April 07, 2006
They Say Our Love Won't Pay the Rent...
Since I'm easily amused, I think I will be posting more Natalie Dee pictures. They are adorable.
Zoe and I used to have a hamster named Baby Jack. He annoyed the shit out of me. Our neighbor gave him to us. He was totally cute, but would bite you, like really hard. And he slept all day and would run on the wheel all night long. Poor Baby Jack met his unfortunate demise when I cat sat for someone. We think the cat scared Baby Jack to death. I hate to say it, but I was glad to get rid of it.
It was a bizarro night for me. I have been up since about 4:30 now. I hardly slept. I'm still dealing with some nasty stomach issues. It's sad that I'm getting used to them. I want my Shoshie to visit, but I hate to spend all my time in the can. I want to go out and do stuff. Or just hang out.
But I did get some clearance from my main nurse. She told me to go take in a matinee movie with my mom (although no fountain drinks - I'd have to sneak in my own). Sad thing is there isn't any movie I'm interested in seeing. I'm also excited to have the weekend off - although I still have to hook up to the iv's both Saturday and Sunday, I don't have to go into the hospital. A wee bit of freedom.
The only cool thing that happened last night is that I dreamt my friend took me to the zoo. It was so real. I was in a wheelchair though and he was pushing me around. But I was smiling. And it was sunny and I felt kind of normal. Like old times.
And yay for mom's tacos. I did eat my first Mexican food the other day. It was great, although Mom picked up hot salsa by mistake. Normally this would be no big deal - I'm a jalepeno eater - but this was a bit spicy for me. I still want Chuy's (Tex Mex) like nobody's business. My taste buds are back, but my stomach is still a bit woozy, so I'm not chancing it yet. They are going to switch my stomach meds today - some new thing that I can take round the clock only 3 times a day. Crossing fingers that it works.
But, the best news of all is that we are going to have a spend-ey the night party tonight with the special guest:
Mom says they are going to make some cookies. I just want to hold that girl.
I was thinking about when Zoe was a baby the other day. I totally have baby fever, but can't be around any of them. So of course that is when you see babies everywhere. There are no babies in my future, but as soon as I am able to be around them, I'm going to smooshe them all. Smell their little heads and kiss their squishy cheeks.
It's been making me think about when Zoe was little. When Zoe was first born, she was too big to bathe in the bathroom sink. (She weighed ten pounds at birth - booyah!). And we had this huge garden tub in my apartment. Since I had a c-section, it was nearly impossible to bathe her in the tub as it was deep and I couldn't bend over enough to hold her/wash her up. She didn't like those bathing contraptions, so the only thing I could think of was to get in the tub with her and take a bath. She loved it. No screaming, she just used to smile. I would hold her and wash her little mash of hair - she had so much hair.
When I was done, her dad would then jammie and lotion her up, and I would take a shower. Sadly, it was like one of the few family routines we had. Then I'd rock her and nurse her. I'd sing my made up special Zoe songs. She smelled so sweet. And even then she had those huge huge eyes. The room would be totally dark, but there she would be, looking up at me with those saucer eyes. So much love for that girl. Such a lovely baby. I can't wait to see her. I can't wait to see that face and just smoosh her. God how I miss her. I really have no idea when we will be able to live together full time, but man I miss her so much.
Lately I have been sad because I have been away from her so long. Since October. I feel like I'm missing out on so much of her life. I miss knowing what is going on with her and seeing her every day. Talking to her every day. Hearing her little voice. I'm so used to the quiet now. I wonder if it will be weird to be around her energy again. I need to get strong though so I can have enough energy myself to take care of her. Regardless, it's sooner now than before. It is in the future. I can't wait. I can't wait. Oh well. At least she will be here tonight.
I can do this. I'm so glad to be here to do this. Today I thank God and my doctors and family and friends that I'm here to do this.
Today your assignment is to recreate a great memory. Was there a day with your spouse that was truly special? A night out with friends that was fun? Something you did with your kids that was sweet? A great workout that you had? Take some time out of your routine today to recreate that time. Maybe it will be the start of a regular thing.
