ok, enough of that. I've had a request to stop venting (although they did like the other poems - big perv). It's ok, because I don't like being that person. I can't be that person because of Zoe. It changes me and eventually changes her.
I do have lovely memories of my trip. Funny shows, walking around the city, meeting everyone, looking at all the people and that beautiful snow. You all may hate that weather, but I adored it.
And I do adore him. Still do. Probably always will. He may hate it. You all may think I'm a dick for doing so. But I guess it is because he was so unlike anyone I had been with since college. Creative, wicked smart, funny, and sweet. He may not have tried to be sweet to me, but he was. And I liked him so awfully much before I even met him. I really never even thought that we would end up shagging or anything. It wasn't like that. I really liked just talking to him.
And in the end. I do have regrets. You all have seen it. Since the beginning of my journal. I fall too fast and too hard think too nicely of everyone. Even when they aren't the nicest to me. I don't know how I could change that or if I would even want to. It is nice to be vunerable once in a while.
I don't know if he tried to hurt me on purpose or if I was just overly sensitive and was wanting there to be something that wasn't. Or if I'm just mad that all the men I truly like live so far away and there's never a chance for me to just be, and not to be all strange and sad because I can't relax and just be my normal self.
Either way, I'm sad it all is so weird and that I fucked it up by being a hateful bitch. He was a joy to get to know. He was sweet and lovely to me. And that is what I think I'll choose to remember.
And I just should have kept that in my head and out of here.
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Off to the gym. It's the year of the deb, remember.
Soccerboy, if you don't show up tomorrow, I'm going to kick your fucking ass.
How's that for being a hateful bitch?