Ok, there.
He called. Are you happy?
Well I'm not. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it sounds as if he doesn't have a free weekend for over six months now. They've got him on call every weekend for six months. This means that I have no idea when I'm going to see him next. He doesn't know either. It's terrible.
I erased his phone number out of my cell phone so now I have to wait for him to call. I'm sick of these ambiguous feelings. Anger mixed with meloncholy and then elation. It's my fault. It's how I'm allowing my feelings to be dependent on another person. Well fuck that. I'm going to keep on with keeping on.
He misses me. He is looking for a new job for next year. He says if he's going to be a slave, he wants to be a slave in Houston. That way we would be able to spend even a few hours together. Maybe a day once in a while.
I think this is supposed to be good news.
In the meantime, I have no idea when I'll get to see him next. I feel like he waits and waits to call me. It's the spoiled child mode in me coming out. That is not the case. He's either working or sleeping. He sounds horrible. Tired, missing me, hating being there, and missing Houston.
Basically, I'm still here. Still alone. Still working, being mom, having no life, and too much time to think about him. (yes, this is what it means to be a hostage in my own head.)
Well I'm going to keep being busy. He misses me, but honestly he's too busy to even think about me. I need to make myself the same way.
Deb is getting her life back.
[edit]
I re-read the above... no, I'm not giving up on him, I just need to give up on the negativity and depression that not seeing or talking to him is causing me. I love and adore him, but I need to stop being so meloncholy about him. It's not good for me or for Zoe.
I'll see him one day. I'll keep sending him letters (he said they cheer him up so much), and I'll keep being faithful to him. I can't see myself any other way.
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Babysitting the under 3 crowd right now. The baby is with my sister so I only have two 3 year olds. They are busy watching a video.
Bliss
And I'm going to the beach next weekend if it ever quits raining. I've got a little extra cash, so I'm paying bills, but going to spend a few days in Galveston with my Zoe.
Doubla - bliss.
Much love to my L(cheerthefuckupspace)D and my Lori soontobefullofmoresunshine.
scrumptdilishious.
and woo hoo Aimee... New Yawk City.... hopefully sex in the city