A two exclamation Blah day!!
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Things I still know very well:
1. I miss Zoe every minute of every day. She likes chocolate rice crispies.
2. Lara is my best good friend. Only she will ever truly know why. I could never get to the root of this with you. You wouldn't understand.
3. I wish it were colder. October and it's nearing 90. Folks, trust me, this is more depressing than cold.
4. I am not over Dr. E. I miss his dumb ass every day. I miss him more than even I know. It sneaks up on me in the worst way. It's like he's dead and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I bet he doesn't know how his absence makes me so entirely sad.
5. He does not miss me every day. He may not even ever miss me.
6. I still suck. There are too many reasons to list why exactly.
7. I am secretly shy. You'd never know this from seeing my writing or talking to me over the internet, but I am and it makes me feel like a dumb asshole.
8. I openly covet my sister's lives. They may or may not know this. I'm sure you all know this.
9. No matter how much you try to convince me, I still do not see the appeal of anal sex. I don't even want to try it (again, you fucker, ever ever again)
10. I miss Austin. I miss my mom and miss my dad. I miss hanging out with my sisters when we don't have our kids. I miss my ex boyfriend from college. I miss live music. I miss shopping and having money to spend. I am in the missing mode.
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New doctor details:
(and how I find them, I have no idea)
Foreign
Italian/Spanish
Surgeon
Gynocologist (equally intrigued and repulsed)
He shall heretofore be know as Dr. Vagina (thanks benor)
Tall
Smokes a little a lot I don't know yet
Funny
Talks about sex too much at first
Carries a torch for his first true love who died tragically and drove him to go into gynocological surgery
Good looking in a weird way
Met him for lunch today
Didn't talk about sex hardly at all and this made me relieved
He wasn't as weird as I thought he would be. Still reserving judgement
Made him go dutch (I'm an asshole. Should have made him pay)
Made Lara go with me. One of the reasons why she is the best
I acted and looked like a dorkfus. Was wearing hideous, yet comfortable shoes
Realized I'm still stuck on Dr. E in the most fucked up way. I want him out of my head
Realized that I want Dr. E back here
You know this
You know more about me than me
I'm babysitting my nephew through the weekend, and my mom is in town. We spent the night tonight at Sis #1's casa.
I put the kid's carseats in my own car, and
this is what I drove to work this morning
(because my mom didn't want to drive it & I didn't want to stick her without a car all day).
http://www.edmunds.com/media/2002/paris/mercedes/03.mercedes.cl55.f34.500.jpg
No wonder my Sis & her husband are so awesome. If I lived like this everyday, I would be pretty happy. It's funny, but I am not jealous of them, but more like happy for them because they are so cool & they deserve what they have earned.
They rock.
What a fucking awesome car though!! No wonder guys go for the car when they have their midlife crisis. If I could afford to, I would!
UG! Lots of work. Later for you!
Ok, so she won't look exactly like him, but it's the thought that counts. She's gonna think she's Jackie Chan anyway. She has told all of her teachers at school and all of her friends that she is going to grow up and be Jackie Chan.
Here is what I just bought her for Halloween:
http://www.chinasprout.com/store/media/C180.jpg
I wish I had a little more time to shop around here because I know I could have gotten it cheaper.
That one is red though (her favorite color) and is just too cute. I hope that it is nice quality too. I will need to take some pictures on Halloween for y'all.
Jackie Chan.
Karate man bruise on the inside.
Zoe went back to school today. No fever yesterday, but she still feels pretty shitty. They had a fieldtrip today. I cried my head off driving in. I'm too tired to be here, but I needed to show my face. I don't even have any work to do today. I did it all in like 15 minutes.
And for this my daughter had to go to school when she wasn't feeling well. How unnatural is it to be a working mom? It is the worst. I fucking hate this. But it "pays the bills." Yeah, whatever. I'm still fucking broke always.
I had to take her to the doctor again. Wednesday night she was like the exorcist. She woke up screaming and crying and saying her belly hurt. Most likely from hardly eating anything all week. Her fever at 3am was 103.9. Under her arm, so add a degree.
I called her pediatrician at 4am and he said to take her in Thursday. It took me two hours to get her back to sleep. The doctor took blood & said her ears look better, but her white blood count wasn't high or anything. Just a virus or maybe the flu. Whatever. Between Monday's visit and Thursdays, she lost 3.5 pounds. Great. Poor little thing.
