debutaunt.com

I am puzzled by the apology, as it doesnt seem to be sincere. Perhaps its because you are unaware of how this surger works, and the people that are forced to follow this particular path.

I will admit, I shared my frustration with my husband, and he too is hurt, though not by you specifically. More that there are people that are so willing to pass judgement without knowing what is involved.

This surgery is indeed a last resort. Could he have worked out and ate better? This is often the question from people when they learn of what he has undergone (or was preparing to do). Often people judge him that he did not even give that a try. To the contray of the judgements, he did, quite hard, and quite long.

He knows the choices he made along his life were not the best, and the very thing that got him where he was. He however, was still determined to do it the hard way. He and I have been both very successful at eating healthy (we dont even keep junk food in our house) and working out. But, keep in mind, when you have well over 200 pounds to lose, this is hard, it aches, it breaks your spirit in more ways that most thin/healthy, or moderately so, people can even begen to fathom.

When at his physical about two years ago, the doctor became concerned that even with his slow (natural/old fashioned) weightloss efforts, he was in danger. Danger of all the diseases that heavy people often succumb to. Being the father of three children and a husband to me, a son, a friend, a person with dreams yet unlived, he decided, with friends and family in support, to do what he had to make him healthy.

It was a full year of evaluations, continued weighloss, endless tests, meetings with surgeons, shrinks and a variety of other professionals who only wanted the very best for him. Required support group meets, dieticians, and the doctors that help with phsyical therapy.

Why all the fuss? Because unbegnonst to us, to alot of people, this surgery? Its not an all inclusive fix-all. You HAVE to work out, you HAVE to eat healthy. There is no choice. What he has undergone has been more difficult, more stringent and more grueling then what I went through the last 6 months to lose my own 35 pounds, the "old fashioned" way. This is not an elective surgery, not one that any doctor worth his salt pushes his patients to, unless its the only way out.

Will he be able to live a full and normal life? Of course. His body has simply been "rewired" to process food appropriately, and allow his brain to work in conjunction, so that the signals he was missing (The I'm full, ones) are now working again. He eats normal food like everyone else, though his tates have changed. Obviously at first, this is not the case, but its something you have to relearn. Sorta like how you have to relearn to use your body again, which is typical for most Cancer patients that undergo massive Chemo.

While I thank you for making your apology, I still hurt. I hurt that you, above all people, having endured what you have, can make such a hasty and obviously uniformed opinion about someone else, alot of "someone elses" that suffer from the DISEASE that is obesity.

I will continue to wish you well, for your speedy recovery, for the love of your life to find you and hold you close, for the growth of your daughter into the beautiful creature she is.

But, I say goodbye.

Deb, you made ONE little comment. My freaking Gawd, you have been to hell and back, more than once. I am thin. Am I healthy? No. I don't even exercise (move) enough. (Unless chasing Nik counts.)

Shake it off. You apologized. Move on.

XOXO

Hi Deb,
this is your blog and you are entitled to your opinion. You did not slam the 'by pass surgery' you gave your honest opinion, you though it was sort of cheating but then you said i do have to admit that the morid obese are way better off with the surgery.
Whats the problem,
I think Lucky needs to take a deep breath and hope that her husband does well and get off your back.
Peace and please continue to say it like you see it.

Deb, diet pills scare the crap out of me, too, and the thought of food from some company who will get me thinner right up until I stop buying their food doesn't appeal to me much either.

Moving, on the other hand, isn't always easy as you well know but I agree that it's the key. I just have to make a point to do it.

The gastric bypass has offered hope where none existed before so I'm glad for that. I've seen two cases go right - one was my first husband and the other was the daycare director and both look and feel great except for the excess skin issue now. That's the next step, I understand, and is surgically removed. The other case I know of is the husband of one of my high school friends and he had a post-surgical crisis and died the next morning and it was heartbreaking to think that what was to help give him a longer life ended it far too soon. But the risks are there, just like with any surgery. It may be cheating in a way but I suspected that the process was long and significant in an effort to really determine that it was the right thing for the patient so I'm glad that Lucky's husband seems to be on the road to success along with the two I know first hand.

