Ok, so the Boy For Sex is no longer the BFS.
Because I give off the desperado vibe even though I say I don't want a relationship. The "cost is too high" and he's not ready for a relationship. And he knows I'm attached to him.
Of course, motherfucker, I'm attached. I want a relationship. It's a normal, healthy thing when you are involved with someone that's not a fucktard.
But I'm also a rational, realistic desperado.
I know I don't have fucking time for a normal relationship. My bitchkateers get on my shit, but HELLOOOO, they both have boyfriends. Or have some free time to actually nurture a healthy relationship.
How can you have a relationship when you can't even plan a first date?
How can you have a relationship when your kid sleeps in your bed every night?
How can you have a relationship when you don't know one single decent man?
Me? Well Zoe's dad is now back in NY for INFINITY. Possibly even permanently. And I don't want my kid at a sitter or friend's house every weekend so I can go on a date or two. It was different when she was with her dad because it wasn't babysitting. And there was nothing I felt guilty over or had to pay someone back.
I love my friends and their kids, but I don't see how I can repay their kindness. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and usually working six days a week.
So in the meantime, I'm on house arrest.
And I want sex. I'm sorry, but I do. I like it. And I like having it with someone who is good. Fucker. Fucker. I know we weren't exclusive like relationship exclusive (sex exclusive), but he was shitting where I'm eating.
[backstory on this] long story short, what brought out the desperado in me, was that the night he came to my hotel for that wild and crazy sex was the same night he was at a party at a bar with a ton of my friends... kissing another girl. One that I knew. And I teased him about it. Which brought out his "hey, we aren't exclusive and I'm single." Not that he was fucking around, but he had the chance to do so. And he wasn't going to give that up.
Which made me all pouty and stupid girly. At which point he started saying things that just hurt my feelings. Like the big titty baby I am.
And it made me feel shitty. Even though he's not my man. It made me feel like a piece of ass.
I don't mind being a piece of ass once in a while, but I don't like to be made to feel like a piece of ass.
I don't know if I'm ready to see anyone else. Men just totally disappoint me.
I'm not ready to be licking a cooter just yet, but gosh, I'm just disappointed and sad right now.
If you don't want me to love you and care for you ... STOP FUCKING DOING THINGS TO ME THAT MAKE ME LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU.
Because that wasn't just sex. And you fucking know it.
I'm going to go be bitchy now somewhere.
Because I can.
Posted by debutaunt at January 31, 2005 02:28 PM | TrackBack