Well, although my counts are fairly high, my spirits are getting low.
I can't seem to stop throwing up. Even the good meds aren't really working. And phenergen knocks me out, so all I do is sleep then wake up and throw up. They can't seem to get the timing of the meds right. Either that or I'm just nauseated all the time.
Tomorrow they are going to put a small camera down my throat to see if I'm having graft vs. host disease - where my body is rejecting my brother's cells. I am going to be consciously sedated. It sounds horrific.
The catheter stuff is clearing up, and boy am I ready to get rid of that thing.
I know I can do this, but this hill is really steep.
Tonight The Princess Bride is on AMC, so I will be watching. That always cheers me up.
I love you internets.
Today your assignment is to get yourself your favorite drink and chug away. I miss that ability. I can only take little sips and so often I'm really thirsty. I just want to chug a big ol fountain Diet Coke and eat some Mexican food. But for now, I'm no longer eating again. And when I do it's jello and soup.
I still have a bunch of questions to answer. I will post them soon when I'm not so sleepy.
Posted by debutaunt at March 15, 2006 04:36 PMAs you wish.
Posted by: D at March 15, 2006 04:54 PMThe assignment?....as you wish. I'll offer a toast in your honor at Rioja with Rioja tonight. Enjoy the Princess Bride as best you can.
Posted by: Patrick at March 15, 2006 04:55 PMD, Great minds think alike. :-)
Posted by: Patrick at March 15, 2006 04:56 PMHI Deb
I am no doc but the "conscious sedation" really works. If you feel anything let them know and you will get more drugs. They are pretty dam quick with the scopes. I wish you luck and mucho “sedation” for the test.
I’m sorry you are going through this medical marathon, it must feel like you’ve been beat up pretty bad but YOU CAN DO THIS. Sometimes sleep is the best medicine, your body is telling you something......sleep well.
You are in my thought and prayers
Peace
Nancy
I'm going to watch the Princess Bride with you. Wait- lemme check to see if I get AMC.
Yup, I get that channel and its on at 8pm my time.
I've never seen it before. So, I will watch it, and think of you the whole time, and you can know you're not watching it alone.
You are doing great! Dont let the thought of rejection in. Your body is welcoming the new cells, and kickin' some ass!!
Posted by: lawbrat at March 15, 2006 06:01 PM"You ARE the Brute Squad..." Hang in there babe. Get some sleep and stay stoned for me. We love you.
Bill
Posted by: Bill at March 15, 2006 06:23 PMkeep fighting the fight, deb. the internets love you back! ;)
Posted by: moxiemomma at March 15, 2006 06:26 PMOne day at a time, one step at a time. You will get better.
Posted by: ieatcrayonz at March 15, 2006 06:39 PMI love The Princess Bride too. I'll have to cut on AMC and check it out tonight. I'll also send up a prayer for you to have a restful nights sleep.
Posted by: teresa at March 15, 2006 06:43 PMCame to check in, and now I'm heading out and getting that drink, as you wish.
*big hugs*
Posted by: zee at March 15, 2006 07:16 PMAww, i hope its not graft vs host. That would suckola.
You can do this, you awesome woman!
Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at March 15, 2006 07:29 PMI am on my way to dinner with close friends. We will raise our glasses in a salute to your wishes.
Posted by: Maria at March 15, 2006 07:44 PMI am on my way to dinner with close friends. We will raise our glasses in a salute to your wishes.
Posted by: Maria at March 15, 2006 07:44 PMQueen of the Universe,
Don't worry about answering questions. Sleep,
do as you have been doing, KICK ASS. I know the
vomiting is the big ICK-but you are doing so well.
The GI scope may be scary to you, but with those
drugs you won't feel a thing.
You can do this Queen, I am off to drink for you.
Much Love,
Nikki
rest, rest and more rest. no way on GVH. DebUma won't allow it.
xo
I've had a couple of cameras going where cameras were never meant to go. The anticipation is the worst thing. You'll kick ass. Praying for good pix, back from that photo shoot, friend. Having a Coke; thanks for that :)
Posted by: Susie at March 15, 2006 08:16 PMYou can do this, Deb! You are getting SO CLOSE to the finish line (and the victory dance!!!!). I am sorry I haven't been able to come by this week but will try my absolute best over the weekend.
Until then, you just rest and take baby steps. You're almost to the end of the bad bit and on to the rest of your wonderful life.