My ex husband and I (pre-Zoe, pre-jerkdom) used to go out on a date every Friday. I honestly do miss that. Getting dressed up. Going out. It was something to look forward to every week. I'm thinking, but not really thinking, about having that in my life again (a bit to early for that in my brain). If I ever have a boyfriend/spouse again, this is something I will absolutely do. Even if Zoe is the sidekick, I will always make time to do something special like this.
So think of something sweet. Make it happen.
I love you. You know this, right?
Posted by debutaunt at April 7, 2006 07:52 AMThe first time I met my boyfriend. We had talked online for 3 and a half years before meeting. I was 18, he was 19. His flight to the airport had been delayed...but when it finally landed, the adriline began to pump. I thought one huge guy that walked off the plane was him, but it wasnt...I hid behind a piller because I was so nervous and wanted to see him first. I thought to myself "so God, you are finally letting this happen...please let me love him." And then he walked out of the terminal, computer in hand, just as handsome as ever. We hugged, we had our first kiss (his very first), and I started to cry because I was so happy, and I knew then that it was real, and I was in love. We left the airport, went to my house. 5 years has gone by since it began, and we still love each other.
Thank you for assigning that one :)
Posted by: Fellow Eskimo at April 7, 2006 09:19 AMSo happy you get to see Zoe and spend time with her. You know she's missing you too. What a lovely picture. She just gets more beautiful every time you post a picture.
Posted by: Philosophical Karen at April 7, 2006 09:45 AMDeb,
I admire all that you are. I am getting ready to walk in your shoes and you are giving me the strenght and hope that I need to see this through.
Thank you and God Bless you and your beautiful daughter.
Oh Deb... what a lovely post... that picture of Zoe is wonderful. I was thinking, wow, what big eyes she has, even before you "said" it.
I'm so proud of you for making it through all of this. I'm so happy for you that you'll have "date night" tonight with your Zoe.
I love you, sweetie.
Enjoy.
Have a great weekend.
Posted by: CircusKelli at April 7, 2006 11:08 AMThat Zoe is a true beauty. Just like her mom. Enjoy your time together tonight!
Posted by: Sharkey at April 7, 2006 11:09 AM'Can't wait for you to see Zoe! You need to smoosh her at least once for each of us...okay?
Posted by: Benita at April 7, 2006 11:12 AM'Can't wait for you to see Zoe! You need to smoosh her at least once for each of us...okay?
Posted by: Benita at April 7, 2006 11:13 AMI wonder what kind of cookies they're going to make - chocolate chip, m&m, peanut butter, or my favorite the unbeatable snickerdoodle. I love cookies. And, some of my favorite memories have to do with cookies - baking christmas cookies with the kids and maybe sneaking a little bit of dough ;)
I think tonight would be a great night for cookies.
**I should also mention that I have well wishes for you over at my place - come take a look see if you're feeling well & have time**
Posted by: cursingmama at April 7, 2006 12:32 PMSleepover!!!! Mmmm-hmmm!! Smoosh that beautiful baby girl for me too, please!
Posted by: eclectic at April 7, 2006 12:47 PMWhen I looked at the picture my first thought was dang, that girl has huge beautiful eyes! It's funny that as I read you said the same thing! I'm glad you get to have a sleepover tonight! Sounds fun totally. I have lots of good memories but thinking of babies got me thinking of when my daughters were born. My first girlie was born in November...3 weeks late...I developed pre-eclampsia and was induced (there's more to that whole inducing thing buuuuttttttt...). By the time my girl was born, the doctor had used suction and forceps to get her out. She quite literally popped out like a champagne cork with the sound and everything! I can still here, almost 20 years later, the sound of the forceps hitting the floor and the "pop" sound of my baby exiting the birth canal! The other funny thing about it was watching my doctor catch her like a football and take three steps back as she unwrapped the cord three times! She even said "I think it's a boy" until she got the cord undone and said "Oh, I was wrong, it's a girl!" Too funny! Thanks for the assignment! Happy Sleepover!!!
Posted by: Traci at April 7, 2006 01:56 PMGood Lord! What a giant baby!!
Tell ya what. How about if I don't have Chuy's until you do? And don't make me tell you how much I love their chicken quesdilla's and hot ranch.
