February 17, 2006

I miss Me Brows and Lashes

monkey and deb.jpg

That is all.

(ok. maybe not)

I started this yesterday, but fell asleep:

I got some weird drug today. It's supposed to help with mouth sores. I'm mentally refusing to have any side effects, but I think I am already. Apparently it's a bad one. Oh well. Better than mouth sores. I go back for more tomorrow and Sunday. A triple dose. Bleech. So much fun.

I also got another bone scan. At least there's no pain with that procedure. Yay for that and strong bones. My bones are made of amazon steel. Or at least they were before the chemo. So I hope they still are.

Baby Zkat is right here with me. She's snoozing away. We went to dinner with my mom and Sis #2 and her daughter. There is nothing cuter than two five year olds singing to Blondie's "One Way." Zoe was like...

one way for another I'm gonna getcha....I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha. One way...

Tonight, she wanted to hear the song she was named for; Flowers for Zoe by Lenny Kravitz. So I turned on the iPod (whee!) and called it up. She got one earphone and I got the other. We put our heads together and listened. Then she lay on my arm and I rubbed her face and back. She was asleep in like two minutes. It's nice to know that I still have the mommy touch. I think she may get to spend the night again tomorrow. It's so amazing to spend time with her. She seems so grown up now.

We had a nice time Thursday night. My mom came up to help me pack up all my stuff. Dad drove her up and his 70th birthday is the 25th. Sis #2's birthday is today. So dad thought we were having a birthday party for her at this restaurant, but it really was for him. It was fun to be able to surprise him and hang out with my family.

I hugged Sis #2 goodbye and just started in with the crying. She has done so much for me and I miss her immensely. Sis #2, I hope that you will be able to get a few breaks and come up to see me. I know you are busy with the kiddos and such, but you always make me laugh. And I'm sure I'll need lots of those.

So, this is the part that is continued Saturday morning:

I went in for the second dose. I have slimy mouth. But, I'll take it over sore mouth any day.

Zoe woke up early with me this morning. Here was the exchange.

"Mommy, my stomach hurts. It's empty. It needs pancakes."

"I'm sure Momo can make you some."

"No. I make them *with* her."

Later I was getting dressed. Zoe saw my catheter. She looked freaked so I jumped back in bed with her.

"Mommy. I don't want you to die."

"Everybody dies someday, Zoes. Mommy is sick now, but she's trying to get better. I'm going to the hospital today to get more medicine. I don't think I will die from this sickness."

"Well I don't want you to die when you're a grandma."

"Ok, Zoe. I'll try not to."

"Can I watch cartoons?"

Right now she's on the floor cutting out shapes out of construction paper. She's non stop talking and smacking her gum. (It's mint - she said it was the "hot" gum).

When I see her doing the normal five year old stuff I feel ok. But sometimes she says things that stop my heart.

I can do this. Zoe says so.


Today your assignment is to read. Zoe got a book called "The Tacky Penguin" from her school library. We read every night and she's just learning how to right now. I read for a living (I'm an editor), and it's my favorite hobby. Expand your horizons. It's rainy and cold here today. Perfect reading weather. Read a few books to your kids today or go visit a library, bookstore, or just pull a book off your shelf.

Posted by debutaunt at February 17, 2006 09:43 PM
Comments

I am going to head to the bookstore and buy my kids each a special book! We love to read as well.

Sorry to hear about your mouth, blech. I am cheering you on and chanting "kick some ass, kick some ass." Stay warm and cuddle that girl =)

Posted by: Erin at February 18, 2006 11:36 AM

My kids and I read every night too. My 5yr son loves the book, Are You Sleepy Petey? If you haven't read it check it out. I'm sure Zoe will love it!! Hang in there girl!!!!

Posted by: cami at February 18, 2006 11:56 AM

You are beautiful. And soon you'll be mascara-ing and checking for wayward brow hairs.

God be with you. That's a dumb thing to say. God IS with you :)

Book recommendation: When the Wind Bears Go Dancing, by Phoebe Stone. It explains storms to children and to adults like me who prefer to think that storms are wild, woolly wind bears dancing in trees.

Posted by: Susie at February 18, 2006 12:08 PM

Debuma,
I could say a million things to you at the moment
but I won't. Please take a stuffed animal with you
to the Ritz aka the hospital, they work wonders.
My kids when they get nervous about something.
I always tell them-hug me-and we play this game.
They hug me and after the hug-we make believe
the hug is going in a special container in
their heart. This game works for big people too.

All of our hearts have special containers filled
with hugs. You pull that out when you can't have
the physcial hug. Trust me it does work.

Every single person in my family, all my sister's,
all the hubbies, all the kids, Nikki the whole
clam damn (figure that out). We make up a whole
village almost-we are here, we are not going
anywhere, and neither are you.

Today the one's that live "here" including
Nikki will be going to the temple. Kids and
hubbies included. We will pray for you, your
family, your doctors.

