debutaunt.com

My Girl Methotrexate

"Methotrexate is a Dracula Blood-fighting (chmotherapy) drug that interferes with the growth of cells. It is usually given intravenously (into a vein), but it can also be given into a muscle, under the skin, orally (by mouth), or intrathecally (into a fluid-filled space next to the spinal cord). It is used to treat many different types of cancers."

Ok. Sounds intimidating. But let's check back to the jiggawhat intra. the. cally.

This is my third time to do intrathecal chemo. But gosh, could they make it sound any more intimidating?

"Today you get a lumbar puncture, and will have the mexotrexate given inter.the.cally (into your motherf*cking spine)." Ok, so the guy didn't say motherfu*cking spine, but I think I would have liked it better if he did.

And lemme just first say ouch. ouch. ouch. I got some numbing stuff and something to take the edge off, but there's nothing like having a 4 inch needle fixin' to go PUNCTURE your spine, remove some goo, and then get replaced with some radioactive liquid. Makes for a hot ass pain. Then you get to lay flat for an hour. A wee bit high and sore.

Inter.the.cally. Glad it's not intra-fecally though, yaknowwhati'msayin?

Is thecally Latin for your most precious spine? Cos, dang, of all the things that scare me, Lumbar puncture is a bit intimidating. It's also called a spinal tap but has nothing to do with going to 11 except maybe the vision of that HUGE ass needle - like the king of all needles. Spinal tap sounds less scary than Interthecally or Lumbar/Spinal PUNCTURE.

Methotrexate. Sounds like a ghetto girl name. "That girl aight. Methotrex, she got a good head on her shoulders even though her momma, she on *whispers* the crack."

Methotrexate. Just another trex in the line of cristines, rheumatrex, whatever. Why can't they nickname them or something. This one is yellow. Today you are getting bananas and tomorrow you get skittles. If you're good, you will get some egg custard.

I like to pretend that the clear ones all go down and mix like a martini into my lovely brooch/pteryldactyl that is my central line catheter. This thing sewn into me that goes in a huge vein near my jugular or heart; I'm not sure.

See how pretty it is. it matches my earrings and goes so well with this peasant blouse.

{aside} My skinny jeans are big. If I have to go through this shit, I'm going to be one bitch that loses weight - 22 lbs to date. I hate lounging in pjs so I'm glad I brought my jeans, but guess I didn't figure I'd need a belt so bad. Oh well, now I have some low ride jeans to go with my IV tower. So sesssssy.{aside over}

The side effects sheet for Mexotrexate are three pages long. The start off innocently enough: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, skin rash, sensitivity to light (damn, no tanning beds either - gotta look tan when your barfing your guts out).

Then it starts getting a bit huffy: low white blood count (uh, duh, the point), usually develops 7 to 10 days after, chance of getting infections increases avoid contact with people who have colds, flu, shingles, chicken pox, or any type of infection. Great. Avoid the City of Houston.

Low red blood cells: you may tire easily or become short of breath. No sh*t Sherlock. A flight of stairs winds me, but I did a lung capacity test and the dude said I'm an amazon. But then again he said I'm 5'8 3/4ths. Um. I'm 5'10. Whatever. Shorty. Test = Amazon; Stairs = wimpy

Low platelet counts: Bruise, bleed, no shaving with anything but an electric razor and avoid cutting stuff. Glad I'm not a chef, I'd go bananas.

Decreased kidney function: Oh. Thought we'd slip that one in along with his cousin Decreased liver function. No big deal on those. Right? Right?

Scarring of the lung tissue: *gulp*

Hair loss or thinning: too late

Neurological effects: call your doc if ou have confusion, dowsiness, clumsiness, difficulty walking, blurred vision, slurred speech, difficulty speaking, difficulty swallowing, numbness, or seizures. What? That's a typical debutaunt_day.

They save the intra.the.cally ones for last as they are the best:

For patients who will receive methotrexate intrathecally (which I just did on top of going on 14 hours of intravenously - 8 more to go)

Inflammation of brain tissue. Common symptoms: headache, nausea, vomiting and fever. NOOOOooooooOOOOOO. No more fevers. I can't take those. They wipe me out *sob* damnit... ok.. sniffle. i can do this.

Neck or back stiffness and pain, which may develop into sever drowsiness, seizures, numbness, inability to move, or coma. Tell your doc immediately about any of these symptoms. How. After you slip into your coma and aren't able to hit the nurse call button.

Ah. Harmless chemo cocktail. Not quite the cosmo on Sex and the City, but it sure beats death. And if it helps me kick some cancer ass, I'm all gung ho on this shit.

8 bags of cocktail. And the anti-nausea stuff is soomybestfriend. I even ate a reuben at lunch.

I can do this! Exclamation point!

Posted by debutaunt at November 18, 2005 02:44 PM