There's nothing better than getting a new job when your current job sucks ass.
so
Fucking Congrats
L(FBOchick)D
----------------------
got photoshop? Help me out.
I get stuck making posters for people who have birthdays here at the office.
I need someone to photoshop thingie* this picture
http://www.villagephotos.com/pubbro...selected=396920
something funny. She likes tequila, bald dudes, music. She's a fun chick, so come up with something G-PG13 (they are sensitive around here).
I was going to post this in the open forum, but last time I got zero results.
Come on people! I thought you all were supposed to be funny!
-----------------
I hate the useless information inside the snapple lids.
and oh, did I already say
CONFUCKINGRADULATIONS
L D!!!!!!!!
Bahahaha
So I'm babysitting Sunday. My phone rings. I'm busy with a poopy diaper, so I can't get it.
I check the screen on my phone. It says it was a private number. I'm like what the fuck? Not that many people have my number, so it left me wondering.
A few minutes later I get a voicemail.
Here it is, word for word:
Quote:
Hey, it’s me, our friend and you ah beautiful men with you back, okay. So keep it, I don’t need it, okay. He’s ugly and I’m happy to get rid of it. So keep it piece of shit.
Bye, stupid bitch
It's the cunt that my husband cheated with (and the baby momma of kid #5) She's from El Salvador, so the message sounded more like this:
Quote:
heyyy, iss me, our friend and you, ah, buuuful men with you back, okay? So keep it (she mixes up the pronouns), I don need it, okay. Hiss ugly and I happy to git rad of it. So keep it piss of chit.
Byeeee, stupit beeech
Basically it confirms that my ex and she were living together. (he always denied that) He just moved out Sunday to his own place. For some reason she thinks we are getting back together. And donkeys will fly out my poo hole.
Well, I was like, fuck. That bitch better step off. So I call my ex and get her number. He says "pay her no nevermind." And that she's crazy. I said, "think about that next time you stick your dick into some nasty piece of trash, will ya." He gives me the number.
I phone her back and deb bitched her out. I told her that if she didn't lose my number, I'd file harassment charges against her.
I also said every curse word I knew in Spanish and English. It was quite impressive. She hung up on me.
But at least the bitch didn't call me back. Fucking tramp.
The good news is now that my ex has his own place, I get to go out sometimes. Like "overnight" out. Which is very different then "babysitter is waiting for your ass" out. For a single parent this is a big deal. No curfew. Even if it's an evening at home with a bath and a cheesy movie, it's heaven.
Stoopid Beech.
ok, I finally reached Dr. E.
And I need to quit being such a baby. I know my feelings have been justified, but I haven't had much of a social life lately, so it's very easy to think about him all the time. He is the personification of the absent minded professor. He is brilliant, but when it comes to his non-work life, he is like a 12 year old. Absent minded and nearly ADHD.
He's just been busy. That's it. Focused and busy and not thinking of me because he is so busy. He said it's been hard to function, because his life has been sucking so bad. He's been sleeping at the hospital - when they LET him sleep.
I can't imaging seeing death every day, never resting, hardly eating, and constantly working. It's such a foreign world to me. But he knows that this is how first year will be. The only time he sounded optimistic about his career, was when he was talking about second year. It will be a little easier.
But he sounds horrible. We talked for over 30 minutes (a new record, next to the first time we talked on the phone). By the end of the conversation, I could swear he was delirious.
I chided him about not calling me for so long. He said he was really sorry, and I made him promise to call at least once a week so I know he's still alive. He told me he didn't even call his daughters. He is truly unhappy. He said he'd promise.
They are killing him. It was about 5pm and he was just getting off work from the prior day of going to work at 5am. He was up again all night. How they operate on people, I have no idea.
He told me his age is showing. All the other residents are 25 or so. He will be 40 this year.
There was some good news. He put in for some vacation in October. And he's applying for jobs back in Houston which would mean he'd might be back here next July. He knows second year will still suck, but at least I'd be in the same city and we'd get to see eachother.
He really was upset that he missed my birthday. I mean really upset. He didn't even know what day it was yesterday, but he was mad because he knew it was my birthday. He even talked to me about it a few weeks ago. He promised he would make it up to me when I go see him... whenever that will be. And that he'd never forget my birthday again.
I miss him. I am going to try to not be so paranoid and to try to be a bit more understanding of how horrible things are for him right now. I hate working a 9 hour day, I can't imagine working for 32 hours straight. No days off. Then studying whenever he's not working or trying to sleep.
When he talks about our relationship, he sounds like he is about to cry. He misses me so much. He misses relaxing once in a while. He misses Houston. I have to remember his voice when I start to get mad about not hearing from him.
But I was pretty clear that my feelings were hurt when he forgot my birthday, and that I nearly gave up on him when I hadn't heard from him these past 2 weeks. That I didn't want to be like his last girlfriend - he just stopped calling her.
