20 minutes on the bike
10 on the treadmill
leg extensions
lat pulls
chest cross over
row pushouts
1890 steps
walked around the parking lot and let the sun shine on my bald, sweaty head. I feel like I should water it and let the sun shine on it so my hair grows.
I'm tired and sweaty. It felt good. I heard the theme song to American Beauty on my iPod while I was on the treadmill and just started crying for no reason. I'm glad to be invisible sometimes as there were like three other girls in there.
I want to quit the rehab place. I like working out at my gym better. They annoy me. But they do have more leg press type equipment there, so I think I'm a bit stuck with the rehab folks.
I want to be strong. I want to be strong. It's like if I say it enough it will make it easier.
But there is nothing easy here. Gosh it's such a different feeling working out because you absolutely have to versus because you want to. I love it. I love working out. But this seems so hard. Like painful and not fun. I want it to be fun again. I want to feel the sweat and get that thrill again. I used to love working out really hard and sweating my entire shirt until it was soaking wet. I loved the way it felt to be exhausted, but in a good way. And I miss coming home and fixing my own dinner with a huge salad and lots of grilled chicken, steak and veggies. I used to keep not one but two George Foreman's on my counter.
I think I would stab the Jason's Deli guy with a spork right now just to get at that salad bar. And the turkey pita with sprouts.
I know I can do this. I know I can. I just have to get through the hard part. But how do you make it not all be a hard part?
I wish I could go work out at a big gym. I like when they have places you can stretch and classes and stuff. But I think it's too soon to be exposed to so many germs. My gym has some great equipment, it's all new, but it's pretty small. I want to do the elliptical trainer, but my thighs aren't strong enough to even get it started. Bah. It's my favorite and really easy on the joints. I had finally got up to like 45 minutes on it. But I will get there again. It might take eleventymillion years, but I will be doing it again.
Overall, I was glad I went. I'm sitting here chilling, drinking a huge glass of water. Then I'm going to take a great shower and eat some of mom's homemade roast beef. I plan on dreaming of salad tonight.
I am doing this. And my debu_team is starting too. I love hearing the reports and hope that you all really do check in here daily to let me know what you are moving. Sis #1 really made quite a difference in many lives of the folks on her team - like losing weight and lowering cholesterol levels, etc. I think that's awesome. We have some folks on my team with some great goals. I hope we all can achieve them.
Special assignment for the debu_team. It's painful, sometimes, but do it anyway. When I started my Body for Life Challenge, Sis #1 had to take my "before" pictures - pictures of me in a jog bra and biker shorts. The pictures were humiliating, hideous and frightening to me. I had never been that big in my life, and here I was, no hiding any of it in those clothes.
Now you don't have to get all that stripped down, but I want you to take a picture of yourself - a before picture. You don't have to show it to anyone else, but keep it somewhere - like a exercise journal or something, because I want you all to have some great after shots.
If you are already in shape, I want you to take a picture that will remind you of your goals. Like you want to be healthier to be around for a long time for your loved ones - and have a picture of your kiddos or your family. Or pictures of healthy recipes to remind you that you should be eating better as much as possible. Whatever it is, it's a good physical reminder that you *can* do this and you are actively participating and moving.
I got this today, "Have I told you that you make me proud?" You did now. And you make me proud right back. I love you so much it's not funny.
Go Debu_Team!
Big hugs to my SWLF family. Oh. Wait. I'm all sweaty. Well, here is a virtual, non sweaty hug.
Posted by debutaunt at May 1, 2006 06:48 PMYou ARE strong.
Not too long ago you could barely make it down the hall - now look at you.
I think you sound quite active for an 800 year old.
Funny, I was just thinking earlier today about doing a before picture. And you'll understand if I don't share it. It's for the good of all blog-kind.
Posted by: Sheryle at May 1, 2006 10:00 PMEW! A before picture? Awe, ma. Shucks.
I'm honestly blogging this stuff. I'm conflicted about getting a picture (feeling obligated to include it). Gah!
Posted by: mrtl at May 2, 2006 12:16 AMDeb, I'm so, so lame in comparison to you and your magnificent efforts!! As I was walking, probably the 1,000 steps max, and my ankle popped a delightful percussion nearly the whole way, I thought of you and how I can't even imagine the aches and pains you're feeling. I also quipped to a passing neighbor (in her car with the A/C on), that my skin felt PARCHED as we walked in the heat (zilch on the humidity). Then I remembered your mention of dry, dry skin. You're my hero for kicking cancer's butt and now you're on the way to 'super-hero' for the monumental effort to take back your life - the one with soft skin and toned body that you recall in earlier days. You rock! Oh, and I mentioned you on Cody's page, www.caringbridge.org/nm/codya so you may be feeling some extra prayers and getting some recipes. Keep on keeping on! I'll walk with you but probably not silently... damn ankles, knees, hips, etc...
Posted by: Bren / Cody'sMom at May 2, 2006 02:27 AMHey Deb
you are kicking butt, you are going to be the best motivator for the Debu_Team. Tell me how to join. I don't see the link with the info. I will email you from my home with my email address.
thanks for setting up the Challenge. You are one strong and motivated girl. I will promise to more that just walk for 45min to 1 hour a day, it just doesn't cut it anymore. Thanks
Nancy
Deb
you are kicking butt, you are going to be the best motivator for the Debu_Team. Tell me how to join. I don't see the link with the info. I will email you from my home with my email address.
thanks for setting up the Challenge. You are one strong and motivated girl. I will promise to more that just walk for 45min to 1 hour a day, it just doesn't cut it anymore. Thanks
Nancy
I can't help looking back out the archives from a about 5 weeks ago and compare them to now. You scared the shit out of us on March 26. But your entry on March 30 seemed to be a turning point a redoubling of your resolve.
Thank you. Not only for your example of courage but for your willingness to relate your fears with such openess. I thank God for His healing, for your doctors, your brother, and all your family. May God continue to bless you.
Keep up the fantastic work. I haven't sent a note for a while but I haven't stopped praying for you.
Posted by: Patrick at May 2, 2006 08:27 AMDidn't get a chance to actually work out yesterday or this morning, but yesterday I did get outside and spent about 45 minutes raking up the metric ton of twigs that our elms shed on the lawn. The kids even "helped." Today, I'm wearing my pedometer, and have every intention of walking home for lunch today.
Tomorrow will see the return of the workout. I promise. You can kick my butt if I don't do it. So far you're certainly doing better than I am. Not bad for being 800!
Posted by: Jessica at May 2, 2006 08:53 AMI haven't gotten my pedometer yet - ordered it and it should be here soon but I DID do 15 minutes on the eliptical last night! Hoping to do 20 minutes tonight. Wouldn't it be awesome for all of us to get our butts in shape and participate in a 5K run for cancer research? It might take me two years to get there since I haven't "run" per se (well unless you count chasing two toddlers . . .) since Jr High but I think its a great goal to shoot for. What do you think?
I hope you are having a good day Deb - I'm thinking of you and praying for your continued healing!
My pedometer is a piece of overpriced junk. I put it on at the start of the day and as I drove to the dog park (bc of the rain) it said I had walked 350 steps! How does a pedometer really work? Is it just on motion? How accurate are they. My 15-20 minute dog walk alst night was 2600 steps. Seems high to me. Thoughts?
Posted by: Michelle at May 2, 2006 10:58 AMThink about how far you have already come just in one month's time. You are so determined and really an inspiration to us.
Posted by: Carol at May 2, 2006 12:39 PMShoot I lost my url login link thingy for the debu team. When you get this and feel up to it can you resend? So many thanks!
Posted by: Michelle at May 4, 2006 08:33 PM