Jes, I am the wife.
If you haven't read it, find the post on my husband knocking up the cleaning lady. Today it is kind of relevant.
Dickford (my ex's new name in this journal) was supposed to come over and take Zoe to get some ice cream or something tonight. He never showed. Or called for that matter.
Nice. It was ok for once. I was very mellow today.
I woke up extra early this morning. I've been slacking (yes, I always slack... so just zipit) and I wanted to get to work early for a change. Just to not give them a reason to fire me.
I wondered why it was so dark. Well it's because we had a little thunderstorm activity going on. Major. Big time major, right on top of us. I was thinking about taking a shower, but was like, HELL NO. Tornados lurking. Especially if Zoe woke up to all the thunder. She'd freak out.
So I decided...
We'd
Both
Play
(Shhhhhhhhh.....)
Hooky.
Yeah, I'm setting a bad example for her. Skip school if you don't feel like going. But my legs are still swelling (fuck). And yes, I know I need to go to my endocrinologist, but he's gonna give me a ration of shit. I promise to y'all that I'll go within the next two weeks. That's if I don't die, ok.
Anyway. Not only was I not feeling well, sucky commuting weather, but my house was a mess and I didn't have any clean work clothes. Ok, rephrase, I didn't have any clean work clothes that I felt like wearing. I actually have an entire closet full of the pre-Zoe work clothes. The power suits, designer jackets, blouses. The clothes real people wear to work. I Stopped wearing panty hose and all that other crap like 5 years ago. Fuckit. They don't pay me enough to dry clean my clothes and I'm not schlepping engineering figures around in high heels.
So I made myself promise that if I played hooky with Zoe that I'd clean up and do laundry and play with Zoe. And yes, I did. More so than not. It's not spotless, but it's good enough for a day off. And we painted on her new Nemo coloring book.
Although I still suck because I didn't clean Baby Jack's cage. I fed him, so get off my case you animal loving commies. *heh*
We also did some shopping. I wrote checks because I get paid in a few days so I know I can float a bit. I'm too afraid to actually check my account online, but I'll suffer for it tomorrow. I'll gladly pay Tuesday for my hamburger today.
Zoe and I did some digging in the dirt. I bought indoor pots. We planted 5 herbs in one (they shoot out the sides) and then bought one for strawberries. I hope I don't kill them. I like cooking with fresh herbs, so I hope that one does well. Usually I kill cactus.
Zoe and I played a lot. We usually never get to, so I was going to make this day fun for her since I was cleaning so much. I let her wash the windows - her favorite. We sang lots of songs, listed to some John Lennon and read a few books. She was loving it. We even took a three hour nap. Incredible.
I bought some more cheese books. Jane Green - People Magazine books. Hey, at least I'm still reading.
Which is where I was at the end of my day. Zoe singing in the bathtub. Me in bed reading a book.
Lovely lovely day. Until.....
My phone rings - it's the weird ring from a PRIVATE number. Actually I think it only rings that way when someone returns a call to me from when I left them a voice message. Intrigued, I pick up.
It's a chick. Disgustingly thick Spanish accent.
"Uh, hello, did you call Dickford's phone?"
"Yeah, I did. He's my ex husband. Who is this?" Silence. Long Pause.
"Well he's asleep. Can I take a message?"
Durrr?? So tactfully I say, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?"
Unintelligible response. She hangs up.
I call back. The Skank Ho picks up.
"Ok, just go get Dickford and put him on the phone."
She asks me, "Do you know who this is?"
I'm like, "I don't give a shit who this is. Put him on the phone you stupid bitch."
"This is Brittny's mom. You see. I won. He's living with me now." She's got this tone to her voice, like I should feel bad or something.
Cool. He's now living with the cleaning lady he knocked up when I was 8 months pregnant. Wonderful.
"Good for you. I'm sure you make a wonderful couple. You, him and your fucking ugly baby. Now put Dickford on the phone you stupid cunt. Do something useful and wake him up you dumb ass."
