I don't think I'm going to have enough time this afternoon [yeah, work is piled up] to post all the tales from my church retreat experience. All I can say is that I wish I had access to a computer this weekend. There were so many experiences that I wanted to write about before I forgot them.
Most of all....
1. No, I'm not becoming a nun (even though they have a picture of me in a nun’s habit…. don’t ask)
2. Yes, I'm going to start going back to church (I think about 6 women are going to call me every Sunday morning)
3. I want to go on another one. Yeah, yeah. I’m all high for the Lord now.
(Never thought you'd see #'s 2 and 3, did you? Lightning will strike close soon.)
Well I had a nice time. Not as relaxing as I wanted to because they don't let you fucking sleep and even go so far as to wake you up with this damn cow bell in your room (and no, I'm not going to stop cursing...it's part of my charm, no? I'll just say like 3,000 Hail Mary’s & then it's all good). But I met some really fun ladies. It was like having 70 mothers around. And I didn’t have to cook or clean all weekend. Now that’s heaven sent.
Speaking of Hail Mary’s and repentance...
I had to attend confession for the first time in... well, shhhhh…. You have to be quiet, but I'll let you in on my little session:
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 27 years since my last confession."
"OH MY GOD!" (great. A Catholic priest from India takes the name of the Lord in vain during my confession. [cool accent, so imagine it with an Indian accent…kind of like he’s asking a question] See, so I just really am going to hell now.)
Yes, I haven't been to confession since 1976. Fourth grade. Saint Andrew’s. I really don't know why, but I haven't ever really wanted to go. It has always kind of skeeved me out. That and the fact that I have sex out of marriage and am not really all that sorry about it. Ok, well with Dr. E, I’m not at all sorry about it. I didn't have much of a choice this past weekend though as I was surrounded by major holy rollers.
They gave us a list of questions. Like a reminder of the 10 Commandments, to help us figure out what we were going to confess. After the shock of the OMG comment from the priest, I said, “Here,” and handed him the entire list. [thou shalt not kill was in there for killing bugs and such… they counted that too.] “I think that during the past 27 years I have pretty much covered them all.”
“All of them?”
“Yeah, well maybe all except for the honor thy mother and father thing. I pretty much am a good daughter.” Then I thought a minute. “Well I guess by breaking all the others, I dishonor them then.”
“Yes, that’s true. From now on you need to come to confession once a month.” [GREAT] “And you need to start coming to mass on Sundays and Holy Days.”
“Yeah, I know. My Dad is a Deacon.”
“OH MY GOD!” (again with the OMGs. I know, I know, I’m the heathen child. Just give me the penance)
I told him that they only prayer I still remembered was the Our Father. So, keep that in mind when he picks my poison.
He then did some ominous, dominous, patras, santus, sutis, Latin thing and told me I would have to read an entire chapter of the Bible. (yeah, my Bible has never been opened once).
* Good thing I speed-read for a living *
OH MY GOD!