debutaunt.com

My Girl, My Heart

Boy does my girl like to go camping. She still is smiling all wonky because she's missing a bunch of teeth. I can't believe she's lost like 8 or 9 already. Man do I miss her today. We used to take some hooky days off and just hang out. Maybe go to the movies or the zoo when it wasn't packed like on the weekends. This was pre-kindergarten when it didn't count, but those were some of my favorite days.

I got more sleep than I have been last night. I'm getting a prescription for some sleeping pills today. I also woke up dreaming that I owned a pee store. Um. HELLO? WHAT??? My life is way too involved with bodily fluids right now I'm thinking.

[weird segway aside]

I was thinking about when Zoe was a baby. Sis #1 and Sis #2 were both pregnant with me at the same time, so we all have kids around the same age. It was the coolest thing because you went through it all with someone that knew what you were going through. It's also great because the kids are really close now. It really made me so much closer to both of my sisters. (even though a time or two I'm sure they were ready to kill me - hormone hell and all)

I remember all the baby showers we had. We had so many pregnant friends at that time. We all ended up getting so much stuff. Like all this baby gear. Every thing that was recommended by other moms or Parents Magazine best picks. We had strollers, and stroller systems, and swings, childproof everything, car seats, baby monitors, video monitors, bathtub toys, cribs, bassinettes, smaller bassinettes, breast pumps, high chairs, and bouncy seats, pacifiers, sippy cups, mesh food holders, those softy little play gyms that they play on the floor in, and then those indestructible plastic things where they sat in the middle and pushed buttons and lights, bells whistles, etc.

We wont even get started on all the educational toys and videos.

And it's funny. But we never really really needed much of that crap. I know I didn't.

Zoe simply loved to lay on the floor. She had the most beautiful baby blankets. Soft and sweet. So I'd set her down on the floor on one and we'd play. She was a must be 'on my belly' kind of baby (yes, she even slept that way), but she always liked to pick her head up and look around. She used to suck the nose on this Carter's John Lennon giraffe stuffed animal and liked her Sesame Street Zoe doll. And then she had a few soft rattles. That was about it.

Zoe was always kind of ahead of her time. She sat up at her 4 month checkup and her pediatrician said.. she's not supposed to be able to do that just yet. I said, "you tell her that." She crawled easily (rolled mostly) and then decided it would be much more fun to walk around at 7-8 months. (although she really didn't have the coordination, she would just go go go until she smashed into something or fell down).

When we were home, I'd nurse her and sing or hum to her. She would just look up at me with those huge eyes and hold my finger. We listened to music all the time. She loved the Beatles, Bob Dylan, and Lenny Kravitz and all the dumb made up songs I would sing. My mom remembers words to more songs than anyone I know, but I still just have to make them up.

She never did like the bassinette or her crib all that much. And she wasn't much for long naps, unless I would lay down with her. We snugged up tight even then and would sleep for a few hours. Those apartments were so quiet and when it was cooler out, I'd open up the window and we'd sleep in the breeze.

I loved to sit with her on the porch as we overlooked this sort of bayou/ditch thing behind our apartments. We were on the third floor and could see all the trees and the birds. There were these huge white cranes that would just fly for hours and then land in the water. Zoe's first word was "bird." Not momma or dadda, but bird - just plain as day.

Life really seemed sweet then. I know that it wasn't all peaches because I had gotten laid off and we were struggling so much financially. But when I think about it, it just seems so peaceful.

But it really makes me think. So many people try to make life so much harder than it really needs to be. They think it should be complicated. I hear people talk about how hectic it is and frantic, scheduled and difficult. But sometimes I think people just really need to cut the crap out of their life and look at what their basic needs are.

Do you really need so much stuff? I wish I had invested the money from all that baby paraphenalia. We could have opened up a dang store with all that crap.

Zoe just liked to look around. She liked to be with Mommy. She was comforted and nurtured, held, loved, and had her basic needs attended to.

I think that's simply what we all need out of life. To know that you are loved. That someone cares about you. Basic affection and nurturing. The rest is all just a distraction. The rest is painful when it really doesn't necessarily need to be.

I can do this. I feel very peaceful today.

Your assignment today is to meditate or pray or just zone out. To just take a chill out period - even if it's only for like ten minutes. If you have kids, you may have to wait until they are sleeping, but take some time out to reflect on your life. And see if your basic needs are being met. If you are taking care of yourself.

In the book Body for Life for Women by Dr. Pamela Peeke, she talks about how so often we are so busy taking care of others that we neglect ourselves. You'd never want any of your loved ones to be ill or sad or hurting. So why do you allow that to happen to yourself? Why do you neglect your health. Or eat poorly. You wouldn't want your kids to just eat like crap all the time, so why do you? Or why are you not dealing with a health issue? Why do you not get enough sleep? Or exercise? It's really damn important. There are so many excuses - this has to be done or that has to be done or the laundry will not wash itself.

Well you are more important than laundry. And if you aren't around or neglect your health, what is the point of continuing to operate like that? Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. Whatever it takes to do that. The stress will kill you - no doubt. Because you aren't any good to anyone else if you aren't good to yourself.

I hope you all have a wondeful day today.

Much love to the SWLF crew today. And since we have like 3 dozen eggs here, I'm going to go eat a Feinkochen in Shoshie's honor. I love you wimmens!

Baby Zoe Big Eyes.

I wish you knew how much happiness I want for you. How much love and joy and peace I want you to have. I wish I could let you live my life for one day to feel how this feels. And I wish I could hug you every day. Because everyone needs a daily hug. A good solid one too. And you are one of my favorite people to hug.

Peace to you today, babe.

Posted by debutaunt at April 18, 2006 07:46 AM