debutaunt.com

Not Even Death Can Stop Deb From Having Her Say

[Every single one of the posts on this blog were typed and written by Deb. Except this one. She died on May 18, 2009, peacefully and no longer in pain, with family and friends by her side. I wish I could write that less abruptly, but that's what happened, and there is no easy way to say it.

I'm Sis#1 in the blog, and throughout Deb's illness, I'd ask her if she would want me to type an update. She'd always refuse, saying she wanted to do it herself when she felt better. She wrote some amazing things, even when she was in a lot of pain and taking a lot of medication.

She finally asked me to update the blog for her after doctors told her that she was certain to die. We talked a lot about what she wanted to say, and she had a lot of pent up things because she hadn't been able to post in a while.

If you follow this blog, you'd see that Deb was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in October 2005, had a stem cell transplant in February 2006 but then suffered a relapse of her leukemia in November 2008. She had been continuously in the hospital since Thanksgiving until her death, and in the ICU since December and then moved to a rehabilitation hospital ICU in February to see if they could wean her off the respirator, remove the tracheotomy, and get her able to move, and get out of the bed.

Eventually, the doctors informed us that Debby wasn't going to be able to get off the respirator, that her organs were struggling from massive infection and that she had developed a new form of leukemia, chronic monocytic leukemia. As I understood it, the new leukemia was likely a result of the massive DNA damage that occurred during the first treatment that put her acute leukemia in remission.

When Deb was given the information that rehabilitation wasn't going to work, that she was never going to leave the hospital and all hope to get her old life back was totally gone, she request the focus of her care be more on comfort than fighting, signed the Do Not Resuscitate order and prepared to die.

What a difficult thing. To be there in mind, trapped in a painful, failed body, waiting for a death. But, during this time, she thought of her online friends from both close and far away, and she wanted to give you a final blog post that shared her views. So here it is. The following may not *sound* exactly like her because it's hard to read lips but it is certainly her views. In her last days, she dreamed of walking and running, and you could see her legs moving as she slept even though she barely moved when she was awake. I'm not sure what she is doing now, but it certainly has nothing to do with being confined to a bed.

Immeasurable thanks to all for being with her on her journey in whatever way you were able. You have no idea how much it helped. -Steph/Sis#1]

Deb's Last Blog Post:

Keep Reading

I am writing this blog post to say a more proper goodbye to all the interweb peoples who have helped me keep it together. Who have given so much support to me through the years. Who are my friends and family. Who were strangers who became friends.

In my blog, I often give assignments for people to do. Here's the ones that are on my mind....

1. Appreciate everything. Even stupid stuff. Since I've been sick, I've communicated with a number of service members abroad. We understand each other well because we both know how much we miss just the normal stuff that most people take for granted. Driving. Driving in traffic. Complaining about stupid stuff is for people who have no idea how good they have it.

2. Be a force for good. There's enough bad stuff in the world without adding to it. Forgive people and leave grudges for others. Do kind things just because. Figure out what you are good at and do good with it.

3. Seek a higher power. I believe Jesus Christ is my savior and this gives me comfort. As it takes faith to believe, it takes faith not to believe. I believe God doesn't want us to live our lives on an island, and that finding a community of faith that is uplifting and supportive to you can make a huge difference in your life. If you have that cool. If you don't, consider it. But don't wait until you are looking death in the eye because you will miss out on some neat things. (Love you ACTS community!)

4. If you have kids, squeeze them. And then squeeze them again. Give yourself a pat on the back if you are responsible and work hard to give your children a good life and better opportunities. Sometimes you don't give yourself enough credit. If you have people in your life that you love, tell them that. Often. Don't save your I love you's for a rainy day.

5. Take care of yourself. I understand more than most that there are injuries and illnesses that you can't prevent by eating well and moving, but that doesn't mean you should be fatalistic. Nothing like being hooked up to a respirator to make you appreciate just getting going, doing and breathing. Treat yourself at least as well as you treat your car--you put the right type of fuel in your car and you drive it safely most of the time--you are more important than a car so treat yourself that way.

6. Enjoy life. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and as long as it isn't hurting yourself or others, go for it. Bring joy to others. Find passions in your life that make you want to get out of bed in the morning, unless your passion is sleeping and then go ahead and sleep in.

7. Be open to new things. Listen. Doesn't mean you have to change your mind, but who knows, you might learn something.

8. Support sensible health insurance reform. I'm not sure what that ends up looking like, but injuries and illnesses shouldn't fate people into a life of insurmountable debt and bill collectors. I spent the last “healthy” months of my pre-hospital stay, worried and scrambling to find insurance because my COBRA insurance ran out. Patients should be able to focus on getting better and not crushingly large mountains of papers telling them that their credit is forever screwed.

9. Ask for help. This is a hard assignment. For a lot of people, it isn't easy to ask for help when you need it. But what I've discovered is that it is a part of the human condition for people to want to help those in need. People enjoy helping others. Sometimes you get help where you don't really expect it. So if you need help with something, go to the appropriate people and get it.

I sometimes think that the bad stuff that happens in life is one of the few things that bring people together. It still sucks, but maybe it sucks a little less.

There are too many people to thank for the help they gave me and my family over these difficult times. I would list you individually but am afraid I would leave someone important out. My last days have not been easy at all, but it has been a great comfort to know about all those who gave me prayers and love.

In my life, I've looked for love in a lot of wrong places, and as I die, it is nice to know I am surrounded by love.

10. Last assignment. There is no last assignment. You create your own assignments every day. Choose wisely.

However, my last assignment that I give to you is to take care of my 9 year old daughter Zoe the best you can. I love Zkat from infinity and beyond. I just am trying my hardest with what I can do from this stinkin bed to help her. I know she will be taken good care of in a house full of love, but I feel pain that I can't be physically with her any more to prepare her for a happy, long and healthy life.

My friend Dan set up a college fund for Zoe recently, and I can't tell you how happy this makes me. If you are feeling it, I'd appreciate any donations of any size. Long time readers know it is no fun for me to ask for money, but I would do anything for my sweet bird talker.

To sum it all up....I love you internets! I love you friends! I love you family! I love you Zoe!

All my love,
Deb

[Okay, this is Sis#1 again. Apologies for the delay in posting this, but as you can imagine, this was a little difficult to type based on all my hand written notes that I took over weeks talking with Debby. More emotionally difficult than physically. At the time of her death, her blog software says that she had written 1440 entries and had 9646 comments. Who knows how many lives she touched in a positive way.

If you want to know more about my fabulous sister, please check out mem.com - Deborah Greer-Costello. If you would like to donate money for Zoe's college fund, you can either click on the DONATE Paypal link on this blog which is still active, or if you want to do it directly, please send contributions to: The Financial Advisory Group, Inc.; c/o David Jenkins; 5599 San Felipe, Suite 900; Houston, TX 77056. Please make out the checks to "College America" and in the memo field write "FBO: Zoe Costello."

At the request of many people, at some point I hope to post here a list of songs on Deb's iPod. She listened to that at home, in doctors' waiting rooms and clinics and the many months in the hospital. It's an interesting mix, and would be good to share. -S]

Close it

cranked out by debutaunt at 01:06 PM | Comments (78)

read comments

My heart smiled. My eyes cried.

My condolences for your families loss and my congratulations on having such a wonderful sister.

Posted by Kelsey at May 28, 2009 02:30 PM

God bless you all. What beauty.

Posted by jennifer at May 28, 2009 03:02 PM

This was absolutely beautiful. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to meet Deb. Jennifer, May God Bless You and Your Family and hold you close during these challenging times. Make TODAY Your Greatest!

Posted by Lonnie Robinson at May 28, 2009 03:24 PM

Thank you so much!!

Posted by Missy at May 28, 2009 03:44 PM

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your sister.

Her final post is so poignant and beautiful. Words to live by. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Posted by Cindy at May 28, 2009 03:55 PM

Thanks Steph (and, of course, Debby).

Posted by Bro #2 at May 28, 2009 04:00 PM

Thank you for sharing her last "assignments". I will do my best.

Posted by Tutu at May 28, 2009 04:18 PM

Thank you, Steph, for posting this.

When reading Deb's words, I was thrilled to realize that many of her assignments I had already internalized... And this just goes to show that she was extremely influential in life, and I am certain she will continue to be so now that she is free from pain...

When I manage to stop crying, I'm sure I'll be back. But thank you so much for sharing...

Light and Love... x13.

Posted by shayna at May 28, 2009 04:40 PM

I learned more about living while Deb was dying. Each night I set with her was more rewarding than the last. I came to love her so much. I miss her each and every day. She touched my heart and my soul. Reading this was like getting to talk with her one more time. Thank you for I know this was not easy for you.

Posted by Linda Ingram at May 28, 2009 05:05 PM

Thank you so much for posting this, I can't imagine how hard it must have been. I'm bawling just reading it. Deb was truly wonderful and I look forward to seeing her, healthy and whole, in Heaven with Jesus someday.

Posted by Mainline Mom at May 28, 2009 05:59 PM

Thank you so much.

Posted by shyvonneh at May 28, 2009 07:23 PM

Thank you so much for sharing. I kept up with Deb through her blogs and through HC. Her strength of character and Faith are an inspiration. My prayers are continuing for your family.

Denise Larkins
aka Legs4miles

Posted by Denise at May 28, 2009 07:58 PM

Just when the crying subsided and the mourning eased a weeee bit, my Debu_Hero speaks to my heart once again---this time from beyond the grave---and my eyes well up with tears and my heart heaves with great sadness. I miss her!

She is better off, I know that. Just let me have my selfish moment as I scream inside, "I MISS YOU DEB~ !"

Tears are getting in the way of me typing and I must close for now.

Thank you sis for sharing Deb's last words with us. Thank you.

~Nita

Posted by Nita at May 28, 2009 09:12 PM

When I first heard Deb passed, I heard an REM song in my head for two lines:
"I picture you in the sun... may God's love be with you always."

Bye Deb. My life is richer for having you in it.

Posted by Angie at May 29, 2009 07:49 AM

When I first heard Deb passed, I heard an REM song in my head for two lines:
"I picture you in the sun... may God's love be with you always."

Bye Deb. My life is richer for having you in it.

Posted by Angie at May 29, 2009 07:50 AM

Just thank you xxx

Posted by annash at May 29, 2009 07:59 AM

So this is Deb's Opus. And what a fine piece of work it is. Thanks, Steph, for posting something that must have been so very difficult to write.

I keep a diary, and my new 18 month version arrived this morning. I think I shall summarise Deb's assignments there, in the front pages, to remind me of all the good things I will be doing over the coming months.

Much love to the Debu-clan.

Posted by Pixi at May 29, 2009 09:16 AM

We were blessed.

xo+

Posted by Skye at May 29, 2009 09:23 AM

I never thought I'd see another update from Debutaunt on my Blogger feed. This was unexpected, but definitely welcomed.