After we leave the temple, we will visit Nikki's
church and say a prayer. Then we will celebrate
and eat. We celebrate when we know God hears
our prayers.

Sarah is with you if you have on your IPOD
Simply the Best by Tina Turner-she will channel
those M@M's your way-and you know she has your
back covered.

As Sarah said
L'Chaim (to life)

Shoshie

Posted by: Shoshie at February 18, 2006 12:29 PM

OY VEY
As usual I have one more thing. Eyebrows
and eye lashes, they are way overrated :)

Zoe-hug her from all of us.


Take a peek at your email later today.
Nikki sent something your from us

Posted by: shoshie at February 18, 2006 12:36 PM

Dreck-I have all these kids in my office saying
cmon we are going and Mom (me) did not even
look at what she typed-hence the grammatical
fiasco.

Posted by: Shoshie at February 18, 2006 12:39 PM

Going to read a few chapters now. Since it was an "assignment".

I have one for you as well, get better! K?

Take care of yourself and Zoe!

Posted by: jlybn123 at February 18, 2006 01:06 PM

Hi Deb, you will be fine. Just you wait and see. Faith can move mountains. Love, Dr. Ethel

Posted by: Norma Newman at February 18, 2006 01:18 PM

Reading comes naturally for me. I have more books than our town library.

I know that I don't know you well, but I have to say that I admire you for being a single mom AND kicking the crap out of this cancer. You're my hero and my whole family is praying for you.

Love,
Jess

Posted by: Jessica at February 18, 2006 01:55 PM

I met my very best friend during her chemo -
so I never knew her WITH brows and lashes...
when she got well, I felt like I didn't know her!

I think of you often.
Stay on target.

Posted by: blackbird at February 18, 2006 02:24 PM

I read to my kids all the time. My little one
(chubs) the one Nikki is holding on our site-
she love Goodnight Moon

Shoshie put out the call and we went to the
Temple. I don't live in the same city with
THEM. (boo-hoo) However my family went,
we said our prayers.

You are beautiful inside and out. Your daughter
was right "you will get better".

Rachel

Posted by: Rachel at February 18, 2006 04:20 PM

My all time favorite books, besides all the Dr. Seuss, are the Junie B. Jones series that I started reading to Lauren when she was Zoe's age. You will just love them! You've got to give them a try. If you need some, let me know, I've got several, several! But, both you and Zoe will crack up at Junie B.

Sorry to hear about your mouth. The weather is so sucky right now, staying in and being warm, reading, is really a grand idea. My daughter thinks it's a good day to go ride her skateboard! She's got visions of herself doing the downhill snowboard races, I think. She said she loved that Olympic sport (she's only been on skis once).

We love you, kick that c's a! You're doing such a terrific job.....heck, if it wasn't for those missin' face hairs, we'd all be thinkin' you were makin' this all up!

Had an embarrassing moment today: my baby sister told me to go get my grays covered! She said I should do the white-blonde thing like Paula Deen. You've seen me, what do you think?


Denise :)

Posted by: Denise at February 18, 2006 04:47 PM

Deb,
I think Maya Angelou wrote this for you.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Go get me girlfriend

Love
Nikki

Posted by: Nikki at February 18, 2006 05:52 PM

Well that last line should have read

GO GET THEM GIRLFRIEND.

NOW I HAVE A REALLY RED RED RED FACE

SARAH WOULD BE FALLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING
I AM NOT

Posted by: Nikki at February 18, 2006 05:53 PM

My face is still red. But I thought I should
suck it up and give you Sarah's favorite poem
in the world. She was a poetry freak. Without
further ado....

Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.



It could take days for the blush to leave
my face.

And to think your family reads your blog.
God help me!

Posted by: Nikki at February 18, 2006 06:12 PM

Buy yourself some Jodi Picoult novels - truly fabulous writer. Lots of twists and turns to keep you tuned in to what you are reading, and tuned out of anything that is going on around you :-)

and buy some fake eyelashes. as a retired college cheerleader, I fully endorse them. and know they would look fabulous on you!

Posted by: pickles at February 18, 2006 08:09 PM

Zoe just sounds so precious. It's so great for you to have her around. My son is too old for reading to now, but we will sometimes spend time together, each of us reading our own book. He loves to share the funny parts of what he reads; for instance some of the insults in the Star Wars novel he's reading now. Part of me would love to go back to more cuddly days, but I also appreciate how things are now. Thanks for the easy assignment today. Look after yourself. Remember, Zoe needs you.

Posted by: karen at February 18, 2006 08:33 PM

I was going to share The Road Not Taken with you, but someone else already did. I'll come back with something to read to you later. *grin*

Deb, I love your picture. :)

I'm going to go read to my kids now.

Posted by: zee at February 18, 2006 10:08 PM

The Blondie song was too funny. Kids are the greatest!!!

Posted by: Chris at February 22, 2006 04:24 PM