debutaunt.com

*sniff* from the big titty baby

"Calm down. I have been out of town and not had a chance to go through my email. You will get a copy of your journal via email within the week.

Posted by mullaney at May 11, 2004 01:52 PM"

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Ok, y'all. See. See. This is the Mullaney I knew and secretly / not so secretly love(d.) He's the man. Seriously. On that site when people were trippin', he used to come in and like drop the calm bomb on the place.

I don't blame him for banning me. Or for not wanting my journal on his site. The whole NYC situation was like a splat of vomit that no one wanted to deal with. But I think it's gone a bit extreme. I'm not an axe murderer. sheesh. My journal wasn't THAT bad. But I guess people didn't really get it. Or why I was writing it. Because only I saw / knew what I was writing about.

But my journal didn't differentiate between who I was writing about, so I guess it became a big deal (and yes, I'm still having big issues with Zoe's dad but just can't write about them AT ALL).

As this one is plain as day about who I am talking about, so I'm fairly sure the ban will stand - um... obviously he found this place, how/why ... well that's just weird to me. Someone complained? Cry babies. Stay out then. I'm off the IRC forever, what more do you want?

Why have I been mentioning them? Because I honestly think/thought Jed's g/f was writing stories about me. (there were like 3 or 4 different ones - ask me and I can link you to that shit if you don't believe me.)

She's stopped, so I will too. And it's all been so damn stupid. I never really got to say anything about it. And I never complained about the stories from her journal. Because I don't really care if she calls me a supreme bitch of all time. But the Tawny story. Jesus on a cracker. That story is either a) about me or b) the queerest shit I've ever read.

I guess it just pisses me off that I got banned for something she still was doing. So passive aggressive of her. And he insults people left and right, and it's all "humorous." And me. Well I was just a bitch. Right?

Big woopty doo. It's not like that's the only forum around. And it's not like I even belonged there in the first place. So oh well.

Some of my old forum friends have disowned me. Again, I guess I can't blame them. They only know me from online. From my rants. But they haven't been in touch much, and they don't really see that it's just online. The don't remember the person I am. The person they all knew before my trip to New York. Guess they don't care enough to remember who I am.

She's still here. That is who I truly truly am. That is who I will always be. Why? Because I'm completely and will always be driven by one one one thing:

My kid.

My life is all about Zoe. Taking care of her. Taking care of me so I can take care of her. And loving her as much as I can. And making sure she knows that I love her more than anything.

Not all this crap about anyone or NYC. That's all gayballs. Retarded. And more drama and crap than it should be. And...um... fucking lame and STOOPID! And not worth any more of my time.

My daughter does not know the ranting debbitching Deb. Because she never sees that.

And how is that? Because ... um ... duh. That's what this place is for. Because no one but the journal sees that. When will you all understand? I'm not going to try to convince you either. If you can't understand that, then you really don't want to understand. You'd rather try to judge me and presume a lot about me. And get all upset and hurt about what I say instead of trying to figure out why I'm saying it, and that maybe I actually have a reason to be saying it.

Those of you that are still my friends know. You all really know.

Sexy sexy motherfuckers all of you.

My journal. It's part of my life, but it's not my life. (And remember ... it's cheaper than therapy and takes up less time).

There's a world out there, and Zoe and I are vibing in it.

Because Zoe truly thinks the world belongs to her. And I'm going to do everything possible to see that she never thinks differently.

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But I do completely freak when it comes to my journal. Seriously. It's because I didn't write a word for seven years. Seven years. The entire time I was married. Stifled. I didn't paint or write and I closed myself off from my world.

Then I started writing again. And it was like... woah. Here she is. Remember her?

And this is why I need to make sure I back my shit up.

Duh!

Thanks Mullaney.

It really does mean a lot to me.

Posted by debutaunt at May 11, 2004 03:38 PM | TrackBack