I don't know how I lost this entry. I couldn't find it anywhere.
Describing one of my dates. A poem in all haiku style.
He sent a picture
He was fairly attractive
Seems pic was way old
Immediately
I wanted to fake sickness
When he finally
Showed up so damn late
Cologne was super nasty
But not as bad as
The gold bejeweled tooth
We went to go eat dinner
I was too hungry
He ordered nothing
Except super shitty beer
I had a salad
He ate the croutons
That I picked out of my bowl
Licking his fingers
It was disgusting
I thought I was being p'unked
I looked for cameras
He was an asshole
Told me I needed a life
I am getting old
[aside]
[he said that I focus too much on my daughter as my world revolves around her. (uh, duh... I'm all's she's got) He said that I didn't want to regret not having MY time because I'd be getting old soon. He said he takes much time off for himself (has a 3 year old too). I said, oh, so who raises her? He said the mother and sometimes the grandmother, but not so much anymore because she can't handle his wild child. I said, well if you take off too much time, you might regret when your spending your golden years at the prison ... visiting your kid.
He also said (when the topic came up) oh, why did you leave your husband? (personally, I would have rather talked about lacrosse or Barbara Bush... anything) I mentioned the whole cheating thing. He said, oh, is that all? You left him for that? I mean, in the BIG picture, no one got hurt. It wasn't like 9-11 or anything. I told him that I'd never let any man cheat on me, especially when you commit to the whole not cheating / marriage thing. He looked at me like he had just eaten a turd]
[aside over]
It was getting late
He ordered a cheeseburger
Greasy fat burger
He sucked that thing down
And talked with his mouth too full
I wanted to barf
Damn, pig now we're late
You shut up and eat that shit
Cause we should have left
Movie was starting
And I paid for the dinner
It was not a "date"
To me at least not
We went to Big Fish
"Is this a White thing?"
Because we were late
We were stuck in the front row
Yay, this is fun - NOT!
I loved the movie
I would have loved it much more
With another guy
My "date" fell asleep
He was snoring AND drooling
Could I sneak away?
Back to my casa
He tried to give me a kiss
I got out of there
I practically
Jumped out of the moving truck
Before I threw up
(well I didn't barf)
But I at least wanted to
the Turd face seemed mad
I think he liked me
Said he would call again soon
Oh! Fuck! No damn way!
Internet dating
Is completely horrifying
I'd rather stay home