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Oy the Brekhn

I barely ate today. It's agonizing. I'm really hurting.

So for once, Zoe is kind of sleepy. So she showers and puts on some lotion and her jammies. All teeth and her hair are brushed. We are going to read Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends." It's one of our favorites. BTW, that is the coolest website.

But first I have to take my night meds. Zoe helps me sort through the eleventymillion bottles. And I pick out the pills to take. Usually I start with the biggest to make sure I have enough water to swallow those horse pills.

So I start taking them. And I am having like this weirdly hard time swallowing them. I get down to the last two pills. They are teeny tiny, and I normally take them both together. I pop them in and then it starts. I'm choking and coughing at the same time. Zoe is looking at me scared as all get out.

I know it. I know immediately I'm going to throw up. I tell Zoe, "Go get Momo G." She must have booked because she was back in like 5 seconds. And then, I throw up 17 pills and the cereal I ate for dinner. I can't seem to stop and Zoe is kind of freaking. She's never seen me sick like that before.

I hate it. I hate that she saw me like that. Hunched over the can and sick as a dog. It made me so sad. Last week I was crying and now she's seen me get violently ill. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. Helpless. And feeling hopeless. It makes me just want to go to bed and wake up in a year or two. Tonight, after she fell asleep, I lie in the dark and cried.

She was so sweet though. I told Momo to start reading our book to her. Mom is the best story teller of all time. She uses different voices and really projects the story, or in this case the poems. I finally stopped being sick and brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face. I sat on the bed and Zoe immediately grabbed my thumb in her whole fist. She's been doing that since she was a baby.

In between laughing, she would touch my cheek. And give me kisses. She strokes my hair. And snugged all up with me in her princess jammies. My little sweet Baby Changa. I am so lucky. I am ever so lucky.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein

RIP, Shel. You were one in a million.

Posted by debutaunt at August 16, 2006 11:27 PM