And, I'm glad your here, Deb. You make me more appreciative of being able to eat veggies, to be glad that the option for me is to move and keep moving.

um,
I THINK
hurtful beyond anything I can comprehend
is a wee bit harsh.

I don't hear you whining that she is being cruel to someone with Lukemia...

We are all entitled to our opinions and our blogs are, for many, a place we can express ourselves freely.

I knew exactly what you meant - gastric bypass does seem like cheating sometimes.
SOMETIMES.

If someone in your position can live with such an upbeat outlook, perhaps other people can benefit from it and lighten up.

oh - and, as for your apology...
I have read you for a long time too, and I consider you an internet friend, and have never known you to be anything but sincere.

Everyone has an opinion. A blog is your opinion.
You did want many would never do-offered an
apology. Opinion's are the great thing about minds. We don't all think alike. I love you,
your blog, your spirit, your honesty, your
humor, your will, your fight.

Toto

Oy vey! This you get from writing your OWN opinion on your OWN blog???!!! > Deb, honey, take it for what it is and move on my friend. You apologized and still got a huge guilt trip.

My step daughter currently weighs 450 pounds + or - a few. She will be 23 tomorrow. Does she need gastric surgery? Probably. Will she get it? Probably not. Why? Because she isn't willing to do anything else to take care of herself.

Lucky, I don't know you from Adam...I will say this however, it's pretty nervy to write all of this on someone elses blog. Get a grip and move on. No one was attempting to be offensive or hurtful to you. This is Deb's blog. 'Nuff said.

Wow, Deb, please don't feel too bad about Lucky's guilt trip. I'm sure she's been through the wringer but needing to make a fuss about not reading your blog any more? That seems like overkill. If she really feels strongly about this she can leave a comment without "leaving you."

Anyway, hang in there, the Internets are a strange place.

cheers,
Maria

Something to check out.

http://exercise.about.com/b/a/256979.htm

Ugh...You made one little comment that people can either agree with or not. You didn't bash anything, it was strictly your opinion!

Lucky and her husband have obviously struggled with this and made their choice. Fantastic. That doesn't mean it has to be the choice for the rest of the world and if someone happens to disagree with them, it's really okay.

People need to get over themselves

Lucky,

While I respect the fact that your husband had to have his surgery out of medical necessity, I think your oversensitivity on this issue has driven people away from appreciating your point-of-view. In fact, I think you owe Deb an apology for making her feel rotten on her own blog, a place that has assisted her during her recovery from Leukemia, which has by far a much higher fatality rate than obesity.

Quite frankly, I think you are completely off-base to criticize Deb here. When Deb speaks in her blog, her speaking involves herself as a subject. When she says she regards GBS as "cheating", she means that if she were to be put into a position where she would have to have it, she would consider it "cheating"... she didn't say that she considers it "cheating" for everyone else. Don't automatically assume and ascribe the worst possible motives to people when they come out with some statement. Chances are it's more benign than you first think.

I grant that there are some extremely unfortunate people who cannot avoid becoming obese; however, for the vast majority of us, it is something that is under our control. Deb, on the other hand, didn't make lifestyle choices that caused her to become ill with leukemia. Frankly, your husband is suffering from the consequences of his choices, and you need to grow a spine and recognize this as you try to support him through this phase of his life.

And unless you think I have no room to talk, I speak as someone who was at one point 70 pounds overweight, and still have 40 pounds to lose.

And frankly, Lucky, your not accepting Deb's apology at face value as sincere speaks to what I just said. Your attempts at emotional manipulation are transparent and revolting.

What part of this did you not understand as supportive: "Each person's situation is different though. I do think that insurance companies should cover the surgery. For someone who really needs the surgery, the weight loss is so critical to good health. But I would hope that it would be a last resort."

I think you need to go get some therapy, Lucky. You have some sort of crusader-martyr mentality that I don't quite get. It's not all about you; when it concerns other people's blogs, it's not about you at all.

Deb, you are too nice for words. You are entitled to your opinion, and maybe you didn't sound sincere because you know what, it's okay to agree to disagree. Two men at my work have had gastric bypass. They look great. One follows the post-surgery strict diet religiously, and one still eats doughnuts.