I think I'm going to print this up and hang it on my refrigerator, as a daily reminder to myself to not let the little things in life freak me out so much. Deb was very wise.

Love to her family,
Jess in Chicago

Posted by Jessica at May 29, 2009 10:55 AM

Thank you so much for the last blog. You did a great job with it. Deb taught all of us a lot through the years. The last assignments were perfect. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Posted by Gloria at May 29, 2009 11:04 AM

i don't think i realized how much deb's assignments touched me until i read this post.

thank you, steph, for writing this.

my heart is with zoe. i can only imagine how hard it was for deb to leave her bird talker. my son is the same age as zoe and i wish she could have had her mama longer.

xomox

Posted by moxiemomma at May 29, 2009 03:23 PM

A perfect assignment from an angelic teacher :) Love you, Deb.

Posted by Allison Sattinger at May 29, 2009 09:55 PM

Thank you Steph for posting this. Deb's words, as always, are powerful and ring true. I think that someday, when Zoe is ready, this collection of writings ... yes, even the early days ... will be a real treasure for her.

I've been reading your flickr updates but don't have a flickr account so haven't been commenting. Many thanks to you for keeping us updated and my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Having been through a similar experience - I lost my big sister to cancer on Christmas Day 2003 - I can imagine a bit of what you have gone through and are going through now. Time does heal some of the wounds. Take care of yourself, and don't let anyone tell you how you should feel or not feel. Just be, and Deb, God and time will take care of you.

Posted by Nathalie at May 30, 2009 06:04 AM

A true demonstration of being our Debu-hero for all eternity.

Posted by Lori at May 30, 2009 07:19 AM

Thank you for this. A few of her online friends and I were wanting to do something as a 'tribute' to Deb, and we have come up with an idea to create a Twitter page in her honor, with daily assignments. Please email me jana5522@yahoo.com as we would like to have your blessing. Deb was such an amazing person and we are all touched by knowing her.

Posted by jana at May 31, 2009 09:08 AM

Thank you for this. A few of her online friends and I were wanting to do something as a 'tribute' to Deb, and we have come up with an idea to create a Twitter page in her honor, with daily assignments. Please email me jana5522@yahoo.com as we would like to have your blessing. Deb was such an amazing person and we are all touched by knowing her.

Posted by jana at May 31, 2009 09:09 AM

My heart is crying. Rest in peace Deb. May God always bless Zoe and the rest of the family.
I wish i would have met Deb in person...
I've met her in spirit... Thank you sis for the last post... Blessings... Lorenzo

Posted by Lorenzo at May 31, 2009 09:34 AM

Deb and I became friends at St. Edward's University. Deb was always good for a laugh -- she didn't care if she was the one making us all laugh or laughing herself. She was one of kind, a good egg that I will never forget!
Amy

Posted by Amy at June 1, 2009 01:01 PM

Reading this I had one thought that came to mind - You Greer girls are made of sterner stuff than I.

Thanks for sharing this, Stephanie. I know it had to be very difficult to write and post. And watching you little sister's pain couldn't be an easy thing. God bless you and your family.

Posted by Patrick at June 2, 2009 09:42 AM

I will do my best, Deb, to carry out your final assignments. I am honored to have known you through your blog and witness your courage and your determination to live all your days to the fullest.

Thank you, Stephanie for being the conduit for Deb and her Internets so that we could follow her journey when she was too frail to communicate with us. Your family is indeed, as one commenter said, made of sterner stuff. May the love you all share for each other comfort you in the years to come.

Posted by Loretta at June 11, 2009 09:34 PM

I got two beautiful cards from your folks a couple of days ago, Deb. I stood there next to my PO Box and just sobbed in gratitude.

I miss you. I am so thankful to know that a piece of me was with you there at the end... They didn't have to tell me that. But they did. And I am glad.

I love you.

Posted by shayna at June 18, 2009 08:26 PM

I come here pretty much every day, sometimes twice. It's a habit. I know you are in heaven. I know you aren't physically coming back here. I am still convincing myself of that...

Posted by Elizabeth at June 20, 2009 11:30 PM

God bless you, Deb.
My love and condolences to you all, especially Zoe.

Posted by Alison C at June 21, 2009 10:21 AM

Elizabeth, I know just how you feel...

Posted by Patrick at June 23, 2009 08:21 AM

Patrick (hugs) and the rest of you that still come here (hugs)..Deb made a lasting impact on my life. Patrick..just more hugs.

Elizabeth

Posted by Elizabeth at June 24, 2009 01:18 AM

I come back here every once in a while to read the archives. It reminds me of things I forgot. And I can *hear* Debby talk. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I'm guessing if you are reading this, you know what I mean. Thanks to all of you who've been so cool.
-Steph

Posted by Sis#1 at June 26, 2009 10:34 PM

Debby,

Today... I am missing you especially.

Posted by sis #2 at June 27, 2009 07:24 PM

Debby,

Today... I am missing you especially.

Posted by sis #2 at June 27, 2009 07:24 PM

Hard to believe it's been a month. Thinking about you Deb, and your little bird talker. God Bless Her and you.

Posted by Lorraine at June 29, 2009 12:44 AM

Sis #1 and #2:
Many of us still visit this site. And we always will I think.

She lives on through her written word...and what writtin word it was! IS! Sooo much talent...so fortunate for me to have had her grace my life.

~Nita

Posted by nita at July 2, 2009 03:50 AM

I love to come here and read the archives too. I miss her!! Never really "met" her but sure enjoyed coming here!

TXRosebud

Posted by TXRosebud at July 3, 2009 09:05 PM

...I will always remember you Deb. I will continue to fight this Leukemia (A.L.L.PH+) we both got diagnosed with. I prayed for Zoe & your family this morning....
We all miss you... Lorenzo

Posted by Lorenzo Fortunao at July 9, 2009 06:16 AM

...I will always remember you Deb. I will continue to fight this Leukemia (A.L.L.PH+) we both got diagnosed with. I prayed for Zoe & your family this morning....
We all miss you... Lorenzo

Posted by Lorenzo Fortunato at July 9, 2009 06:17 AM

I found deb's blog through a random google search.

Her intellegent, sarcastic writing style hooked me instantly.

The internet is amazing in the way it can bring strangers together. Deb was clearly an amazing person, based on the little bit of her I got through the blog. I'm sure those of you that knew her personally know the full range of how amazing a person she was.

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish all the best for Zoe.

Posted by Gurn at July 12, 2009 12:30 PM

I found deb's blog through a random google search.

Her intellegent, sarcastic writing style hooked me instantly.

The internet is amazing in the way it can bring strangers together. Deb was clearly an amazing person, based on the little bit of her I got through the blog. I'm sure those of you that knew her personally know the full range of how amazing a person she was.

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish all the best for Zoe.

Posted by Gurn at July 12, 2009 12:30 PM

More thoughts, more tears. Missing her and smiles when I think of her and believe she's behind me cracking a funny joke! I just love her sense of humor! Miss you always, Deb!

Posted by Denise at July 16, 2009 04:33 PM

...I was asked to start a blog by someone. I never blogged before. The only blog i ever followed was Debbie's. I started a blog today. I have the same type of Leukemia as Debbie. (A.L.L.PH+). If anyone is interested in seeing it... you can go to: lorenzo43.blogspot.com
...I'm new at this and i am learning as i go along. I will always remember Debbie...
Zoe & the family are in my prayers... Lorenzo

Posted by lorenzo at July 21, 2009 01:18 PM

Lorenzo,

May God give you strength and peace for your fight, give you doctors wisdom for you treatment and your cancer the boot for good measure. You are in my prayers.

Patrick.

Posted by Patrick at July 22, 2009 07:02 AM

Hard to believe you're gone, Deb... Thinking of you on this day that should have been one of celebration. I will celebrate extra-big tomorrow when my little boy turns 7... L&L...

Posted by shayna at July 22, 2009 05:29 PM

Lorenzo-

I send positive thoughts, and an abundance of hope to you. Continue to fight the good fight!

Love,
Skye

Posted by Skye at July 23, 2009 10:41 PM

Happy Birthday, dear Deb. My thoughts were with you on the 22nd.

Much love and the fondest of memories,
Skye xo+

Posted by Skye at July 23, 2009 10:42 PM

Damnit, Deb. I know you can no longer read my words, I know you will never know I wrote to you or about you, anymore. But you know what happened yesterday? I was on the site where we met, reading old stuff, and danged if I didn't start to reply to something you'd said eons ago. It wasn't even one of those replies that's really meant for everyone, I was talking to *you*, love. Just as I was about to post it, I realized what I'd done. I just sat there, staring at the screen, wondering what on earth I'd been thinking... then burst into tears. It just seems so wrong for you to be gone, to not be bantering with us, to not be an active part of our lives anymore. I miss your presence, Deb, and my heart aches for your family - especially your little girl. I will continue to pray for them, for their peace of heart. I know you can't read this, Deb, but I just felt I had to tell you, anyway.

-Gypsy

Posted by Gypsy at July 24, 2009 12:01 AM

Deb, your sisters kick ass, too. But you already knew that. I love and miss you.

Posted by shayna at July 30, 2009 11:26 PM

To Deb's family, my heart goes out to all of you. What a wonderful person you have lost; but the goodness she has left behind to all of you is such a gift.

I came across this website via the article on Kenechi Udeze. I read it because my 20-year old son developed AML this past February, had induction chemo (and consolidation chemo) in March and April; then had a stem-cell transplant on June 12th. He handled the sten-cell transplant very well and hasn't had any GVHD (which, actually is not a good thing). His AML has a poor prognosis and we are trying to find out if anything more can be done proactively to increase his odds against a relapse.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how touching Deb's story was and thank you for the very nice article you wrote, Stephanie.

Posted by Diane at July 31, 2009 05:08 PM

I knew Deb. We weren't close or anything, but her friend introduced me to her in 2004. She was funny and made me laugh. I check in on this blog a few times a year and I was shocked to learn of her death.

God bless Deb and God bless little Zoe.

Posted by Jason at August 4, 2009 10:45 AM

Gypsy:

Your words touched me, much like Deb's. I don't know you but I want to give you many hugs. I have tears rolling down my face from reading what you wrote, from missing our Debu_Hero and for thinking, "Wow, if it's hit us this hard, just IMAGINE how the family is coping."

I'd like to add one tiny correction to your post if I may: Deb can most definitely see/hear/feel everything you wrote.

God bless all who come to this site for comfort and joyous remembrances.

~Nita

Posted by ~nita at August 8, 2009 01:31 AM

Still miss you Deb. I know you'd be thrilled to hear we're having a baby. I didn't think it would ever happen again after so much chemo. Maybe you put in a good word for me with the Big Man Upstairs. Your spirit lives on and your friends' love for you did not go to the grave.

