debutaunt.com

All Tucked In

I've been online shopping for shoes. At 2am. Shoes I cannot walk in nor can I afford. I have the ugliest shoes known to man, and yes, they have been described as "instant birth control." Yet I am secretly Carrie Bradshaw. I LOVE heels. I know the good stuff. I would kill to be able to walk in the highest, pointiest shoes, but I'm only good for about ten minutes in them, and that was before the old lady shuffle that I have going now.

I covet Sis #1's closet. She has rows and rows of cuteness shoe-sonified. She also wears them about 2-3 sizes smaller than me so I can't even pilfer her leftovers. Me? Well when I had Zoe, my feet grew to ginourmous proportions. Like I wear drag queen size 11's now. And not even cute narrow ones. It's like I have Fred Flintstone feet. (but as mom says, at least they work - uh, sort of now, and at least I have feet.... so I better stop complaining, no?)

I'm so tired of wearing sneakers. I have some cute flat mules, but they are a bit hard to walk in when you are walking/shuffling all day, so I'm stuck with the sneaks. But I long for a pair of beautiful shoes. Girly shoes. Sparkly. Pink. Bows even. Sexy, high and slinky. I've heard that when you lose weight, you actually can wear shoes that are high that don't kill your feet. This is another goal for me.

ok. shoe coveting aside....

Zoe had a blast camping. But apparently it got a little windy, so they cut it short. My girls take such good care of her when they go camping. They are angels. She really does love to go. I was so happy they invited her. She loves my friends. I adore them, and miss them terribly.

The cutting the trip short was totally to my benefit :) The Zoester got to spend the night and now there is a big ol Easter basket just waiting for her tomorrow morning.

Here she is in her little apron dying eggs. They turned out really pretty.

She is such a snuggle child. We turned on Disney for a while and just watched cartoons and she would just hold my hands in hers and snug her little body up as close as she could to me. She got sad and said she didn't want to go back and wanted to stay with me. I told her that she needs to keep healthy and get lots of sleep so that she can visit more often and that way Mommy won't catch a cold. She smothered my face in kisses.

We walked over to the gym and she watched me painstakenly do ten minutes on the exercise bike and three sets of leg curls. It was agonizing and humiliating. I know it is going to take a while, but I feel 800 years old. But I wanted her to see that I was working on getting stronger. I wish there was something they could give me to counteract the muscle weakening from the steroids. I feel so wimpy.

Mom made pork chops and spaghetti with garlic. She also make this angel food cake thing with pudding filling and frozen strawberries. Zoe scarfed down the spaghetti and ate about 10 black olives. I am still eating like a teenage boy, and hating it because I think I'm gaining weight. Which sucks because it's already hard enough to deal with physical therapy, much less when you gain weight. But yum. The pudding on the cake was yum. Damn these carb cravings!!!

We watched a bit of Harry Potter. I had to sit because my legs were killing me. They are still really swollen (the cankles) and it got really hard to walk. It scares me to death. I don't want to be in a wheelchair, but I can't even stand up without using my arms.

And for the first time, I had Zoe tuck *me* in. It was about 9pm and I was just passing out. I had to take a darvon for the pain (damnit). I don't like to take them whatsoever, but it was getting unbearable.

This weird insomnia (it's now 3am) is jacking my body clock. I hate to take sleeping pills, but I might have to get a few just to get back on a normal schedule.

I wish Zoe could be sleeping with me right now. I just want to hug her all the time. I want to hear her little breaths in her sleep and hold her tiny hand in mine. I miss the smell of her. And reading her books at night. I can't wait to see her when she wakes up. I hope she gets enough sleep. She was kind of tired and cranky.

Tomorrow I'm sure we will have candy for breakfast - ha! And I'm going to have some Easter eggs. My mom is truly the best. I am going to make sure she knows that tomorrow. She does so much for me. I can't imagine being here without her. I know my dad misses her bunches, but this would be impossible without someone as caring, sweet and organized as my mom.

For those of you who celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful Easter day.

Your assignment today is to give out lots of hugs. Hugs are good. Or just smile and be extra nice to a stranger tomorrow. You never know when you could make someone's day. Special long distance hugs to my SWLF family. I love you.

I don't have an Easter picture of Zoe because she wasn't supposed to be home for Easter, but here is the closest to her in an Easter dress. This was at her lovely Godparent's wedding, my Bro #2 and SIL #2's wedding. It is one of my happiest memories of Zoe as a little one.

I love you. No matter what. I really did want those pink shoes from LL Bean. But I was too silly to tell you that. Now I'll never know.

Posted by debutaunt at April 16, 2006 02:26 AM