I wish I could write things about him like I used to. But we are so unconnected lately. He is such a wonderful person. I'm sure you don't think so based on what I've written, but he is funny and sweet and goofy. Our relationship was so comfortable and familiar, and he made me feel alive and vunerable and special. We laughed and it was so easy. I really hope to feel that way and have him here again. He hopes so too.
He begged me not to give up on him. I could tell it hurt him to think of losing me. It made me feel selfish in a way, but it also made me feel kind of good.
I will pray for him today. I know he needs it. (adds Dr. E to list with minou, among others)
I know this man still loves me, which is good because I still love him.
------------------
Zoe is still sick. She's had a fever for five days straight. She woke up without one this morning because I gave her motrin in the middle of the night. Awake every hour on the hour. I took her to the pediatrician on Saturday. He said it is viral because her white blood count is normal. She has a horrible cough and is hoarse. She's been in ok spirits though, just gets worse at night and in the mornings.
It is a mother's worst feeling to take your child to school when they are sick.
I have no sick leave left and am -32 on my vacation time. It's going to take me months to get out of the hole. There aren't any other options than to take her to school. But I really did want to stay home with her.
Alas, the life of a single working mom.
Yesterday she found the bubbles from her Easter basket. I can't believe it, but she remembered that the Easter Bunny gave them to her. We blew bubbles together in the tub last night.
Also, the life of a single working mom.
I love it.
-----------------------
I got my George Foreman back. L(George, Jr)D and I will be some grilling fools. It's a mess to clean, but we made some tasty hamburgers last night.
I need to search & get some recipes. I don't have the book that came with it, so I have no clue how long any of that shit takes to cook.
Hugs to all my friends out there. I know I don't know you, but I'm really glad y'all are around.
And Burns, that was hard. I had only heard of 2 bands on that list. Thanks for the experience. I hate to see all the obscure cookies that were left on my computer from the random web site searches. Although the assistant editor, Lara, knew almost all if not all of them. She's cool & funky that way.
And hi to Mr. Birthday Dick and "Lara."
snickers is satisfying.
Mmmmm.... grillin
Well, I'm calling it quits. Open game season here.
This has been the longest that Dr. E has gone without calling me. Yesterday I thought about it. If he were to die, I'd never know about it. I don't think that anyone close to him (of which there are very few) even know about me. Mainly because all of those people are people he works with and he doesn't discuss his private life at work.
But I'm sick of moping. I'm sick of being grouchy about it.
So unless some miracle happens, I'm back on the market.
This makes me completely sad. I know y'all hate him (from most of the messages I get), but he really is a kind and decent person. He just is set in his ways and busier than I could ever imagine.
And I knew he loved me. He really really did. I just don't know if he still does.
I don't feel like writing anything else. I wish I could just be alone this weekend.
I've been working all day. I stayed up late last night reading this boring ass document that is HORRIBLY written. I woke up at 5:30am to finish reading it.
These guys make so much more money than I do, but damn, they can't write for shit sometimes.
----------------------
Dr. E didn't call. I'm sure there is some sort of excuse, but there really wasn't any reason he couldn't have done something for my birthday. A call would have sufficed. It just put a damper on my day.
So I want all ye creative, and psychotic, minds alike to tell me what I should make him to do make up for missing my birthday. (besides breaking up with him... that's not an option I'm going to deal with yet)
------------------------
I emailed L(lover)D. I think the reason I put up with more of Dr. E's shit than I normally would with a guy is because there are no potential men in my life. I mean I have a few that would like to do the bone dance on me, but I haven't gone out out since April. Even then I didn't really go out.
I'm going stir crazy. I need to be around men. I need to be in a bar or a club where someone ANYONE wants to get in my pants.
It doesn't help that I have the lesbian haircut from hell. I swear I look like a bull dyke. It's just not cute. (and yes I know not all lesbians have the butch cut, it's just so that you get the picture).
I can't flirt at work or just around. I'm not sexy at work. They are lucky I even show up. I dress like crap because I'm usually in such a hurry to get here. When I go out I like to dress up. I can relax and flirt and talk shit to guys. I will talk to the best looking guys and not even be shy. That's not my work persona. At work I stay under the wire. I want to feel like a generic person and not a woman. It's weird. It's probably also because all the men I work with are COMPLETE DORKS! I mean, seriously, major dorks.
I emailed Zoe's dad to tell him he's gonna have babysitting duty really soon. L D, get you a fake ID. Lori, Aimee, *diz*, Sugar-Snit, B_E_G, Minou, Pixie (you'll need to say one of us is your mom or something), Troglo, Tango, Chelle, Gypsy, Katie, Seagorilla, Ivy Angel... Ladies it's time for a ROAD TRIP to HOUSTON. Girls night out.
