I'm going I'm going.
I don't want to go. I don't feel like being at fucking happy hour. Tomorrow is Lara's last day. I'm moping and stupid. I'm a big titty baby. Work is sucking. It's soon to be uber-sucking without her.
It's not just the work thing. It's seeing her and talking to her and going to lunch and stuff. She truly is one of the best friends I've ever had. She can read me like a book. She's one of the funniest people I know. If I'm stressed over this fucking bullshit, she is one of the few people that know how to help without being a fucking asshole.
Enough. I better go.
I hate this place.
---------------------------
yah, yah, keep voting for my sister. that's the only fun thing in my life right now. that an going to the thanksgiving parade with Zoe and her cousin. He's going to spend the night with us Wednesday, then I have to try to get them out of the house at the crack of ass. I may dress them in their clothes the night before. He better not wet my bed.
---------------------------
I've been having panic attacks I suspect. I keep having weird premonitions of my death. I even told my ex husband that I want Sis #1 to raise Zoe if anything happened to me. He agreed. I told him that he could see her when he wanted, but that I didn't want him to take her away from her family here. It's sad, but my sisters and their families are more of a family to her than he is. They know her better than he does.
I keep feeling like I'm going to be in a car accident soon. I'm perpetually sad. It's just spooking me out. Weird headaches. My eyes feel like they are going to explode. I wake up and my arms and legs hurt. It makes me cry. I'm a freak.
If I die, these are the things I'm thankful for:
My Zoe. She's my heart.
My family. All of them. All their beautiful kids. All my beautiful sisters.
My parents especially. How I got so lucky, I don't know.
Lara. She's my bestgoodgirlfriend. I hope to always know her.
My health. It sucks, but it could be much worse.
My crappy car and my crappy job. They are crappy, but they work.
This cold weather. About fucking time.
If I die, you all read it first.
----------------------------
2 years ago, I found out my husband had cheated on me.
Happy Fucking Thanksgiving.
ok, I'm going, I'm going.
I still hate this place.
WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!
Sis #1 has made it to the finals of the Ultimate Texans Fan Contest. The voting begins tonight. I'll update this with the voting link when I get it. (voting begins Sun night & goes through the week of Thanksgiving)
I really want her to win. Not only is she my best friend, but she's the coolest sister a girl could have. (and y'all have to admit, she's easy on the eyes - well, maybe not so much in the below picture. That wig is insane.)
If she wins, she gets Superbowl tickets and gets to lead the Texans out on the field in next weeks game. The local tv station liked her so much, they asked her to march in the Thanksgiving parade.
She really is a HUGE Texans fan. And she's the only chick I know who reads the sports page first, has season tickets, listens constantly to SportsTalk Radio, and dresses up in her "unique" outfits for every home game. (todays game - bell bottom jeans with huge HOUSTON TEXANS on the legs & a red fringe jacket)
I'm gonna put this in an off-topic thread when I get the link, but I hope that you all can help me elect her.
Note: You can't tell in the pic, but she's wearing shiny silver evening gloves with blue fringe and white heinous gogo boots. There will be a video when they actually post the voting so that you can get the true awesomeness of her outfit.
http://www.houstontexans.com/fans/i...?cont_id=210729
go to the poll on the left & vote for "Texans Chick"
I don't know why they didn't post the video. I heard it was really funny!
I really want her to win. That would be sooo cool.
Zoe's school is now operating out of a church. Not sure where they will move temporarily until they can repair the smoke/water damage. It's a mess. Again, at least no one got hurt.
------------------
Just too damn tired today. Too busy with work to post (although I have to take a break - try reading this for 200+ pages:
Quote:
at the excavation around an area identified in a previous assessment with soil mercury results greater than 10 mg/kg located to the east of the sidewalk on the south side of the Meter Building, soil was excavated to a depth of 0.5 feet bgs, and 24 perimeter samples from 11 locations defined the horizontal extent of the excavation.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
-----------------------
So because I know you miss me, I'll post a little more. But stuff I don't have to think about.
Quote:
Just to be fair...
For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk free, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, as they have wised up to the fact that for 8 oz. of sausage it's not worth buying the entire pig
-------------------------
Next Wednesday is going to suck. They finally decided that it will be Lara's last day (the assistant editor here) I'm really devastated and am trying not to think about it. She's the only reason it doesn't totally suck around here (sheesh, you read what I read every day... UG!)
