April 10, 2006
2am + Mint Chocolate Chip = Insane
Ok. I've been up since 2am. I went back to sleep for a wee bit around 7, but for the most part I was awake most of the night. I've heard that some of these meds (steroids) can make you have insomnia, but I think I was just, well, awake.
So at 3am, I was all hungry and I ate this ice cream that we bought. I'm bizarre, and that was uber compulsive. I'm not liking that. I think I will make sure that I do some extra walking today to make up for it. I know I've gained back some of the weight I lost (that 16 lbs I lost in a week), but that's now how I want to gain any of it back. I want my muscles back. And I've noticed that my ass is no longer the J Low that it once was and is more resembling Way Lo now. I'm so not digging that.
Plus. See. I'm now addicted to the Food Network. Not a good thing. I'm all Bravo'd out. I am going to break out all the DVDs that I can find now. It just sucks because the remote is packed up somewhere, so I can't fast forward or anything. I'm thinkin we will have to hit Radio Shack today to get a universal remote for that DVD player. It drives me nuts. I have like 92380438 remotes and none of them work.
They haven't put the rehab on my schedule yet, but I think regardless I'm going to head over to our gym at the apartment. It's right by where we are, and they have this great equipment. It's usually empty too, so that's a good thing. I think I could do a little treadmill action - or at least a few minutes on the bike. Just enough to make my legs move. To feel my body move. Any Houstonians that want to come workout with me, you're more than welcome to join me. Since I know mom won't let me workout without a babysitter.
Zoe and I went walking yesterday. It felt good, but I was still really slow. I try hard to walk a bit faster, but it feels impossible. Like my legs don't work. The nurses assure me that this is a result of the steroids as they aren't the Barry Bonds type. I also know (from the Actonel bone scan study I did), that from the first five rounds of chemo that I lost 9% of my bone density in three months - even with extra Vitamin D and Calcium and that Actonel drug. Makes me wonder how much I would have lost without it. Then I got the Hiroshima chemo with the transplant, who knows where my bone levels are at. So that is extra incentive to keep moving.
I was excited to be able to not have to go to the hospital over the weekend. Doing the home infusion was pretty easy. I could have even made it portable as they give you this backpack thingy. I hope they let me do it again next weekend as I'm scheduled to go in at 7am (YUCK). Most of the time I go in after 10. Makes it easy to get everything done before I go in.
I've been up watching television most of the morning. They sure do struggle to get stories in the mornings.
I can do this. I just need to get my butt in gear.
I'm sick of all the protesty, war news going on, so your assignment today is to be generous - to do something completely random. You know when you go to the grocery store they have those $5 bags of groceries that you can buy and put in the barrel? Well when you shop, I'd love it if you add one to the barrell. If you can't afford the $5, just buy a can or two of something tasty, like a big family size of ravioli or some Campbell's family sized soup and throw it in.
I remember when I got laid off, from the Rat Bastards when I was pregnant, I qualified for WIC (you know, the government cheese). It was humiliating, but I just did it for the milk, cheese, tuna fish, cheerios and peanut butter. We also got carrots, huge cans of juice, and a bunch of other stuff I didn't use. So I used to give whatever I didn't want to the barrell. I have to say that the food helped out quite a bit. I was glad to have it when I needed it. I was glad when I could afford to buy my own peanut butter. I hope I never get in that situation again.
Or, if you aren't in the grocery store, I know that our Half Price Books has a program where you can donate books to kids. There are so many opportunities. It's especially great if your kids see you do stuff like this. There are so many little things that you could do today that might mean something to someone. You just never know. Do it because you can.
I love Shoshie and my angel Sarah and SWLF (and the extended crazy internets family) more than Cookies and Cream ice cream. And that's a lot. You all make my day every day.
And I love you the most because you want to buy me shoes that don't look like instant birth control.
My dream job:
Our computer at home is on the fritz so I just got caught up on your weekend with Zoe. It sounds like it was filled with happiness (and a lttle sadness) and love and laughter and snuggles - all of the wonderful things about motherhood. You are a great mom Deb.
I love the assignment for today - just like I love them all.
I hope you get a nap in later and that its a beautiful sunny day there in Houston.
Hugs
Lisa O
i order you not to stress about the ice cream. i'm one of those recovering-eating-disorder girls, and the last thing you need in your life i worry about ice cream. you will get your muscles back. you will walk faster. you will be stronger. and a little ice cream on the way doesn't make a darn bit of difference. xo
Posted by: kristin at April 10, 2006 11:06 AMFirst of all, big hugs your way for the weekend talks with Zoe. She's such a bright girl and it's good you have these talks so she's "in the know".
Saw Sis#1 and her family yesterday. Your nephew is getting soooo big! They had a ball doing the bowling party thing. What a riot...there were 42 kids there. Bigger than a school field trip! What a blast.