I'm so there.
I'm so drunk.
ok, I'm so wanna be there and wanna be drunk.
We all (non Nyorkers) should all save up and plan a trip to NYC next year. I think that would be too too fun. All the improvers would let us couch it for a weekend I'm sure. I say we organize.
------------------
I'm almost out of work. Off to fight the dorkfus drivers of this city.
FUCK TRAFFIC
adios
Melancholy as usual.
I'm really hurt that Dr. E hasn't called. I don't think he'll call me today. I know he knows the date because I share the same birthday as his ex-wife. Nice. Thanks for being a good boyfriend - not!
Although I did get my office strewn with shredded paper, signs all over the place, and a nice Mexican lunch with some co-workers.
I also won $10 on the scratch off. Last year I won $100. That came in handy as I had to buy some new tires.
But this year just doesn't seem special. It's like mother's day. I don't have anyone to share it with. I'm not with my family. I don't have my man near me. I'm hoping Zoe isn't too grouchy from her new adventures with montesorri.
I need to focus on the positives.
L D Loves me.
fuck you, you Egyptian bastardo!
-------------
Although I did start my birthday off with a bang. My friend (he says I called him semi-normal in my journal earlier) told me he shaved his head bald last night. It was around midnight or so and I couldn't sleep. I told him to write Happy Birthday on his bald head. He said he didn't want to write it on his head because he wouldn't be able to get it off.
So I said to write it on his dick... um, I was joking.
Well, then he said to turn on his webcam.
I saw me some Birthday dick. He wrote Happy birthday on it just for me.
I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. It was so damn funny.
Although I have to say if I had a big ol swingin' one like that, I'd write all kinds of stuff on it.
So my first birthday wishes, right before Buster, were from Mr. Birthday Dick.
---------------
oh yeah... here is the coolest performer from the circus. It's this guy who is in a huge spinning gyroscope. He does all kinds of somersaults and tricks and shit. It was really cool. The one redeeming value of that crappy circus. His "name" is Crazy Wilson. Except the ringleader kept saying Craaaaaaaazzzzyyyy Wilson and his Wheel of Death.
Thanks y'all for my birthday thread. Today that has cheered me up enormously.
Craaaaazzzzzzzy Wilson and his Incline of Insanity.
No, I'm not making this shit up.
Ok, today... well today just sucked.
I completely need to be asleep. It's nearly midnight and I absolutely have to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like suing that asshole daycare for making me have to take the ENTIRE day off figuring out new care arrangements.
It was Africa hot today. Hot as fucking Africa, and I was running around touring new schools.
I saw 3 of them. I picked one, but I still wasn't thrilled. I hope this doesn't suck too bad.
The first school. A "christian" academy. Decent rate, but they wanted an extra $150 for supplies, books and registration. I'm like.... she's fucking three years old. Give her a crayon and let her paint. No, mostly the room she would be in had 32 kids. Fucking 32 children to 2 teachers. I babysit 2 three year olds and it's stressful as hell. It smelled like barf or dogfood, I couldn't decide. The woman had a very loud voice. The kids were eating hot dogs and chips. Nutrition at its finest. No wonder there are so many fat kids. The kids were finishing lunch/going to the potty (and not washing hands I noticed)/then laying down to take a nap.
The teacher was "talking" to them. "Sara, lay down please. Thank you." She was like a drill instructor. Then she turned on the "quiet" music. I said... "that's just way too loud." She turned it down. It was louder than the music I play on my stereo at home. This is what they were supposed to go to sleep to. I don't think she noticed how loud it was. The 2nd teacher rushed past me and said "I'm bleeding," and ran out of the room. Apparently she gets nose bleeds. Ok, fucking whatever. After she left another teacher or the director should have come in. The ratio of kids to teachers should always remain at 1 to 18. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. It was creepy.
The second school smelled of clorox so strongly that I felt like I was going to pass out. Clean is cool, but toxicity is not. It was so loud. The kids in the three year old class were fighting and the teacher continued to talk to me, without correcting the kids. The other teacher was busy cutting out the shape of Texas in green construction paper. The kids looked dirty and the carpets were filthy.
Plus the director was a fucking bitch. Not all friendly. I can't imagine how a woman with that shitty attitude could want to work with children. Escape, escape, escape.
By this time I needed a fucking break. I came home and did about nothing. For 15 minutes. I couldn't stand to be in my house with it being such a mess and 2 loads of laundry to do. So I left.
Now this is my day off. I was supposed to take off Friday, go to Galveston with Zoe, Sis #1, and my neice and nephew. We were going for a day trip and then Sis #1 would take my neice home and I was going to stay in a posh hotel on the beach with Zoe and her cousin. (the one she calls her brudder). We were going to go to Moody Gardens after. It's a cool museum/tropical paradise setting with all kinds of kid friendly exhibits.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I have to take my day off looking at kid concentration camps in 100 degree weather.
