October 22, 2004

Too Close to Home

"I love my country so much, man, like an exasperating friend." - Mike Doughty

from the Society for the Preservation of Improvised One-Act Plays.

Part of that phrase, "exasperating friend" - those two words describe me pretty, well ... perfectly. I know I totally exasperate some of my friends, but they still adore me. Ok, um, they still like me well enough.

[aside]
"You broke up with him again?"

internally I'm thinking, yeah, I know. I know. You hate(d) my boyfriend. You are secretly (and some not so secretly) glad that it's over.

[aside over]


But that entire phrase. "I love my country so much, man, like an exasperating friend."

Well that's kind of how I feel about Cheffy.

It's just when the exasperation outweighs the love that it's time to say farewell. Ah. We tried. And the scale just tipped a little too much for me.

Such was the case with zoesdad.dregypt.everyassholeivedated.

And you know what. Sometimes I know it's over because I'm exasperating. At least I admit that in the beginning of the relationship. At least I don't go from Prince Charming to a toad. I'm a toad all the way through.

I admit I'm difficult. I'm a bad roommate. I have OCD. I have health issues. I scream. I'm inconsistent. I'm broke then rich then broke. I curse. I don't always tell you how I feel. I cry when I don't get too much sleep. I pout. I mope.

And such is part of the debu_charm.

Imma go cry now.

thankyouverymuch

Posted by debutaunt at October 22, 2004 04:59 PM | TrackBack
Comments

heh, you better not be crying, if you are, your bloodsugar's just off from the carbo loading last night. Anyone up for a marathon today???? ;)

Ctal

Posted by: Ctal at October 23, 2004 12:24 PM

I'm sending you a DEBU-Hug. Or would that be a Laru-Hug? Either way, here's a couple. :-)

Hang in there sweetie.

L

Posted by: Laura at October 24, 2004 08:20 PM

Hold up. If you're gonna go posting my side of the IM conversations, fine. But don't project what you think I'm feeling via your internal thought. I didn't and don't hate him. There's a lot of energy in hate and I don't care to expend that amount of time on someone I've never met. I said "again" because your relationship with him, based on what I heard from you, was incredibly turbulent. It was exhausting just to listen to. And there's only so many times I can hear "That's it. It's over forever. I'm done." followed by "We're engaged" 24 hours later. So yeah, I rolled my eyes, because there was always some sort of drama going on. Perhaps it didn't culminate in a break up as often as it appeared, but the back and forth was recycled enough that it grew ridiculous to hear.

Am I glad it's over? Fifty/fifty. I think you two abused the shit out of each other and it wasn't healthy for you, him, or anyone around you. I think it's a good thing that you separated, ultimately, yes. That's not a secret, Deb. I told you what I thought from the get-go. But I'm not happy that you're both probably hurting over it.

And hatred isn't something I've felt for a long time. Please don't project it upon me. I'm sure I'm not the only one you're referring to, but you chose to use my words in your internal thought, so I chose to clarify.

Posted by: S. at October 25, 2004 08:14 PM