debutaunt.com

4,239 Baby Steps

My Zoe is here. Gosh she is sweet. She is so careful with me. I worked out today so I came home and had to shower. She was like.... "i'm stinky too. I want to shower with you." So I patched up my central line and jumped in with her. She's all tanned with bikini lines from camping. And I washed and conditioned her hair. She was like... "soooo smooove, Mom." Then she washed the top of my head so carefully. So sweet. She really is such a pretty girl. She just has grown up so much since October.

When we got out of the tub, the look on her face was so sad. My hands still are really bruised from the few blood draws they did there a while back. I also am black and blue from one side of my stomach to the other from the three time a day insulin shots. She looked scared, but I told her they don't hurt. She rubbed lotion on my hand so tenderly. And then she said that I needed some on my back (my skin is still so dry from the radiation). It made me want to cry. My sweetness. Taking care of me. She misses me so much. I was really tired and she ended up tucking me in again around 8:30 as I totally passed out.

But tomorrow is a new day with her. I don't have to go to the hospital, but will do my infusion from home. So we will get to be togehter all day. I can't wait.

So anyway, now I'm wide awake at 2am. Soon to be remedied I am hoping by this lame-o sleeping pill.

For my lovely SWLF Sisters. I want to come hug you today. Like really bad. Shosh, do you need me to send you some of mom's goulash? I hear Fedex could get it to you pretty easy. Since I know you just want more casserole. Um. Ok. Maybe not.

How about I just post some fun pictures of how I am feeling at 2am instead? I totally want to go raid the pantry and eat some Honey Nut Cheerios.

This is what my steroids make me feel like. (and yeah, Natalie Dee is awesome.)

This is what I look like now because of the steroid puffy face:

(for those of you who don't know, that is a picture of PBS's Caillou.) He is banned from our household. He's this little bald 3 year old (no problem with that), but the kid whines constantly. He doesn't have a normal voice, but this whiney whiney annoying wanna slap your face kind of voice. We don't speak Whinese in this house, and we aren't about to start.

So today was a "They Say Our Love Won't Pay the Rent," kind of day again. Same ol' same old. I feel pretty good. The legs suck still, but no weird chest/heartburn pain which was cool.

The other day I was thrilled to find my little cheapie McDonald's pedometer. It was a freebie with a "healthy" salad ages ago, but has worked better than the expensive $10 Target one that I bought. It got me kind of psyched and is an added incentive to make the number of steps more and more each day - just as a reminder.

I started wearing it a few days ago. The first day - a disappointing 196 steps. Yesterday I did 847. But today I did 4,239. I used to do an extra 10,000 a day if I could help it. I also went to rehab and with the new iTunes did a "workout - ha" that reminded me of my Body for Life gym workouts where I used to totally kick ass. Gosh I miss those workouts.

I was riding the bike (bastardos wouldn't let me ride more than 12 minutes), but I was kicking my own ass and jammin along. I did some other leg strength exercises. I really think I'm going to want to go to the gym here at the apartment. I know I'm able to do at least 20 minutes on the bike. And the trainers there just act so weird. I think they are used to really incapacitated patients - of which there are many. At least I can walk. I can't do squats yet, but my legs, while weak, are working.

Anyway, it's way too late and as I remember, littles love to wake you up at the crack of ass, so I best try to get some sleep. I have lots of smooshing to do on that child tomorrow.

I'm doing this. I have a pedometer too. And a DVD order of that Boston Legal episode on the way from my cousin. Rockit!

Your assignment for today is to get a pedometer. Pedometers aren't too expensive. You don't need bells and whistles, just something that will count the steps you take every day. It's kind of cool to keep track and try to beat yourself. And it's just walking. From the time you get up until you go to bed. Make the steps you can step count. It's important to know where you've been so that you can see where you are going.

Oh. and P.S. I have some baby eyelashes coming in. And like six eyebrows. Now I can stop getting pissed off every time I see a mascara ad. Yipee.

I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you. ~Author Unknown

And, B, it's true. I love you because you make me feel special and beautiful and lovely even though I'm broken.

Posted by debutaunt at April 22, 2006 12:35 AM