An old email dated March 2004 I found while cleaning out my mailbox. It still rings true.
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Dearest Dr. E,
Where have you been? Why is it that I miss you so much? Soon it will have been an entire year since I have seen your face. One year. And in this time I miss you every day.
I was sad you did not call me again before I came to New York. I figured you only said you'd call out of your sleep deprivation. I wanted to see you and at the same time I didn't want to see you. It hurts too much.
Tonight I sat on my porch and smoked this horribly old cigarette I found on top of my refrigerator. I sat and watched the stars and thought of you. I feel the hole in my heart. The spot that is yours that makes me think of you and miss you terribly.
I watched an airplane and the temptation to call you became so great. I thought to steal away and move everything to be where you are. To give up on it all here and come and see you just once again.
I've got to stop listening to this sad music. It makes me depressed.
I love what we had, Maha. I loved every minute of it. The sadness of knowing that you'd once leave me. The heartache of loving you when you couldn't possibly be loved. And the joy of it all. Your smile. Your face. Making love with you and knowing that my body belonged to you. How it fit with yours so perfectly. How you made me laugh when I came and laying there with you exhausted, hardly being able to breathe. Utter wonder.
I don't know where you are. Or how you are doing. Or why it all must be so hard and impossible. All I know is that life without you is life without much joy.
Please please please. I must see you. I must kiss you again. Please don't forget me.
With Love and Adoration
- D