Posted by: Kami at April 7, 2006 01:59 PMI did not just write "quesadilla's."
I HATE when I do that. Those quesadillas don't own anything.
Posted by: Kami at April 7, 2006 02:01 PMIs she there yet?
Posted by: Benita at April 7, 2006 02:48 PMThe new baby smell is just s
o precious.
Love,
Dawn
Oh Deb I am so excited for you and Zoe!!!! Have a wonderful night. Big hugs . . .
Posted by: Lisa O at April 7, 2006 03:11 PMBwahahahah-I love these pictures. I love the way
kids smell until they turn about 12 or so. Ya know
then the BO starts-and ya have to tell them HELLO
use the deodorant.
Ok so when I come can we make cookies, and I mean
lots of cookies. Sleep overs are the best, esp.
if it involved Princess Zoe. So if you are the Queen
and Zoe is the Princess. I guess that makes your Mom
MOQ-Mother of the Queen. I think you should start
calling her "Mumsie". Get that English accent going. And of course little sandwiches, and crumpets, and tea. And of course formal wear during the day.
I guess we could call Mom-Queen Mum....yeah that's
the ticket.
Have a great sleep over-no bouncing on the beds.
Love,
Shoshie
PS We have date night once a week, sometimes on
the weekend, sometimes during the week. I get all
spiffied up and so does Sam, and we go out.Sometimes
we even stay in a hotel....OMG I just said that on
your blog....OH WELL.
XOXO
Shoshie
So very pleased to hear your news Deb - thrilled me to BITS...
And your daughter is truly beautiful...
With you on taking the meds, eating and moving - the doctors have done their bit, ours is to take on the responsibility of getting better...and have I said that I am absolutely thrilled for you?
one of my sweetest moments with my husband was right after our wedding during pictures when he stopped the photographer so he could brush a stray piece of my hair out of my eyes. i always think of that moment when things feel yuck to remind myself of how good things really are. i know it seems silly that one little thing....
meanwhile why don't i see a picture?! all i see is a jar of hamsters! i live for zoepics!
xomox
Posted by: moxiemomma at April 7, 2006 07:08 PMDeb,
We all hope you have a grand time with Zoe.
I see my wife Shoshie shared with everyone our
evening's out. Your life is taking on new meaning,
with a new direction. I foresee great things for
you on the horizon.
Regards,
Sam
(Shoshie's husband)
Hello, former stranger! I found you from the Manolo's shoeblog.
I am so happy you are cancer-free! Yay!
Here is what my kids and I did today: MUD. Garden hose, mostly-dirt backyard, a dog who likes water. We threw mudballs (because we have no show here, it is mudballs fights for us).
We squished around in the cool mud, then walked on dirt and had monster feet.
I peeled off the mud later and marvelled at the print of my foot in it.
We threw mudballs at the shed and the back wall of the house.
We pulled the mud from between our toes and made more balls!
We made a huge, delightful mess.
Getting clean after was nice, too.
I highly recommend a good mudding. It's like a combination of day spa and Jackass.
Posted by: Lea at April 7, 2006 09:37 PMVery happy you get to spend time with Zoe & Mum. Mmmm cookieeeeeees. Hope tour tummy is settled enough to enjoy one or 2.
Wanted to do something beautiful with my 21 year old baby girl today. The 46 days of rain have subsided so we took a stroll down along the beach. Looked up to the hills and saw a full rainbow and marveled that science and miracles can be one in the same.
Talked about babies and Onesies and how cute babies look with the post tubby Fauxhawk.
Picked some sweet smelling Tiare from the trees in the front yard and then had to get to work. It was a beautiful morning.
Aloha Nui Loa,
EV
Hi Deb, just found you and I love your story - you tell it beautifully and you are such a positive person. I love this post - it shows how much you are looking foward.
My great memory would probably be the time I spent in a share house while in my last year of highschool. We had no parents to watch us and there was 13 of us in a four bedroom house and we did a lot of stupid shit, but we all really believed the world was our oyster and everything was going to be ok.
Posted by: song at April 8, 2006 01:03 AM