debutaunt.com

Thank you that Today was not the Day

I'm nearly 38.

Last week I did something I thought I'd never be doing at the age of nearly 38.

I bought a pregnancy test.

Holy McFuck, Batgirl! Did you really?

Yeah, I really did. And I'm sure it was all my prayers to God to heal Pope John Paul that made that damn test come out NEGATIVE. Thank you oh wrinkly Pope John that there was only one line instead of two.

Now before you all go jumping my shit about getting myself even close to being knocked up there is an explanation.

I take a fuckload of meds for my diabetes. Some prescription and some that are supplements.

I've also been on the Pill for a bazillion years.

So last month the red sea wasn't so much of a red sea. Then this month, I stopped taking the active pills and then waited during the inactive week... and waited... and waited. Usually I get Aunt Flo about two days into that week o' white pills.

And other than that one screwup that left me with the 27 day period from hell, I'm like a freaking calendar. Regular as they come.

So on day four of no red, I took myself a little trip and went Krogering.

Was really fun (er, not) to have to have them unlock the cabinet and then try to decide between generic brand and the spensive $16.95 brand.

Anyway, I would have never done it, but I was thinking that maybe some of my supplements or meds had interferred with the Pill. I mean, I'm a safety girl, but even those buggers don't work all the time. And I take the pill EXACTLY as directed. That is one thing I don't want to mess up.

One line though. Whew. I wanted to make a big sign and hang it in my car window: NOT PREGGERS!

I left The Boy for Sex a message the night before about having to talk to him to break the jinx. I knew that if I told someone my suspicion about being pregnant, it would make the bitch come. Either that or make a date for sex. That usually does it.

So after the test came up negativo, I had called The Boy for Sex. Said mucho congratulations were in order. I don't think I've ever heard a more relieved person. Well, except for me.

I love the dude (in the same way I have much love for you all). And in a perfect world, he would make a beautiful dad and husband. But for now, and probably never again, will I ever be a new mom. Nor is there enough of a relationship between us to even make that happy family scenario an option.

Then. Of course. Later that night, thar she flows...

Just like when you bring your car to the mechanic. Makes all kinds of noise before, but when you take it in, she be quiet.

Bitch.

But Goddamn I was certainly happy to see that bitch!

A bit more political and pissy ....

I read today at Autumnville a rant about abortions and being a baby killer. Well I can tell you all right now that would probably be my only option. TBFS isn't quite ready at age 30 to have the ol' snip snip, and me with my craptastic diabetes is not about to risk an operation to get my tubes tied nor am I ready for another high risk pregnancy. (yes. try 3 shots a day, 8 finger pricks a day, strict diet, near diabetic shock twice, weekly visits to my OBGYN, and exhaustion not known to man).

And unless I won the lottery so that I could be a SAHM, the thought of having to take yet another child to daycare is a nightmare.

I think I'm as careful as careful can be during sex. Abstinance is not going to be an option, because, hello fuckers, I'm not about to become a nun.

So no offense to Ms. AVille, but it's easy to think about having 19481309 babies when you don't have to do it all on your own. OR you don't have to take them all to daycare when they are sick because you have an asshat of a boss that needs you to get your documents out. Or to feel the guilt about being a working mother. It's abnormal to be a working mom. Especially when your kids are sick.

If I was a SAHM and had a great hubby too, diabetes be damned, I would probably have at least one if not four more kids. I love them. Even when there are a bunch of them.

But some of us never thought we'd be in this situation. I never in a million years thought I'd be a single mom. And I'm sure I'm not alone. I know many of my single mom friends were just as shocked to find ourselves where we are now.

It's really easy to shout BABYKILLER, but c'mon. Be a realist. You can do whatever it is in your power to not get pregnant and still sometimes that shit fails.

And yay. Bitches. I know that abstinance is 100% effective, but try it for a few months. Or YEARS. Because YES some of us went without for YEARS. Moi - try 3 YEARS of no sex. As a grown woman, it's NOT NORMAL to go without. It changes your life and who you are. It makes you cranky. And a shitty shitty mom.

No. Listen here. No one wants to have an abortion. I know the naysayers say that there are women out there that have like 20 of them and use them as birth control. And trust me. You all should be glad that hookers like that don't keep having kids.

But I know of at least 4 women who have done it. And in each case it was an agonzing decision. Agonizing. But none were in the position to quit their jobs to go off and put their kid up for adoption. Nor was it a good time to be a mom - for whatever the reason.

So sit back in your comfy chairs and think whatever it is you want to think of us, but please stay out of our pussies. (I feel the same way about pro-lifers - until you are ready to put your money where your mouth is & say adopt a kid or pay the bills of an unwed mom, shut the hell up!)

It's not your life. And until you want to fork up the funds to pay my bills while I:

1. Go through an unwanted and highly dangerous pregnancy so I can put my baby up for adoption - HA!

2. Pay for my expenses while I take the time off to have the child, and then to explain to my coworkers & friends and family and my child why I have a baby I am not going to keep,

3. Take care of my child for me while I'm going through this pregnancy

then please keep your judgements to yourself.

And not trying to be a bitch, but seriously... you never know when you could find yourself right here in my shoes. Or sadder yet, your husband could die and then you find yourself on your own with no help. Again, no one wanted to be here, but here we are.

And there are a lot of us.

So please, until you have looked at it from someone else's side, you might want to try to be a bit less judgmental. You never know what anyone else is going through until you've been there done that (and yes, I have been a SAHM so I know of what I speak.)

God forbid we don't appreciate what we have.

Go hug your significant others today. And you might want to give them a blowjob while your at it (seeing that it is STEAK and BJ day and all). Because I can tell you that there are plenty of women that would steal him from you in like .00065 seconds.

Peace and pussies to you all.

Posted by debutaunt at March 14, 2005 02:35 PM