they all are letting me down
each one possesses some masterful qualities
beauty, talent, humor, compassion
together they possibly could form one, but doubtful
I can't write this out
it eeks out my head and through my fingers
my feelings muted
and my heart stunted
why such folly from one
and such offense from another
friendship only from him
another just ashamed
the memory of you is like that of a dead lover
but he is not dead
remembering only the good
and forgetting the heartbreak, angst, anger
I'm letting him go. I wonder if he feels it. It's painful, denial, but at least I can admit to it.
------------------------
This poetry is so barf-inducing. But I have a hard time writing when I feel like crying. Generally I'm happy, but I wonder if God is trying to tell me something.
These interludes with men. Meeting them, liking them, then being disappointed by them is what makes me wonder.
*Carrie from sex & the city moment*
Since all these encounters are so completely unsucessful and humiliating, is that God's way of telling me to hold out for my one true love? Is that Dr. E, or perhaps someone else? Or is God trying to tell me that I'm not ready to be with anyone? That I should work on myself?
I feel like I'm trying too hard to distract myself.
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Lori, my sunshine girl, I love you too.
Aimee, did you know my cell phone plan does not cover Canada? I didn't. I got hit with a big bill there, but the customer rep felt my pain there and she gave me the hookup. Sorry, funny lady, but we will have to online it. I may change up my plan though to add Way North America. You're a doll. Hope your weekend is fun.
Benor, you are one insighful dude. I appreciate you sharing your introspection. It's always great food for thought.
My friends, keep it up. I still do my daily check in with ya.
-----------------------------
Seems as if I have some random readers (non IRCers) who discovered my gray matter here. Welcome. Thanks for the encouragement.
I may have even found a workout partner. Soccerboy, thanks for making me laugh. Will you have sex with me? No, oh, I thought not. Bahahahaha
--------------------------------
Zoe is fascinated with smells
Mommy, your feet are stinky
Our car smells like mulch
This milk is old. It smells like yuck
That trash smells like Baby Jacks poop
She farted and then made me smell her hand
You try so hard not to laugh, but dangit, sometimes it's funny.
I've noticed that since she had her ear tubes removed, her hearing is more sensitive. She covers her ears a lot. I was running the tub while she was on the potty. She had her hands over he ears.
Mommy, that's too loud. I can't hear myself poop.
Ok, trust me, at the time it was funny.
---------------------------
too
much
caffeine
and
lame
introspection
is
making
me
not
sleep
----------------------------
Mr. No Pseudonym calls me. He's still adorable and funny. He still wants to give it to my ass. I'm still resisting. Does he really like me or is my ass the challenge? I told him I wrote about him, but he said not to. (although he did say that if there are any anal lovers out there, to hook him up.)
He's crazy, he teases me. I still am in adore with him even though he makes my butt quiver. (and that's in a bad way, but you all knew that). I may pseudonym him Mr. Butt Boy. I bet he'd like that. I still dig him.
I dig them all a little, but just when you think you know someone, you have NOOOOOOO idea.
All the rest are letting me down. How disappointed in the male species I am. Even Jailbait, but that's the neverending story. Fuckly disappointed I am. All but a new man in Lara's life. He's hella cool. But I'm not to write of him as he's not mine to write about. Just that he's the kind of guy you want as a friend for the rest of your life.
-------------------------
Oh, and by the way, George Bush, stay the fuck out of my uterus. I too think it's gross, but I bet if Bush had to raise all the kids that were unwanted he'd think twice before breaking out the pen.
But kiddos, guess what? I STILL SUCK
And you know it, but love me anyway.