Rachel Y.

Posted by Rachel Y. at August 28, 2009 09:07 PM

Just missed you today and thought I'd stop by to re-read your wisdom and humor - I know you must be checking your comments from heaven :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted by Allison Sattinger at September 8, 2009 01:35 PM

Thought of you today Deb...as my day unfolded it was hectic and full of impatience and intolerance; idiot drivers ahead of me were enraging me, yadda yadda yadda. Then YOU popped into my thoughts. It put everything into perspective; I calmed down, became reflective, and ironed out the wrinkles that threatened to set the tone for the day. I got your message :) and completed my assignment as directed.

Love you and still thinkin' of how awesome you are,

xxooo
~Nita

Posted by ~nita at September 10, 2009 08:55 PM

Just wondering...and in case I missed it through this wall of tears....did sis ever post Deb's iPod music selection? I'd love to know what made Deb happy. Music-wise anyway....

Posted by ~nita at September 10, 2009 09:15 PM

Here's another "just wondering" one for the sisters.......how is Zoe?

Posted by marcia at September 13, 2009 08:31 AM

Missing you today very much my dear friend.

Posted by d1 at October 5, 2009 11:51 AM

I come here when I just need to quietly 'be'. I draw comfort and strength from your words. I am so grateful to have 'known' your grace and your serenity.

My thoughts and love are with Zoe and your family.

You will be remembered always, Deb.

S. xo+

Posted by Skye at October 15, 2009 08:58 AM

Just wonderin' (again) --- Steph, where are you? I hope you come back here to check on us internets as sometimes we have questions (her IPod music for one :o) ) and sometimes we're here for no other reason than to touch base and keep Deb's memory alive. Damn I miss her!

Posted by Nita at October 18, 2009 08:04 PM

I'd hoped to not commemorate this date for you, Deb for many many years. But on this, the Dia de los Muertos, know that you are in my thoughts, your family and soul and my prayers and you're still missed. God Bless You.

Posted by Patrick at November 2, 2009 09:36 AM

I used to anticipate your posts for the comfort and courage they gave me. I need to post your last blog on my wall and read it every morning. Your words are a plethora of energy and nourishment to my heart and I can't thank you enough, Deb-u-rocker!

I think we should have a yearly party in your honor. Hope you're rocking it on a cloud somewhere and reading this comment section! We all miss you very much.

Posted by Courtney at November 3, 2009 10:02 PM

I used to anticipate your posts for the comfort and courage they gave me. I need to post your last blog on my wall and read it every morning. Your words are a plethora of energy and nourishment to my heart and I can't thank you enough, Deb-u-rocker!

I think we should have a yearly party in your honor. Hope you're rocking it on a cloud somewhere and reading this comment section! We all miss you very much.

Posted by Courtney at November 3, 2009 10:02 PM

now I see it!

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Dear Geschichten Schwul Bondage Ikostenese sex dvd,

No one liked free jungle sex more than my dearly departed sister Deb, but could you please try to sell your dvd's somewhere else. Deb was never a big fan of spam.

Sincerely,

Sis #2

That said... people please check out my website inspired by Deb (she is the pink throughout the site.) Music by Allison Sattinger "Oh Life" Allision wrote that song after reading Deb's blog... think of Deb when you here the song and I defy you to keep a dry eye.

I love Debby a lot, and I miss her immensely.

Oh yeah, my site: jennawhidby.com

Please don't feel afraid to say hi to me... being her close younger sister, we always used to share the same friends.

Posted by sis #2 at November 23, 2009 10:24 PM

Merry Christmas Deb, I know you are still reading this

Posted by hodabe at December 20, 2009 09:37 AM

God bless you all.

Posted by Mary at February 17, 2010 01:31 AM

Deb...

I'm thinking about you a lot.

Posted by sis #2 at March 27, 2010 04:03 PM

I can't believe that it has been almost a year since Deb passed away. I didn't know her personally, but I still remember her spunk and humour. Wherever you are Deb, I hope you are having a great ole time.

Posted by Lorraine at May 10, 2010 06:37 PM

Oh dearest Deb - I can't believe its been a year already. I miss you so much and think of you often. I know Heaven is so much more beautiful with you there.
Dearest family of Deb - am still praying for you all. Big hugs
Lisa O

Posted by Lisa O at May 18, 2010 12:14 PM

Deb, even a year gone, you and Zoe are still in my thoughts.

Posted by Patrick at May 19, 2010 12:59 PM

Has it really been over a year? :-(
I never knew you, Deb, but read your blog for years - you won't be forgotten :-(

Posted by Paul at May 24, 2010 06:42 PM

"Life" got in the way.......I stopped reading most blogs....It's been about a year or so....I think to myself...."Wonder what Deb's doin?.......not even considering....so i google her.........only to read the sad news. Not only do i want to kick myself in the ass for not checking back sooner, but i want to kick myself for letting "Life and it's busy-busy-busy ways" get in the path of me checking in. I'm sorry to hear about Deb. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxoxo

Posted by kheatherg at June 18, 2010 01:35 PM

Out of chance I found this blog. I googled "hair ribbons" and found this site. First, I would like to wish you all the best in life. I'm praying for you all.

Upon reading I've realized how special and powerful one's words are. I will carry out her assignments. Not only for Deb and her family and friends, but for myself and the rest of the world. A smile is contagious. With that small bit of knowledge I want to test the world to see a more positive side to life.

I'm young and have a lot to learn. BUT What I already know (and I'm happy to always be reminded) is that you should NEVER FORGET WHO LOVES YOU. My father taught me that, and I see the same phrase in Deb's words.

It is true a single person can change the world. Deb just changed mine. You were all so blessed to have known her. She had such a glorious soul.

Posted by Laura at June 26, 2010 01:58 AM

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NEWS from the Tract hole

Got a card from Z. you can talk and record messages.

HI MOMMY! I LOVE YOU. I HOPE YOU GET BETTER

PLAYS YOULL BE IN MY HEART BY PHIL COLLINS
I MISS HER SO MUCH

I NOW HAVE A TRACT IN MY NECK AND CANT TALK OR EAT.. SO WEAK. NO FOOOD SINCE NOV.BEINNG TRANSFERRED TO A REHABB HOPEFULLY TODAY TO LEARN TO BREATHE ON MY OWN AND WALK N STUFF.

TIM, THAT COMMENT IS WHY I ADORE YOU.

cranked out by debutaunt at 01:10 PM | Comments (172)

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missing you

cant type well, but thought i'd try it.

will update when i can. still accepting prayers1

love goes out to Alaska Rachel, who lost her son at 40 days. sweet baby.

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cranked out by debutaunt at 03:46 PM | Comments (59)

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Houston Battle Red

First, yay for the Houston Texans winning on Monday Night Football. Second, hey, they are going to have a big blood drive too. Sis #1 wrote about it on her Texan's blog at the Houston Chronicle. If you go there, you also can give them my information so I get credit for that donation.

Here is the link:

http://blogs.chron.com/texanschick/2008/12/i_need_your_help_for_the_most_1.html

Thanks Sis # and the Texans!

And thank you to anyone that donates blood products, regardless of if I get the donation credit or not. There are thousands of patients like out there like me. Waiting every day and being so overwhelmed that people really do take time out of their days to donate my blood.

In the past, I've made people who have donated blood cry before. They say that they just do it because it's kind of a habit by now, but they forget that someone actually receives those blood products. It still amazes me. I am always thankful for when I get a transfusion.

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cranked out by debutaunt at 06:47 PM | Comments (325)

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More Blood Products

Any suggestions on healing bruises? Like big ones that trauma patients get?

I got 2 pints of red blood today. I always say prayers for the person that donated.

I'm tired
Still unable to eat much
Mouth sores (will try the tea, thanks, Bren/Cody's mom) Snaggy looking rats nest in the back of my hair, but I can see that it's thinning and falling out. I need to walk more, but I'm a peeing machine (I hate lasix!) I am finally able to stand up on my own and walk around the room a little bit.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me. I feel so weak now it's crazy. I really just wish I was able to eat without everything tasting like fire. Unfortunately the only good thing is Gatorade.

Reading comments. Going to bed.

Mucho much love!

Donate blood if you can or make someone donate for you. It truly has been life saving for me lately.

cranked out by debutaunt at 11:04 PM | Comments (30)

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Hang in there. I know i haven't told you this lately but I really admire you. You handle adversity with more grace than I could ever hope to have

Posted by Chelle at November 30, 2008 11:40 PM

Did you try arnica gel? It's nice and soothing and helps the bruises heal. http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/store/en/browse/sku_detail.jsp;jsessionid=VVQER0SRF4Y4ICQUC4YFAFQKCQL00UNE?id=BI-1283

gatorade rocks!

I wish I could donate but no one wants my clot-prone, thinned genetically wrong blood.

hugs
xoxo

Posted by Michelle at December 1, 2008 12:07 AM

Did you try arnica gel? It's nice and soothing and helps the bruises heal. http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/store/en/browse/sku_detail.jsp;jsessionid=VVQER0SRF4Y4ICQUC4YFAFQKCQL00UNE?id=BI-1283

gatorade rocks!

I wish I could donate but no one wants my clot-prone, thinned genetically wrong blood.

hugs
xoxo

Posted by Michelle at December 1, 2008 12:07 AM

Spent pretty much all of mass yesterday praying for you...which since it was Fr. Webber means you got an extra 15 minutes of prayer time. (He's about 90 and into long homilies.)

Sorry to hear about the mouth sores. I'm sure the tea is the best course of action but the Volcano makes a pretty nifty strawberry-basil margarita. Not suggesting your sisters sneak you something like that...just saying.

Patrick

Posted by Patrick at December 1, 2008 07:47 AM

The tea sounds like a good idea, try it hot, or
try it with crushed ice.

What about some makeup on the bruises???

Well at least you are walking to the john to pee, that is some exercise.

Hope today is a better day!

Posted by claire at December 1, 2008 08:11 AM

Glad to hear that you are walking a little bit. Prayers continue to come your way. Tea is always my gold standard treatment for everything. Try it lukewarm. Scheduled to donate on Wed. Hang in there.
Cami

Posted by Cami at December 1, 2008 11:21 AM

ginger ale was a big help to me when the mouth sores came. And those little cups of ice cream they kept in the patient kitchen at Shands. And if hope and prayer help, you should feel better soon because my whole clan is sending them out.

