debutaunt.com

Senor Crankypants

This is me.
This is me posting.
This is me posting on sleeping pills.
and some Darvon for good measure.
I feel like a junkie.

Plug your ears, cos I'm grouchwriting right now.

I'm high and tired. And my blood sugar is low and I'm semi-freaking out because I feel like they forget about me all the time. I had to page my nurse twice. They gave me a "sliding scale" insulin shot because it was 181 - which isn't too bad (should be between 70 and 120). So now it's lower than 100 and it's only 11pm, and she's like, do you want some orange juice?

I don't know. I'm the PATIENT. This diabetes shouldn't be me controlling it and deciding what to do, but someone monitoring it for me while I'm sick. I'm tired of people asking ME what should be done!!!

NO, I DON'T WANT ALL THIS INSULIN ALL DAY LONG BECAUSE YOU BASICALLY ARE MAKING MY BLOOD SUGARS GO UP AND DOWN ALL DAY AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT. I don't want to die in some diabetic coma because you let my sugars get too low and I am too high to wake up and eat. (nor do I really want to eat at 3am)

I feel defeated. I'm sick of this fever. I'm sick of sweating one minute and freezing the next. I'm not giving up, but I'm just tired of this and wish I could be in my own bed. I hate this shirt. This bed squeaks. It's not comfy. I have a crappy view. I can't get my starbucks.

I didn't bring my own pillows because I was really hoping I wouldn't get admitted. This room is small and I haven't left it all day. I'm tired of *just* falling asleep and then having yet another person walk in here. So then I put on some cheese tv and *just* fall asleep only to be woken up again.

I'm tired of the granny can. And people walking in on me while I'm using it even though I have the "privacy" light on. I'm tired of people walking in all day. Or just opening the door and then closing it.

I want a steak and some broccoli and a baked potato and a big hunky bread. I want some real food that fills you up.

I hate whining. I don't speak whinese. But I feel lonely and overwhelmed here all by myself.

I can't get better if I don't get any sleep. But that's the nature of a hospital, right? Well if I end up here for more and more days, I'm going to go postal on someone.

Bad enough the nurse came in and I'm all crying and she's like all pitying and rolling her eyes "take the sleeping pill, you'll feel better." I want to cry but can't because the inside of my nose is all bloody and jacked up.

I need a hug. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my family and friends. I miss Zoe to the point where I can't even look at her picture without crying.

I want to go for a walk and not be connected to an iv tower. I want to go outside. I want to go to a movie and sit in the dark with some greasy movie popcorn and some twizzlers and diet coke. I want to swing on a swingset with Zoe and jump off. I want to work out and feel semi-normal again.

I'm tired of people misprounouncing my name. Please. It's not a hard last name, but if you can't get it right, then please just call me deb.

I know I'll be better when I get some sleep, but right now, I'm running on fumes. Fumes and blood transfusions.

I had planned on taking Zoe to see the Nutcracker ballet this year. I know she'd love it. That was before. BEFORE before before (echos)

And the Lion King is coming to town. That is one of the few Broadway type shows that I'd pay to see. I'd love to take Zoe. But it's not until March and I have no idea what I will be doing by then. Who knows. I might be well, I might be sick.

I might be in jail for killing these people.

Ok. I know. I can do this, but gosh, let me sleep some so I can.

Posted by debutaunt at November 29, 2005 11:36 PM