debutaunt.com

Bring on the Birthday Muffins

Longest. Post. Ever.

Today is my one year birthday.

Here is my Oscar / Transplant speech.

Thank you God for another year. I know You like me. You're a good egg. Thank you.

Thank you Bro #1 for your cells. I love you. I can never repay you. But I will buy you a lemon merengue pie when I see you next. If I ever win the lottery, or if someone is generous enough, I'm going to buy you a new car. I'm so not kidding. I wish I could buy you a car right now. You saved my life. How do you repay someone for that?

Big thanks to my family. Momo, Papa, Sis' #1, 2 and 3 and Bros #1, 2, and 3. My squirlley neices and nephews, and my extended family all over the US. I literally cannot imagine that I would be here without you. When I needed support, you were there. When I needed love, you were there. And when I needed a kick in the butt, y'all were there. From Taco Cabana and chicken soup to Star and People magazines. Tickle bears. Watching my daughter and taking care of my bills, taking care of me, and such. They are the best. Really. I am so lucky. So blessed. I love love love you.

I would do anything for any one of them. Zoe is an only child, but she has several half siblings and a big extended family. To know you are so loved is the best thing in the world. Especially when you are ill and feeling punk. When you know this, everything else is secondary. You can be having a painful test, but then you think about what is important and why you need to fight and live, well, it was always like I knew I had to do this. I knew I could do this. And I will continue to do so with every breathe in my body.

And then there is Monkey Boy. It didn't work out, but he was my rock. I laughed every day. Even on my sickest of sick days. You gave me hope and faith and reminded me that this was a marathon, not a sprint. We both moved on, but he still has a special place in my heart. He always will. I love you, MB.

Friends. They really were my team. Meerkat, GJulie, Paige, D1, Dave, KK, TxTodd, Shoshie, Ctal and my HC & IRC folks. My supper club and bunko folks. My Sis #1's bored board folks. I love them like family. Even though I didn't get to see them as often as I wanted to, I knew they were there. Right by my side. I had love. And toys. And books. And movies. And Starbucks. And iPods. Joy.

And you. My internets. On the days that I would be barfing or crying or in pain, I always had your comments to cheer me up. I know lots of you lurk, but comments were like my lifeline to normality. So many new friends and some old ones I haven't seen in a while (Cami from SC & my MN cousins now all over the place). Thank God for you. I thank God for you all. So much blove. When you have cancer, it consumes you. You see misery and pain. But you all brought me hope. You all brought me love. And laughter. You all helped me know that I could do this.

To the many friends that have had loved ones pass on this year. You are yet another reason why I will fight. Why I will survive. And why I will remain tireless in my mission to find a cure. Fuck cancer. You are evil and take people from us. You are going down. For Sarah and her SWLF, Nikki, Amanda's lovely Eric, Clem, Ashley, Paula, Kadin, David, Joseph, Harriet, - I know there are many many more. I will fight and be strong. I will fundraise. I will spread the word.

To my doctors and nurses and medical team (hi Nurse Vicki) - both in Houston at MD Anderson and at Methodist in San Antonio. You all not only have a ticket to heaven, but a backstage pass as well. You saved my life. You continue to care for me. I pray for your knowledge. Your strength. You help me endure. You make me feel safe. My lovey nurses and pharmacists. You all are some of the most important members of my team. I am forever grateful for your care.

To my meds. I love and hate you. Thank you to those who went before me that made this much easier. Thank you to those pharmacedical companies that everyone hates. Thank you to the scientists and treatments. I wish there were no need for you, but please keep on helping us. Until the day that this disease no longer exists.

And to those friends of mine who are in the shadow of cancer. May you all continue to fight and be strong. May you have good health and good spirits. I pray for you. I fight for you. I love you. To Von Krankinpants, Linda R, Sylteach, Cody (and momma), Brenda D (girl, do I have to lend you a lung?? fight, Bren, fight!!) To Nick and Rockinrobin and all my many friends and supporters on the LLS forums. We are united in our hatred for cancer. I hate that we know eachother because of it, but I love and appreciate you all.

Finally. To my Zoe. Zoe Katherine Teressa. My heart. My love. My spunky little bike-riding, funny bird talker. You really are my reason for living. You push my buttons. We are birds of a feather. You grow up too fast. But I grew you in my belly and you will always be my squeezer girl. We will get through this. And one day I will see you graduate. Fall in love. Grow old. And we will have laughter and tears and joy. I plan on being around for along while. I love you with every part of my being. You make my life wonderful. You make my life superfantastic. Mommy loves you and is very proud of the lovely funny person you have become. You will always be the Keeper of My Hope. I have loved you from the minute you were born and will love you until the day I die.

Thank you for the many prayers, good vibes, support, gifts, honesty, laughter and love. Blood donations, bone marrow registry - everything. I am so grateful for you.

I can do this. I have you all.

Your assignment for today is to love.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Christopher Robin to Pooh:

"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever.
Not even when I'm a hundred." Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?" "Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.

From the Tao of Willie

On happiness: "If you consider all the people you know who seem truly happy, there is likely to be one trait - one essential perspective on life - that each of these happy people share .... It is the word now. It is the understanding that happiness exists at just one time. And that time is now."

Yiddish is, above all, the paradigmatic “Jewish” language -- the insider’s way of communicating to fellow Jews about day-to-day things (talk about God and faith is reserved for Lashon Hakkodesh - the holy tongue of Hebrew). It is at once sarcastic and dark, yet it is ultimately full of vigor, hope, and charm. In it you can hear the pathos of Jewish suffering but also the omnipresent faith that the Jew’s future will triumph in hope.

I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings. - Elie Wiesel

Posted by debutaunt at February 27, 2007 12:06 PM