Finally I go to look at the third daycare. Zoe's best friend's mom told me she heard it was nice. It's a montisorri school. Shit, I don't even know if I can spell that right - montesorri?
Anyway, I had driven by there the last time we were looking at schools. It was kind of dingy, in a strip mall next to a tai quando school and a dry cleaner. The blinds were all wacked out, and the window tint was purple and weirdish.
But I went because I promised her I'd check it out. I was really surprised. The owner is also the director. She's been there 11 years. It's small but well organized and it didn't smell all weird. The kid/staff ratio is lower, but Zoe's teacher has been there for 11 years. It was quiet, but still fun. She checked it out later that afternoon, and she liked it too. I took Zoe by late afternoon and practically dragged her out of the room. All she could talk about was the indoor sandbox. She stood there for nearly 30 minutes and poured sand in and out of a cup. That made me feel pretty good. The teachers seemed actually glad to see her. They were smiling (not fake) and sweet, although I think the lead instructor will scare Zoe. She's incredibly sensitive. Just like me.
Zoe and her best friend start tomorrow morning. Wish us luck.
----------------
I want to start a pool. I'm betting $20 that Dr. E will not call me tomorrow (7/22). It's a national holiday, and he needs to phone me to celebrate.
I'm sure I'm going to win. He's been too quiet lately.
-----------------
I'm really dreading tomorrow. I hope you all know that. I need to sleep.
Must sleep. It's going to be a suck work day tomorrow. I'm very ambivilant (and for christ's sake I can't spell).
Maybe because I'm old as a fucking rock.
Happy P Day, benorbeen.
You and Aimee are cute as a baby's ass.
mope, mope, mope, mope, mope
What a terribly sad day. I haven't read up on my favorite journals, so I may have to address them all later.
Right now I'm too caught up in my mopiness.
It's been a good and bad weekend. I hate that it's over and that I'm off to work too soon.
Zoe and I went to the beach yesterday. It was wonderful. I still want to go back and spend the night. Too much to do, and not enough time.
She was adorable and had the best time. Wearing her little hula bathing suit and her swim shoes. She and I were digging holes and filling up her bucket. We went in the water, and Zoe would have gone in further if I had let her. She jumped the waves and laid down. It was so innocent and cute.
I got a pretty bad sunburn on the back of my neck and weird spots on my calves. Very random. Now I remember why I hate the sun.
I wish we could do more things like that. I miss her. I miss not being in a hurry all the time. Hanging out and having fun. Not doing laundry, cleaning cooking.
We spent the night at Sis #1s house Saturday. I slept like total crap because we were on her oversized couch, but it wasn't big enough for Zoe and me. Babysat the under 3 crowd. My 9 month old neice is adorable. The kids were good.
We went to the circus this morning. It wasn't as good as the one that was here last year. It was goofy and had a "Everyone get crazy" theme. That was totally strange. Zoe thought it was cool, but I was disappointed because the one last year was excellent.
Then later on I got a message that has totally ruined my day.
It sounds like not a big deal, but to me, it's horrible.
My daughter's new daycare has closed - effective immediately. No notice. They just didn't have enough money to keep it open. I'm totally bummed and don't know what Im going to do.
I don't know if I want her to go back to her old school. My ex husband never paid for the last week of daycare at her old school. (ASSHOLE!!) We still owe them $130. I wasn't thrilled with that school, and that's why we moved her in the first place.
She had been doing so well in her new school. She looked forward to going there, and was doing great. Her behavior was getting better, and she wasn't coming home filthy and beat up every day. They made me pay $80 registration fee too. She's only been going there for not even a month. HELL!
I think I'll have to send her back to the old school at least until I find something else for her. I hate to think of sending her somewhere new. That would make 4 schools in 3 years. But I don't know if her old school was good for her. She wasn't doing any curriculum, she was getting beat up, she usually came home exhausted and filthy (why can't you wash someone's hands - jeez).
Her best friend's mother doesn't want to send her to the old school. She's going to look for something else. Zoe is going to be so upset without her best friend.
I have no idea how to break this to her. I also don't have any time off available from work to deal with this shit or to look for another daycare. It's horrible.
I actually was crying. Zoe means everything to me, and I just want what's going to be best for her.
Something good will come of this, but it's too soon to know what?
Fuck. My life is fucking me right now. I just love stress.
thanks. assholes. no notice. fuck!
ok, Retardical Sam was up for it. This is too long so it will be in 2 parts.
Quote:
If you could see one band play life, what would it be? Any band, living or dead. The only clause is that it can't be country music. Or Emo.
Only one band? That’s tough. Probably The Beatles back in the day. My daughter’s crib set was all Carter’s John Lennon collection. The mobile played “Imagine.” So lovely.