I spent $100 on all the drugs, doctor visits, etc. I'm going to bounce a check one way or another.
I came back to work today. They are all assholes. I feel like shit. I'm exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I swear they will fire me one day. The good news is that I found out we really get 40 hours of sick leave vs. 20. So I got to use 18.5 hours - which is what I had left.
Zoe's dad is going to "loan" me some money. I have to write him a check that he can cash on my payday this Thursday. Even though he fucking owes me like $2-300 bucks. fucker.
I'm tired. I wish I could nap.
Adios.
Well Zoe still has a hot ass fever. She seems in better spirits, but she still has this lingering fever.
I started her on the antibiotics, but I think I'll still have to stay home tomorrow. That's 3 days. Sheesh, I sure can't afford that. Also, I am taking off 2 days next week because I'm babysitting so my Sis #1 and her hubby can go to NYC for the weekend with her in-laws. I haven't told my boss about next week. I'm sure he will be pissed.
Anyway, she also took the antibiotics. It was ok until she got upset about something and was majorly crying and coughing. It made her throw up a bit, which in turn makes her cry even harder.
I sat in bed with her with a cool washcloth and tried to calm her down a bit.
Nothing else in this world exists to me right now.
I just hope they don't fire me for missing so much work. They can be asses like that.
Off to sleep. My sleep clock is all off big time.
Cheer up!
Well at least it isn't the flu. Zoe's been sick for 3 days now. Like really, really sick. I thought she did have the flu. High, uncontrollable fever, aches, pains, cough, runny nose.
She's hot as the devil to the touch.
I took her to the doctor this afternoon. 103 temperature.
Flaming hot ear infection. My poor baby.
But where the fuck am I?
AT WORK. YES, IT'S NEARLY 9PM AND I'M AT WORK PUTTING TOGETHER A DOCUMENT BECAUSE I SUCK SO BAD.
I suck as a working mom. Why do I work on Sundays and at night when my kid is sick. Why can't Zoe's dad be some cool guy who actually takes off during the day so he can stay home with his sick kid.
Nooooooooo
So he got her at 4pm and went to my house and I'm here finishing this shit up. I'm starved, hot as hell (no air conditioning after 6pm here), and I still have a fuckload to do.
Antibiotics. Oh joy. I am going to see if they will put her ear tubes back in. I can't miss 3 days of work a month for this.
My poor baby. I'm out. I just want to go home and lay in bed with her and watch cartoons.
Fucking fuckstick.
Ok,
I'm ready to have sex.
I have no one to have sex with.
I have Saturday night to myself and I'm ready to have sex.
Why the heck is it so hard for me to have sex?
I wish I were rich because I swear I'd pay for it. He'd have to be totally hot and great in bed. Then I'd make him LEAVE!
I'm no good at this whole dating thing. How do you give a guy a hint that you would like to get him naked without sounding like a total and complete whore?? Or some kind of desperado?
There is a total Cutie McCutester guy, but I feel really silly. "Hi, I like you and want to have sex (or even just some serious kissing) even though I don't really know you all that well."
I don't want a marriage proposal. I don't want some random sex thing either. Why is this a big deal?
Maybe because I'm having to think about it.
Maybe because I'm not as cute as I used to be so it's not as easy to pick someone up.
I think I'm going to kickbox and not think about it anymore.
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Zoe is good.
I asked her what does Mommy do while she's at work? She said "paint."
Why did they create Pink milk? It's gross. She loves it. Probably only because it's pink.
Why do I always need a vacation from my weekends?
I took Friday off and went to Galveston with Sis #1 and her two kiddos (ages 3 and 1). The weather was gorgeous and we were going to stay in this resort hotel that has an aquarium and jungle pyramid thingy. It was really great. The kids had the best time & ran around. The aquarium was the coolest thing I had ever seen.
My sis paid for it all. I am pretty sure she spent a lot. It made me feel kind of bad, but I am a little cash poor until this Friday. She was so gracious about it all, and it was a nice vacation. I love spending time with her and her kids are like my own. The baby is the greatest, sweetest baby ever. She is so good unless she’s tired or hungry, and even then she is still super sweet.
I wish we could have stayed a little longer, but it's kind of hard to maneuver the under 3 crowd. Just when we started having fun, it was time to go.
