This will be the last bizarro I post. I don't think I can take anymore of him.
Quote:
bizarro: hi am back
[for some reason this totally sends me into a panic. I'm grossed out]
bizarro: I just ate a nice BBW
deb_u: how many calories in a BBW? As much as a big mac?
bizarro: lol... I think I burned calories
bizarro: if you like perhaps we can meet first before you plan your party
deb_u: I need to order some Tupperware too and a few strapons
bizarro: why the Tupperware?
deb_u: to save samples
bizarro: samples of?
deb_u: bodily fluids, hair, stool... pee... who knows? these parties can get sticky
bizarro: wow
bizarro: no shit for me though
deb_u: oh i forgot
deb_u: i'll make sheila wear diapers
bizarro: who is sheila?
deb_u: the shit fetish freak friend of mine
deb_u: she paints with it too
bizarro: oh....she is a freaky one
deb_u: she makes lots of money
bizarro: playing in her shit?
deb_u: yes, there are lots of people who buy her work
deb_u: she's very famous in NYC, I'm surprised you've never heard of her
deb_u: oh, she's totally serious
deb_u: I am going to go see one of her live performances
deb_u: it's called Strapons, Shit with Soccerboys, and Midgets
bizarro: She is here in Houston? so how many friends do you think will attend our first meeting?
deb_u: no, she'd come down
deb_u: well I am trying to get a few, but they want pictures
deb_u: how long do your shows normally last?
bizarro: pictures? I may have to wear a mask though so... it cannot incriminate me
bizarro: hours
deb_u: could you dress up like Batman or something?
bizarro: depends upon .... if you all are paying me
bizarro: I do not have costumes since I perform nude
deb_u: wouldn't something like this be illegal?
deb_u: I mean, Pat, she's a cop but she's kinky - she really likes to use handcuffs and stuff - mace even
deb_u: would you be willing to get maced?
bizarro: not sure about maced
deb_u: gagged and tied up?
bizarro: that is ok
bizarro: or you sitting on my face
deb_u: how can you breathe if a BBW is on your schnoz?
bizarro: I cannot
bizarro: so I have to move a little to get a breath
bizarro: and hold it
deb_u: how long can you hold your breath
bizarro: about 60 sec
deb_u: we need to work on that
bizarro: do you have these type of parties?
deb_u: no, never
deb_u: well... mostly we just get together and watch gay porn
deb_u: or Jaws
bizarro: I see..... Who is it that you get together with?
deb_u: usually girls friends of mine
deb_u: and a few guys
bizarro: well eliminate the guys and you can watch and play with me
deb_u: I want you to call me Mistress! I wanna kick your ass.
bizarro: I will & I will let you
deb_u: will you do situps for us?
bizarro: what do you call a situp?
deb_u: like marine corp style
deb_u: My other friend wants you to be her baby
bizarro: lying on my back and doing situps like working out - sure
deb_u: she likes it when you call her mommy and shit
bizarro: I will call her mommy but I will not call her shit
deb_u: lol
deb_u: well she really is lactating
bizarro: then if she wishes I will suck her milk
bizarro: or if you all want to watch she can squirt her breast milk on or in my mouth
deb_u: oh, that's another one for the Tupperware
deb_u: but just sucking...no teeth
bizarro: no teeth of course
bizarro: but you must command me or give your control of me to her...
deb_u: of course... you're my slave!
bizarro: so at least one of your girlfriends wants to come then... the one who is lactating?
deb_u: yes... i just sent her a link to your profile
bizarro: cool
bizarro: how old is she? and is she also a large woman?
deb_u: well...she's about 28. The only large thing on her are her boobs. Double EEs
bizarro: cool
deb_u: i'm curious... is this how you make your living or are you an accountant or something
bizarro: I am in sales.. and usually just do this for fun... not for money
deb_u: then why charge so much
bizarro: only because you wanted to watch a guy fuck me...
deb_u: oh
deb_u: so if no dick..we pay less?
bizarro: yes
deb_u: do you shave your balls?
bizarro: no
bizarro: and I will not
deb_u: why?
bizarro: I work out in the gym every day... and that is a gay thing
bizarro: and I am not gay
deb_u: well who is seeing your balls?
bizarro: all the guys we shower and walk around
bizarro: so no shaving of balls...
deb_u: yours must hang low then or something. Do you have elephantitus of the nuts?
bizarro: they hang low, but not the elephant thing...
bizarro: but not when I am hard
deb_u: I mean hairy balls are disgusting
bizarro: mine are not real hairy..
