It was getting a little heavy around here. I had to turn on Maur-ee. It's all about the lie detector tests today. This should be fun.
After having sex with my sister, will you still cheat?
"Tabitha always smells my boxers and says they smell like sex," says Brian. Turns out Brian hasn't been faithful to Tabitha whatsoever. So even though Tabitha is "crazy with the pregnant hormones" aka knocked up by Brian, she is ready to divorce him. Wonder if that will truly be the case?
Is mom right? Is her son in love with a cheater?
"She's a nasty little wh*re, and is sleeping around on my son, I am not going to take it anymore. She was tongue kissing her uncle... You don't tongue kiss your uncle." says Tujuana. "One day I was in the supermarket and this guy came up to her to ask her for a receipt for an abortion she had."
Monique says "I'm sick and tired of being accused by this woman. I love her son Anthony and we are going to be together no matter what you accuse me of." (Monique lives with Anthony at his mom's house). Monique does not pass the lie detector test and Tujuana says, "It's going to be a cold winter now that you're homeless." Guess it wasn't her "uncle," and that the "supermarket guy" was someone she slept with. Also turns out that Monique has been prostituting herself. The lie detector test wasn't necessary. Monique was sweating like a hooker in church.
I slept with Euneeka; Cedric, are you the father of her baby?
Euneeka AND her mom come out, scream at Cedric, call him all kinds of names. "Where were you, you piece of *&%^$, when my grandbaby needed diapers, formula, medication? You got my daughter pregnant (??!!! she had no part??!!), now you are going to pay you $#@^% !@&%$#!!!!" Talk about some babymammadrama.
Now granted Cedric is engaged to another girl, and he did sleep with Euneeka, but wants to hear those magical words, "Cedric, you are NOT the father." And yes. Cedric does get his wish. And he gets to keep his fiancee who is going to stick by him. Euneeka and her skanky mom sulk off the stage. I bet Euneeka gets her ass kicked when she gets home.
Double Trouble. She cheated. Are the twins his?
Yes. He is. And they hug and cry and are so excited. Who cares that she cheated on him and had to have a DNA test to prove she lucked out? Obviously they don't. Nor do we.
I've never watched a show that has more bleeps than words before. Isn't Maury married to Connie Chung?
I also know how I can become a:
Medical assistant (woo, I can change pee pans for you Debu)
Airplane Mechanic
Chef
Art Institute Student
Criminal Justice Assistant
Medical Transcriptionist from home
Pharmacy Tech
I now know how to live with genital herpes. Lose weight now through lap banding surgery. Draw logos and become a graphic designer. And I now want to eat my weight in Toll House cookies. Damn you Nestle.
I just can't make this up.
Did you just feel your brain explode?
I can't wait for Dr. Phil. Maybe he will have girls with low self esteem on today.
Posted by debutaunt at January 23, 2006 01:23 PMI'm glad yesterday is over for you, you sure had a crappy day. Now today seem a bit better but you had to go and watch the educational show "Maur-ee". after watching that drama, it must make you feel better about your problems. I'm not minimizing your problems but these show tend to make me sick. I never watch them, only when i'm ill and feeling my worst, i guess its kind of my own 'self help" kick in the butt to get better or i might turn out to be like those lowlifes.
I hope you stop reading the down in the dumps web sites or stories. who needs them. the internet is a blessing and a curse. promise yourself you will exit any site that talks doom and gloom.
I'm hoping for a great, upbeat and healthy week for you and your family.
could you let me know the hospitals address, i'd love to send you a card.
a friend in boston
nancy
Posted by: Nancy at January 23, 2006 03:00 PM
My family has been on Maury three times. DNA tests are just a part of our family dinner table conversations.
Posted by: D at January 23, 2006 03:10 PMHoly cow! I never knew so much was going on while I was at work!! That's just amazing! If you have to watch daytime TV again tomorrow, your assignment is to count how many "bleep"s you hear in one half hour of that show, and report back here. ;) Hope your evening goes great and that you're getting some rest.
Posted by: eclectic at January 23, 2006 04:16 PM"You don't tongue kiss your uncle."
Thank goodness I put the Pepsi down right before I read that, otherwise we would have had a HUGE mess on our hands!
Posted by: Christine at January 23, 2006 04:44 PMWho made that silly rule that you can't tongue
kiss your uncle? GO MAUREEEEEE. Watch Jerry Springer for us tomorrow and see what he;s up
to. I watched that once and I almost hurled I
was so grossed out. I think it went something
like this. Somebodys Mom slept with their daughter's boyfriend and oops he gave her a
love child. Meanwhile the daughter also was
having a love child. At that point I thought
dang-let's all have his baby!!