If I could pick others a few of them would be: My grandfather, Lenny Kravitz, The Rolling Stones, Ben Harper, Willie Nelson, Junior Browne, did I say Lenny Kravitz... drool, drool.
Quote:
If you could choose between all free music you could want or all the free food you could eat, which would you choose and why?
Ok, I’d choose all free food, because I spend more money on food than I do music. I usually just listen to internet radio all day – www.kgsr.com in Austin. The free food would also come in handy because I’d save up a lot of money and could travel and pay for concerts. I could feed my friends and the homeless too because, well, it'd be FREE.
Quote:
Do you have wierd non-personal questions that people ask for no-good reasons at all?
I seem to get more weird, personal questions asked to me all the time. Just yesterday a total stranger sent me an IM and asked if he could lick my ass. Other times they want to know if they can hook up with me and shoot some porn.
These are the times when I'm rude.
Quote:
Here's one...what sort of narcotics have you taken, if any - including alcohol?
I'm so boring in this area. I'm too chickenshit to try much, so... Alcohol, marijuana, X (lame), and some totally strong shit when I had my daughter. I have no idea what it was, but it kicked my ass like no other. I don’t like to take drugs, and other than alcohol, I don’t think I have used anything else for over 15 years.
But yeah, I inhaled.
-----------------
part 2 of 2 with Retardical Sam
Quote:
if you could bounce on a trampoline with 3 other people from the IRC, who would they be?
Damn, only 3?? Nah, this one was easy: L D, Aimee, & Lori Sunshine. Mine would be a TRAMP-oline, so who better? Haha. My secret soul sisters!
Those I’d let watch:
Dr. E - to join the IRC and jump on ME later
Benorbeen so he can webcam Aimee up close and personal
B_E_G to be all cute with blorg
sugarsnit to entertain us with her hellacoolness
*dizzy to bring the pints
pixie for her pixie-ness
snert to test our trivia
yonphi to get some tramp action
blorg to be all cute with B E G
dan telfer cause he’s funny
el jefe to be cool
sandbag to shoot all pervs and protect the tramps
mullaney to moderate
seamonkey & gypsy to get drunk & make us laugh
eugenegue to ravish L D
no_key to bring his new baby & make comments
dano so he could sneak off with Chastain, Ms. necrophiliac [sorry, I HAD to misspell that, it's too close] and have an orgy
burns & minou to makeout and we'd smile at their love
jesster to take pictures & photoshop them
troglodyte to keep it all legal
clubfoot to be the door bouncer
25 words to write a concise review
philc to make us laugh
oldlady & oldsir and some fresh veggies
wasabi so we could see once and for all if it is true or if she is a hump-backed, hairy, 300 pound man
hoyden to be sexy and fun
spacedani to speak french to us
tango & chelle to come see us all & bring sheep
shanextopher to see why everyone wants his ass
zerocool to party with *diz *
fucken drunker to stay fucken drunk
gov’t man to be all republican and start some fights
demonic muse to write about shit I don’t understand
gwyn for her old school
and of course you, retardical sam - because you’re a doll
Oh, hell, I’d invite the entire IRC. Party at Deb’s tramps on a oline.
gotta go drink a rita!
Woo hooo.... L D, here you go...things for me to write about.
Quote:
how much and why you love me so!!
Ode to L(space)D
Fuck Phoenix. Move to Houston
We would par-tay big
You know I love you
You make me wanna go gay
Gov't man would freak out
Me, Aimee, and Euge
Everyone should love L D
She is really hot
Although she's so young
One sexy motherfucker
She makes us all perv
But she is smart too
She is one funny ass girl
Her jernul so rocks
Love, love, love that chick
I could write haikus all day
About L(space)D
Quote:
your first boyfriend and why that didn't work out (circa jr high, hopefully
Well I didn't have a first boyfriend until my senior year. His name was Kent and he is now an EMT somewhere in the backhills of Texas. I lost my virginity to him in his parent's living room while they were sleeping. I honestly don't really remember much about it. Pretty sad, huh?
We broke up because he caught his best friend (good friend of mine too) flirting with me. Kent was a macho-jocko, Texas football type... too full of testosterone. I've never seen him since high school. I'm not really all that interested to find out more about him. I really hated high school. I try to block those years out.
Quote:
how the hurricane is kicking your and houston's ass
We got just a tiny bit of rain where I live. Houston is pretty big, and I live more North, so it didn't kick but a small portion of a butt cheek. The coastal towns got big time flooded. Right at the beach we were going to go to this weekend. Blah!
Quote:
funny pictures of zoe or funny zoe stories (these are my favorite posts!!!)
Awwww thanks. She loves Auntie L(s)D too.