Now I know he's not there. NBA finals are on. He'd never be asleep. Especially since it's only like 8 o'clock. I'm sure she's all suspect of him because that's just his personality. You can just never ever believe a word he is saying. I feel it. I'm sure she saw his phone blinking and checked his voicemail. Last time he left it at my house, that's what I did just for fun. Yeah, I'm a bitch.
Plus I know he's not there because I got her all in a tizzy (I guess it's because I was so polite to her) and she's screaming about how ugly I am and how I'd never get a man, and how she won. He'd never sleep through that much noise.
She's blathering on and on, and I'm cursing up a storm laughing my ass off. She mentions some shit about how he's still with me.
I'm like... drumroll...
"What the fuck are you talking about? Trust me, Juanita, (her name is Raina - sorry, I was just being a total bitch) you can have him. He's ugly, stupid and poor. I hope you are paying his bills. Here, I'll pay you. I just took a massive shit. Why don't you bring your ugly, short, fatass over here to clean my toilet you fucking maid?"
[aside]
I've had a few housekeepers come over to my house to help on a couple of occasions. I never ever insult them. I Overpay them. Feed them. Tip them. And I clean my own toilet. I don't feel comfortable letting anyone else wipe the loo.
I'm still going off on her. I can't help myself. I'm not even mad. I just want to hurt her feelings. Seriously, there's NO amount of money in this world offered that would make me take him back. I mean maybe a big big big amount, but only big enough so I could live in a separate city and that I'd never have to see or touch or kiss him or anything.
I don't think she could fathom that I find him totally repulsive. That I sooooo don't think he's a good catch. It's hilarious. I can't stop myself from being such a bitch. She was too easy of a target.
The only thing that makes me mad is that she took him away from Zoe. She doesn't care about what an ass he is. He's her dad.
in hindsite...
splitting up our marriage was a favor to all of us.
That and the thought that he perhaps has had Zoe around her or her bastard child. I told him that was never allowed. Ever Ever and fucking Ever. I'd take her away for good if he ever did that. When Zoe is 18, I'll tell Dickford that he can tell her what he did and who little Brittny is. (yes, that's her name and that's how she spelled it)
If they want to hang out and be friends, go for it. But in the meantime, I'm not going to explain to Zoe that Brittny is her special sister.
And yes, little Brittny is ugly. I saw her picture in his old apartment. She looks like a caveman child. With squinty little eyes. Squinty-eyed caveman child in a frou-frou Walmart dress. She looks nothing like my gorgeous child. (go see prior posts to the link of my beautygirl... I'm not prejudiced. She really is pretty... hee hee )
And don't lecture me on how it's not Brittny's fault that her mom is a homewrecking whore. I don't want to hear it. I don't care if that kid gets hit by a mack truck. Fuck her.
Her mom didn't give a flying fuck about me, or about Zoe. So I hope she is miserable and I hope that her child turns out to be as miserable and stupid as she is. Fuck homewreckers. They deserve the life they bred.
I'm sure I'll change my mind one day and will get over it, but right now I don't want to. I want to remember what a homewrecking bitch she was and what a dick he was. He was a dick and I had absolutely no clue when it happened that he was capable of being such an utter and complete fuck.
I was blindsided and I don't want it to happen again (and yes Lori S. Egypt, Schmegypt - thanks babe!)
This is what makes me strong. This is why I try so hard to be a good mom. I can't let Zoe see me screw my life up. To see me screw our lives up. I can't let her see me date assholes. I try not to behave or do things that I wouldn't want her to do. She deserves better.
Dickford has nothing to offer. Not for me or for Zoe. Zoe doesn't know it yet. I won't ever discourage her or belittle her dad in front of her. But one day, she's going to find out.
Until then, I'm all she has.
I just hope that's good enough for her.
Night y'all. Be loving and thankful today.
[P.S. and final aside]
I was so tempted to post her cell phone number in my journal. Just so you could call and bitch at her for me. Don't ask me how I got it, but I'm not a nice person today.