"REMEMBER, YOU ARE TOUGHER!!!"
I am.
And right now I need to find a life off of the internet.
I don't know if I can come back. I don't know if I want to. I am the bad common demoninator. My life on the internet is cute or sad or cool. My life off the internet is real and can be messy and ugly. And lovely.
Elvis said he needs some time from me. I needed to let him be and I didn't listen to him. Because I always feel like death is looming right now. Like I have to have it all right now or it could be too late. But I need to stop being afraid of death and I need to live. I need to think outside the debu_cancer box. He is sweet, and tried to tell me what was really going on in his life. But I debu_didn't care. I ruined it as usual. And what I realize is that I can't be with anyone until I just can be with me. And take care of what I need to take care of. I love you, E, and I always will. I miss you. I'm sorry I messed up.
I have to get a real life. And in order to do that, I have to find myself, my life post-cancer. And I sure am not going to find that over the internets.
I do love you all ~ all of my internets. But I need to rediscover what is going on here instead of just writing about it.
If you are facing cancer, please kick its fucking sorry ass for me.