debutaunt.com

Merry New Year

Round 4 will be over Monday. Just in time for the Rose Bowl. I'm so glad I'm kicking this one out. I hope there are no weird complications and I can go home on time. So far this hasn't been too bad. Just major amounts of water drinking as the Methotrexate is super toxic and is hard on your kidneys so you have to really flush it out of your system. I got it on the first try *high five!*

Today is movie day. Sis #1 brought me some of the funniest movies, so that's what I've been doing all day. I'm going to watch some good ones tonight to ring in the New Year. If I'm lucky, my friend A will bring me dinner again. I lucked out and got a Pappasitos Fajita Salad again last night. I can't describe how great that salad it. Fajitas, tomatoes, mushrooms, carrots, olives and the best creamy avacado ranch dressing. It is amazing and I bet I could eat that with every meal.

I did get to celebrate the Merry New Year online with Monkey Boy in Sri Lanka. Later, he is going to find me to ring in the Central Time Zone New Year. Kind of cool to be so international. Makes me feel like a 00 spy. Although I've been told I so suck it as a spy - since I can't synchronize my clock.

I'm looking forward to 2006. Today actually started off so glum as they woke me up at like 3:30 to hook up some chemo bag. I got woken up quite a bit after that. I was feeling all sorry for myself, started thinking about my bone marrow transplant, and subsequently sent myself into a mini-tizzy. But then my number one cheerleader came online and the wallowing didn't last for another minute.

I really think that my support system has been absolutely key in my healing and great progress. I don't know how someone would do if they had to go this alone. It's hard to get down when people remind you that there is life past this, and that they show you so much love and support. I'm amazed every day. I really do feel so loved.

I have such high hopes for 2006. I know that with the bone marrow transplant, which they may actually be looking at doing in February (yes.. I'm kind of freaking as that seems so soon), I will have some rough days ahead of me. I've started reading people's stories more now that it's closer to the time. Some are so disheartening, but some are so full of hope.

I know I can do this. A BMT is the closest thing to a cure that they have. And because of my chromosome anomaly, I really do need to have one so that the leukemia doesn't relapse. It's a scary prospect, and is as big of a deal as say an organ transplant. But there are so many people who have had this done and are alive and well - better even than before.

I just want to be physically be healthy. Spiritually and mentally I am in such a great place right now. I have so much to look forward to in the future, I just want to feel better so that I can be Zoe's mom. I want to feel better so that I can show my friends and family how much I love and appreciate them. I want to feel better so that I can get uber physically healthy like I had when I started my Body for Life Challenge.

I want to challenge myself physically to be my best so that I can enjoy my life and feel what it's like to not be so exhausted and depressed all the time.

I know this will happen. I know I can't push myself too hard or rush this. But I'm just so excited about the possibilities.

I look forward to this new year and the love and challenges it will bring my way. I hope and pray that I am as blessed with the BMT as I have been with the chemo with the minimal side effects I have had. I want this to work and will hope and pray as hard as I can that it does. Because the possibilities are so endless. The love is so endless. The challenges and hopes and my dreams are so endless now.

I know I can do this. I have love and hope on my side.

Your assignment going into this new year is to find the one dream or hope that you never thought possible. I want you to find your reserve and gather every ounce of resolve and truly make it happen. I don't want you to make any more excuses why it can't happen. I want you to break down any barriers that you have set up for yourself and just do it for a change. The only thing stopping you is yourself. So stop it. And just go for it. Challenge yourself and you'd be surprised what can really happen if you let it and you want it. You owe yourself, so for a change, honor and love and cherish yourself. You are totally worth it.

Much love today and may you have a healthy, blessed, prosperous, fun, peace-filled 2006. Laugh often too.

You know that I love you, right? How could I not? I'm the luckiest bald girl around.

Posted by debutaunt at December 31, 2005 02:07 PM