ok, I finally reached Dr. E.
And I need to quit being such a baby. I know my feelings have been justified, but I haven't had much of a social life lately, so it's very easy to think about him all the time. He is the personification of the absent minded professor. He is brilliant, but when it comes to his non-work life, he is like a 12 year old. Absent minded and nearly ADHD.
He's just been busy. That's it. Focused and busy and not thinking of me because he is so busy. He said it's been hard to function, because his life has been sucking so bad. He's been sleeping at the hospital - when they LET him sleep.
I can't imaging seeing death every day, never resting, hardly eating, and constantly working. It's such a foreign world to me. But he knows that this is how first year will be. The only time he sounded optimistic about his career, was when he was talking about second year. It will be a little easier.
But he sounds horrible. We talked for over 30 minutes (a new record, next to the first time we talked on the phone). By the end of the conversation, I could swear he was delirious.
I chided him about not calling me for so long. He said he was really sorry, and I made him promise to call at least once a week so I know he's still alive. He told me he didn't even call his daughters. He is truly unhappy. He said he'd promise.
They are killing him. It was about 5pm and he was just getting off work from the prior day of going to work at 5am. He was up again all night. How they operate on people, I have no idea.
He told me his age is showing. All the other residents are 25 or so. He will be 40 this year.
There was some good news. He put in for some vacation in October. And he's applying for jobs back in Houston which would mean he'd might be back here next July. He knows second year will still suck, but at least I'd be in the same city and we'd get to see eachother.
He really was upset that he missed my birthday. I mean really upset. He didn't even know what day it was yesterday, but he was mad because he knew it was my birthday. He even talked to me about it a few weeks ago. He promised he would make it up to me when I go see him... whenever that will be. And that he'd never forget my birthday again.
I miss him. I am going to try to not be so paranoid and to try to be a bit more understanding of how horrible things are for him right now. I hate working a 9 hour day, I can't imagine working for 32 hours straight. No days off. Then studying whenever he's not working or trying to sleep.
When he talks about our relationship, he sounds like he is about to cry. He misses me so much. He misses relaxing once in a while. He misses Houston. I have to remember his voice when I start to get mad about not hearing from him.
But I was pretty clear that my feelings were hurt when he forgot my birthday, and that I nearly gave up on him when I hadn't heard from him these past 2 weeks. That I didn't want to be like his last girlfriend - he just stopped calling her.
I wish I could write things about him like I used to. But we are so unconnected lately. He is such a wonderful person. I'm sure you don't think so based on what I've written, but he is funny and sweet and goofy. Our relationship was so comfortable and familiar, and he made me feel alive and vunerable and special. We laughed and it was so easy. I really hope to feel that way and have him here again. He hopes so too.
He begged me not to give up on him. I could tell it hurt him to think of losing me. It made me feel selfish in a way, but it also made me feel kind of good.
I will pray for him today. I know he needs it. (adds Dr. E to list with minou, among others)
I know this man still loves me, which is good because I still love him.
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Zoe is still sick. She's had a fever for five days straight. She woke up without one this morning because I gave her motrin in the middle of the night. Awake every hour on the hour. I took her to the pediatrician on Saturday. He said it is viral because her white blood count is normal. She has a horrible cough and is hoarse. She's been in ok spirits though, just gets worse at night and in the mornings.
It is a mother's worst feeling to take your child to school when they are sick.
I have no sick leave left and am -32 on my vacation time. It's going to take me months to get out of the hole. There aren't any other options than to take her to school. But I really did want to stay home with her.
Alas, the life of a single working mom.
Yesterday she found the bubbles from her Easter basket. I can't believe it, but she remembered that the Easter Bunny gave them to her. We blew bubbles together in the tub last night.
Also, the life of a single working mom.
I love it.
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I got my George Foreman back. L(George, Jr)D and I will be some grilling fools. It's a mess to clean, but we made some tasty hamburgers last night.
I need to search & get some recipes. I don't have the book that came with it, so I have no clue how long any of that shit takes to cook.
Hugs to all my friends out there. I know I don't know you, but I'm really glad y'all are around.
And Burns, that was hard. I had only heard of 2 bands on that list. Thanks for the experience. I hate to see all the obscure cookies that were left on my computer from the random web site searches. Although the assistant editor, Lara, knew almost all if not all of them. She's cool & funky that way.
And hi to Mr. Birthday Dick and "Lara."
snickers is satisfying.
Mmmmm.... grillin