GO, DEB GO!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: sally at March 15, 2006 08:40 PMYou don't know me, but I wanted to say...
I am in awe of you.
You can do this.
Posted by: Sonya at March 15, 2006 09:07 PMThe Princess Bride is one of my absolute favourites. I remember the first time I saw it was in university and most of the other people had seen it already. I was sure it was some kind of kid's movie and I didn't understand what they were going on about.
No more rhymes and I mean it!
- Anybody want a peanut?
Enjoy it for me. We don't get that channel. Sending healing thoughts your way. You can do this!
Posted by: Philosophical Karen at March 15, 2006 09:09 PMGraft vs. host disease? Inconthievable!
You can do this Deb--hang in there.
Posted by: Sharkey at March 15, 2006 09:15 PMDiet A&W Cream Soda - 2 chugged for you ;)
Its snowing here again. It's cold, but its beautiful because nobody has driving through it, everything is covered with a pure white blanket. Street lights reflect off the falling flakes and off the soft blanket that covers everything - giving the night a strange glow. When I stand out there, watching the flakes fall I think of you and I think of Zoe and I ask God to give you the strength you need to fight this.
You can do this...
Posted by: cursingmama at March 15, 2006 10:31 PMThe Queen,
I hope you enjoyed your movie. I really hope my
words of NOT wisdom made you laugh today. Graft
vs. Host....blech-that will not happen to the
Queen. You are our hero, you are going to beat
this "cwap"-why do I know this? Because you
can beat it with two languages. English, and
Yiddish-you were so fluent today when we spoke :)
Hail to the Queen.
Love,
Shoshie The Official Yiddish Yoda Master to the
Queen. (wow that is long)
Sharkey beat me to my comment -- inconthievable! I don't think you could go through this process and not get discouraged from time to time. But you are doing it, and you are beating it, and it's just a matter of time (and a little more discomfort) until you are home and healthy. Believe with me. Your light is far too bright to go out, so just hang on when you feel it flickering because we're all here with flashlights and a battery charger for you. Sleep well, my Queen, even when you'd rather not be sleeping. Because soon, you'll have much too much to do, and you'll join the ranks of the sleep-deprived. Believe with me.
Posted by: eclectic at March 15, 2006 11:16 PMI've been thinking of you dearie. Please be well. Peace.
Posted by: Traci at March 15, 2006 11:17 PMDP chugged in your honor.
Posted by: D at March 15, 2006 11:30 PMChugging water and sending you lots of love...
Posted by: Christine at March 16, 2006 12:31 AMWas dragging before I went to work this afternoon so I took a quart of French Vanilla coffee with me...
Hope things turn brighter soon!
Thinking of you...
alan
Posted by: alan at March 16, 2006 04:38 AMnonononono graft vs host...
just maybe something like benedryl makes you puke!
I saw parts of PB last night!
I love
the giant
and
I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die...
(you could use something like that as your mantra- I am debutaunt, these are my brother's cells...)
Deb, Good Luck on your test today, i hope they take you early. enjoy the nice sleep they put you in.
Prayers and Peace
Nancy
Queen of the Universe,
Repeat after me. I am going to go home. I thought
about you last night when I was lying in bed. I know
this is all "getting on your last nerve". But you
are strong, and like Eclectic said, we are here
to help you be strong, when you can't.
Good Luck today,
Love,
Nikki
My Queen, You are here and going to continue with exactly what you've been doing. Sleep when you can, your body needs it. You are going to kick all types of ass on this. Heck, you already have kicked some ass!
If you feel overwhelmed, its ok to have a little break down over it, let it out, then continue kicking some ass.
I love you Deb, and continually thinking of you.
Love,
Dawn
Yo Queen,
Most people know this Yiddish word, but I am
making it official on your blog. Today is your
day to KVETCH, so that means you can complain,
whine, and if need be, let out a few tears.
After you do that we will get back to our regular
routine. Kicking Cancer's Ass in the BOO-TEEEEEEE.
Wear the pink boa when they take those pictures
today. Let them know "YOU ARE THE QUEEN".
Love,
Shoshie
I'll be thinking good thoughts for you today, Deb. Let us know what the docs find, if anything. I'm sending you great big hugs, too... and if I discover Mexican Food Flavored Jello, I'm totally making up a big batch and bringing it to you.
Posted by: CircusKelli at March 16, 2006 08:11 AMGood morning, Starshine. The Earth says.....Howdy! Thinking of you.
