debutaunt.com

Broken Men & the She Heathen

In the extended entry is a post I put on a forum I frequent about "She Devils."

I wrote this because The Boy for Sex called me a bit shitface drunk last night and spilled his guts.

I know the dude likes me. A lot. Maybe even loves me. But his heart is held captive by his past. He can't seem to get past what the bitch of an ex wife did to him (cheating, etc. etc. etc.) She really sounds like a harpy.

And he's a total sweetheart. Romantic, funny, great looking. Very caring and he is so unbelievably sweet.

But it was only after he was drinking that he could really tell me how hard it is for him. He would love to be able to trust again and love again, but he has so much baggage that he is basically ruined for other women.

Now I know you all are rolling your eyes, but he really is a nice guy. He just has been shit all over by this woman. Unfortunately they have a child, so the past ties aren't severed completely, and he's still in the middle of her toxicity. And she's one of those use the kid to get back at you types. It's damaging him both mentally and financially.

I love him in the same way that I love my girl friends. I care about him. I care about his welfare. He is absolutely a guy that I would totally marry because I know what kind of person he is and what kind of person he can be; but I also know that right now our timing sucks monkey ass. And the time to be really *together together* is not now. Nor any time soon.

He wants a woman like me. He wants to make a home and a life and have a healthy relationship. But he's no good to anyone right now. He has to fix his own life before he can share it with anyone else.

I'm not making excuses. Hey, at least I know that our relationship is going nowhere. (especially since he and his family are moving to another state in a few months) So I enjoy his company when I see him. When we are together it is just like he is my husband or something - it's that intimate (and no, not just the sex part). But it's an escapist thing for him. He gets to get out of the shit storm for a while because it's easy being with me.

I'd love to be with him for the rest of my life, but I know it's not in the cards.

Until then, I'm enjoying him. I just wish the bitch hadn't ruined him for the rest of us.

I'd hate to think that I have damaged a man like that forever. I don't think I've done that to anyone, as the ones that left bitter were bitter and fucked up to begin with. I don't know if I added to their baggage, but I'd really hate to think that a man could leave me so wrecked like that.

Anyway, was just something I was thinking about. I'm sorry, Boy For Sex, that it can't work out with you. More than you know. I'm sorry that you are in the middle of all this turmoil in your life. I know that it isn't forever. That you are smart and kind and that it will all work out. It will. It doesn't feel like it sometimes, but it will work it's way out. And if I can help in any way, I will. Just like I would for any other friend.

Mostly I'm sorry that I can't be it for you. I'm sorry I didn't meet you years earlier. Because I think we would have had a great, amazing life together.

Ok, just something I've observed lately that has bugged me. Now this may be the same from a man's point, but I only know it from the women that I see, but I wanted to talk about it.

What I'd like to address are the emotional vampires that are of the fairer sex.

Women today seem to claim that men are jerks/players/jaded, etc., and that there are no good men out there anymore. Just read some of the not so original cookie-cutter headlines on HC. The "Are there any good men left" My name is Bambi types.

Well, why is it that we see such a shortage? Could it be *SATAN?* sorry just had to use that line

In my opinion some of these men are not spawned by Satan, but created by the more evil version of the female type:

The She Devils that ruin these men for the rest of us.

The cheaters, the beaters, the babymamadramas, the abusers, the players, the stalkers, the "oops I accidently forgot to take my pill-ers," the gold diggers, shopaholics, the overly clingy possessive types, the psychos and the oscar contenders; basically the emotional vampires that suck anything good out of these men which then in turn evolves them into shallow(er) versions of their former selves.

They saddle these men with more baggage than Paris Hilton at a Louis Vuitton tag sale.

So the guy closes off emotionally. They shut down like a bank on a holiday. They don't want to trust women anymore, the decide that women are more attracted to the Morvegil-types of the world, and they catch a case of fatal commitophobia. They don't even trust themselves to befriend a woman as a friend.

They start to think that if they act like jerks, it will keep women at a distance, yet still maintain some semblance of being mysterious and wanted.

[aside]
MEN. IF YOU MEET A WOMAN WHO SAYS SHE IS TIRED OF ALL THE PSYCHOS AND DRAMA AND THE PLAYAS, AND IF SHE HAS FILED RESTRAINING ORDERS ON A FEW OF HER LAST BOYFRIENDS ... RUN. RUN FAST. RUN FOREST RUN. BECAUSE MAYBE SHE IS A PSYCHO MAGNET FOR A REASON...DUH, GENIUS, SHE IS THE REASON.
[aside over]

But IMO, all this negative evolution is making these men not able to see the good in women and that there ARE good women out there. Stable, secure with themselves, kind, loving, sexy, great moms, etc. etc. etc.

And worse than that, these men carry all that extra luggage around with them like a spoil of war into their new relationships. They can't let go of the hurt, the angry feelings, the jealousy, the mistrust. All of that is projected into the new relationship often on the new woman in the relationship, even if there hasn't been a reason to mistrust their new mate.

So, women ... stop saying that there are no good men out there. There are. Just that some of you (me included once in a blue moon) need to stop Gaylord Fockering these men up.

that is all.

~Debu_Glendathegoodwitch

Posted by debutaunt at January 21, 2005 03:35 PM