Simply Greg posted something that made me think about priorities in my life and what makes me part of who I am.
I know that I rant off and on and come off as a raging bitch sometimes, but I've always been a pretty fair and tolerant person of other people and other cultures. I never grew up around racism, as my parents aren't like that at all, so I still don't understand it. I never want to. I don't proclaim to be an expert on other cultures, but I find them interesting and amazing.
I have a close friend who is Indian and I am grateful that she explains things about being a Hindu to me in such a patient and loving way. I think it is because I am open minded and don't make rude assumptions about her and because I really just want to know things. Not like they teach you about India or Africa in school or anything. (well at least back then they didn't)
I know that the online dating thing has shown me a few things about life and hate and intolerance. Many people that are very tolerant of all kinds of people (or at least say they are) but won't date all kinds of people. They don't really have a reason, but they aren't open minded one bit. And some are outright racist assholes about it.
Chef was like that. He said he would fuck outside his race, maybe, but would never marry one. And if I ever was brought to his family in Florida, that I shouldn't mention to the "Crackers" that I had dated all different kinds of men - Blacks, Latinos, Asians, and other religions - especially God forbid, telling them about Dr. Egypt who was a Muslim. Because you know, that means he's a terrorist and all, riiiiiight? He also said we should have dropped a bomb on the entire Middle East after 9/11. He also said he was a hitman. Yay. He's a genius.
I never really had dated outside of my race before college simply because I am a 'burb girl. I lived in nearly all white neighborhoods and went to nearly all white schools. But that was before I went to a university in San Antonio for a few semesters, where my folks had moved after I graduated H.S.
It was there that *I* was the minority. I was the Gringa, the Blanca, the caucasion one with the mysterious black hair and blue eyes and white skin. The little old ladies in the city used to throw me Santeria signs as they thought I was some kind of witch.
But I was surrounded by new things and these great great people. And for the first time, these gorgeous men with skin darker than mine (which isn't hard to do) who thought I was the bombidity dizzle.
I am not a tiny person by any means. I'm 5'10 and am built fairly large. I mean I wear a size 9 ring and can't wear a woman's watch because my wrists are so big. When people say "I'm big boned," well I really am. Like a freaking Amazon.
So my whole life growing up, I was usually taller than most of the boys. And they usually preferred the cute petite cheerleader, blondie types to debu_amazonia.
But when I started school at that college, these men were attracted to me. Me?? They found my curves sexy and my thick muscular legs ... well hot. I still get hit on all the time when I go to visit my parents. Not everyone digs my special brand of sexiness, but those that do and get a chance to find out are really appreciative (and know exactly how to show it... heh)
I think it was this awakening that really made me feel comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't always a raging mass of hormones like I am sometimes now, but this was the beginning. I learned to perfect the art of kissing. I had sex with my boyfriend on a regular basis and realized just how much fun and how hot it could be. I felt sexy. They made me feel sexy.
But it was also here that I learned that people that are considered different well... weren't so different. They live and love and hurt and laugh just like the rest of us. Yeah, I guess it was jungle fever in a way, but it was more than that. It was experiencing life through another culture and race's eyes.
I had experiences I'd never been exposed to before and gained a new understanding (and big time sympathy sometimes) about what minorities really do go through. Dating a Black guy and seeing the hatred and the way that people scorned us. Or watching my girls get called "spics" and "beaners" while they were at a movie. Or going out with my Hispanic friends and learning their culture and how rich and wonderful it all was.
See, this was also pre-J-Lo era. Before the rest of 'Merica started realizing how sexy and hot curvy women were. Before Beyonce was once of People's sexiest women. Before Halle Berry was considered an actress and not just a background character for Spike Lee.
I remember when we had a bad storm and our lights and water were out in the co-ed dorm. My folks had a huge house then and told me to bring a gaggle of kids over to spend the night at their house. One Black kid asked me... "Are you sure? Won't they freak? What will your mom say when you bring a Black kid over to their house?"
I said, "she's gonna ask you what you want to eat."
It was here that I protested against Apartheid. We had a protest against oil companies for their business dealings in South Africa. Where I started writing my congressmen. Where I wrote papers in school and spoke out against injustice.
It was here that I grew as a person. The base for a value in my life that is very important to me.
It's more than just finding men of color truly sexy. I mean, I think men in general are just freaking hot.
It was about coming to the realization that while we are all so very different, when it comes down to it, these people were all individuals just like me. Some were assholes, some were wonderful and it didn't matter what color their skin was. But I realized that not everyone thinks that way.
I don't know why people are the way they are. I find all different looking men sexy. I don't know why someone would automatically exclude an entire race as their dating partner.
No wonder they are still single.
Merry June.
Posted by debutaunt at June 16, 2005 03:55 PM