April 20, 2006

What A Way to Start the Day

With paralyzing pain in your chest - like the worst heartburn of all time. Drugs are good. Yay for Maalox. Too bad it's not working. It scares the hell out of me. I don't want anything to be wrong with me, but this is like 3 days in a row of this pain. I used to get this exact pain in the hospital - and they related it to the graft vs. host in my stomach. I wonder if it is because they are tapering off the steroids. I'm down from 12 pills to 7 a day.

I don't think sleeping pills work on me very well either. I still woke up. And they make it really kind of scary going to the can in the middle of the night. Like being sh*tface drunk stumbling into the bathroom. Kind of weirdly fun though. At least I'm not dreaming about owning a pee store anymore. I think I might just need to move more during the day. I need to sleep. I need it.

I'm watching a Lifetime Movie right now where Melissa Gilbert plays a Russian countess who has love and loss. She also loses her Russian accent quite a bit. I'm losing brain cells as I type.

I have late clinic today and I'm kind of glad about that. I think I have the weekend off again, and my sweet Zoe is supposed to come spend the weekend again (hopefully she's not sick nor are her cousins). I hope she can. I feel like I need to see her. I just need her.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

I'm really tired. I think I'm going back to bed.

I can do this. I'm just kind of hurtin today.

Your assignment for today is to plan some culture for the weekend. Hit a museum. Or go see a show or play or concert. Take your kids on some educational tour. Go to a botanical garden. Learn something new. Read a real book. Go hit the half price book store and buy something you'd normally not read. BTW, you are forbidden to ever watch Danielle Steel's Zoya. Turn off the junk tv. Just say no.

I don't know how that relates to anything, but it just seems like something worthwhile to do this weekend.

Posted by debutaunt at April 20, 2006 07:11 AM
Comments

So if I got this right, Bill Watterson" Calvin and Hobbes counts as a real book? Cool! I can do that one no problemo.

Take care, stay strong and know that we are praying for you and Lillian and Nikki and the ladies at SWLF.

Patrick

Posted by: Patrick at April 20, 2006 07:57 AM

Ok darlin you know you need to chatting this stuff up with the doctors. If it worries you it needs to be talked about with someone who can answer questions. Stressing is not good for you right now. Go back to bed, get some sleep and then take care of YOU!

I'm not doing any homework this weekend...I've spent every weekend for the past 5 weeks at my parents house and now that I'm done with that, I'm staying home. I wonder if I can find culture on t.v.? Probably not! MWAH!

Posted by: Traci at April 20, 2006 08:19 AM

Deb! Thank you for this:
"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes"

I shall tell this to Sweet Pea at bedtime. :)

Have a good day, darlin.

Posted by: CircusKelli at April 20, 2006 08:33 AM

Deb, thank you for the words that are a reminder to me to cherish the time I have with my son.

I hear the despair in your words at your separation from Zoe and it makes me slow down, be patient and love him for all that he is. Even when he's acting 2.

You have given me such a gift. Thank you so much.

Posted by: sally at April 20, 2006 08:37 AM

sending mucho no sick vibes to the zoester and her cousins!

and i hate to admit it, but i've seen that melissa gilbert zoya movie. it's about a frillion hours long if i remember correctly.

okay, culture. i have to *think* about where to find that on cape cod--it's very nearly a culture free zone and a trip to boston with the bebes right now might make me go fetal.

sorry about the heartburn. i very clearly remember the first time i had it--it was scary. definitely talk to the docs. a slightly stronger antacid might do the trick. i hope you feel better after some more sleep.

xomox

Posted by: moxiemomma at April 20, 2006 09:08 AM

i love lifetime movies! especially the 4 hour long ones, and i believe that's what that one is.

xoxoxoxo

any word from the swlfs?

Posted by: clandestine at April 20, 2006 09:22 AM

Deb - sending good non-belly-aching-burning thoughts out to you today. (I live on Maalox & Prilosec and my favorite Ibuprofen/aka "I Be Broken" is forbidden due to this damn fiery belly thing...)

Please do mention that the Maalox isn't cutting it, maybe there's something else in the arsenol that they can suggest.

Your assignment is slightly early but next week is "Turn Off TV" week. Maybe for the addicts, a weeks' notice is a good thing. :)

Big hugs to you and yours today. Rest. Dream. Know you're loved.