Work out....well, the first thing that came to mind when you said that was: wear gloves and bring your lysol wipees with you. Seems like I always catch something off that equipment because it NEVER gets wiped down, no matter what they tell you. So, BE CAREFUL of the germies! Second: what's the schedule...I'll come over and work out with you. I walk about as fast as you, I am at least 800 years old, so I'll make you feel like a "young-wipper snapper!" Call me and give me the schedule...I'll be over in my workout clothes, which I happen to put on every day with the intention of working out and the most that gets accomplished is I may lift a basket of clothes or two! Never fails....I am riding horses on Thursdays now.
I think I'd be the perfect workout buddy!
Denise :)
Posted by: Denise at April 10, 2006 12:18 PMHugs to you, Deb!
Posted by: CircusKelli at April 10, 2006 12:36 PMGood to see you worrying about butt size - you're definitely on the mend..
love
I can tell by your post you are getting better. It's long and has the tone of someone who has some energy...dare I say peppy?
Don't sweat the ice cream. Think of it as a really flavorful calcium suppliment.
You remain in my prayers.
Posted by: Patrick at April 10, 2006 02:51 PMIf it's yours, it's perfect whether you think so or not, because you are a hero to a whole lot of people!
I 2nd that about the gym equipment; I use the one at work and know how many people don't bother to wipe anything down when they are done, in spite of the signs everywhere. Glad you've found the inspiration to go; just look out for yourself!
alan
Posted by: alan at April 10, 2006 02:59 PMBwahahahaha-that is such a SWLF move to eat something so good in the middle of the night. You
wake up and you can't fall back to sleep. These
little people walk you to the fridge and voila you
eat something. I had apple pie this AM at about 5am.
A small piece, and I have no IDEA how a scoop of
vanilla ice cream fell on that damn plate.
Lookie MISSIE. Don't worry about your boooteee,
don't fret about the food unless it hikes your
sugar. YOU WILL BE EXERCSING SOON. Your job
now is to take your 4321 pills, do your clinic
infusions, love yourself, love Zoe and watch
MAURY for me
My urchins wanted me to stick their faces on the
blog so I did. OMG-we laughed so hard.
No word from that WENCH NIKKI.
My good deed, I cleaned out some clothes, and
took them to Dress for Success (did I spell that
right it looks funny)anyhoo it's an agency here
that helps lower income women dress for job
interviews in nice things they can't buy.
Don't worry I did not give them any undies.
HA HA HA.
I love you cuz you make me laugh, and I may have
to call your Little Sarah, you are so funny
like she was-The more laughs the better.
Mwah,
Shoshie
Don't you think I should start working on Passover
stuff. I am having 36 people here for the Seder.
I told Sam he has to take the day off. They could
all be getting canned chicken broth. I am not
in the least bit concerned. That's the beauty
of living for today.
I am glad you got the backpack thingy. Be sure to get extra batteries since they need replacing more often then one would think. I hope you get to go to Pappasitos soon. I wish they had one in here in Chicago or even a Pappas.
Posted by: Carol at April 10, 2006 03:24 PMI'm detecting more than a few instances of a biting sense of humour, just like the old days before the hospital. J Low/Way Low? That is fuh-nny. You are sounding better all the time. If that's the ice cream talking, all I can do is recommend you eat MORE, not less. ;-)
Posted by: Philosophical Karen at April 10, 2006 04:19 PMYou are definitely sounding better my dear. Good for you! I think so many things to write while I'm reading your entries and I come back and re-read them a bunch of times...then I sit down to reply and I just wanna hug you...so none of the words seem right. Take care of you sweetie. Peace.
Posted by: Traci at April 10, 2006 04:39 PMso,
sounds like today was one step towards wellness...
stop watching the news! there's nothing you need to see there...
(just my opinion)
STAY ON TARGET.
Posted by: blackbird at April 10, 2006 05:42 PMIce cream is full of calcium and protein! If its sugar-free, there ya go! Really, its how I make eating ice cream a good thing.
You would make a mahhhhvveless professional cupcake model!
Posted by: Dawn at April 10, 2006 07:49 PMDeb,
You sound much better. I think if you walk
around the complex, or even back and forth
between the rooms in your apt, you will feel better. I think any movement is good. I ditto
what everone has said about the cooties on
the gym equipment. I would wear latex gloves,
and as I tell my children, no hands in the mouth.
Ice cream is my vice, I could eat ice cream
24/7. Ice cream with reese cups that I buy
is my personal favorite.
I am going to take books over to a Battered
Women's Shelter next week. I will do my
homework that you assigned us.
Have a great day tomorrow, and pray for me.
I will be with Shoshie for Passover, we are
leaving tomorrow.
Love,
Lisabeth
The kids and I sorted through the playroom, and ended up with 3 big boxes of books, toys, puzzles, stuffies and games to donate. Thank you for the suggestion! They were as excited as I was to get things organized and open up a little space, and I was shocked at how many things we had that were in good shape for donating. I think Shoshie should serve more than chicken broth for Seder. It's my first one.
Posted by: eclectic at April 10, 2006 11:45 PM