Posted by Collins at December 1, 2008 01:35 PM

Asked my brother to donate blood in your name today. Since they don't want mine, I figured it was the next best thing. Prayers continuing.

legs4miles

Posted by Denise at December 1, 2008 01:45 PM

Asked my brother to donate blood in your name today. Since they don't want mine, I figured it was the next best thing. Prayers continuing.

legs4miles

Posted by Denise at December 1, 2008 01:45 PM

Asked my brother to donate blood in your name today. Since they don't want mine, I figured it was the next best thing. Prayers continuing.

legs4miles

Posted by Denise at December 1, 2008 01:45 PM

Deb - Witch hazel was always helpful for bumps and bruises when my people were little. In fact, I used it just the other day on my own knee. I know this isn't anywhere near the scale you're dealing with, but it seems to relieve and heal - and it's a natural product.

Donating blood has always been a regular thing in my house. It has even more meaning behind it for me now.

As always, I am thinking of you.

S. xo+

Posted by Skye at December 1, 2008 03:09 PM

I'm praying for you Miss Deb. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Just know that all of us are here for you, praying for you and pulling for you.

Bless you.

Laura

Posted by Moogie at December 1, 2008 04:03 PM

Deb, thank you for the update. Walk if you can, movement is good. I am donating Blood very soon - also making my husband give blood. He has NEVER given.

AND if you are in Austin - from Dec 15-Jan 15th you get a free pint of Amy's icecream when you donate!!!

Posted by Missy at December 1, 2008 06:42 PM

Hi Deb, I hated the mouth sores. I used to drink snapple peach tea and cranberry-grape juice. It seemed to be the only thing I could tolorate.

I think and pray for you daily.

Sending you Chuck Norris strength!

Love ya!

Posted by Paula - AZ at December 1, 2008 08:28 PM

Hey, Deboo.

The way to heal bruises is to get just a little - maybe 15 minutes' worth - of sun directly on the skin each day. The sunshine helps our bodies break down the red cells in the bruises. This is the only time you should ever purposely get direct sunlight without sunscreen.

I'm sorry your platelets are so low. Been there, done that. Platelets are expressed in the hundreds of thousands per milliliter of blood. If they are 140, then that's 140,000. So you still have 11,000 per milliliter of blood. At my lowest point, I had 1,900 per ml of blood. I got lots of yummy transfusions. :) I know that the circumstances are different, but know that you can make it through. And let your oncologist worry about the numbers. That's what you pay him for. He'll manage the transfusions, etc.

I would ask to come see you, but I am currently getting the Rituxan and my mouth is covered in cold sores. You really don't need that virus to come in and kick your ass as along with the cancer and the chemo.

I'm sorry you missed your pie. You can have it when you feel better. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would make you your very own pie once you're out of the joint.

Take care,

Rachel Y.

Posted by Rachel Y. at December 1, 2008 08:43 PM

Sure hope you found something you can drink w/o a problem. I think Patrick had the best idea :)

Posted by claire at December 2, 2008 10:37 AM

Debu_Hero,

Just checking in. Wishing you well and always praying for you. I hope you've been able to eat something that doesn't taste like jalapenos! I'd say get well soon, but I don't mean that, I mean
get well NOW! :] You CAN do this...

Posted by Yvonne at December 2, 2008 12:32 PM

Just checking in so you know I am thinking about you today and sending good vibes. I agree that sunshine and tea are prob the best things to try. Let us know how you are doing!

Love you!!!

Posted by Missy at December 2, 2008 12:32 PM

Deb, you and the bird talker are in my prayers constantly.
I don't know you personally, ( you know, in real life), but I want you to know that I am here- for anything that you or Zoe need.

And I know.....YOU CAN DO IT...

Chemobama..yeah..

Much love from Illinois.

Deb

Posted by Illinois Deb at December 2, 2008 06:26 PM

My heart and my thoughts are with you Deb. You're a kick-ass kinda gal and much beloved.

I'll make sure Zoe gets something ticked off her Amazon Xmas list and would love to see one for you :)

Hugs

Fi
xxxxx

Posted by Fiona at December 2, 2008 08:04 PM

You don't remember me. I am the guy who sat next to your sister Stephanie and Diane for years at the Texans games. They finally had enough of me and moved their asses closer to the field. LOL

I have had stage IV kidney cancer for 5 1/2 years and during that entire time I have been on chemo, seven different types. I know exactly what you are going through and don't know what to say except try and hang in there. Been reading your blog and it is funny how our feelings at times are about the same. I really have no advice other than try to laugh. It is the only thing that makes me feel better. And.....tell Stephanie she is not that cute in her Texan outfits! heh! heh! It is bullshit but do it anyway.

Write me back if you want to. I would love to hear from you.

Mark

Posted by Mark Ideus at December 3, 2008 08:54 AM

You don't remember me. I am the guy who sat next to your sister Stephanie and Diane for years at the Texans games. They finally had enough of me and moved their asses closer to the field. LOL

I have had stage IV kidney cancer for 5 1/2 years and during that entire time I have been on chemo, seven different types. I know exactly what you are going through and don't know what to say except try and hang in there. Been reading your blog and it is funny how our feelings at times are about the same. I really have no advice other than try to laugh. It is the only thing that makes me feel better. And.....tell Stephanie she is not that cute in her Texan outfits! heh! heh! It is bullshit but do it anyway.

Write me back if you want to. I would love to hear from you.

Mark

Posted by Mark Ideus at December 3, 2008 08:54 AM

How is the kick ass "gal" today? Hang tough!

Posted by claire at December 3, 2008 09:27 AM

Hope your having a "good" day!

legs4miles

Posted by Denise at December 3, 2008 11:18 AM

Deb,

I have never met you, but I know your sister Steph. Texan Nation is with you. Blue Crew and the Bull Pen send all positive thoughts and prayers your way, while you kick the snot out this crud... Your story is inspiring, so keep on telling it...

Thoughts and prayers again to you Deb....

Bill

Posted by Texan_Bill at December 3, 2008 01:13 PM

Hey Deb,

Like Bill I just heard about you through your sister, only it isn't the first time I've visited your blog.

My son was diagnosed with Lymphoma back in 2005 and I came across your website as I was doing some research.

Your attitude gave me a lot of hope as we went into chemo for the 1st time.

My boy Jarrett is in remission now, and I will be praying that you join him there really soon!

Stan

Posted by Señor Stan at December 3, 2008 02:57 PM

Thinking of you today my dear.

Posted by traci at December 3, 2008 05:08 PM

Thinking of you, Deb.

S. xo+

Posted by Skye at December 3, 2008 06:32 PM

Mark-
Ha! I read that.

Deb remembers you for sure. Asks about you a lot. I came by where you tailgate on Monday but I guess I came by too early.

Saw Deb during school hours. She is hanging in there--mouth sores still a problem but supposed to improve as her blood cells recover some. By the time she gets out of the hospital, we will both be styling--we've been watching a lot of "What Not to Wear." I am afraid of Stacy and Clinton.

She thanks everyone for the kind comments. If they don't show up, it is because sometimes the blog software requires comment approval and she never knows when that is going to kick in.

-Steph

Posted by Sis#1 at December 3, 2008 07:19 PM

I got here through your sister twittering about her blog about blood donations. Since I do lay chaplaincy visits at MDA, I'm pretty familiar with what you're going through, and I know it's not fun. It's great that you write about it in an honest way, and that you have this blog both as a way to process what's going on and to rally support as you go through it. Hang in there. You're a strong woman.

Posted by Jim Hughes at December 3, 2008 07:45 PM

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Fast Entry. Not Much Energy

This chemo has just opened such a can o' whoopass on me. I finished up the inpatient stuff last week and lo and behold (just because I wanted some stuffing and pie) the extreme bodily fluid explosion decided to keep me up all night. I dry hurled for hours and now there is some speculation that perhaps I inflamed a rib. I've never broken a rib, but I can imagine that is how this feels.

I got way too dehyrdrated for my own good and Sis # kindly drove me to the ER, where they made me HIGH!!! So they just kind of gave it the good ol' college try and then admitted me to the hospital. A day later I got some additional chemo and have had quite a few transfusions of platelets and red blood cells. I got some additional chemo again this evening. Yet, dangit, I still have had not pie. Not that I could actually enjoy it because el diablo rojo has given me crazy sores in my mouth. So basically mashed potatoes tasted like jalapenos.

I feel way too weak this time. My muscles are just bruised and battered. I swear I do look like I've been beaten up. I should call Zoe's uncle (former pro boxer) and ask how to heal the stutf.

My numbers are spooky low to me. My platelets have been in the 200's for yers. They are supposed to be at least 140, and today they were 11. ELEVEN! I wish I felt up to eating steaks because I just would just eat a filet at every meal.

I do get pretty much dailly transfusions or bags of blood. I would much rather eat steak.

Sis #1 and Sis #2 have been visiting mucho. It's just nice to have someone come in your room and tidy up a bit when you are weak. Sis #1 made the magical muffins again and Sis #2 helped me out with a major power shower. It's the closest thing to a massage I think I am allowed with such low platelets.

It felt sad to miss Thanksgiving with my parents. I don't think I have missed even one before. Zoe had a great time with the cousins that she practically passed out last night. I haven't spoken to her often, but I am the only one that can update her list on Amazon. I don't think she really needs much as she has so much, but her dad is buying her a bike and a DS game to replace the one she lost. I would just have to ask what games she likes. Personally, I know she likes to shop at Target and Marshalls and Blockbuster, but the girl gets way more than she needs. She's starting to ask more questions than we can really answer. It hurts to know I can't see her little face. I used to always drag my photos of her with each hospital stay.

Me? I need nothing except prayers, which I totally have to make myself hear sometimes. I'm trying but it's hard to feel so scared and vulnerable to God's will.

I can do this. It's trying to kick my ass, but I just can't let it.

Your assignment today is to drink something just really tasty. Right now the greatest thing I have had so far was an icy cold Gatorade. I wonder how an Icee would do on sore mouth? More 7-11's need to make Crystal Light Icees. Then perhaps a hot tub of soda wouldn't give you the tub with it.

Love you. Thank you so much for the comments. I"m still too out of breath to talk much on the phone, but trust me, I hear the power of the internets loud and clear!

cranked out by debutaunt at 01:01 AM | Comments (17)

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Praying for you Deb. So sorry you're going through this. Thanks for keeping us posted as I do check frequently to see how you're doing. Hang in there. You have a great spirit.

Posted by Hall at November 30, 2008 03:00 AM

Keep on keeping on, brave one.
You are in my thoughts.

S. xo+

Posted by Skye at November 30, 2008 07:40 AM

Hang in there, Deb. You have my prayers.

Posted by Ninotchka at November 30, 2008 08:24 AM

After Chuck finishes kicking ass, he shall serve you a full Thanksgiving dinner with a side of steak. Amen.

Posted by mrtl at November 30, 2008 08:52 AM

Hugs and prayers to you

Posted by Ern at November 30, 2008 10:36 AM

I just prayed for you. It's all I can do, but I can certainly do that.

