debutaunt.com

Love Love Love

I'm sure it's no surprise to some of my long time readers that I truly am a romantic at heart. I love chick flicks. I love happy endings. I love being in love (or lust whatever the case may be). I love it when my friends are happy. I don't begrudge people happiness (most especially if I like you). I believe in love. I have many reasons not to, but I still do. And always will - with certainty.

I find myself lately reading about people who are newly in love and they act completely self righteous (yeah. I said it again, buy a fucking t-shirt). Like for some reason if you aren't as in love as they are, or blather on about it ad nauseum to the world, you must be a miserable, bitter person. Single = unhappy? Quiet about your relationship = miserable? Or even one better - if you don't come out in the open to this particular group, then your date must be desperate for a lay and/or they are ashamed to be seen with you.

Now why is that exactly? Because I want to be with my guy and not around fucktards like the likes of you drunk assholes??? Because I'd rather just chill out or go to a quiet dinner than binge drink and take pictures of a girl grabbing my boobs? So glad you have that psychic connection and all and know all about my relationship. Wonder why you and yours are out all the time - is it because you would rather be with others than alone?

They call me names because I laugh and am like, yeah, tell me about your love affair in 20 years, then maybe I will pat you on the back. I'll buy you a blue ribbon.

New love is easy. Lasting love is explosive diarrhea. Sticking around for the nasty and difficult stuff. Not just sticking around for the lovely newness of it all. It's easy to love and fuck someone who hasn't farted in front of you yet. It's another thing to hold a loved one's head as they puke after chemo. Yeah new lovers can go through some tough times as well, but generally new love is hot sex, easy times, and fairytales.

I have been on a singles dating site for over a year. I have seen recent forum-proclamations of love that took longer to type than the actual length of the relationship. I have seen (often) madly head over heels in love turn into I hate your fucking guts, you asshole psycho bastard rants/stalking. I have experienced this once or twice myself and looking back it's as pretty as re-reading your angsty teenage journals. Or even your not so angsty blog posts. (eeks)

I mean, come on. Does anyone start off thinking that their love will not last? Do you prepare for it in advance (maybe. some might) In the beginning you think it is the highest high and that there is no end in sight. Nothing else matters. You are in love and it will last forever and you want to shout about it from the rooftops.

Been there. Done that. Have the kid to prove it.

I talked to Zoe's dad tonight. She had been singing in the car to some song on the radio and didn't really know the words. So she would kind of hum/sing the tune and then sing the chorus really loud.

Hmmm hummm humm hum, shizzy nuzzy hum, "WE BELONG TOGETHER!" (Zoe is so Mariah without the hooker-ish clothing)

It came out so cute. I think it is only these times, when I'm completely immersed in what I like to call, The Zoe Experience, that I do mourn my lost loves. That there isn't someone to share her with me. I'm not unhappy exactly, but more like a bit meloncholy. Then she makes me laugh and it goes away.

I wonder sometimes if it is harder for people who have lost love that don't have children. I don't feel lonely really. I feel more connected to myself than I ever have before. Like centered. It really is hard to feel lonely when you have a mini comic in the making like Zoe. (Although I know peeps without kids who do just fine)

You would think that adults who for the most part have been in multiple failed relationships would be a bit more wary of proclaiming their true love. And you would especially think they would think twice before pointing out that others are so miserable that they only wish they could have their lasting happiness (what? your weeklong happiness? a month? six months? I was pretty happy with my husband for four years - that was a BREEZE!) Greenhorns!

So let's get this straight. According to your theory, you were single before, so you basically were a miserable loser. And now that you have latched on to your lifemate, you are suddenly happy?

Wait. So you were single before and still yet somehow managed to not slit your wrists. Gosh. How could that be?

(kind of like how some moms do the pity moan - oh, you don't have kids, you must feel so ... unfulfilled. You should travel and get out.)

I like it when the relationships just are. I think this comes with age/ experience. No proclamations. Just the fact that they are together and don't feel the need to justify or pee on each other's legs to show that it exists. They are comfortable with their lives and aren't always (ala Chef) so LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT MEEEEE!!! Look at US!! I'm not a loser because someone finally has chosen MEEEEEE!!!

It reminds me of the mums in high school. You know what I'm talking about (maybe it's only a southern thing, but SJ talked about it before). It's a homecoming phenomenon where your date buys you this enourmous mum. Sometimes they are as big as a frisbee and they usually have yards and yards of ribbon, cowbells and other cockery glittery shit all over them. But God forbid, you don't have one of these on yer boob, you obviously must be a total loser! What? You actually have a date to the dance, but he brought you roses but didn't buy you a MUM?

Uhuh, yeah. I didn't want to look like Hessie the Heiffer with the cowbells and other fluffery. Honestly they look very Clay Gaykin. Too bad you are such a dipshit that you don't realize that your date got a blowjob and buttfucked the prom queen last night and your mom just spent $200 on some crap that will rot for 30 years in your attic. (But lets not forget that your date puked up his Pappadeux shrimp alfredo and Coors all over your dress. Keep smiling though. You got that purdy mum and all.)

Sorry, but me (the big loser, right?) and my date are taking our $200 and are going to shake our asses in the front row of U2 tonight.

Well, it's sort of like that.

Be in love. Be proud of your love. We ARE happy for you (if you aren't a fuckhead to begin with).

But self righteous, you're miserable if you aren't as starry-eyed-we make even the Baby Jesus want to hurl, kind of love has a way of embarassing you later on - and it's got a vicious bite. Especially if your ex is still in your social circle and goes on about your tiny weenis and man boobs.

We're embarrassed for you. Especially for the ones that were obvious train wrecks from the beginning.

You may certainly be very happy, I'm sure most of you are, but we are laughing in your general direction when you (a 2-3 time relationship loser) pretend to have solved the true love equation after a few easy months of love.

Just go read the love sonnets your composed to your first boyfriend and you'll know what I mean.

Cliff notes.

Be in love. Just don't be such a dick about it. Oh. And your mum is ugly.

Oh. And P.S. No this isn't about anyone in particular, but they all do it and some of us will continue to laugh our asses off. Especially after you break up and start calling your ex "that psycho bastard." If you have a nasty name for even one of your exes, you may want to hold off on the relationship = happy; single = loser rants.

Posted by debutaunt at August 26, 2005 11:12 PM