Ok, in the title, change the R in rain to P for ... well you get it.
I have pain everywhere and not in a good way.
Ouchie back. but I'm tired of writing about that. I'm going to will it to go away.
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Warning: Rant induced entry.
See the way my head works is that if I write about it here, then I don't have to think/talk about it again. So just let me get this out of my system, so I can go back to my boring life. Ok.
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so, bleegh. RANT on. (and unfortunately I’m tired so I can’t keep my grammar straight – so if that’s gonna bug you, then surf on over to www.imagrammarnazi.com )
People are being a pain in my ass.
I'm going to lose a good friend (most likely two) because of some fucking bullshit. Someone is being poison to me. She is talking smack about me and how I'm trying to make people pick sides. Sides? What? Is this junior high and it’s the preppies vs. the townies or some shit?
No, really, the only person that I’m making pick sides now is me.
I can't have this crap in my life. I don't need the stress and I don't need her venom. Not to mention the peculiar diatribes from her little lap dog male diva friend (whether she had him do that or not, he still knows all about everything um ... from HER. Nothing like a drama queen showing his ass in public. Seriously was the oddest thing I've ever seen.)
N.E. Way ...
See, when she tells me shit about my friends she is trying to push her own lame agenda. How could that not make me have to choose between her and my friends?
Especially when I ask my friends about the "rumor" from her "reliable sources," and come to find out what she was telling me was complete fiction. Fucking bullshit that is totally untrue.
And it's not like it's only happened once or twice. At least four things she’s told me were complete falsehoods. Absolute lies that she pushed at me like it was the gospel truth. And this leads me to believe I'm not the only one that she's sold that crap to.
And the crap ... well all four of those things were completely damaging to someone I hold dear's reputation. So, let's ruin someone's reputation because you feel yours has been damaged before so that makes it ok?
MissedReliable Sources: ok, well I don’t' share other people's scoops
MissedReliable Sources: I just want you to know that
MissedReliable Sources: I mean, not the ones they care about ok
Who are you to decide what they do and do not want you to talk about? Jesus!!! Especially when you really aren’t good friends with them / don’t trust them? WTF?
Because when I hear something about Person A, I actually am not afraid to say to Person A, "hey A, I heard this about you ... what's the fucking deal with that?"
I can't handle that shit. In the first place, don't talk to me about my fucking friends. You may not like or trust them or whatever, but I do. I love them. Very much so. They have been there for me when I needed them, and I’m very loyal about that. Actions really do speak louder than anything to me.
In the second place, I can't stand all this freaking gossip mongering. I'm game when we are all goofing off – not seriously damaging reputations or anything. And being stoopid and laughing. But to sit there and constantly barrage me with untruths about my dear friends, well I can't handle that. Whether it is fiction or non fiction, that just irks me. They are my friendddddssss. I love them regardless of their flaws, as I would hope that they love me even though I like to say the word cunt too much and keep getting myself into trouble for saying spooge eater.
And finally, I don't say shit behind someone's back that I wouldn't say right to their face. This is a big thing for me.
She started off a conversation saying, "well this whole X Girl situation is sticking in my grill... she just irritates the snot out of me," and "well I don't like X Girl" then later, after I had confronted her & didn't agree with her agenda, she said that she likes X Girl and that she talked to X and that they are cool.
Well, hon, you are simply delusional then. Because you can't spread rumors and tell people you think they have agendas and that you don't trust them and expect them to think you are anything but the bloodsucker that you are. Or that they will want to hang around you and shoot the shit. Because it makes them wary of you and that they don't want their lives dissected for the world to judge and discuss.
[aside] and my policy is that unless I saw that shit with my own two eyes, or heard from someone who actually DID whatever they say they did (and even then I sometimes take it with a grain of salt), well I don't believe the hype. And I most certainly wouldn't act like or even say to someone else that it was the truth. Reliable sources my ass. [aside over]
And if she wants to talk smack about them, then why the fuck does she want to hang with us anyway? There are a few chicks that I basically detest. Mainly because they act like complete assholes on purpose. My choice is ... well I don't want to hang with them. I'm not going to be a cunt and start shit with them, but I can tell you right now that they'd never be invited to my house for dinner. (and I know they wouldn't want to - but that's not the point)
Anyway, all of this is just crap. It's irritating as hell to me. All of us are just sick of it.
I don't need it mentally and especially physically. My blood sugar was 215 this morning. First freaking thing in the morning. That shit is stress induced. Absolutely.
The only thing THE MAIN FUCKING THING about this entire smack-talking, forum posting situation is that there is a fucking hella cool chick, who is the kind of person I'd want to know for my entire life, and she's gotten so glum about this situation that she has walked out. I can't blame her, but I can say ... don't let people poison your life.
It's cool to want out of the situation. But don't treat the rest of us like we are lepers. Especially if you haven't witnessed what we've witnessed. Maybe there is a good reason we are getting the poison out of our lives. Maybe there is a good reason why I'm not the only one leery of her. Maybe there's a good reason we are calling Miss Reliable Source on her fucking reliable sources.
It's called agenda, baby. And I don't have one. Maybe that's why I pretty much get along with everyone. I'd rather trust people and then maybe get hurt, then be so fucking paranoid that I am on orange alert with everyone. That's no way to live.
Perhaps there's a reason she feels the need to talk shit about my friends. And why she doesn't trust us? I don’t fucking know. She’s a fun person. I don’t know why she’d act a dick like that. Because perhaps she's projecting her venom and insecurities on the others. Perhaps she dislikes rejection and wants to mask her fucking agenda. Here, let me talk shit about you, but then tell you to your face that I love you & that I consider us good friends.
Sorry, but I don't work like that.
[aside] and those that say they don’t trust us really have not spent that much time with us. I trust each and every one of my friends. Funny thing is that the only one I ever had reservations about was Miss Reliable Source. Probably because she always knew the scoop. I felt uncomfortable sharing anything with her because I knew that it would spread like wildfire. Sure it will now that we’ve parted ways.[aside over]
Unfortunately, but understandably, there is fallout from all of this crap. We look (and have been acting) like a bunch of ninnies. Someone, several someones, think we are all stupid asses. Cheffy is tired of the fussing. He’s tired of it making me ill (literally ill).
I just want it all back like it was before. When it was all about the love and laughs. And the snorting.
I miss you, dear. I miss your friendly fun self. You’re perfectly adorable. And kind and sweet and hilariously funny. And I don’t like it when you are sad. And I don’t like the fighting and the stupidity as much as you don’t like it.
But I can understand if you’d rather distance yourself. Some days I feel the same way.
My head has always been an evil place to be.
Most days.
So hopefully this is the last of this crap. Hopefully it is now out of my head.
And that the fallout won't be as devastating. I surely hope not.
Oh, and as far a judging people on their actions and what they do in public/private ... well most of you know my "former" life was like a freaking Jerry Springer show. Yes, it didn't involve live chickens, peach preserves and a weedeater, but close enough.
I'm not God, nor do I proport to be.
So step off your high and mighty, and get real, Mother Teresa.
Posted by debutaunt at July 8, 2004 11:38 AM | TrackBack