Posted by Sandy at November 30, 2008 10:59 AM

Rest up my Debu_Hero. Let your body begin to mend itself.

~Nita

Posted by Nita at November 30, 2008 11:50 AM

I had pie and I thought of you: Right after you posted about this new suck-butt adventure you've been hijacked into, Hubby & I went to the store. We walked past the freezer with ...yummmy... Dutch apple pies screaming out at me, "TAKE ME HOME!! Think of Debby and pray while you partake!!" So I did and I did pray, too, and have kept you in my prayers since then.

I've also thoroughly enjoyed getting up to speed on Chuck Norris.

My favorite CN movie is "The Octagon". It's about him fighting against a bunch of kickass ninjas - just like your body is doing with the help of Chemobama and Chuck Norris' mojo. One reason I hold this movie as a favorite is because of a scene in which a cup of coffee is spilled off of a desk or table and the character (I can't remember if it's CN or not) catches it long before it hits the floor, catching the coffee in flight, gently returning the full cup to its upright spot on the table. It looked awesome and cool - and perhaps even doable for the average person lacking martial arts skills. Lo and behold, it IS doable! I am 'gravity gifted' and this maneuver of catching falling objects makes me look like I am the picture of speed, grace and remarkable recovery. [Hmmm.... sounds like YOU, too: Deb's Chuck Norris NINJA moves defy cancer!!]

A quick visit to CN's official website led me to Current Events where he visited the military folks in Iraq. His visit was better attended and held in higher esteem than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders visit!

~ I'll be praying for higher platelet counts and loads of success for you with Chemobama & Chuck Norris, you have a helluva team!

Hugs from NM,
Bren

Chucknorris.com tidbits (may have some repeats of earlier 'facts'):
The fastest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet — water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't cut his grass; he dares it to grow.
There is no such thing as extinction--only a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
When Chuck Norris is doing push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the earth down.
An episode of Walker: Texas Ranger aired in France. They surrendered just be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.

"Why did the Marines make Chuck Norris an Honorary member? They were afraid not
to!" (CN was made an Honorary Marine following his first visit to Iraq.)

[Finally, I thought this was a terrific idea - even the earlier part about cubicle patrol here in the States.]
Hello,
My cousin in a Marine that is currently serving in Iraq. Mr Norris visited the base where my cousin is stationed and she shared some photos with me and shared stories of how much it meant to the marines. She even went so far to say that Mr Norris had the biggest turnout and moral boost over any other celebrity that has visited them. After a few e-mail conversations, we decided to do a fun, morale boosting project.
Here is what we did:
I have a "Chuck Norris Action Figure" on my desk at work. "Chuck" was the floor enforcer. If someone stepped out of line, they would find their cubicle in disarray and the Chuck action figure posed on their desk. We decided to deploy Chuck to Iraq so that he can help out our troops.
Earlier this month, I shipped my Chuck Norris action figure to my cousin in Iraq and started his "Tour of Duty". He arrived a few days ago and is already out on a mission with someone from public relations. My cousin is taking picutres of "Chuck" with the soldiers and e-mailing them to me as often as she can.
I built a website for the project and will post any pictures and stories about Chuck's tour of duty in Iraq. When the war is over, Chuck will hopefully return home to his post on my desk.

The website is www.sendchucktoiraq.com

This website documents the whole project and also has a place where fans can send "Chuck" best wishes during his tour in Iraq.

Posted by Bren/Cody'sMom at November 30, 2008 02:31 PM

I forgot in my long post that I recommend tea for the dreaded mouth ulcers!! I know, I sound like a broken record...but IT WORKS! At least it did for Cody and also for another cancer patient, Judy, who was hospitalized for nutrition support when her sores were out of control.

The thing that seemed to help Cody the most was tea. Yep, regular ol' Lipton tea - iced or warm - with or without sugar/sweetener. The tannic acid in tea seems to knock out the chemo's action against the mouth's mucous membranes & other GI locations, too because these are a fast growing cell just like cancer cells which is why the chemo targets this type of tissue. (Of course, you already know this, Deb.)

Also, there is a prescription product called Gelclair that can help if her doctor knows to request that the pharmacy should order it asap : http://www.gelclair.com/. Cody didn't use this because the tea seemed to work well enough for him but his oncologist said he'd order it for us if we needed it.

Maybe see if the dining hall can send you up some tea and try it out. It probably couldn't hurt and it might help. At least I hope something can help make you more comfortable!

Bren

Posted by Bren/Cody'sMom at November 30, 2008 04:50 PM

An hour does not go by that I don't think of you, Zoe, your family, oh and PIE--You will have that pie. A Cuck Norris Pie.

The prayers-they never stop, and will never stop.

Posted by claire at November 30, 2008 08:15 PM

Thinking of you so often. Each time I lift up another prayer. Hang tough and know you've got so many folks praying for you.

Legs

Posted by Denise at November 30, 2008 09:05 PM

More prayers being sent.

I had a vanilla milkshake tonight at alamo drafthouse. Does that count as something good?

Posted by Missy at November 30, 2008 09:12 PM

Hugs to you Deb! Gentle ones anyway. :) I'll send some extra fierce platelet-brewing mojo your way.

Can you have pumpkin ice cream? It's not quite pie but it's still delicious.

My tasty beverage today was a Leinenkugel's Nut Brown Ale. And Fresca. But not mixed because that would be crazy.

Posted by Rebecca at November 30, 2008 09:58 PM

Love ya dude... I miss you too.

Posted by sis #2 at November 30, 2008 10:08 PM

So glad to see an update from you. I thought of you all weekend. Prayers continue, and now I shall think of you when I eat the last piece of pumpkin pie.

Posted by Sharkey at December 1, 2008 08:44 AM

Thinking about you today. I always crave peach tea snapple when I need something cold and quenching.

Posted by Amy (AABB) at December 2, 2008 07:43 PM

IoAllocateMdl Allocates an MDL for a buffer, given the starting virtual address of the buffer and its length. ,

Posted by Arnold41 at October 22, 2009 08:51 PM

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My kind of day

A little humorous and a little bittersweet.

zoe funny face.jpg

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cranked out by debutaunt at 06:04 PM | Comments (30)

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Ha-the kids are the greatest--i love the TV comment. You know you are the greatest Mom.

For those of us who are computer challenged-how about a link for her Amazon List--i think your fan club can sponser her holiday.

XO

Eat pie

Posted by claire at November 25, 2008 07:05 PM

Oh and you should put up a wish list. We can all make your holiday a little brighter.

Posted by claire at November 25, 2008 07:07 PM

Thank Heaven, for little girls. :)

Posted by Skye at November 25, 2008 08:08 PM

She does want a Chuck Norris action figure to go with those Barbies, right? Ken sucks.

Posted by mrtl at November 25, 2008 09:02 PM

Stolen from a friend for you:

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. He won by 5.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Chuck Norris can win blackjack with one card.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

Chuck Norris can cook 1 minute rice in 30 seconds.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. he refreshes webpages by blinking.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris doesn't open a can of whoop ass. he makes his own.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

Posted by Dione at November 25, 2008 09:15 PM

You have an amazing girl!

Posted by Missy at November 25, 2008 11:13 PM

I had NO IDEA you were not a good singer!

Posted by Kami at November 26, 2008 11:30 AM

Sugar and spice--that's what your little girl is made of. Funny girl.

Posted by Hänni at November 26, 2008 03:08 PM

Hey peeps,

Debu is home from the hospital but is feeling decidedly unwell. Very queasy stomach which is totally uncool on Thanksgiving.

Say extra extra prayers.

-Steph

Posted by Sis#1 at November 27, 2008 12:43 PM

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Many prayers and thanks are being sent your way.

I am so happy to hear you are out of the big house. Thank you Sis#1 for the update!!!

Posted by Missy at November 27, 2008 01:07 PM

Deb,

I'm thinking of you on Thanksgiving. I hope you're able to enjoy a little dinner, but even if you're still queasy, there's always leftovers tomorrow! The important thing is you're home with family and everyone loves you.

One of the things I'm giving thanks for is that you were able to get to the doctor and get diagnosed properly. I'm thankful we live in a time when there is chemo and stem cell transplants and hope.

Bazillions of hugs!

Posted by Rebecca at November 27, 2008 01:47 PM

Extra prayers from a lurker on the other side of the ocean: ~~~

Posted by skai at November 27, 2008 03:00 PM

Thank you for the update, Steph.

I'm glad that Deb is home, but sorry that she's feeling so yucky. She must be so relieved to be surrounded by all of you though. Love can work wonders.

Thinking of you, Deb.

xo+

Posted by Skye at November 27, 2008 03:40 PM

Thanks to Sis #1 for the update.

May everyone in the Debu house have a good Thanksgiving. Being in the comforts of a home, with family and as Skye said "all that love"

Well that beats pie any old day :)

Extra prayers each day for all of you especially
Deb.

Posted by claire at November 27, 2008 03:53 PM

Another update.

Deb had to go to the ER this afternoon due to the unpleasant stomach issues related to her chemo. They gave her IV fluids, anti-nausea drugs and major sleepy juice. The ER isn't the most restful place to sleep (understatement), but she is currently sleeping.

Fortunately, no fevers.

Thanksgiving means we are thankful for the kind people who work at MD Anderson on holidays.

More good thoughts and prayers....
-Steph

Posted by Sis#1 at November 27, 2008 10:57 PM

Many prayers being sent. Thanks for the update Sis #1. Yes, very thankful for the wonderful people at MD Anderson.

Posted by Missy at November 27, 2008 11:01 PM

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry to hear this - but relieved that she was able to be given the necessary good stuff to help her through this awful stage. Your hospital must have seemed like a little piece of Heaven today. I can imagine how grateful you all must have been.

Love and strength to you, Deb.

Rest well. xo+

Posted by Skye at November 28, 2008 12:34 AM

Sis #1-bless you for the upddate. Deb is so fortunate to have such a wonderful family.

I hope today is a better day for Deb and all of her family.

XO

Posted by claire at November 28, 2008 09:29 AM

Deb has been admitted into a real room and is out of the ER. She is in a bit of pain but really is more interested in the nausea medicine.

The blood work stuff has been slow because of the light schedule so its hard to know exactly what is going on.

-Steph

Posted by Sis#1 at November 28, 2008 10:51 AM

I wasn't near a computer yesterday but am checking in this morning. I'm grateful for the updates Steph. Thank you.

Posted by traci at November 28, 2008 12:09 PM

Steph,

These baby steps can be so frustrating and exhausting. :(
Thinking of you all - especially that quintessential warrior, Deb.

S. xo+

Posted by Skye at November 28, 2008 04:33 PM

Hi,
It's Aimee-Lynn, Brenda's sister-in-law. I only know you through Brenda, and from your blogs. I lost touch with you about a year ago (didn't sign in frequently) and just assumed you were doing well... I'm so sorry to hear of this relapse. My mother has been following your story and actually told me about it a few days ago. I finally had a chance to sign in and get caught up.