Posted by: Patrick at March 16, 2006 08:40 AMIn your honor I lifted a "Mint Condition" martini. I hope you were able to enjoy Princess Bride last night and your scope goes well with you muchly sedated :)
Take care of you.. we'll do all the rest.
Posted by: Shannon at March 16, 2006 08:46 AMCoffee, water, and other beverages all quaffed for thee, sweety.
And "NO" I won't watch PB..love ya tho and hugs for a restful day.
Your are a brave lady, keep fighting and stay strong
Posted by: John at March 16, 2006 09:18 AMI just chugged some water for you. I hope you enjoyed the movie last night. One of these days this is all going to be a like a fuzzy dream. You'll be healthy, happy, and glad to have this crap behind you.
Posted by: Squirl at March 16, 2006 09:21 AMThe assignment as you wished! I enjoyed 2 beverages ice cold on tap with my chicken wings in your honor, your majesty. Hang in there Deb, I know the test sounds scary but conscious sedation is great. Ask for versed. It is great stuff. If the meds are making you sleep then so be it. It is always better to sleep through all the rough stuff anyway. You can do this Deb, we all love you!
Posted by: Cami at March 16, 2006 09:26 AMWhen we get scared in my house, we say, "what do the tigers say??" and then you GRRRRRR like a tiger.
So - be a tiger. They're brave and strong, and when something bothers them, they go bonkers with their big claws and teeth and rip those pests to shreds!!!
Be a tiger, Deb! You can do it!
Posted by: clandestine at March 16, 2006 09:47 AMWesley got through the pit of dispair without us, so you will get along just fine! (that movie so cheers me up, it was the first time my daughters watched it all the way through and they loved it!)
Hang in there, I will be sending happy thoughts your way.
Posted by: Jana at March 16, 2006 10:40 AMYour Jewish Mother (bwahahahhaahaha) says to her
daughter-you are strong, we can do this, and this
is as we say "a bump in the road". Remember you
are the QUEEN.
Love,
Shoshie
Good Morning, Highness! I trust you are through the scope procedure and resting comfortably now. My heart is filled with you and Zoe today. "Be well, be well, be well..." is what's spinning through my head. Well, that... AND the usual random daily thoughts, like, "Coffee. I NEED more coffee." ;)
~The Duchess
Keeping good thoughts goin your way today as they "scope" things out!
repeat after me.
I am the dread pirate roberts!
I think Eclectic and I are sharing a brain today. Of all the crap that could be in my head, its filled with you and I LOVE THAT! You're the Queen, not crap. Nor are you the Queen of crap, you're the Queen of the Universe!!!
And coffee.
Love to you!
Princess Bride is one of my husband and my favorite films of all time. Pitifully, we can nearly recite entire scenes. In my house one knows better than to say things like, "I mean it" because the reply will always be, "anybody want a peanut?"
Here's a stupid joke for you:
Three girls were running from the cops. They were a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The redhead climbs a tree, the brunnete hides in a barn, and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes. The cop goes up to the tree and says "is anybody up there?" The redhead replies "meow meow." The cop goes to the barn and says "is anybody in there?" The brunette replies "neigh neigh." The cop goes to the pile of potatoes and says "is anybody in there?" The blonde says "potato potato."
Posted by: Sheryle at March 16, 2006 12:18 PMHave your doctors given you Zofran for the vomiting? My friend's Dad was given this drug when he got chemo and it worked so well. Each pill is around $30 to $50 and some doctors don't prescribe it since it may not be covered by insurance and it is so expensive.
Joke: What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing, it just give a little w(h)ine.
Posted by: Carol at March 16, 2006 12:48 PMHave your doctors given you Zofran for the vomiting? My friend's Dad was given this drug when he got chemo and it worked so well. Each pill is around $30 to $50 and some doctors don't prescribe it since it may not be covered by insurance and it is so expensive.
Joke: What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing, it just give a little w(h)ine.
Posted by: Carol at March 16, 2006 12:49 PMMAWWAIGE. mawwaige, is what bwings us hewe togewvewr, today. ;)
hope you seriously feel better soon and get to go home! ;)
Posted by: Sarcomical at March 16, 2006 02:33 PMChecking on the Queen-I see no update :(
Maybe you are sleeping, or turning cartwheels,
or watching MAURY-checking if anybody has a Daddy.