But there haven't been any really funny stories lately. But here is a little welcome into my world:
She's been saying get-for instead of forget. It's cute. "Mommy, I get for my big baby inside the house." (Big Baby is her doll with no name, she's bigger than the others, so she calls her simply Big Baby.) "Big Baby pooped on the floor. Big Baby needs some medicine. She has dia of her rhea."
She always spots cars that look just like mine. Dead on. "There's Zoe's car."
She wanted to take a bath yesterday in her pink polka-dotted bikini. I let her. She was in the tub for nearly an hour.
She wants to eat popsicles for breakfast. I let her peel her own hard boiled egg instead. Not quite the same, but she thought it was fun. She ate three.
She wants to wear her Barbie dress up shoes to shcool. I don't let her, but it's a fight every single morning. What shoes to wear. Thanks, Momo G (my mom) for the birthday gift. They cause me undue stress and agony every day.
http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/bc/da...otos.yahoo.com/
The above is Zoe - from little to Big Baby
I used this for my Christmas letter. How could you not be excited about Christmas!!!
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/3f15...cxpcF_AX03gp6GD
And Fuck Yahoo. Some of these aren't working!! I tried some download program and I still couldn't get it to work. Sorry for the link vs. a real picture.
Quote:
a post where you cut and paste your flight itinerary from houston to phy!!!
How about a post of monkeys flying out of my ass? I'm negative 32 hours on my vacatino tine, and I won't get any more sick leave until January. I only wish, chica. I'm soooo in need of some vaca!!!
Quote:
TADA!!!! I wonder how many exclamation!! marks I can have in one message!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!
I don't think there were enough!!!!!
Ok, loves ya L D. Keep them coming. My brain is dry.
Ok, he called again this morning. Just got off call from work and was thinking about me.
He wants me to start looking for a job in Pennsylvania. I actually would move, but it would only be if there was an offer of more security. I don't know about the M word, but if I moved there I would lose having my entire family near me. So if I left, it would have to be very serious. I don't know if this is what he had in mind. I highly doubt it.
He is trying to get a weekend off in August. I repeated my request that if he booked the ticket, I would make it happen. He said to email him my exact name as it appears on my ID. Says some prayers. I need some fun.
I wrote him a fairly serious , albeit sweet, email. I told him exactly (almost) what I've been telling y'all. Leaving out the parts about how desperately I miss him.
Mostly it was about how I miss his friendship, and how much he means to me. How meeting him had a profound effect on my life. What I mean is that after my ex husband was such a dick to me, I thought I'd only be a mom and an employee. My life had no fun in it (kind of like how it is now). He changed all that. We really used to have a wonderful time together. I know he misses it and so do I.
But I wanted him to know that we deserved to have fun together.
It's the same thing as Aimeethepoet's newfound love. When you date someone who is a total dick, it drains you of any part of who you really are. The horrible relationship sucks the life out of you. And when you find that new lovely someone, it is like you have earned it. It is totally rewarding and you become the person you were, and you totally appreciate the new person.
It was a lovely email. I know he will like it. It sucks that I sometimes doubt him. The more I talk to him, the more I know that he is miserable without me, and I should have more faith in our relationship.
I can't wait to see him. I might have to jump him in the airport.
-------------------
Hurricane Claudette... yikes. It's tearing up Texas coasts. We might not be able to go to the beach this weekend. They are totally flooded out today. Another time perhaps.
Zoe woke up with a high fever. 103 - Too high for school. After about 11am though she snapped right up. Tore up the house. She's fine now, but that's a scary thing to wake up to. I sure love these unpaid days off. Total suck.
I'm off to cook dinner. I'm such a slave to domesticity.
Ok, there.
He called. Are you happy?
Well I'm not. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it sounds as if he doesn't have a free weekend for over six months now. They've got him on call every weekend for six months. This means that I have no idea when I'm going to see him next. He doesn't know either. It's terrible.
I erased his phone number out of my cell phone so now I have to wait for him to call. I'm sick of these ambiguous feelings. Anger mixed with meloncholy and then elation. It's my fault. It's how I'm allowing my feelings to be dependent on another person. Well fuck that. I'm going to keep on with keeping on.
He misses me. He is looking for a new job for next year. He says if he's going to be a slave, he wants to be a slave in Houston. That way we would be able to spend even a few hours together. Maybe a day once in a while.
I think this is supposed to be good news.
In the meantime, I have no idea when I'll get to see him next. I feel like he waits and waits to call me. It's the spoiled child mode in me coming out. That is not the case. He's either working or sleeping. He sounds horrible. Tired, missing me, hating being there, and missing Houston.
Basically, I'm still here. Still alone. Still working, being mom, having no life, and too much time to think about him. (yes, this is what it means to be a hostage in my own head.)
Well I'm going to keep being busy. He misses me, but honestly he's too busy to even think about me. I need to make myself the same way.