Zoë had a great time. She was on pretty good behavior. We fit all three car seats in my sis’s BMW X5 (totally fun SUV). Zoë was in the middle. She was doing the splits and had her foot in my nephew’s face. He then started pretending to pick his nose with her toe. Boog – rrrrr. Boog – rrrrr. They then made up some booger song and sang it for 30 minutes. Sis #1 and I were trying really hard to ignore it, but it was so funny.
The aquarium was really the best part. A tunnel you could walk in and look up to see sharks and huge turtles swimming over your head, all kinds of great looking fish, seals that swam right up to you (the aquarium had 2 levels, so you could see all of this under the water), penguins, jellyfish and snakes and stuff. I’ve never seen anything like it.
We went in the rainforest pyramid too. Great plants and beautiful birds (although I was worried about a bird shitting on our heads). We saw a 3D IMAX movie about bugs. It was cool, but the kids kept taking off the glasses. Sis #1 took the three year olds in the pool, although she said it was icy cold. I fed the baby and drank a frozen margarita. It was so relaxing.
Saturday we did the same thing, and then hung out at my sis’s house. She was going out that night, and I was babysitting. The kids had taken a short nap in the car on the way back, but it sure wasn’t long enough. In the afternoon they were in rare form. My nephew gets all crazed between 3 and 4pm and was wrestling with Zoë and tackling his baby sister. Zoë tries so hard to help with the baby, but usually ends up getting too much in her face for her liking. I hardly got to sit down even for a minute. It was exhausting (especially after sharing a room with the three year olds the night before – they woke up at the crack of ass).
I ended up in tears when I was trying to eat dinner (yeah, standing up as usual) and Zoë had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it. Just once I’d like to eat dinner without wiping someone’s ass in the middle of it. Sis #1 came to the rescue and I felt better after eating a little.
Sunday I cleaned the 50 pairs of shoes out of my car and unpacked, did laundry, grocery shopped and cooked. Zoë and I made home made “trick or treat,” which was trail mix. We had a nice day, but again, it was exhausting. I only got to lie down at 10pm. No rest for the weary.
I didn’t even get a phone call from the New Cute Guy (the no pseudonym yet guy). Hmmmm…. He said he’d call, but I’m sure I jinxed it by writing a bit about him. He’s been pretty consistent, so I’m going to wait for him to call. I hate the phone.
I also didn’t realize how bad my hair actually looks. The hotel had a mirror on the bathroom door and you could see the back of your head. I look terrible. Not just the hair either. My complexion is not as glowing as it usually is. Not cute at all. It had me really bummed. I am in need of some major infrastructure work. A total overhaul. I should have saved my George Bush money for a facial or something. I think I’m going to trim up the back of my hair so that it will grow out in more one length. Ug! I’m so unhappy with my hair. A wig is the best bet.
This is why I carry around a picture of me with long hair. I am never going to fuck it up like this again. It's only hair, but shit I look like a dyke I swear!!! Fucking hate it.
I still suck. I have got to stop tying other people’s actions to my emotions. I need to make myself happy.
At least my fucking house is clean. I shredded over 6 months worth of bills. I cleaned out the fridge and finished nearly all the laundry.
Now if I could get a decent date for a change. I need some adult interaction in the worst way.
Work is bo-ring. I’m going to surf the net today.
Grow, hair, grow....
No pseudonym for this one yet. Cute. Sexy. Funny. Younger but not too much so. Taller. Charming. I'm in adore with him. No kissing as of yet, but I am hopeful.
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Rush Limbaugh is a racist asshole. What a dick! And that quarterback is a hottie.
My sister is the coolest chick I know. Sis #1 bid on a fantasy camp at the Texans. She got to scrimmage with the Texans players as their coaches, tour the stadium, etc. She said it was awesome. How cool is she?
We are going to Galveston this Friday. I'm so excited about my mini-vacation. So is Zoe. I hope she gets over this dang cold.
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Zoe was sick, so too tired to write much.
The Bambooki Quiz...
1. Have you ever killed a houseplant by accident?
I can't keep any alive either by accident or on purpose.
2. Have you ever killed a houseplant on purpose because you just didn’t feel like watering it?
See #1
3. How do you feel about spankings?
I usually don't spank, but have on occasion. It doesn't do anything but makes me feel really bad.
4. What is your shower routine?
Shampoo hair. Rinse. Condition hair. Wash face. Wash the rest of me. Rinse hair. Go see if Zoe has torn up the house in the 5 minutes it took me to shower. Showers with no Zoe around... pure bliss.
