix today and man, it was crazy pee pee day too.

I'm going for a walk today. I may not be able to answer all comments and email, but thank you Interwebs. You still rock and I still love you all very very much.

I can do this. I have the POWAH of Chuck Norris.

Your assignment today is to leave me your favorite Chuck Norris joke. I also would appreciate the spreading of the word. I am back to taking the donations for the deb_fund because my insurance fell through. We are hoping to fix it on Monday because it is totally a clusterfuck. Also thanks so much for the prayers for my family. It's so hard on them, although this time I'm still pretty scared and trying not to be. But knowing what all I am facing is skeeving me out. My hair texture is already changing from the chemo. Next it will fall out. *whimper* I wish Shoshie was here so she could paint something lovely on my bald head.

Ok. My walk is waiting! Love love.

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November 20, 2008
November 19, 2008

Relapse.

Thanks to Sis #1 for this:

Support this blog. Pretty pretty please.

See "Read More" for well, uh, more.

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November 17, 2008
Headed to Houston

Today was bizarre. I woke up to get Zoe ready for school. Dad has Monday's off, so he took her to school. I went right back to bed and then slept until 1pm. I ate a bowl of Grape Nuts and then passed out until 3pm.

I sent a message to my docs at MD Anderson. They told me to come in right away. If I'm really bad off, I will go to the emergency room, but most likely I will head to my doctor's office on Wednesday.

These new symptoms are totally similar to relapse symptoms of leukemia. I'm still trying not to freak out.

I can do this. My bird talker needs me.

Your assignment today - send prayers and good vibes my way (once again) please. Thankyouverymuch.

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Hahahahahaha

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

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November 16, 2008
Black and Blue

Went to a school fundraiser tonight. It was really great to get out for the night and wear grownup clothes. I could never be a model because a) I hate taking pictures of myself and b) I always have the worst facial expressions!! My makeup looks much nicer in person although I was feeling pretty but realized when I got in my car to go home that when I reapplied my lipstick I had it all over my teeth and no one told me - GAH!

All my pictures look about the same because I take them in my car with my dumb cell phone. I can't figure out the viewfinder when I take my own picture. But here they are.

school fundraiser.jpg
school fundraiser 2.jpg

Insurance stuff is very very slowly detangling. I need to see a doctor for some labs, but cannot incur that expense; especially when hope is on the horizon. (and thanks for the paypal donations. I can't see the info, but hopefully will get email information to thank you personally. How awesome of y'all.)

I can do this. I'm bruising, but not giving in.

Your assignment today is to say hi. Pretty easy, huh?

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November 13, 2008
A black and blue mess

Still uninsured. Still a mess.

Still have weird scar tissue on my lower back. I think it is in the spot where they do my left bone marrow biopsies. I've lost so much weight you can actually see it poking up.

I am bruising like crazy too. It worries me a little bit because that is a symptom of leukemia. I have a five inch bruise on my stomach. I took a picture but it looked too gross to post.

I was sort of glad to read about the marrow foundation running out of funding. That means many people responded.

Pretty remarkable story!! Doctors say marrow transplant may have cured AIDS.

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Not Even Death Can Stop Deb From Having Her Say
NEWS from the Tract hole
missing you
Houston Battle Red
More Blood Products
Fast Entry. Not Much Energy
My kind of day
A Long Night with el Diablo
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Chemobama
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