I know what I'm going to do. If I write about it, I'm not going to post it. I just can't hate him or be mean. I can't do that to him after how much he loved and supported me for so long when I was sick. What we had was special, so if I write it, it will make it not special anymore. And no matter what happens, I will always love the guy. He was really good to me and was there when I needed him.
I'm tired. I saw my doctor today. I've lot 8 pounds this week. Misery.
More tests tomorrow. Then hopefully I will have some kind of answer.
Posted by debutaunt at August 22, 2006 03:42 PMI am sorry that this happened to you-truly sorry. The unbelievable longing for what was supposed to be leaves a mighty big hole in your heart. And I know it is trite but it is true-time will heal these things. There are days when the wanting what you had is so bad that you can hardly stand to be in your own skin. But it will fade. I have said this to you before: the love that saves you will also crucify you. It is the chance we take. Mourn for what is lost-but take comfort in the future. When we are down to nothing God is up to something.
Posted by: deneen at August 22, 2006 05:12 PMGood for you honey. It's wonderful that you are doing what you feel is the right thing.
As for the weight loss, I'm sorry you are still feeling so horrible. {{{{{Deb}}}}}
Posted by: Traci at August 22, 2006 08:01 PMYou should always do what is right for you. I am
happy you decided what would benefit YOU most.
Please Dr. give her the news-I hate that you feel
so bad.
I am sure you have heard this song and know the lyrics. They are all too true and I have felt the words myself more than once and in more than one way in my life. Feel what you do and never deny yourself that but as Toto eluded too never lose sight of what is best for you.
It is the third stanza that makes me believe in myself again every single time.
The Rose by Bette Midler
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose
May you find your Rose again when the time is right and the person even righter. OK so forget about proper english ok? (wink)
Write your story.
Write it out in long-hand on special paper.
Seal it in an envelope.
Place it someplace safe.
Keep it in that safe place til you don't need it anymore.
When you feel you don't need it anymore,
burn it--without re-reading it.
Being patient sucks, but knowing there's a promise of something better helps during the wait.
Feel better soon.
:)