debutaunt.com

What a difference a good night's sleep makes

Well a good night's sleep and a few regular doses of steroids. I'm feeling much better. I can eat, but not that much, which is perfectly fine with me.

Today was Mommy/Zoe adventure Saturday.

We joined my father and some friends from church for breakfast. Ok, why is it that my two biggest crushes are on these amazing looking Hispanic men? These amazing looking Hispanic men WHO ARE PRIESTS! Oh my goodness. This one is even better looking than our own parish priest. Oh man. I surely need to go to confession.

The other crush I have is on this fantastic 50 year old man. He's hysterical. He is sweet. And seems like a truly honorable man. Bad thing is that he read my blog and said that we weren't really compatible.

Here is what he wrote:

You have a whole world full of issues and things going on that I don't want to step into. I have read your blog extensively...and I do love to read your writing, by the way. And through that I came to know that we just wouldn't be a fit.

Can you blame him? I mean, look at what I've gone through in less than nine months:

Getting leukemia, getting major chemo, elevenmilliondy tests, falling totally in love with a man who lied to me, forgiving that man only to have him months later dump me to go back to his wife, having radiation and more horrific chemo, having a transplant where they nearly killed me, being sick as a dog, being away from my daughter for nearly nine months, contracting encephilitis, weird no appetite, moving three times, getting divorced, and nearly dying several times. And then moving back in with my parents. Oh, and still looking like a boy. Or a lesbian.

This is why I need to write my book.

This is why I'm apparently not-datable at this time. I don't blame him for not wanting to get involved. I wouldn't blame anyone. I think I would hesitate after hearing about all of this. Or, in his case, actually reading about all of this. Which, to me, is worse.

I mean, how many of you would start a new relationship with someone in my situation - (although you all know and love me, so I'm totally datable to you). And when I'm in person, well, I'm still invisible. So not a damn person is looking at me, much less wanting to ask me out.

[aside]
I went to a writing workshop Thursday. We were supposed to bring one writing sample and 15 copies. I brought this entry. Please read it if you have not. I still feel like that broken teacup. But I still feel that there is someone out there who will find me unique. Special. And worthy of his love. Or at least right now, worthy to have fun with and who will appreciate my re-glued self. (and yes, from your comments, I know Jesus loves me no matter what, but dating him would be kind of like dating our hot priests. Uh. No. There will be no dating the Son of God. And I think I better stop using the phrase "hot priests," because it's kind of weirding me out)

[aside over. Thank God.}

But it makes me sad as hell. I FEEL datable. I feel flirty. I feel cute, even with the short hair. Right now life has been pretty sweet. I see so much more of Zoe. I'm pretty relaxed. I feel much better. And the worst of this all is behind me. I have time to actually get to know someone. I have the ability to go out and do things. And meet people. And sit and drink a Starbucks, while not being in a hurry. Yet when they find out about my life, they completely change their minds. It is frightening. But it is in my past. Not so distant past, but gosh, I'm looking forward. I'm done with looking back at all of that. I still will take care of myself, be with my Zoe, and work on getting stronger.

And I want to kiss. An adult boy. I'd like it to be my priest, but I don't like the whole "you're going to hell" idea. So either of those two are a no-no-go.

Ok. Nuff of that. I think when things just aren't working, it means that I was supposed to be doing something else.

Zoe and I had a great (albeit hot as hell) time at the Zoo. We rode the train twice and became Zoo members. We totally go nearly every weekend when it's not as hot. I think we will have great fun then.

Here are some pictures of my cutie patootie.

I can do this. We can go to the zoo anytime we want!!

No assignment for today. Enjoy a safe and fun Labor Day!

Posted by debutaunt at September 2, 2006 06:33 PM