I know that you and Brenda have (yes, I keep it in present tense) a special relationship and she means the world to you. Please know she is with you at this time, working to kick cancer's ass right there along with you!

She gave us a magic word to use if we ever needed her for something special: ZOMBAWOMBA. I share this word with you. Say it out loud and she'll bring extra super Chuck Norris strength to all you do.

Supporting you from afar,
Aimee-Lynn

Posted by Aimee-Lynn at November 28, 2008 04:49 PM

Hi,
It's Aimee-Lynn, Brenda's sister-in-law. I only know you through Brenda, and from your blogs. I lost touch with you about a year ago (didn't sign in frequently) and just assumed you were doing well... I'm so sorry to hear of this relapse. My mother has been following your story and actually told me about it a few days ago. I finally had a chance to sign in and get caught up.

I know that you and Brenda have (yes, I keep it in present tense) a special relationship and she means the world to you. Please know she is with you at this time, working to kick cancer's ass right there along with you!

She gave us a magic word to use if we ever needed her for something special: ZOMBAWOMBA. I share this word with you. Say it out loud and she'll bring extra super Chuck Norris strength to all you do.

Supporting you from afar,
Aimee-Lynn

Posted by Aimee-Lynn at November 28, 2008 04:50 PM

The Deb has special powers she will be more then Chuck and she already is a legend. The Debu can and will do anything.

UGH on the nausea-but hopefully they will fix that soon.

Posted by claire at November 28, 2008 07:43 PM

Sis #1 perhaps you could if you have a free moment (not) have Zoe update her Amazon list.

I am betting the Debu fan club can help Santa with Zoe for the holiday.

Gracias

Posted by claire at November 28, 2008 07:45 PM

Thanks Sis #1 for the updates.

Deb- so many fervent prayers and good thoughts for you. You and the lovely bird-talker are always in my thoughts.

much love for illinois-
Illinois Deb

p.s. I would love to send the bird-talker pics of my 4 birds. what think? love,love,love

Posted by Illinois Deb at November 28, 2008 08:33 PM

My comments aren't showing up. I hope I am not doing something stupid and posting wrong. All I care is that you know I am sending my love. Thank you sis#1 for the updates.

Posted by Missy at November 29, 2008 09:52 AM

Thinking of you this morning.

Posted by traci at November 29, 2008 11:41 AM

I hope today sheds some sun your way.

The picture on the right of Zoe is something
that would make anyone laugh. I love her
expession.

Posted by claire at November 29, 2008 11:53 AM

Prayers and good thoughts comin' at ya!

Posted by legs4miles at November 29, 2008 03:52 PM

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A Long Night with el Diablo

Ok, these Chuck Norris jokes are cracking me up.

I had more platelets today and I always try to pretend that some studly, tri-athlete, handsome doctor has donated my blood products to me. So I get extra POWAH!

I'm now hooked to my least favorite chemo, nick-named El Diablo Rojo. It gives you the worst heart burn of all time and nothing makes it go away.

I am so bruised I look like I have been in a bad car wreck. Even tape bruises me now. I hope I don't get hit in the face, because then people might stare. *rolls eyes*

Keep Reading

cranked out by debutaunt at 11:51 PM | Comments (23)

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That isn't a cute picture Deb -- it's a GORGEOUS picture! Despite everything you're going through, your face still shines with spirit. Not even the dreaded El Diablo Rojo can dim that.

As always, my thoughts are with you, and Zoe, and your beautiful family.

S.
xo and lots of +

Posted by Skye at November 25, 2008 06:38 AM

Good to see you smiling in the pic.

Prayers headed your way.

Patrick

Posted by Patrick at November 25, 2008 07:17 AM

You look very nice. I really do hope you start feeling better soon and kick cancer's ass to the curb forever.

Get some rest and don't forget to eat some pie.

Posted by lolismum at November 25, 2008 07:56 AM

Hush. You look beautiful in this picture. I can see your fighting spirit shining through. Chuck Norris would approve. ;)

Posted by Jessica at November 25, 2008 08:27 AM

Look at you, all pink with color and smiling big! I'm still not seeing the wig thing, but I don't know if you remember a woman that came to our bunko several years back that was a cousin of one of the members at the time. She lived over by Memorial Park. In any event, this young woman was fighting breast cancer and she said every time her hair fell out and came back, it was a different color! I've even heard of it coming back wavy, instead of straight. So, maybe you could put your order in now and get something different if you don't like what's you've got....although I've always thought it was just beautiful like it was...even really short!

Prayers and squeezy bear hugs to you and your family. We all love you gobs!
Denise :)

PS: Someone got the Chuck Norris PJ joke to you before I could.....still trying to find an original one!

Posted by Denise at November 25, 2008 09:09 AM

Awesome picture! You're doing it!

You make the homework too easy. Bring on the pie!

If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.

Posted by mrtl at November 25, 2008 09:35 AM

You can win this grudge match, YOU CAN!

Posted by Ern at November 25, 2008 10:17 AM

God you look great-and I think it looks like you have George Clooney platelets I love that man.

Good luck with the "UGH" checmo. Think of PIE :)

Posted by claire at November 25, 2008 10:20 AM

Shouldn't that be a requirement at the hospital? Only beautiful totally ripped men can be the ones in charge of the icky stuff?

"Excuse me miss, I need to stick this awful needle into you, but while I'm doing it I'd like you to stare longingly at my bare chest and large arms. Yes ma'm it's hospital policy for me to do the unpleasant tasks almost naked. The fireman boots, hat and pants are only to help you through this difficult time."

Posted by Amber at November 25, 2008 12:08 PM

Look at that pic, you are amazing. Even with the crap thrown at you, you are smiling. And you can see the look in your eyes. You are going to kick ass once again.

MMMMM pie. Yes, just because you said so, I shall have pie. But I am also walking 5 miles that morning, doesn't that help offset the situation - heehee.

Posted by Missy at November 25, 2008 02:07 PM

I like your picture. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Zoe as always. Get some rest. I hope you feel better and eat your pie.

Cami

Posted by cami at November 25, 2008 02:17 PM

I like your picture. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Zoe as always. Get some rest. I hope you feel better and eat your pie.

Cami

Posted by cami at November 25, 2008 02:17 PM

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink!

Posted by Denise at November 25, 2008 03:10 PM

Wow! You look great Deb. I hope the heart burn eases up for you. As always you are in my prayers.

Posted by Yvonne at November 25, 2008 04:12 PM

As I do check to see how you are doing every once and awhile and see the pics of Zoe. I have come to read this. Debbie if there is anything anything at all that I can help you or your family with please let me know.

Posted by Lisa at November 25, 2008 04:25 PM

Mah-vuh-lous! Simply Mah-vuh-lous! That's how you look!! I'm not kidding. I'm not sugar-coating it either. Your indomitable spirit is blazing through every single cell of your body and it soooo very much shows in this pic!

Wow...my Debu_Hero, I actually read your blog, replied, *AND DIDN'T CRY!* That's strictly because I'm very positive about all of this and you are looking amazingly hale and hearty.

Pssst....The Secret, The Secret, The Secret. *Visualization*
Yesssss!

{{{{hugs}}}}

~Nita

Posted by Nita at November 25, 2008 04:44 PM

This is the top fact on ChuckNorrisFacts.com:

"If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you."

Blessings on you and yours!

Posted by Monica the tiara chick at November 25, 2008 05:27 PM

I think that you're getting Michael Phelps blood products. The man is amazing! I think I have a new idea...a blood drive for Olympians!

You really look great Deb, keep smiling.

Angie

Posted by Angie at November 25, 2008 06:04 PM

I know in the scheme of things, when this happens doesn't mean very much, but it seems to me particularly cruel and heartless for it to pop its ugly head up on the eve of the holidays.

I will give thanks on Thursday for knowing you in cyber space, for being witness to your struggles, to your courage, to your love for your Bird Talker and your parents and family, and to the love of your family for you, in all your perfect imperfections and heart full of love.

Posted by Loretta at November 25, 2008 06:35 PM

GREAT photo and blog entry! Sorry you're stuck (and I do mean stuck) there for Thanksgiving.

Posted by russell at November 26, 2008 05:16 PM

Beauty is not just about the hair and face, but also the nails and other parts of the body.

Posted by novatrek at December 19, 2008 09:02 AM

To find everything you need to know about hair extensions you've come to the best place.

Posted by cissiee37g at December 19, 2008 09:38 AM

Eyelash extensions are an entirely new method of enhancing the length and thickness of eyelashes.

Posted by aaronhyl at December 19, 2008 10:15 AM

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More Blue than Black

In so many many ways.

diagnosis second time around.jpg

Keep Reading

I took that picture in the ER because I had just recently got a blood draw that gushed blood for 20 minutes down my arm. It's how I ended up in the ER. I had one more blood draw after my appointment with Dr. Q where he told me I had relapsed. He was so sweet and usually jokes a lot with me, but he looked like I felt. He touched my hand when he told me, "You know what this means?" and I tearfully replied, "Yes, I've relapsed, haven't I?" He said a few more things and I waited around and made some of the hardest phone calls of my life. It was so much easier the first time I found out because I was surrounded by my women of courage. It was gut-wrenching to hear this alone.

My platelets were only at 11 (they are supposed to be in the 140 range) and the transfusion room was booked. I was going to have to wait another day. (For example, my platelets have been in the 250 range for about 2 years now, so this was freakish to me) They had to do some additional tests and I got a blood stick and then walked to the lobby to go pick up my car. I was exhausted and carrying my purse and meds and sat down to look for my $15 valet ticket. It was then that I noticed I had blood gushing down my arm and all over the new purse I got for $20. I had never carried that purse before too. What a giant bloody waste now.

There was a very kind security guard and a cute occupational therapy nurse who grabbed a bunch of big towels and wrapped my arm. The guard wheeled me to the ER where I waited to be admitted to the Big House for about 24 hours. You can't sleep there - not comfy whatsoever, but the staff is the sweetest. I feel safe here. Which makes me incredibly sad.

I am sad. Very sad. I prayed and hoped that this day would never ever come again. That I would never receive another ounce of chemo in my life. That I could use my superpowers for good to get people to donate blood, understand stem cell transplants and sign up on the marrow list to save lives. That I would live long and write and give speeches and find out my place in this messed up little world. That I could be a change for a cure for this hideous disease. Not just a ribbon pushing, consumerism wanna be cure, but one that would really finally change how they solve this disease and how they can treat people without half killing them in the meantime. Where people can live at least a better life after treatment instead of slowly re-dying. I have a faith for this cure. I know one can be found and I always felt like it might come in my lifetime. Now I am afraid that it won't.

