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Happy 5th Birthday Zoe Magic

Today is Zoe's 5th birthday.

I am amazed and as I look back I feel so fortunate to have her in my life. She really is magic.

It's been a bit of a difficult year. Both emotionally, financially, and healthwise for my little Z and me. I injured my back. Her dad moved to NY. Financially his loss of a job has really put a dent in my checkbook. And working full time, trying not to go bankrupt, and taking care of Zoe while trying to take care of myself and still not lose my mind has been the most difficult challenge of my life.

But it's also been an absoutely sweet year. I lost some far-away friends, but I gained them locally tenfold. As a mother, with each challenge that we face, I've used it to become stronger and more confident that I am raising a beautiful, smart, kind, and amazing little girl who will know every day how special she is.

Through it all, my daughter has been my beacon. My light. She's comforted me and brings me so much joy every single day. My child has changed me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. And even though I sometimes doubt my skills as her mom, I feel I have become a better person and I know that we are doing ok. We will be ok. It may not always feel that way, but we are surviving and for the most part, life is really good.

Before Zoe, I never knew that being a mom would be so excrutiatingly hard and yet so meaningful. Every day I miss her every minute. When she's not around, I'm often relieved to get a break, yet still strangely sad and empty. I never imagined that I'd be where I am - a single, working mother - but here we are. And no matter how hard it's all been, my daughter is my constant. My focus and my heart.

I know that all parents think their children are special. There are mommyblogs everywhere to tell us about them. But I honestly think that there is something that makes Zoe universally loved. She is lovely. She is a joy. A wonder. And I think that everyone can see that my daughter truly is an extension of me. She really lives up to her name - Zoe... "Full of Life."

It's been so hard to do all of this alone. The failure of my marriage was devastating and something that I never thought would happen. And just when Zoe's dad and I finally started mending fences and actually working as a team to be parents to her, he moved away. When Zoe calls her dad it tears my heart out. She's been asking him to come to Texas for her birthday, but there is no way he can do it. And I know she misses him so much. She was just getting used to her every other weekends with her dad, but this has been the longest she's gone without seeing him.

And then God brought me my friends. The email I sent out to them, asking them to send her well wishes and cards for her birthday has really made her feel special. Each one brings a smile; you'd think she won the lottery or something. We've gotten cards and gifts from all over the world - From Hawaii to Norway and all places in between. It's really be so sweet.

Tonight (Sat) we went to two parties. A crawfish boil and then a game night (board games) at a friends house. My daughter had so much fun running and playing with all the other kids. All my friends were wishing her a happy birthday and even put five candles in a brownie and sang to her.

Today we are going to have birthday lunch with my sisters and their children, and then we are having a dinner at a restaurant near our house. So far I have about 60 people who have RSVP'd for dinner. I love my friends. And so does Zoe. She calls them "our" friends.

Today I feel very blessed. And honored to be Zoe's mom.

Happy Birthday, my lovely lovely girl.

All my love,
Mommy

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Zoe at 9 months. She was walking at this point.

Zoe dancing at my brother's wedding.

She's so pretty when she sleeps. Sometimes it makes me want to cry looking at this child.

The world would be a better place if everyone could see this smile every day.

Very blessed indeed.

Posted by debutaunt at March 20, 2005 01:58 AM