Posted by: Bren=Cody'sMom at April 20, 2006 09:38 AM

ok, i love those miniseries (more like maxiseries) like Zoya. the comment about her losing the accent was priceless and oh so true.

TALK to the docs about the pain. i know you prolly already have, but TALK.

and good luck seeing your lovebug this wkd. sounds like mama needs some hugs. xoxo k

Posted by: kristin at April 20, 2006 09:42 AM

Re: having to take pills for them to work - same applies to allergy pills. Yeah. Anyway.

Call your doctor about that pain!

I like to watch Lifetime Movies when the hubs is out of town, like he is now, just so my brain can go to more mush. But you have to be careful, because you donated most of your brain cells to Zoe. One of the gifts of motherhood.

Posted by: Kami at April 20, 2006 10:34 AM

Oh those Lifetime movies are terrible!

go watch Starting Over --
much more fun and still crappe.

Posted by: blackbird at April 20, 2006 10:49 AM

oh boy. i do hope that nasty pain goes away very very soon! if nothing else, at LEAST you are home. is it nice outside today for you?

Posted by: Sarcomical at April 20, 2006 12:12 PM

i second blackbird's reccommendation on the show starting over. i haven't watched it all year, but when i was pg with the girl i luurrrrrrrrved it. it was cathartic somehow.

Posted by: moxiemomma at April 20, 2006 12:59 PM

just checking in, and thirding the starting over idea. i'm addicted.

Posted by: kristin at April 20, 2006 03:18 PM

Just here to say hi. Is IKEA cultural? It's from a different, non-English-speaking country. I'm planning on going shopping at IKEA this weekend, so I really hope it counts for the assignment.

I'm really sorry you have that heartburn pain. I hope you have talked to someone about finding out what it is and getting some relief. Anyway, let's hope Zoe's all clear for a visit. Sounds like you need it.

Posted by: Philosophical Karen at April 20, 2006 04:07 PM

I'm sitting here thinking you don't want to bring up the pain issue with the docs cause you're thinking, the sooner you get off those 'roids, the sooner you're going to feel better in general. Pain is a signal your body is talking to you....even if it means being all bloaty for a while longer, you still should mention to them that you've got it. As I sit here and type this, I know you're a really smart girl about this stuff and I'm so sure you've already told them, right? There's gotta be a better tummy pill than the Maalox, I'm thinking!

I went horseback riding today...it's not culture, but I just wanted to mention it. You know, it's been soooo many years since I did this, but an amazing thing happened today! I was riding a horse that isn't really what you'd call a "schooling" horse--in otherwords she's still a baby in horse terms (almost 4) and so she's learning still. Well, I did really good with her, managed to keep her relatively close to the outside circle of the arena, managed to get her over some poles at a trot...you get the picture. Then, the other rider in the arena is being given some one-on-one by our trainer using a lunge line, and the trainer has a whip to get the other horse going. Well, my little girl thinks that whippy thing is for her, so she goes all spazz in the corner on me! And, I stayed on, I got her under control...the trainer even said her first thought when she saw what was going on was, "Oh, this isn't going to be good!" But I DID IT! Now, I'm not saying there won't be another time when this turns out badly, but I'm thinking I'm going to be able to handle this better than I even thought! I may be old, fat and outta shape, but those muscles have memories and they do kick in in a crisis! YEAH! Don't you love it when the body remembers!

You are soooo on my mind, enjoy hugs with the babe this weekend!

Denise :)

Posted by: Denise at April 20, 2006 05:05 PM

I hope you start feeling better. I am thinking of you all the time. I am taking a photo class this weekend, so I guess that's a bit o' culture, eh? I am down 5 lbs since the beginning, baby steps. :)

Posted by: Rachel at April 20, 2006 09:06 PM

Just can't bring myself to watch Lifetime.
Comedy Central, on the other hand, is a necessity.
:o)
Will keep you in my thoughts as I go through my cookbooks...I love reading cookbooks and imagining the steps involved and not have to worry about burning the food. It's weird because I really am not a good cook, but to look at the ingredients and how they are to be used is very calming for some reason.
Enjoy your little one this weekend! :oD

Posted by: M_D at April 20, 2006 09:27 PM