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#2

There's nothing worse than reading back over old journal entries.

Except when that person is your younger sister.

I've always said that my journal is the only form of therapy that I have. The only way to get things that are stuck in my head out (which is why my old journal was titled Hostage in My Own Head - doh!) Usually I write things and that way I don't have to think about them again in the "real" world.

There's a very bad dynamic going on with my younger sister (Sis #2). I don't know why we end up fighting so much because I really do love her more than most people on this earth. I've known her for 35 years. That's a long fucking time.

I know in the past that I've written some not-so-nice things about her. I saw that she (or someone else) did a search on #2 to find all the entries about her. They weren't the nicest. Usually because they were posted during the time we had had some arguments. About stuff like the war and my ex and when she told my parents about me living with Chef.

So obviously the entries weren't going to be flattering.

But I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but then again, no one asked you to google then read my journal either. Unfortunately reading this journal is a bit akin to sitting in a therapy session between me and a doctor.

And I guess I've unfortunately not ever expressed here enough of the gratitude and love and admiration I have towards her. She's been here for me through thick and thin. And I don't know what's going on her life, but I know that she's got stress out the ass about something. Probably because she is always giving to so many people and taking care of and nurturing other people. (including quite often me and Zoe)

If anyone needs a spa day or a weekend off, it's Sis #2. I wish I had less going on in my life or more money because I'd do anything to give that chick a break.

I'm sad about this, but I don't think there's anything I can do or say to fix it. I would do anything for that girl, but I know she doesn't think that.

I'm done typing. I don't feel well. We are home sick today.

I called in sick yesterday and today.

I told them Zoe has an ear infection (which I thought she did because she was complaining about that this weekend). She does have major snotty nose and a bad cough.

But in all actuality, it is I that am falling apart. My back is really hurting. I babysat on Saturday and did too much kid picking-upping. The vicodan is not working either. I also have a cough from hell that is making my chest hurt. And finally (the reason I didn't want to give my boss) I have had my period for two weeks now.

Braniac I am not.

I thought I would be cool the week of my birthday and decided to "skip" my period as my OBGYN suggested that I do on occasion if I wanted.

The idea is to skip the inactive week of your birth control pills. To immediately start the new pack and *voila* no period. Which would have been kind of fun to do the week of my birthday party.

But instead I started spotting on July 20th and have done so every day since. What is that? Like 14 days? And it's a bit more than spotting. I phoned my doctor and they said that happens sometimes. Sheesh. This sucks ass. I'm scheduled for another period next week already.

Ok, I'm sure you didn't need to know this.

But it's gonna suck if I get fired for missing more work because I was too embarrassed to tell my boss I am practically falling apart (most likely due to loss of blood).

Now I've grossed myself out.

Posted by debutaunt at August 3, 2004 03:49 PM | TrackBack