Yes. Of course I told my case nurse about the pain. She said to keep an eye on it. If it persists, we will take care of it. She did say it's not heartburn though. So she said to darvon/ativan it if I needed to.
And YAY! I now officially am on a schedule of three days a week of clinic visits vs. seven. The four days at home I will be doing my own infusion of meds. They come with a backpack, so if I even wanted to, I could be portable. This will be cool for mom so that she can watch the Price is Right (she is addicted I think) without having to take me to the hospital and pick me back up.
I read this book my lovely Minou sent me called Bald in the Land of Big Hair by Joni Rogers. It could not be more my life right now. I want to read it again. I will have a longer post on some of what she talked about, but I'm fixin to go to bed in a bit.
I also got some fun stuff this week - Princess Fiona sent me and Zoe some DVDs - Shrek and Wallace and Gromit - yay! Now I have something Zoe and I can watch this weekend. Michelle sent me some iTunes fundage to buy some great music to jam out to when I ride the exercise bike. I downloaded all kinds of hip hop to go with my Tony Bennett old school tunes. I also got the coolest tiara from Monica at Soluna Enterprises. It's so pretty, I know Zoe is going to want to snatch it up for herself. It goes great with my pink boa.
The most surprising thing of my day was the return of Dr. Egypt. This is like the fourth or fifth call from my ex boyfriend. He says he is going to come visit me (he lives out of state), but he's said that kind of thing before. We had a pretty good conversation. He asks all kinds of questions about the transplant, and wants to know exactly how I am doing. I wish he would come visit. He was always one of the most fascinating people I've ever met, and we didn't really break up - he just moved, so we've always been on good terms. I cracked a bunch of jokes. I really doubt he will come though. He's a heart surgeon and they are just working him to death. Oh well. It was good to hear from him. I always do get so sentimental when I see a guy in scrubs.
Today I cried at my appointment. I was listening to my iPod. Some music really gets me. I was thinking about Nikki and Sarah and someone else and just started crying. It wasn't a bad cry, but I just did. I wiped these huge huge tears with my fingers and let them drop onto my shirt. I sat there thinking... Gosh these are some big tears, like the biggest raindrops ever. How many tears can someone have? Do they run out? What made them so huge today?
It was a pretty good day overall. My tears are big, but I'm doing this.
For my SWLF. I love Pooh too.
Christopher Robin to Pooh:
"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever.
Not even when I'm a hundred." Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?" "Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.
An extra assignment is to think about a favorite childhood book. If you don't own it, go buy it. Even if you don't have kids. It might make you remember what it was like to be a kid.
I love you internets. Especially you.
Posted by debutaunt at April 20, 2006 08:24 PMAw, Deb. Those tears are yours to cry and I'm glad there was a time and place for them to be released. You've earned the right, a cleansing and releasing cry is a good step toward renewal.
I'm going to find one of my favorite books - The Boxcar Children. Good idea.
Hooray for your new-found freedom to stay home a few days each week!
Posted by: Bren=Cody'sMom at April 20, 2006 10:05 PMI'm so glad you liked the book! I went shopping on a whim and there it was. I had to read it first, just because it looked so good and then I knew you had to have it. It felt like a story you would write.
One of my favorite childhood books is Anne of Green Gables. My favorite adulthood book (which is about the author's childhood) is the other one I sent you.
Hugs! :)
Posted by: Minou at April 20, 2006 10:30 PMA book I keep on my coffee table is "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch. I cry every time I read it! Great book for kids and adults as well.
I know my supply of tears seems endless. Crocodile tears...I know just what you're talking about. I also cry when listening to my Ipod. So you're in good company!
Hope Zoe makes it this weekend and you all have a blast!
Posted by: Kay at April 20, 2006 10:59 PMI love you too, Deb. I haven't cried today and I am glad for the break. : ) Tears are good stress relievers...good for you. You are doing a fantabulous job my sweet friend. Keep rockin' on.
Posted by: Traci at April 20, 2006 11:39 PMDeb, I'm beyond honored that you posted my website. I was wondering why I was getting a spike on my counter! ;) I'm so glad you like your Fifi - enjoy in the best of health, and I hope Zoe has fun with it too. May your tears bring you peace and maybe even a lil' extra sleep. As for my favorite childhood book, I still sometimes read Roller Skates by Ruth Sawyer. Then again, I was warped enough to do a book report on Jane Eyre in the 4th grade. Blessings to you and yours!
Posted by: Monica the tiara chick at April 21, 2006 12:07 AMDeb,
Cry all you need to. Its healing and cleansing. You're getting better and better- stronger and stronger.
I do hope Zoe is able to come over this weekend. Its so nice to have that time.
Love,
Dawn
The queen has been crowned by a loyal subject. Neato. I want to see a picture.
My favorite childhood book that I could read over and over again: "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" by Judith Viorst and Ray Cruz.
Posted by: ieatcrayonz at April 21, 2006 07:44 AMI love you right back, Deb. My favorite childhood book was "Miss Suzy" -- the story of a squirrel who was run out of her house by a band of bad squirrels (but saved by a band of soldiers).
My kids have that book. :)
LOVE YOU.
The excerpt from Winnie The Pooh got to me.
Hugs,
Posted by: CircusKelli at April 21, 2006 09:25 AMI am torn between getting "Where The Wild Things Are" or "Harold and the Purple Crayon." I shall have to get both I think.
Feel better. And have a really really good weekend.
Deneen
Posted by: deneen at April 21, 2006 09:30 AMSometimes you just need those big fat tears.
You are doing so well...
or, you write like you are doing so well,
I think your attitude is amazing.
AMAZING!
Weird on the ex calling. Why do they do that?
When you are done with all these visits and stuff, you won't know what to do with all your time!!
Yeah, we like "Love You Forever" around here, too.
Posted by: Kami at April 21, 2006 01:25 PMDeb
This is not related to anything in particular. I have been lurking for a while and reading what is going on with you. My heart breaks for you and Zoe. As a parent I would not survive being away from my child as long as you have been. All I can say is be strong and be on the watch for a package for Zoe. All I can say is one of her wishes has been orderd and should be delivered in a couple weeks. Enjoy it with her.
Sincerley
the granting fairy
Mr. Popper's Penguins...and my kids love it, too.
Posted by: Benita at April 21, 2006 03:22 PMYee-haw! Three days a week instead of 7! That's gotta be good!
My favorite childhood books were the 'Little House on the Prarie' ones. That was also my favorite TV show...oh, how I wanted to be Laura Ingalls! But, my oldest daughter (who just turned 12) never could get into them. I tried and tried, but nope! I still have hope for Claire, though (who is 4).
And I totally want to see a picture of you in your tiara!
Posted by: Lauri at April 21, 2006 04:38 PMRead so much of your blog tonight. Beautiful assignments, beautiful reminders of the power of life. Thank you for your words and your story. I am holding you and your beautiful wee one in the light.
Posted by: Christen at April 21, 2006 08:53 PMJust got back in town and got caught up on your blog. I've missed you and prayed for you everyday. It sounds like you've had some ups and downs this past week but you are still fighting cancers ass and inspiring me and so many others. Many hugs
Posted by: Lisa O at April 21, 2006 11:15 PMI know Sherlock Holmes isn't meant to be a kid's book, but I absolutely loved reading those stories when I was younger. It's about time I picked them up again and renewed my interest.
Thanks for the assignment.
Posted by: Philosophical Karen at April 22, 2006 08:22 PM