Deb is getting her life back.
[edit]
I re-read the above... no, I'm not giving up on him, I just need to give up on the negativity and depression that not seeing or talking to him is causing me. I love and adore him, but I need to stop being so meloncholy about him. It's not good for me or for Zoe.
I'll see him one day. I'll keep sending him letters (he said they cheer him up so much), and I'll keep being faithful to him. I can't see myself any other way.
------------
Babysitting the under 3 crowd right now. The baby is with my sister so I only have two 3 year olds. They are busy watching a video.
Bliss
And I'm going to the beach next weekend if it ever quits raining. I've got a little extra cash, so I'm paying bills, but going to spend a few days in Galveston with my Zoe.
Doubla - bliss.
Much love to my L(cheerthefuckupspace)D and my Lori soontobefullofmoresunshine.
scrumptdilishious.
and woo hoo Aimee... New Yawk City.... hopefully sex in the city
Why do I suck so bad. I haven't heard from Dr. Egypt in weeks now. I mean, not a real conversation since the end of June when he promised to send me an airplane ticket. I talked to him Sunday and he said he'd call me later that night or Monday. He was dead asleep. I'm sure he doesn't even remember talking to me.
I need to break the phone curse. I'm back in that terrible cycle of elation when he calls, followed by sadness and doubt about our relationship in between calls. It's just that they are so infrequent.
[sarah jessica parker moment]
How can you have a long distance relationship when one party doesn't communicate?
It's horrible. I start to call him myself. I called like three times in one day. It makes me feel like a stalker or something. It is like the reverse of The Rules. Never call him and hardly ever return his calls. Well that's like what he is doing to me. That's why I'm addicted so.
The stupid thing is that I know this. I'm a fairly intelligent, rational, nearly 36 year old woman... So what the hell am I doing?
Lara (my assistant editor, remember) says that Dr. residency sucks big time. Her brother is a doctor, so she knows this.
I know that Dr. E is crazy busy. But dammit, it only takes a minute to phone someone or hit the reply button on an email. It feels so... callous.
I know he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings. I know him. I know he would never do that on purpose. And I feel totally selfish for feeling this way. Like a spoiled child. He TOLD me this would happen. I was warned. He said this in the very beginning of our relationship. He said he was moving away and was afraid of becoming too attached. Afraid to hurt my feelings. That he would be insanely busy once he started this three year rotation.
But he did become attached. He freely admits it. And I did too. I can't imagine not knowing this lovely man for the rest of my life.
But his sadness kills me. It haunts me when he calls. He says lovely things. He makes promises. I want them to be true. I want to be there to see him. And then... silence.
His calls make me miss him more. I feel his pain, his tiredness, his loneliness. I want to be there for him. To have fun with him, and to remind him that there is fun to be had. His life is hard and stressful. We need to see eachother. I need some fun too.
He misses me. He misses us. I can hear it in his voice. It's terrible because
I
feel
exactly
the
same
way
I haven't had a night out since April. I didn't realize it until last night. Literally I have not done anything absolutely by myself since April. I haven't had any fun... debfun... since he left.
I need him. I need us.
I'm at work and I feel like crying. I don't like this desperation. I don't like it that one minute I feel as if this is the man I should be with... like forever [eewww scary, I said it], and the next minute I'm wondering why he hasn't called me. Or if perhaps he has given up on me and moved on to someone that might be more "convenient."
My rational side says this is speculation. That he is too busy. That he loves me and misses me as much as I miss him and he'd never be with another woman. But my stupid emotional (like PMS overkill) side says that our relationship is too much work right now and that there is some nurse shacked up in his bed.
This is yet another reason why I need to get back to my life. Just when I feel like giving up on him, he calls. I start to say, well I have to move on because he obviously doesn't want to commit to a long distance relationship. And then his dumb ass calls me and I'm back in lala land.
Lara can totally tell. She doesn't office with me anymore, but she has some serious deb-radar on my feelings. It's kinda spooky. I try not to be mopey, but it's too much wrapped up in my head.
So if I keep busy, I might not notice or count the days since I had heard from him.
How can I lower my suckitude factor?
Maybe Dangoldst or Benorbeen can come up with some formula to break the cycle.
--------------
13 days until the next National holiday - 11 for Lori Sunshine
Gotta love those 30-something chicks!
come celebrate with us
Out of the blue private message... hmmmm. Out of town businessman, visiting Houston "on business." Searches local yahoo directory. Comes up with THE DEB_U_TAUNT.
[note - my profile says that I'm a porn editor. It is more interesting that what I really do, but it gives me something to write about since I meet all the weirdest people. How they don't understand that this is a joke is beyond me. They only wish.]
