debutaunt.com

Zoe on the Go-ey

She's having a blast with her dad. I'm in Zoe withdrawal. She loves tennis camp. Two hours a day.

"Did you have fun at tennis camp?"

"Yes, it's a blast."

"Are you any good?"

"No. I stink. It's not as easy as it is on the wii."

Such is life.

I am enjoying Austin. It suits me. I may get to meet my girl Dawn and her beautiful new baby Gage. I'm headed to Houston for the weekend to babysit for Sis #1. I don't feel much like driving, but I know once I get there I will have a great time. I love my Houston babies.

Man, I miss Zoe. She's exhausting but lovely. I am in serious lack of hugs I think. I remember years ago, after Zoe's dad and I split, I was riding in the car with Sis #2 and her then 3 year old son (I think he was about 3). And I was sad. I can't remember why... probably Zoe's dad. But her son said to me, "Cheew up, Aunt Debby."

That's all it takes for me. A cute little face to make it all right. A drawing from my early-genius fascinating nephew. The sound of my little neice's voice doing an early morning play-by-play. The sight of my littliest niece aka "Busy" walking around - stopping to be curious, moving on to the next thing, pausing, gibberish ... the constant movement. I have a hard time understanding her sometimes, but then out pops a word you know clear as day. It's adorable. Sis #2's kids all look like Disney babies.

I had lunch with Bro #1 (my donor) and his 6 year old daughter and 14 year old step-daughter. The little one is so shy.. hiding behind long blonde bangs. She is so quiet to me and then out pops a complete conversation. Like she is in her own little dreamworld ... sleeping until she wakes. The older one I have known since the day she was born. Her mom and I were good friends before she married my brother. Her daughter is very special to me and I adore her because she's sooo not a bratty teen girl. Awkward sometimes, but so lovely. When everyone says our youth are so lackluster, I think of her and I smile because I know that past that teen angst is a quality human being. I miss seeing her mom. We don't see each other that often.

It's the little things, especially the little ones, that make my life worthwhile sometimes.

I'm tapering off the Lexipro (with the ok from my docs). I know I don't need anti-depressants. I know they help many many people have a better life, but I don't want to be numb to my life. I want to be sad sometimes. I want to grieve if I need to. I've gone through something sad in my life. But I find that these antidepressants make me kind of blah about everything. No highs or lows. Just mid-levels.

I don't mind being sad once in a while. Because I know how resilient I am. I know that it is only a temporary for me. The tapering is making me cry way too much though. I'm getting nosebleeds. I should just shove a box of kleenex up a nostril.

Ok. I want to watch more episodes of 24 on DVD. It's kind of a cool show.

I can do this. I have the little peoples.

Your assignment today is to tell me something small that makes you happy. And if you can't think of anything, find something!

Posted by debutaunt at June 27, 2007 04:03 PM