broke. sick. feel good, but my body is sick. fat. losing weight but I'm still fat.
more meds from my doctor this morning.
Yeah. Insulin again. Fuck me.
He did some bloodwork & I have to go back in two weeks. But most likely I will have to take some kind of insulin. I might check into an insulin pump, but I still just want to keep losing weight. I know that will make a difference. I haven't worked out as hard as I used to, but I do some. My back still sucks it, but I'm getting more flexible and ... eh. whatever.
Right now I feel like giving up. Giving in. I feel like the losers on The Biggest Loser show. First week the dude lost 22 lbs. Works his ass off the next week and he gains 3. It's depressing.
My blood pressure was down & I've lost 9 lbs since my last visit a month ago, but my blood sugars are up. Way up.
I ate lunch at 12. 2:30 they were at 298. I just took them again now (5pm) and they are still 237. I haven't eaten anything.
All I ate for lunch was a fucking egg salad sandwich. Yeah. It was a *fucking* egg salad sandwich. That's all I ate. I'm broke. It tasted craptastic. Probably because I've eaten the same stuff for weeks.
I just wish I could drink some slimfast or some shit & be done with it. I hate food. Food is my enemy.
Enough complaining. I'm working at it, but am frustrated as all hell.
There's no magic pill. No one is going to bail me out. When I finally face it, I know all this. It's my battle and I give up and I'm dead. So that's the choice. Deal or die.
Posted by debutaunt at October 27, 2004 05:13 PM | TrackBack