I apologize to my regular readers for all this crap.
When will I stop writing this shitty poetry about shitty men who don't give a shit about me? Are they really shitty? or are they shitty simply because they don't give a shit about me? I think it is because deep down I am a horrible, ugly, terrible person who deserves to not be happy in this area of my life. I may seem like I expect too much and love too much, but are decency and kindness too much to ask?
"Why am I alone so much? Lady, it's because you're psycho!!"
No. Just sometimes lonely beyond repair. And it's gotten to the point that it's not okay anymore. It's back to the Year of the Deb because I'm just not ready for anyone else.
You say you
are so
fucked up
and not ready for
any type of relationship
([a] easy way of saying I'm not ready for a relationship with you. It's a good one used by many men,and not just on me, just so they can get some ass [b] not that a relationship could happen; I'm hopeless but practical nonetheless [c] did I ever even fucking ask for a relationship? No. Thankyouverymuch)
but dude
you left skid marks
couldn't you have
waited at least
a few days after
we fucked to
tell me all about
your hot date
that lasted
several nights
*heh*
you're the man
what a stud you are
glad I got me a piece
you may not
know me or
owe me but
you knew enough
to know that
it wasn't simple
and that I lead with
my heart
For some strange
reason I thought you
were actually different
you didn't act like a bastard
when we were kissing
and laughing and fucking
but you have testicles
so I will cut you some slack
I will be okay
as I always always am
but it takes a few
a day a week a month
or maybe never
for me to get over
someone like you
I guess that I
am not guarded
enough or jaded enough
or bitchy enough
for it to not hurt
or I guess that
you don't think
my feelings
are
important
or that I'm
really a nice person
I'm sure by now
you are like
whoaaaa
hideous crazy lady
don't follow me
but really
really
I'm just a dumb
girl from Texas
who saw in
someone something
so lovely
and
endearing
I still do
you heartless
fucker
----------------------
Off to Zoe's new school. Her fifth. Does it ever stop feeling like you are fucking up your kid's life?
happy mommy = happy baby
So I can't keep dwelling on my own fucking lame, non-existent, unhealthy personal life. I actually am a pretty good actress. At least in Zoe's world.