debutaunt.com

The List

Stolen from my posts elsewhere.

Things I don't want to know. (unless you are writing about it in your blog, then I want to know evvvverrrryyythingggg) ..... Please. Read on.

1. I don't want to know what turns you on.
2. I don't want to know how many people you have slept with.
3. I don't want to know what makes you come.
4. I don't want to know who makes you come.
5. I don't want to know how you spell come.

6. I don't want to know if you like anal sex.
7. I don't want to know what is your favorite position.
8. I don't want to know who you are currently boinking.
9. I don't want to know what your spooge tastes like. (or why you know what it tastes like)
10. I don't want to know what you moan when you are having sex. (oh, great, now I can't get the words 'Fuck Me, Ghandi' out of my head)

11. I don't want to know what foods turn you on.
12. I don't want to know how big your free willy is.
13. I don't want to know when you lost your virginity.
14. I don't want to know the time you did the upside down horizontal tango during that last full moon in your mom's cousin's sister's brother's dentist's waiting room while reading Highlights.
15. I don't want to know about your poop. (I don't even want to know about my own poop)

16. I don't want to know what you read while pooping.
17. I don't want to think about any of you pooping.
18. I don't want to know about your poop fetishes. (or any other fetishes for that matter)
19. I don't want to know that you are commando at the parties.
20. I don't want to know who you lust after. (especially if it is me)

21. I don't want to know about your dildo and that it has realistic veins and removable foreskin on it.
22. I don't want to know how often you masturbate.
23. I don't want to know what you think about when you jerk it.
24. I don't want to know that you shoot gatorade out your cooch.
25. I don't want to know that you drink tequila off your boobs. (or anyone else's boobs)

26. I don't want to know that you moan your dog's nickname during sex.
27. I don't want to know that you have sex with your cat.
28. I don't want to know that you nicknamed your crotch.
29. I don't want to know that you hickey'd your name on your girl's ta tas.
30. I don't want to know that you eat strawberries out of your woman's snatch.

31. I don't want to know that you wear silky boxers because they remind you of your mother.
32. I don't want to know that you stick tampons up your butt.
33. I don't want to know that you orgasm in your sleep.
34. I don't want to know what you think of me.
35. I don't want to know who you'd rather do.

36. I don't want to know that you and your girlfriend had a threesome with a donkey.
37. I don't want to know that you shag to Heatwave.
38. I don't want to know that you have completed the Kama Sutra.
39. I don't want to know that your man's hung like a hamster.
40. I don't want to know that you are about to fuck.

41. I don't want to know your sweet spot.
42. I don't want to know your woman has 3 nipples.
43. I don't want to know that your dildo is shaped like Jesus.
44. I don't want to know that your favorite toy plays the star spangled banner when you rub it on your pussy.
45. I don't want to know what you call your dude's wang.

46. I don't want to know that you carry a suitcase full of D batteries.
47. I don't want to know that you kept the blue dress.
48. I don't want to know that you sucked off your boss.
49. I don't want to know the color of your boyfriends pubes.
50. I don't want to know that you shagged your junior high math teacher.

51. I don't want to know that your boobs can hold a pencil under them.
52. I don't want to know that there are nude pictures of you somewhere.
53. I don't want to know that you once did it in a cab.
54. I don't want to know that you watch or make amateur porn.
55. I don't want to know that you run an illegal sex web site.

56. I don't want to know if the rug matches the drapes.
57. I don't want to know your girl really is a whore.
58. I don't want to know your girl really is a whore and you like it.
59. I don't want to know that you went to Neverland as a child.
60. I don't want to know what brand of condoms you use.

61. I don't want to know that you share underwear with your girlfriend.
62. I don't want to know that you cook naked.
63. I don't want to know that you watch TRL live and eat cheetos off your wang.
64. I don't want to know that you boinked Bob Saget in college.
65. I don't want to know that you had sex with a senator.

66. I don't want to know that you eat oranges in the bathtub.
67. I don't want to see yer boobs.
68. I don't want to see the tattoo on your snatch hairline.
69. I don't want to see your buttcrack.
70. I don't want to see your stretchmarks on your ass.

71. I don't want to see your cleavage if your boobs are saggier than my grannies.
72. I don't want to see you licking someone's boob, tattoo, buttcrack, stretchmark, and/or cleavage.
73. I don't want to know your sperm count.
74. I don't want to know your mother's nickname for her virginia.
75. I don't want to know your high school boyfriend's dick size.

76. I don't want to know your brother's secret masturbatory fantasy about you.
77. I don't want to measure your schlong.
78. I don't want to know you call your dick Cletus and that your best friend calls his Bobafett.
79. I don't want to know that you wax your pussy.
80. I don't want to know you shave your balls.

81. I don't want to know that you have sucked a guys cock, but you aren't gay, really.
82. I don't want to know that you jacked off in the library in the stacks self-help section and came all over Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue.
83. I don't want to know that your dog got a hardon while watching you shower.
84. I don't want to know that your fucked your boyfriend in the bathroom at your grandmother's house.
85. I don't want to know that your boss had gay porn on his computer at work.

86. I don't want to know that you will have sex with black men, but not date them.
87. I don't want to know that your ex husband did blow off your tits.
88. I don't want to know that you wear rubber thongs.
89. I don't want to see pictures of your rubber thongs. (you're a guy for christsake - doesn't that make your dick sweat?)
90. I don't want to know that you were molested as a child.

91. I don't want to know that you fart on the first date.
92. I don't want to know that you can't come from a blowjob.
93. I don't want to know that you wear diapers regularly for fun.
94. I don't want to know that you eat your own nose hair.
95. I don't want to know that you have drank your blood before.

96. I don't want to know that you shoved a florescent lightbulb up your ass.
97. I don't want to know that you shoved anything in any orifice.
98. I don't want to know that your mother is really your aunt.
99. I don't want to know that you save your lovers sperm in the freezer.

100. I don't want to know why I don't want to know all of this.

Hear No. See No. Speak All.

Posted by debutaunt at April 8, 2005 02:25 AM