No my brain did not explode I laughed.
Nikki
Posted by: Nikki at January 23, 2006 05:15 PMI don't know why, but I read "Lose weight now through lap dancing surgery" (instead of lap banding surgery). I should read more carefully.
This was a funny post. Muck glik to you!
Maury IS the daddy of all baby-daddy TV. I've seen them when he tests the whole long list of potential baby-daddies, and STILL, no match. Who has time?
Posted by: Susie at January 23, 2006 06:34 PMToo funny. Yes, he is married to Connie Chung, and they now have a news type show together. My hubs said, "Doesn't having a show with him kinda drag her down?" LMAO.
Posted by: Kami at January 23, 2006 08:09 PM*blinks*
Owww....
Thanks Deb, I need a squeegie for my Monitor now...
Posted by: Lucky at January 23, 2006 08:52 PMOk, we have to get you out of there before your brain melts.
Posted by: Trish at January 23, 2006 09:19 PMDEBUMA:
Don't you just love that stuff. And I bet the
audience was pretty spiffy!
And look at all you learned today. Damn now you
can put on your resume.....Medical Asst. Airline
Mech. Chef. Artist, etc.....and thank GOD, and
PRAISE ELVIS someone knows how to live with GENITAL HERPES. I will be able to sleep tonight. I have been pacing the floors for days
wonder how can one live if one would have genital
herpes and voila i find on your blog it is possible. Of course I now know "fer sure" you
are an "kin folk" cause you are talking cookies
girlfriend. Cookies are my best-friend. People
are very afraid when I come to holiday parties
and they have cookies. I bring BIG PURSES and just dump them in the purse....
Shoshie
HMMM You know how they say everything is big in
Texas...how big are those toll house cookies?
heh heh...and you won't watch All My Children...
Posted by: blackbird at January 24, 2006 06:30 AMGood Morning Deb:
I had to read this post again. I am having
great difficulty deciding which part is my favorite. I am torn between "smelling the boxers"
and the "french kissing the uncle".
I hope you had an OK night and they let you sleep. Isn't that the greatest when they come in
your romm at the wee hours of the AM and want to do all that "fun stuff"
Your assignment for today: Watch the Jerry Springer Show and see if anybody is "sleeping
with their Mama" and report back to us.
Throw a coin in that fountain today for you
and Zoe.
Oh and if you could "surf the net and figure out
what the heck Drew Barrymore was thinking when
she wore that Grandma dress sans bra to the award
show the other evening-I think her breasts were
down around her shoes.
Love,
Nikki-NOT MARIE OSMOND
Well, you made me giggle anyway! Thanks babe. I'm thinking of you. Peace.
Posted by: Traci at January 24, 2006 08:16 AMLooking around for my student---oh I see her.
She is in the front row, how could I have missed
her with that lovely pink boa.
I used the word crap yesterday. Today's
Yiddish word is DRECK which means crap. I don't
think I need to put that one in a sentence. I believe it's good that you have a Yiddish curse
word in your vocab. You can say dreck and most
people won't know what you are saying!
Flaunt that boa today Deb.
The Teacher who would never say CRAP.
Actually I said crap last night when my
twins told me at 9:30 they needed ME to bake
cupcakes for school today. If you see
two kids on EBAY a boy and a girl. Put in
a bid they are MINE.
Shoshie
Posted by: shoshie at January 24, 2006 08:50 AMMy father watches that stuff when he's home. And people ask why he doesn't retire. We won't let him! See - soaps aren't so bad!
linda
Posted by: linda at January 24, 2006 01:35 PMSometimes I wonder how I get by WITHOUT genital herpes. The commercials, frankly, make me envious.
Posted by: Bucky Four-Eyes at January 24, 2006 03:01 PMOK, there's no possible way to follow that comment, Bucky. So I'll just say, "Hi Deb!"
Posted by: eclectic at January 24, 2006 04:07 PMAw I am so peeved. I have always wanted to be
a guest on the Maureeee show. I am having a
baby and I know the Father. Now that won't work
on the Mauree show. I think I will get Shoshie
and Rachel to tweak the story a bit. My neighbors
would be so happy to see me on that show
Lisabeth
Did you see any commercials today for chia
pets or that clap on lamp-maybe that's only
on during Christmas.