debutaunt.com

Lust for A Shaman

Is it just me or does anyone else have a difficult time working when you are extremely turned on?

That would assume that one is doing some actual work. Which, of course, being the Olympic Slacker that I am, I am not. (Although I did enough work the last two weeks to have good work karma for the next 15 weeks.)

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
~Vincent van Gogh

So there's this guy. Of course, I know you all know (especially Meerkat) that there is always this guy. Anyway, so there's this guy. Who I am having a difficult time assigning a pseudonym. The names sounded cheesy, sleezy, or too deep.

But there's this guy. And all I can do is think about kissing him and how wonderful he smelled. And his hands and how his body felt like a man's body should feel - solid and strong. And think about his enourmous erection that he had while we were kissing. And how I'd absolutely like to be putting that enourmous erection to work. For me. After all, it was quite lovely.

So much heat. So much heat.

And so this guy, well he's different. And special. And it scares the shit out of me. As well it should.

Because it's new again. Because when it's new it's frightening and simultaneously wonderful. It's that exquisite newness that terrifies me. I want so much, but don't. I want a lover, but don't. I want to think about him, but don't. I want to just say fuck it and let go and love and be free with my feelings and my sexuality and be damned the consequences of it all.

But that generally isn't a good thing. Very few times in my life has that worked out. And those very few times that worked out were with some of the few great loves of my life. Dr. Egypt was one of those. The Boy for Sex was another. Although with TBFS I held back. I hid the passion and never really let my guard down because I knew eventually it would be over. That it was doomed from the start, but heartfelt and sweet while it lasted.

But this new one is different. He's smart and atypical. Logical, passionate and creative. Funny and sexy yet down to earth and not condescending like many uber smart men are. He's so interesting and intriguing. I just want to explore him. Learn from him. And, well, kiss him and let him possess me for a bit.

The comparisons are there, and it scares me. But that's ok.

So for now, I will let it take whatever random direction it is meant to take ~ even if it's not meant to take any direction. Passionate or not. Heartfelt or not. Doomed or not. I will simply ... enjoy him.

Life is far too short to think about the possibilities.

Posted by debutaunt at September 19, 2005 03:09 PM