Internet conversation:
m42: so.... are you really the editor of a porn mag?
deb_u_taunt2002: nooooooooooooooo
deb_u_taunt2002: no, no
deb_u_taunt2002: it's just a joke
m42: lol - i thought so!
m42: are you reallly an editor?
deb_u_taunt2002: are you married?
[note - he did not answer this question - immediately untrustworthy]
deb_u_taunt2002: and yes, I really am an editor
deb_u_taunt2002: I work for an environmental remediation firm
deb_u_taunt2002: at an oil & gas company
deb_u_taunt2002: [inserted sleeping face here]
m42: environmental remediation .... porn... what's the difference!
[note - ah ha ha ha - oh, he's so witty]
deb_u_taunt2002: I read about toxic waste... equally as dirty, just not as sexy
[note - my lame ass line]
m42: probably... more so
m42: do you like port?
deb_u_taunt2002: somewhat
deb_u_taunt2002: I don't drink much
m42: sorry... i meant to say.... "do you like porn"?
Oh holy hell. Wonder what he wants?
I am a lotion affectionado. I'm very very very picky [very even]. I have totally white skin. I stay out of the sun as much as possible. I'm soon to be nearer to 40, but I don't think I look that old.
Judge for yourself with these pictures (and yes, I'm a troll, but I have good skin)
http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/debsterc....src=ph&.view=t
well, anyway!!!
This woman that went on the church retreat with me gave me a sample of this wonderful foot creme. It is totally yummy. The best lotion I have ever used.
So I figured I would shamelessly plug her website. Tell her deb sent ya!
http://www.ivysdelights.com/index.htm
(will edit if the links don't work)
SUBMIT
TO
THE
HEAD
-----------------
I don't have much to say. Too much work at work.
All work and no play
makes Deb_u....
well you know the rest
say it.... I suck. I'm missing my dorkass boyfriend and he hasn't called since last Saturday. I guess I don't have a plane trip to look forward to. I'm sure he didn't book it like I told his ass to. He said he was.
Actually he did call on Saturday. I only have my cell phone now & it was in my purse. I got his message 4 hours after he called. He just had text messaged PLEASE CALL. That was it.
So I don't think he bought my ticket. He's got a bazillion travel miles so I'm sure he wouldn't even have to pay for it.
I want to see him. I'm in a funk to end all funks. I'm getting uptight again.
-----------------
I want to finish writing about my Aunt Loopy. Although now that I talked about her, I'm sure the story will be completely boring.
-----------------
I cut my hair again. This haircut is awful. I just want to wear a wig. I look like the Brady Bunch mom. It's just not edgy enough. I miss my Austin hairdressers. Even when I got a bad cut it wasn't horrible. I don't even want to get it fixed. I have to have a good cut. I feel ugly without it. I used to be so cute. Dammit. I have gorgeous hair too. Now it is grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... just fucked up.
I hate short hair. But with a good cut I actually look better with short hair.
I think I'm going to try to get it fixed. It makes me want to shave my head and tell people I had chemo or something. Then they would feel sorry for me because of that and not because I just have a shitty haircut.
I want to get drunk. Then maybe I'll think I'm pretty.
-------------------
15 days until the next national holiday.....shhhhh
celebrate with me.
Where is my ticket
I miss Dr. E so bad
Why hasn't he called
Nothing to write now
My journal is more boring
No torrid sex tales
I'll make some shit up
Just to keep you entertained
So don't give up yet
--------------
off to fight this fucking traffic
I'm a superwoman!
Ok, well Happy Day to you Canada! Personally, I don't give a crap about the upcoming 4th of July holiday except that it means 3 days of just me and Zoe.
I'm not babysitting.
It's gonna be all about me and Z-baby. Clean house, cook. I didn't some cool meal planning on Allrecipes.com.
I actually spent some money ($36) to join Nutriplanner. It analyzes and helps you plan meals based on your nutritional goals. I set it to a diabetic diet plan.
We'll see if my $3 a month pays off. It's a bit too fussy and complicated for me, but worth a try. I'm going to show it to that fuckass endocrinologist (the one that made me cry). Maybe he'll get off my ass.
In the meantime, I feel really crappy. I'm super tired and my blood sugar levels are too high. I can tell. Headaches all day. High fasting sugars. Blah.
But I can't adjust my insulin dose. This is the week he is monitoring my levels so that he can fix the dose. Great. This is usually a horrible week for me.
[aside]
They are high, but not like deathly high. They are in the range of if you keep this in this range for a while, you are starting to do damage to your organs/vision, etc.
They aren't so bad that I'm going into comas or anything.
[aside over]
Woah, thread over too. It's nearly 5pm and I have to do like 2 things before I can leave for the day.
Currently working on a story about my Aunt Loopy, but I'll catch y'all on the flipside. Sorry for all the medical entries... they are so fucking boring. Hopefully Loopy will be more entertaining.
*whoopty*
Hooray for Canada!