Do I feel that the guy still eating doughnuts is cheating weight loss with surgery? You bet.

I'm not discounting what Lucky has said. The procedure is very risky and very non-elective. Most people who have it done are saving their lives in the process. Some aren't, and probably could have save the insurance companies a lot of money by joining the Debu_Team.

Good thoughts, ieatcrayonz. =) I agree with your attitude perfectly.

My weight-loss inspiration is actually Al Roker (you know, the famous Today Show fat weatherman). He had the surgery, he looks good and is far healthier, and he is still a gourmet chef. I look up to him from the perspective that he is not afraid to eat good food and try out new things for fear of gaining weight - he exercises and eats sensible portion sizes. Because I also love really good food, I hope to emulate his example.

Amen to Steve T putting Lucky in her place.

Moving on . . . .

I am glad you are staying dry in Houston Deb - I was thinking about you when I watched the news the other night - even in Illinois we had coverage!
Have a wonderful day and I am praying you get to eat a huge salad very soon!!!
Big hugs

I can easily see how one would see Gastric Bypass Surgery as "cheating". While many of the individuals who have it successfully are able to lose weight, you cannot overlook the fact that some of these individuals are able to essentially able to "eat around" their smaller stomachs. My father had a patient who lost over 300 pounds as a result of the surgery, then gained 250 of it back before passing away. I also have a friend who weighs more now than she did BEFORE the surgery!
The surgery does nothing to permanently fix issues with food, self-esteem or unhappiness. For some people, it is truly a God-send, and I applaud them for finding their solution, but it is a very dangerous surgery that is not guaranteed to be effective.
You are 110% correct to urge people to actively work against their weight problems, and to attempt to find a happier, healthier self within. Besides, I'm better off being a chubby marathoner than an anorexic glued to the couch.

dear deb,

i think it is really hard to have a blog that doesn't offend someone at some point in time. you made a passing comment, that someone took very personally. i understand what you're saying, and i understand why she's upset, but everyone should be given a "cone of safety" when it comes to their own blog.

hope it ain't keeping you up at night, chica.

~S

God! You know what will kill decent blogging in the near future? Forcing the writers and the commenters to be P.C. about every word that comes out of their mouth where we all become one-minded sheep declaring, "Oh everyone and everything is so great. God forbid we should have a personal opinion.".

Anyway, it's really great that you have the energy to post again! Not only did you kick cancer's ass, you also kicked that hideous brain infection's ass. Wow.

Man, Lucky needs to calm the f*** down. I consider it a form of cheating UNLESS IT IS MEDICALLY NECESSARY! My old neighbor and her daughter had to have it done because they were morbidly obese. The mom had mucho complications from it and almost died. That's why it is a last resort. I'm also annoyed with it because it seems like everyone is doing it, even the people who only need to lose like 30 lbs. Dude, get the f*** up and move that ass. Don't opt to almost kill yourself over something you can do on your own. Unless, you know, you weigh WAY too much and can barely move.

And I can be as bitchy as I want to be about this because I have lost weight the old fashioned way (400 to 250 in a year), but I've gained some of it back (darn pregnancy :-D). I'm on the right track again though...well, after I get settled in to my new apartment. But I still lost 18 lbs. moving all my junk around in this place. I also made sure I bought nothing but healthy foods.

Mornin Deb,

Checked the weather page and noticed it was going to be 88 degrees in Houston today. Whay a cowinkydink. That's exactly what the temp is going to be here on the Lahaina side.

Food and weight. It's all about emotion. We covet what we cannot or do not have. I always crave watermelon in the middle of winter.

Tell Auntie M. that there is a little lean to and tarp dwelling down on the beach in Napili where some locals like to gather. They have a TV set up amongst the coolers and abunch of lawn chairs set up. Sometimes when you drive by you peek to see what they are watching. Mostly sports. But, the first time we drove by they where watching Bob and The Price is Right. So now when ever I have to give directions that involve that part of the island I refer to the lean to as "The Price Is Right" house. Somehow everyone knows which place I am refering to. Das Hawaii for ya.