bizarro: just enough
deb_u: well it gets stuck in your teeth you know
bizarro: as your slave will you tell me to eat other women?
deb_u: but of course
deb_u: I'll hand you some ketchup
bizarro: ketchup?
deb_u: everything tastes better with ketchup
bizarro: I like the taste of pussy
deb_u: tastes like chicken?
bizarro: chicken dipped in pussy - sure
deb_u: I prefer some bbq sauce with my chicken
deb_u: so how many of these shows do you do a year?
bizarro: usually one a month
deb_u: oh, that's it
deb_u: how many were at the last show?
bizarro: one woman
deb_u: oh...
bizarro: biggest group was 13
deb_u: why don't you open up a club or something
bizarro: no because what I do is not legal in a club
deb_u: so then pat can't come? (the cop?)
bizarro: she can come... but there is no fee for services
bizarro: a donation to you.. and you give it to me... but no fee for my services...
bizarro: otherwise it is like prostitution
deb_u: well why do the rest of us have to pay then?
bizarro: look if no cocks are there... and it is all women then no fee for anyone
[aside] the below was my favorite line
bizarro: the only thing I would ask for is travel costs... like $25 for gas or something like that
deb_u: well what about Sheila?
deb_u: the hermaphrodite? she has a dick
bizarro: then if I am playing with he/she and you wish to watch then .. it will cost...
deb_u: hmmm...that doesn't see right
deb_u: it's not her fault she has a dick
bizarro: just as long as I don't have to play with it
bizarro: or let Sheila fuck me
deb_u: with her dick? Or her pussy?
bizarro: yes with her dick
deb_u: you'd take it... she's got a really big dick - like a friggin horse. Huge even.
bizarro: I am not going to do that without you all paying to see
deb_u: can we pay with Canadian money? Aimee's from Canada
bizarro: she can convert it...
deb_u: she'll lose money that way won't she
bizarro: no..
bizarro: the conversion to US Dollars is about $1.45 Canadian to $1.00 US Dollar
deb_u: oh...ok
bizarro: she needs to convert anyway to pay for anything here
bizarro: do you really wish to pee on me?
deb_u: well if I had the urge... if I drank a bunch of beer … maybe
deb_u: but my best friend... I know she likes to
bizarro: so you would tell me to receive her pee?
deb_u: but of course
deb_u: I would command you to
[at this point I was trying to figure out if this was really my best friend or one of you fuckers goofing with me as that was one of my first thoughts]
deb_u: you've seriously got to be kidding about these shows
bizarro: I am not kidding
deb_u: i don't believe you
bizarro: you will see...
deb_u: how?
deb_u: give my your phone number then. I want to call you
bizarro: when we meet
bizarro: call now?
deb_u: yes
bizarro: ok I am at work
deb_u: well just say something like... the fruit is in the kitchen or Dr Spock was always wrong
bizarro: so can you be discrete until I pick up?
[I so wanted to call and tell the receptionist that this guy is a total freak, but it never pays to piss off the weird]
bizarro: 713 *** **** then dial 112 and it will come to me
bizarro: your name?
bizarro: mine is Bob
deb_u: Santana
bizarro: ok Santana are you dialing?
deb_u: just a sec
deb_u: i have to close the door
bizarro: ok
bizarro: I do not hear a phone ringing?
deb_u: hang on
bizarro: if someone answers just ask for Bob
deb_u: someone is in here
bizarro: it not dial 112 during the message
bizarro: who is there?
deb_u: i'm at work
bizarro: Oh ok
[ok, so I reverse phone lookup this guy & find out it’s really a real business. This freaks me out. It’s not a friend fucking with me. I call from one of the engineer’s phones at work in case he has caller ID. I get the receptionist and ask for Bob. He answers “This is Bob. Hi Santana.” I quickly tell him that I have to go and hang up. I almost vomit]
deb_u: boss was lurking
bizarro: I understand
deb_u: anyway... i have to go. My husband is on his way to pick me up
deb_u: duty calls
bizarro: ok.. see you on line again sometime
bizarro: have a great holiday
I’m thinking I can’t find the iggy button fast enough.
But if you want his number PM me.
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This is why I like Mr. Maybe...
The above conversations are just a little too oogy for words. I was editing (changing the names) I tell Mr. Maybe to write me something romantic to take my mind of Bizarro freak and he immediately obliges me. It was one of the sweetest things.
I read it and my body immediately relaxes. Warm. Safe. Lovely.
This is the effect I'd like a man to have on me.