As I sit here and watch 8 pumps fill me up with chemo and meds and antibiotics and fluids I can't imagine that I will still be here. My faith and your love and prayers are what I am living on this moment. My family's care and love and support. If they could will me better, I know they would. Even my lovely Tim and Jeanne want to come see me. That means so much to me with all that they are both going through.

But mostly I am sad because my heart is in San Antonio. I barely got to drop her off at school Tuesday and I so badly wanted to jump out of the car after her to give her more and more hugs and squeezes. I don't think she even looked back; just her usual byemom wave and skip with her ponytail blowing in the wind.

zoe windy tower.jpg

I would give anything to be in my cozy comforted bed snugged up with my gorgeous bird whisperer. To drive her to her first basketball practice tomorrow. Or even sit with her and watch insipid Disney shows just to be with her. I live to cheer for her team at soccer and basketball and take so much joy in watching her little body move and that fun spirit she shows with her friends. I adore them all and the parents are so welcoming and warm and just plain cool.

She is doing ok, although getting a little sinus thing because of the wonky weather, but she doesn't really want to talk on the phone. I'm not sure if she, or any of us, understand the extent of my stay in Houston. I just want to make it all go away so I can see her. To hold her little hand in mine when she sneaks in my bed just to be next to me. I know she is there, but sometimes I just pretend not to notice so we can snuggle.

To eat popcorn and make sugar free icees and sneak off to the movies just so we can sit in the dark and laugh and giggle. When she doesn't know it, she pulls up my shirt over my stomach a little when we watch tv in bed and she rubs my tummy and says soothingly, "Belly. Belly. Belly." Because she knows that it's hers. When I'm sick, she sometimes resents it and gets mad because I can't do more, but she also can be so caring and kind and little nursemaid to mom. Her little signs, "I love my mom because I love my mom" says it all. She's always been my girl; my mini me.

Many months I had a bad feeling about what was about to be on the horizon. I kept feeling worse and worse. And seeing one doctor after another who would blow me off. I kept having symptom after symptom and felt weak without much reason. Then the breathlessness and bruising started getting worse and I knew it was happening again. The extreme fatigue; wanting to sleep all day. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to do so much and spend time with my family and Zoe and her friends. I just don't want to miss out on my life. On her life. I can't. She is in my heart.

That's why when they did my heart scan, it was huge! They were impressed by my numbers as they usually are in the 50% range for most people. But with my MUGA scan, mine used to be 76% before, but two years later, they are now 79.5. I think I impressed the staff. But it helps to have a little piece extra to help you fight.

She is the reason I must do this. I know, and will always know, that I need her more than she needs me. Her name literally means Full of Life and it's on that strength that I must pull all of my power and resources and faith.

I can do this. I have many many reasons to.

Your assignment is to spread the word. I know from before I can't do this alone. I may not always be able to talk on the phone or answer email or comments, but I know they are there. I am always behind on thank you notes and correspondence. But I feel your prayers. I feel your strength. I appreciate blood donations and financial donations of every amount. I don't think anyone could understand how much your power of the internets really helps me not feel so alone. They help me in that way (like him or not) that Chemobama makes people want to scream and shout, "YES WE CAN!" When I get down and blue, I need to feel that. I need to feel the power of Chuck Norris, the strength of Uma and the power of the internets.

And I have my loves. They are the most powerful of all.

I love you Zoe love. I miss your sweet face. I promise to come home to you. I will make it happen. I will make it happen with your bird talking help. Love love.

Close it

cranked out by debutaunt at 09:51 PM | Comments (29)

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!

Posted by mrtl at November 24, 2008 05:27 AM

Aw Deb,

What a big ole pile of wrong this horrid disease is. Im certainly sending you all the kemia kicking vibes that I can , but as a mom I know how it is to miss your baby and as a cancer mom I really know how it is to miss them and wonder if you'll get to miss them again.

I'd love to just fill this comment box with curse word after curse word for you, lol. Do your damndest to stay strong and remember what your prize is. It will be hard, so hard on you but Zoe is worth it and I know the thoughts of seeing her grow will be a rock for you during these times.

Take Care Deb,
Rooting for you in NJ
Priscilla

Posted by Priscilla at November 24, 2008 06:37 AM

Aw Deb,

What a big ole pile of wrong this horrid disease is. Im certainly sending you all the kemia kicking vibes that I can , but as a mom I know how it is to miss your baby and as a cancer mom I really know how it is to miss them and wonder if you'll get to miss them again.

I'd love to just fill this comment box with curse word after curse word for you, lol. Do your damndest to stay strong and remember what your prize is. It will be hard, so hard on you but Zoe is worth it and I know the thoughts of seeing her grow will be a rock for you during these times.

Take Care Deb,
Rooting for you in NJ
Priscilla

Posted by Priscilla at November 24, 2008 06:37 AM

Aw Deb,

What a big ole pile of wrong this horrid disease is. Im certainly sending you all the kemia kicking vibes that I can , but as a mom I know how it is to miss your baby and as a cancer mom I really know how it is to miss them and wonder if you'll get to miss them again.

I'd love to just fill this comment box with curse word after curse word for you, lol. Do your damndest to stay strong and remember what your prize is. It will be hard, so hard on you but Zoe is worth it and I know the thoughts of seeing her grow will be a rock for you during these times.

Take Care Deb,
Rooting for you in NJ
Priscilla

Posted by Priscilla at November 24, 2008 06:37 AM

You WILL live long and write and give speeches and find out your place in this messed up little world. I know this.

Sending you love and never-ending strength, brave one.

S. xo

Posted by Skye at November 24, 2008 07:21 AM

I will be praying for you Deb. I have the same type of Leukemia and this really has hit me personally. I am very sad and i hurt for you.
I will pray in the name of Jesus who shed his blood for us. I want you to beat this.
God bless you...Lorenzo

Posted by Lorenzo at November 24, 2008 07:42 AM

You have one job-kick ass, beat this for Zoe, and everyone else in your family. The rest of us will take care of the prayers, and the jokes.

I am out of Norris material (of course I had only one) but I can find some other jokes I am sure.

God bless you.

Posted by claire at November 24, 2008 08:16 AM

Deb, this made me cry, I cannot even begin to understand what you must feel like. I found your blog a couple of years ago, right before you were diagnosed. I followed your story and this summer, extremely unexpectedly, at the age of 38, my healthy, slim, fit husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. He is doing well now, but I think I began to understand the toll cancer takes on families. We have two little ones, a 4 year old and a 1 year old. And when you complained about your symptoms over the last couple of months, even I felt frustrated at your doctors for being off hand. I do hope that you recover completely and quickly from this horrid disease.

Send me a description and/or a picture of your ruined purse. I want to send you a new one. lolismum@yahoo.com

Love, love, and lots of strength.

lolismum

Posted by lolismum at November 24, 2008 09:15 AM

Deb,

Been away, just cathing up and wishing I wasn't reading what I've been reading...except for this:

"I can do this. I have many many reasons to."

Damn skippy.

Oh, Kids everywhere wear Superman PJs but Superman? He wears Chuck Norris PJs.

Somehow, I think if he could Chuck Norris would wear Deb PJs.

Everybody keeps suggesting the roundhouse kick for cancer but don't be afraid to sweep the leg. I know it's an unsportsmanlike Cobra Kai move, but screw it. Cancer doesn't play fair and neither should you. Sweep the leg on this bastard.

You're in my prayers, Deb.

Patrick

Posted by Patrick at November 24, 2008 09:22 AM

I have sat here for hours on end trying to find the words, but there are none. I am so selfish. trying to invoke some sort of magic, feel good spell on you that would take all this away...

My heart hurts for you and for your family and for all of us that come here to get our dose of the Debutaunt. I will never be the same. I hate this disease so much, it has robbed me of the most precious things in my life.

I am thinking of you , Debby. And praying for your strength, peace, comfort and the earthly cure we all so desperately desire deep in our hearts.

Forever your Friend,

Kadin's Momma

Posted by Kadin's Momma at November 24, 2008 09:47 AM

Praying for you and all of your family from Vegas.

Posted by Crazy Lady in Vegas at November 24, 2008 12:36 PM

You are amazing. Thank you for sharing all of this. My prayers are not stopping until you see your bird talker and are in your comfy bed. And not as a means to the end, but as a once again cancer fighting ass kicker - COME ON CHEMOBAMA!!!!!

Posted by Missy at November 24, 2008 02:17 PM

Plus you still have a million to raise. Don't think you can get out of this because of relapse. I bet people will donate twice as much for a two time champion

Posted by Missy at November 24, 2008 02:28 PM

DAMMIT, WOMAN.

I am going to go pick up the bird talker, and bring her to Dallas, and feed her too much ice cream, and set in stone her future with Nik. There is no other way.

AND.

Nik and I will see you girls in San Antonio for Christmas.

Posted by Kami at November 24, 2008 04:34 PM

My important decision today was whether or not to heat up leftovers for dinner.

DAMN I could kick myself. Mentally, I'm doing much worse than that. While my Debu_Hero is fighting tooth and nail for her life, "What am I gonna fix for dinner" was my over-riding thought for the day. I'm pathetic. And ashamed.

How easily we forget the struggles of others---the *real* battles, the 'before-and-after' decisions that are made. The pain. The fear. The loneliness. The Uncertainty. And how we let superficial flotsam clutter our daily thoughts!

I ask you to forgive me, Debu_Hero, for my most unimportant thoughts because in the scheme of things, me and mine are so insignificant. My issues pale in comparison to the war you're waging on leukemia. Shame on me. And fight on. Please, please fight on. I will leave you with words of wisdom from the Greatest Doctor known to man:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

He must be pretty close to me and you then. My heart breaks and aches for you. My spirit groans with each uphill battle you face---and have faced down. He is with us. I pray His comfort and healing spills over your body like a great rush.

Rest up. You'll need strength for Z's coloring marathons and non-stop Disney filmfests.

I love you Debu_Hero.

~Nita

Posted by Nita at November 24, 2008 04:34 PM

Debu_Hero ( I like that name. It fits! )

Just checking in to wish you well today. You are always in my prayers. YOU can do this...YOU CAN do this. YOU CAN DO this...YOU CAN DO THIS!

Posted by Yvonne at November 24, 2008 05:05 PM

Hi Deb,
I am so so sorry and the fact that the doctors didn't do anything for months casts shame on our healthcare system. But that's a fight that a lot of people should take up. For now, your assignment is to imagine everyone's love and prayers filling you up with good, strong, energy. I agree with Yvonne - YOU CAN DO THIS! And, you're not alone. You've got a whole world out here thinking about you.