You have been taking alot of baby steps lately. You must being seeing another mile marker ahead. We are all here waiting with cool water and a cheer. You can dooooo eeet.

Note to Lucky, Lighten up. Deb's a good gal. I'm sure your husband is a good guy. Time to move forward. Namaste.

Stay cool today, Deb. All da bes to you and the family.

Your cousin in da middle,
EV

being seeing? Sheesh. Use the preview button girl. See what all this hot weather has done to my brain. Pratically poached I'd say.

Das all folks.

EV

I wish Shoshie the Yiddish Master was following this one. If you keep in touch with the faimily, please let them know I was thinking of them.

Great to hear your opinions on your own blog, Deb. Lucky should get her own blog to state her own opinion!

On the other hand though, when I finally decided to quit smoking after way too many years I chose to use the nicotine patch. I had to laugh when someone told me I hadn't "really" quit on my own, that I had used a crutch to help me quit smoking! I hated that I didn't seem to be able to quit without assistance but the patch helped me over the edge so after almost 30 years I was able to quit smoking! Quitting was like giving up my best friend (a cigarette?). Now, I just have to get moving and lose the weight I gained!

But we love you, Deb, and so happy that you're doing so good. Keep speaking your mind as this is your blog. Tell Sis #2 to give me a call!

Everything today has become a disease. Alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, bulimia, obesity. Two cents of opinion here to Lucky: I will always maintain that a 'disease' is something that occurs within a living body, and that body has no control over that occurence. I don't care how addicted you are to whatever you are addicted to; how heavy you are, how thin you are. At some point in your life, you had a choice that brought about the excesses that are now.
To me, that is the vital difference in determining whether or not a condition is a disease. Could there be a genetic predisposition to all the aforementioned conditions? Of course. All the more reason to be aware of choices made. If there is a genetic predisposition to cancer, people don't exactly have the ability to make a choice not to have cancer. You do, however, have a choice in not picking up a drink, playing a hand of poker, or overeating and not exercising.
I don't have a problem with Lucky's statements regarding bypass and the choices made to go through that surgery (albeit her inability to accept Deb's apology was way over the top). I do have a problem with everything being excused away as a 'disease'.

This is just my 2 cents. For what it's worth...

I've know some people who have gotten this surgery, and yes they have lost some weight. But I also see something disturbing about them, they still eat as nutritionally poor as they did before.

They seem completey blind to the fact that chips and dip do not make a good snack choice. They also seem completey blind to the fact that this surgery does not reduce the risk factors of diabeties, heart disease, and other poor diet choice diseases.

I feel great empathy for people who are obese. I understand the great social and physical pains, and the struggle to do something about it.

Changing one's diet is about as easy as changing one's religion. How and what we eat is part and parcel of who we are and so many emotions and lifestyle habits are linked with food.

Having food issues is a great challenge. Unlike being a drug addict or a alcoholic, where part of the "cure" is to just do without, we cannot just do without food.

Surgery could be a good starting point with folk who are extremely obese, but if has to go hand in hand with lifestyle changes and counciling to pinpoint exactly what the problems were in the first place. Otherwise these people blinded by a "half-cure" will just end up as sick as they were before.

Sorry this post is not as funny as my usually, but I don't feel particularly funny about this especially when I know that my friends whom I love will eventually die.

Vickie, I mostly agree with you, except that eating disorders are often caused by psychiatric disorders, over which people do not have control. So while these people look like they are making choices, they really aren't; they don't have control over what their mind is making them do, just as someone suffering from, say, Tourettes, doesn't have control over what their mind is making their body do. If a real psychological disorder is at the root of the problem, it *is* a disease. If not, then it is just evidence of a person making poor choices.

Style, point taken. Thank you for clarifying that for me..I appreciate it :)

I know Lucky. I would not worry about the drama.

My sister had gastric bypass. I agree with you 100% that it is the hip surgery right now.

Kind of like treatment centers were in the 80s.

The problem I see with it is that it does not deal with the underlying issues about eating. And most people gain the weight back.