5. Do you shave your legs/face everyday?
No, only when they need them. Every three days or so, unless I think someone is going to get in my pants.
6. What does/did your last partner think about hairy legs/face?
Don't know. He never saw them hairy
7. If you could have a video of yourself having sex and nobody but you would ever see it or find it, would you want to see it?
Nah, this is something I never want to see.
8. Spiders are a) helpful and they eat bugs, I let them live, or b) horrible and they get whacked the minute they step into my house.
Spiders get the kiss of death immediately in my house. Yuck.
9. If there are 8 hours in a work day, how many do you actually spend working?
Same as burns:
5 or 6 on a normal day. 9 or 10 every now and again when I have a deadline.
10. How often do you change your underwear?
Daily
11. What is your favorite cheese?
parmesean in my eggs
12. If your favorite cheese had mould on it would you throw it out or scrap off the mould and keep eating?
Eww, chunk it.
13. How much did you spend the last time you went to the grocery store?
$50 bucks. Didn't get everything, but enough to last this week.
14. How much did you spend the last time you went shopping for yourself?
$40 bucks on CDs
15. Scented candles or incense?
Candles. They remind me of Dr. E.
16. White or wheat?
Wheat with oatnuts
17. Pumpernickel or rye?
Both. I dig both, but don't eat much bread.
18. Marble rye?
What's with all the bread questions? Haven't y'all heard of low carbs?
19. Overall favorite ethnic food? (I.e. Italian, Mexican, German, Polish, Indian, etc.)
If it weren't for Mexican food (Tex Mex specifically) I'd be a skinny chick.
20. Is horse and greyhound racing a great sport or cruelty towards animals?
Sport. Beautiful. Depends. I've actually never really watched it, so ...
21. Are your pets from the pet store, the pound, or the breeder.
The neighbor had extra hamsters. Baby Jack is still alive and well. He bit the new cute guy in my life.
22. Do you ever have to trim your nosehair?
I'm hoping this is just a dude thing. But no.
23. If you could go back and relive high school knowing what you know now, would you?
Oh hell no. High school sucks
24. Curtains or blinds?
I have blinds, but prefer dark dark curtains, like blackout curtains. I'm on the first floor and am pretty freakish about peeping Toms.
25. A/C at night or open window? (Or fan?)
I prefer the window, but the first floor thing makes it a no no. I sleep with AC and a fan nearly year round. Then I snuggle under my comforter.
26. Hawaii or the Caribbean?
Hawaii hands down.
27. If your best friend’s partner was cheating on them, would you tell
Oh hell yes
28. If one parent was cheating on your other parent, would you tell them?
That would never happen. If it did I'm sure I'd never find out.
29. What is worse: a cold that lasts for two weeks or the stomach flu that lasts for two days?
Cold. Stomach flu for 2 days, diet I say.
30. If there were a solid cube floating in outer space, completely filled with water, no air space, and you put a scuba diver in the cube, which way would the bubbles go?
Ok, whatever. Rye bread to cubes floating in space. Weirdos
31. What’s worse: rug burn or blister? Why?
Again with burns on this one:
At least you tend to have more fun getting a rug burn.
32. Would you put bleach on poison ivy if it meant curing the rash in one day as opposed to five or seven days? (This is bad for you. Do not do it.)
never heard of it, but sure, why not. Who wants a week long itchy rash?
33. What is your sleepwear of choice?
White cotton nightgown. Prefer naked, but I sleep with Zoe, so I'd rather not wake up with a tiny foot in my ass.
34. Would you rather wear a thong or no underwear at all?
Thong. I bought my first one last year and they aren't that bad - ON A WOMAN MIND YOU!
35. Girls: gynecologist: man or woman? Guys: urologist: man or woman?
Man. No chick's hand should be in my cooch.
36. If you have kids, who will give them the facts of life speech? You, or your spouse?
I'm thinking it will be her cousin for sure.
37. Veggies: canned and ready to go, or fresh and requiring prep time?
Fresh. Hands down.
38. Favorite type of potato? (I.e. mashed, baked, grilled, scalloped, hash-browned, new, sweet, French/freedom fried, etc.)
Mashed, but only when I make them.
39. At what age will/did you tell your kids the truth about Santa?
When they are old enough to play santa themselves. I'm not going to spoil it. Let's just never bring it up.
Ok, naptime.
Missing less. Need kissing more.