Can I post a link to your blog? I'd like to ask people who read my blog to donate to the debu-fund.
Love and prayers,
Dee

Posted by Dee at November 24, 2008 06:15 PM

YES YOU CAN, BABE, YES YOU CAN!!

xomox

Posted by moxiemomma at November 24, 2008 06:16 PM

mrtl sent me your way and I'm so glad she did. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Anytime you need a hug from a random stranger that's nowhere near you I'm all yours!

Posted by Amber at November 24, 2008 06:51 PM

Stopping by to say goodnight--I look at this picture you have posted, and your eyes--they show courage, love, and the will to fight.

May the sun shine a little brighter for you tomorrow, and never ever give up the fight.

Posted by claire at November 24, 2008 08:05 PM

Oh Deb - I just love you. YOU CAN do this and you will - one step/day at a time. I am praying for you and your family and hope that you feel God's arms wrapped around you right now.
((((HUGS))))

Posted by Lisa O at November 24, 2008 08:50 PM

Yes you can.

Posted by mrtl at November 24, 2008 09:14 PM

Hi Deb, I am crying as I read this and know that you have the courage and strength to fight this and win. I fighting with you...I send you love and healing. You can do this!

Love You!

Posted by Paula at November 24, 2008 10:14 PM

Deb,
Sending more good thoughts and prayers your way.

*HUGS*

Posted by Missy at November 24, 2008 10:53 PM

I connected to your blog through Obi's Sister. I will be in prayer for you and also your family.

Posted by Pendy at November 25, 2008 11:37 AM

Sending lots of love from Minnesota, Debbie!!!

Posted by Theresa at November 25, 2008 03:25 PM

How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How much do I hate this freaking disease? Too many ways to count. I am so sorry you are feeling the funk, Deb. Here is what I do know though. You can do this. You will do this. Enough said. It will be tough. You will feel like giving up sometimes and that is okay. You just have to pull that strength up out of yourself and keep on pushing through. I love you, chick.

Posted by Dawn at November 29, 2008 10:30 PM

How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How much do I hate this freaking disease? Too many ways to count. I am so sorry you are feeling the funk, Deb. Here is what I do know though. You can do this. You will do this. Enough said. It will be tough. You will feel like giving up sometimes and that is okay. You just have to pull that strength up out of yourself and keep on pushing through. I love you, chick.

Posted by Dawn at November 29, 2008 10:30 PM

Loving you from afar, I donated and need your address so I can send you something.
My heart is aching that you are in pain.
May everyones' prayers for you be a strong beacon of light.

Posted by Allison Sattinger at December 4, 2008 02:00 AM

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Chemobama

Day 2 of Chemobama.

I got platelets yesterday and 4 pints of blood today. It's helped with the breathlessness. Sis #1 brought her amazing muffins and Sis #2 is going to drop off some laundry and maybe dinner. I love my family so so very much. I'm completely blessed.

Thanks for the comments. They really mean so much to me. This has been really hard and I"m sooo so missing my sweet bird-talker. She still doesn't know the full extent of all of this. My heart is breaking over that, but I don't know if she's ready to understand that I might not see her for months.

I'm still big time black and blue and it's getting worse. I got some lasix today and man, it was crazy pee pee day too.

I'm going for a walk today. I may not be able to answer all comments and email, but thank you Interwebs. You still rock and I still love you all very very much.

I can do this. I have the POWAH of Chuck Norris.

Your assignment today is to leave me your favorite Chuck Norris joke. I also would appreciate the spreading of the word. I am back to taking the donations for the deb_fund because my insurance fell through. We are hoping to fix it on Monday because it is totally a clusterfuck. Also thanks so much for the prayers for my family. It's so hard on them, although this time I'm still pretty scared and trying not to be. But knowing what all I am facing is skeeving me out. My hair texture is already changing from the chemo. Next it will fall out. *whimper* I wish Shoshie was here so she could paint something lovely on my bald head.

Ok. My walk is waiting! Love love.

cranked out by debutaunt at 07:22 PM | Comments (19)

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Deb - don't worry about answering comments - we know you love us. Just concentrate on doing exactly what the docs tell you and try to take it ONE day at a time. Sorry I don't know any Chuck Norris jokes !
Many great big hugs and hundreds of prayers . . .

Posted by Lisa O at November 22, 2008 08:02 PM

Sending lots of good wishes and prayers for you and your family... and as requested, one of my favorites from ChuckNorrisFacts.com ('cause I can't pick just one):

"Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage."

Posted by Amy at November 22, 2008 08:36 PM

I stole this right off a Chuck Norris site.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

I would be scared too, but I hope you can dig down deep and know you have a zillion people who love you, pray for you, and are on this journey
with you.

XO

Posted by claire at November 22, 2008 08:36 PM

I stole this right off a Chuck Norris site.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

I would be scared too, but I hope you can dig down deep and know you have a zillion people who love you, pray for you, and are on this journey
with you.

XO

Posted by claire at November 22, 2008 08:36 PM

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion, and now Neo is “The Two”.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Deb - Chuck Norris definitely has the POWAH, and so do you!

Much love,
S. x

Posted by Skye at November 22, 2008 08:48 PM

If this doesn't make you laugh outloud, I can always try harder:

http://www.nonsensenews.net/2008/10/06/extinct-species-found-in-chuck-norris-beard/

Ok---some quickies (I love Chuck Norris jokes!):

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

You said only one fave, didn't you? Sorry!
I can't narrow them down to only one...and trust me, I wanted to add a dozen more.

Chuck it, I say!
*smiles* to you,
~Nita

Posted by Nita Larson at November 22, 2008 09:31 PM

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

(Who knew there were millions of Chuck Norris jokes? See how you broaden our horizons?)

Posted by Susie at November 22, 2008 10:51 PM

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Posted by mrtl at November 23, 2008 02:54 AM

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Much love and good vibes to you, sweetheart. I'm thinking of you and your family and am spreading the word.

Be strong, because you are strong!

xoxo
Michelle

Posted by Michelle at November 23, 2008 07:32 AM

Chuck Norris knows the last two digits of Pi

Painting something on your head sounds wonderful. I am not an artist. Though I could paint a stick figure and a pretty lame flower :-)

Posted by Missy at November 23, 2008 09:48 AM

Chuck Norris slams revolving doors.

I will be there when you call. I have a couple short cases tomorrow morning. If you leave me a text and your room number, I'll come see you. Or not. Just know that I'm standing right next to you all the time. Love you! You can do this!

Posted by Michelle at November 23, 2008 11:53 AM

Hi Deb, I sending you a big hug and I have my whole church praying for you.

You can do this.....I know you can.

Love to You!

Posted by Paula -AZ at November 23, 2008 02:20 PM

Sorry, I'm going to inundate you with Chuck Norris jokes. :D

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

I know you can roundhouse kick this crap in the face again. Go Deb!

Posted by Jessica at November 23, 2008 08:23 PM

Not necessarily my favorite, but it sure spoke to me tonight:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Because Chuck Norris (aka ChemoBama) is gonna kick your leukemia's ASS!!!

You can do this, Deb!!!! Thank you so much for the texts. I feel honored, but do NOT expect you to respond. Just know that I'm gonna keep sending Love and Light and Chuck Norris stuff all the time, lady!

I love you!!!!!

Posted by shayna at November 23, 2008 08:50 PM

Hi Deb-
I have been reading your blog for awhile now. Stumbled upon it one day. Your journey has been and continues to be an inspiration to me. You are in my prayers as is your family and your precious little one.
Peace
Terry

Posted by tery at November 23, 2008 09:11 PM

I already subimtted my stolen Chuck Norris quote.

This is a goodnight message, and prayers for Zoe and the rest of your family. You are the top "dog"

Posted by claire at November 23, 2008 10:04 PM

Been getting updates on you from Shayna and have been praying for you everyday. May you be wrapped up in a blanket of peace and rest.

Joke:

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

:D

Posted by Leah at November 23, 2008 10:15 PM

If you want to stop spamming of your forum, send your URL here: stopforumspam(at)gmail.com or post comment here: stopforumspam(dot)blogspot(dot)com
Append your site to antispam black list of autosubmitter software. It's FREE!

Posted by vedonlettyfen at February 21, 2009 12:17 PM

Hello. And Bye.

Posted by Haunligoggige at November 28, 2009 03:24 PM

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November 19, 2008

Relapse.

Thanks to Sis #1 for this:

Support this blog. Pretty pretty please.

See "Read More" for well, uh, more.

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cranked out by debutaunt at 12:16 PM | Comments (30)

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Headed to Houston

Today was bizarre. I woke up to get Zoe ready for school. Dad has Monday's off, so he took her to school. I went right back to bed and then slept until 1pm. I ate a bowl of Grape Nuts and then passed out until 3pm.

I sent a message to my docs at MD Anderson. They told me to come in right away. If I'm really bad off, I will go to the emergency room, but most likely I will head to my doctor's office on Wednesday.

These new symptoms are totally similar to relapse symptoms of leukemia. I'm still trying not to freak out.

I can do this. My bird talker needs me.

Your assignment today - send prayers and good vibes my way (once again) please. Thankyouverymuch.

cranked out by debutaunt at 05:29 PM | Comments (58)

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Hahahahahaha

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

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Negative People

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome ... So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental." was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich." laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll lo ok the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the P ope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"

Close it

cranked out by debutaunt at 12:23 PM | Comments (12)

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Black and Blue

Went to a school fundraiser tonight. It was really great to get out for the night and wear grownup clothes. I could never be a model because a) I hate taking pictures of myself and b) I always have the worst facial expressions!! My makeup looks much nicer in person although I was feeling pretty but realized when I got in my car to go home that when I reapplied my lipstick I had it all over my teeth and no one told me - GAH!

All my pictures look about the same because I take them in my car with my dumb cell phone. I can't figure out the viewfinder when I take my own picture. But here they are.

school fundraiser.jpg
school fundraiser 2.jpg

Insurance stuff is very very slowly detangling. I need to see a doctor for some labs, but cannot incur that expense; especially when hope is on the horizon. (and thanks for the paypal donations. I can't see the info, but hopefully will get email information to thank you personally. How awesome of y'all.)

I can do this. I'm bruising, but not giving in.

Your assignment today is to say hi. Pretty easy, huh?

cranked out by debutaunt at 12:56 AM | Comments (6)

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A black and blue mess

Still uninsured. Still a mess.

Still have weird scar tissue on my lower back. I think it is in the spot where they do my left bone marrow biopsies. I've lost so much weight you can actually see it poking up.

I am bruising like crazy too. It worries me a little bit because that is a symptom of leukemia. I have a five inch bruise on my stomach. I took a picture but it looked too gross to post.

I was sort of glad to read about the marrow foundation running out of funding. That means many people responded.

Pretty remarkable story!! Doctors say marrow transplant may have cured AIDS.

Keep Reading

cranked out by debutaunt at 04:28 PM | Comments (4)

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