Maybe you are getting your Diddy back on.
Sigh (and boy can I sigh)
Love,
Shoshie
HI! Deb,
I just want you to know that you have alot of people behind you and giving you support. I know you will be home soon. Take care.
Hugs,
Loryss
Yo Debufans-
Saw the queen this afternoon. She was stoned. She got through the scope thing OK and the preliminary results look good. She has to wait for the biopsy to know for sure.
I got to see pictures of her throat and esophogus and whatnot. There is a reason that some parts of your body are meant to be on the inside, I think. The report said that they were unremarkable, but I thought they were fabu.
I am guessing she will post when she gets down from that kite.
Sis#1
Posted by: Sis#1 at March 16, 2006 05:24 PMHurling is the worse so you have my utmost sympathy. I wonder if that will stop once the antibiotics are over. Fingers crossed.
Hang in there, girlie. You are getting better but it is just happening in ladybug steps. Tiny ones. Continue to kick ass.
Posted by: Von Krankipantzen at March 16, 2006 06:48 PMAloha Deb,
Ralphing is the worst. I can't take some pain meds cuz my body rejects them and I end up driving the procelain bus.
When my kids were young they would watch " Princess Bride on one of the movie channels every time it was on. Seems like it was daily. I remember a little of it. The actor with the speech impediment mostly.
I hope this Nausea thing passes soon so you can have a Fiesta with a delicious Mexican dinner and a large drink to chug a lug on the side. Viva la Queen.
Pulling for you here in the Islands.
EV
Posted by: Maui Cos. at March 16, 2006 06:53 PMThree Cheers for UNREMARKABLE. I've been thinking of you and the dreaded scope all day. I am so glad its over and Sis #1 told us the prelim. A big thank you to Sis #1.
Sleep the night away.
Prayers and Peace
Nancy
Deb, keep the faith, hon. Your determination and support from friends and family will help you through this very tough time.
I admire your ability to keep on inspiring those of us who read your blog daily. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. You will win this battle!
Posted by: Kay at March 16, 2006 07:01 PMThanks for the update, sis #1 -- i knew there was a reason to read thru all the comments. glad it went ok.
had a venti coffee frappuccino light today and raised a toast to you, deb. xo
Posted by: kristin at March 16, 2006 07:39 PMQueen of the Universe and Sis #1-
WE LOVE UNREMARKABLE. Thank you so much for the
update. You know all of us have been stalking the
site. We knew the Queen would do well. Just say no
to GVHD.
Love,
SWLF
We are so happy with the preliminary report!
Posted by: SWLF at March 16, 2006 08:12 PMI am glad that things are going well!
As soon as I pick up my daughter from play rehearsal, I will drink a cranberry juice and vodka in your honor!
Posted by: Julie at March 16, 2006 09:37 PMThat is such great news! Unremarkable is so good! You're doin' it Deb! Keep it up, girlfriend!
Love to you!
Posted by: Dawn at March 16, 2006 09:40 PMFunny how remarkable the word "unremarkable" can be in some contexts, eh? Looking forward to the good news your biopsy will bring, and to you feeling better each day. Long live the Queen!!!! Long stop the hurling!!!
love,
~The Duchess
So Debu was stoned
While the doctor took pictures
of her inside parts
Unremarkable
inside pictures of Debu
can this be for real
While this is great news
waiting for the biopsy
is not so much fun
So pray for good news
a stomach that does not hurt
and no more horking
Because the world needs
Deb to be the Deb u TAUNT
Which is hard when stoned
Thanks for the update, sis#1!
Posted by: kami at March 17, 2006 12:00 AMUnremarkable. Never in any other context can that word be accurately applied to you, Your Majesty. But this time, we'll take it happily.
Posted by: Susie at March 17, 2006 06:43 AMHi Deb, I hope you enjoyed the movie and that you are feeling better today.
Posted by: Kassi at March 17, 2006 07:54 AMHail to the Queen
I bet you are very tired, and wanting to go home.
That date won't be far off. In the meantime, conduct
your ROYAL business with your unremarkable insides.
Hope you feel better today, hey it's St. Patricks
Day, request green jello.
Love,
Shoshie
Just stopping in. I hope you're sleeping well, and keeping things down.
Its going to work out. Your body is kickin' ass, and it needs rest to do that. You worry about your rest and health, we'll be here to make it easier on you, support you, give you a laugh, send you goodies!
Love,
Dawn