Some days I really wish I'd win the lottery. I hate to think about money. When I want something, I really hate to think about prices. I hate it when I feel poor. I get paid well enough that I never am actually poor. But some days it feels that way. And I know that worse case scenario, there's always a trust fund to fall back on. But it's not something that I ever really even think about. It's for Zoe's school.
Because of all this money stuff, my adorable Cheffy has been considering going back into engineering. This would mean money, but lots of travel.
On one hand, the money would be fantastic. Not having to think about bills and nonsense like that would be cool, but it would also mean that I would rarely see him. And the worst part of that picture is that he'd not be cooking - which is something he lives for.
I could take this for a little bit, but long term, say with no definite end date would be fairly sad for me. I'd miss seeing him all the time. I have Zoe to keep me occupied. I know I could start back at the gym and put in some serious rehab on my back. But this only gets you so far when you are home alone every night. No arms around you. It gets lonely.
I told him to take care of what he needs to and whatever he decides, I'll support him in it. Absolutely. It would be nice to have a chunk of savings to start our lives on, or say travel or go on a nice honeymoon or something, but not at his expense. Not worth it. Regardless, it is yet a small hump in all the humps of life. I'm not worried. Not one bit. The man has talent, and it is going to work out.
I get the feeling that he thinks I take him for granted sometimes. I know lately I've been preoccupied with the car stuff and finances, so I'm sure he's been feeling that things aren't as sweet as they are.
But they ARE sweet. When he's with me, I'm content. I forget all of it. I think it's the hands. Yeah, they are still blessed. heh.
Money worries and budgeting are a pain in the ass to me. Mostly I just need to know where I stand on things. And I'm spending a fuckton of money on the car.
It's well worth it, but yeah, Cheffy, it would have been nice to walk in to that dealer and write a check for the whole thing. Then I would have told them to go fuck themselves if they tried that finance flim flam shit then.
I know things will work out. I hate to see Cheffy glum. I hate spending time thinking about interest rates (yeah, they fucked my deal & I'm already re-financing to try to save myself the $8,300 in interest). It's a mess, and not even worth discussing.
Anyway, I sometimes wish I had more money. It's never going to make you happy, but it's nice not to have to balance your checkbook.
On to more fun things ... Um, not.
Zoe's dad flipped out on me. Acting like a real ass and backing out on picking up Zoe. Chef and I were going to go on a date too. Fucktard. He pretended like he never promised. Then he tried to tell me that today was my payday and next week was my week to pay the daycare. I was like, um no, shitbrick. You skipped a week when you went to New York. You owe late fees and another week of daycare next week. I don't see how hard it is to come up with $120 every other week. Dipshit. It's one thing if he's apologetic, but he was trying to act an ass.
You know it's a bad day when you talk to your bank, your dad, your boss, your car dealershits (yeah shits - Joe Myers Mitsubishi in Houston), and your fucking ex asshole all in one day. That was just the personal stuff.
Then I had two major letters going out today. Lots of figures, attachments, copying crap. I was also working on a Health and Safety Plan, a bid for a new pipeline project, and trying to track 3 UPS packages to bumfuck Louisiana. It's nice to be busy, but shit... didn't they realize I had personal stuff to do??
Not to mention that I was supposed to leave at 1pm. I finally got out of there about 2 hours later.
So I bugged out & went to a movie by myself. The Bourne Supremacy. Ok, um, yeah, Matt Damon did look hot. It was brainless & just what I needed.
I'm finally home. Z and I went to Mickey D's for some jungle gym time with a friend from daycare (cause she was expecting dad to pick her up and sobbed when she saw it was just lil ol' me. She's fine now, but it's times like that that you wish you had test tubed it).
Lilo and Stitch tonight.
It's sweet. Sweeter when I get your arms around me.
Peace and Pumpkin seeds to you all.
Posted by debutaunt at August 20, 2004 09:21 PM | TrackBack