Anyway, they don't have any work for her to do at our other office, so she's out of a job. I hope that she gets to do some traveling or open her own business. She said though that she could go pick up Zoe once in a while. That would be great. Zoe totally worships her and Lara doesn't have much experience with kids. Maybe she will finally realize that she'd make a superb mom. At least she is to me sometimes when I need one.
enough... back to the blah blah that is my life.
The dry cleaner next to Zoe's daycare is in ruins. A 5:30am fire and it's completely gutted.
I'm thankful that no one was at her school
I'm thankful that the school didn't burn
But...
Some fucking asshat started that fire - arson - yeah! fucker
The school has major smoke and water damage. I went over there this morning and helped out a bit. They aren't sure what they will do. Zoe's teacher offered her home to watch Zoe if I can't find another person to watch her until they start back up. There is a church that offered some space, but the water supply was damaged in the fire. They also have to have the daycare licensing folks to look it over.
Ironically, another option is to move the school temporarily to the spot where Zoe used to go to school (the ones that left me with no notice). It's still vacant.
I'll let you know what turns up.
I'm devastated, but thankful. I said a rosary for my daughter's teachers and the directors of the school. What a total mess.
I truly think the writer of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" based part of that on me. My luck with men sucks.
-----------------------
Zoe is so mischevious sometimes. Nail polish. On the floor. It didn't come out. She cried so hard it made even me feel bad.
-----------------------
Work sucks. I have so much to do and I can't keep people from buggin me & get it done. I hate this.
-----------------------
I have to babysit tonight. I was supposed to go to the gym with soccerboy. I'd much rather be doing that. I don't want to work this week. But I better not say that because last time I admitted that Zoe got really really sick. I'd rather work 1,000 hours than go through that with my baby.
I'm missing her.
-----------------------
Today would have been my 8th anniversary. It's also my ex's 44th birthday. Old fucking fart.
I sure hope I don't do anything stupid. Last year my parents called to console me. I'm like... shutup already. I don't want to think about it.
Then I went out and cut all my fucking hair off.
----------------------
Happy day. whatever. Maybe I can make myself throw up and leave early.
Oh joy.
Dr. E didn't call on Sunday.
But who was I trying to fool? We all knew he wouldn't.
I don't feel like writing. I feel like sleeping. I'm lonely today.
----------------------------
Zoe and I had a wonderful weekend. It was too too busy.
Friday
Worked like a dog & then rushed over to Sis #1s to make mashed potatoes for supper club. It was fun and the food was great. Again I wished I had a date. Now it makes me miss Dr. E more because they always ask about him (as he was my one and only date). Also, the couples kind of mug on eachother, so it makes me feel like a 3rd wheel.
Got home late. About 1am. We slept in a little on Sat, so that was nice. (although I woke up with the worst leg cramp - probably caused by dehydration / alcohol I consumed - yum - cranberry & vodka)
Saturday
Went to the park with a guy I met online. He brought his six year old daughter. Zoe was so excited before we met them.
Where's the girl with the red hair?
Where's Katy?
Can I sit next to Katy?
Can Katy ride with me?
I want to see Katy
I want to see Katy
I want to see Katy, Mom-eeeeeeeeee
Where's Katy?
Mommy, I want to see Katy.
Will Katy push me on the swings?
Mom, where is Katy?
On and on it went. When we actually met up at Taco Cabana, Zoe buried her face into my leg and would barely look at them. Once Katy shared her doll and coloring book, she was Zoe's new best friend.
[aside]
I interrupted Zoe in the car when she was talking.
"Mom," she says in her most pouty voice "I'm talking to you. DUH! (said like du - uh)
Three going on thirteen.
[aside over]
The guy was really cool although I don't think he liked me (you know like liked me) because I think he freaked out that I was so tall (I had on 1" sandals and he's 6'0, so we were nearly the same height). Give the guy a haircut & he's way way cute. (he did warn me that he's not sure what he wanted to do with his hair, so I wasn't worried about that). I'd like to see him again, even if it is only to let our kids play. Mainly because he seemed very balanced and wanted nothing to do with my backdoor .
Then Zoe and I went to go babysit at Sis #1s. I also had Sis #2 bring her two kids over because she watched Zoe for me during supper club. Five kids under the age of six. It was exhausting, but those kids are so beautiful.
Smelling my 1 year old neice's head while rocking her made it worth it. She is sooo adorable. Those are the moments that break your heart. You want them to last forever.
Sis #1 also is entering a contest to be the Ultimate Texans fan. She basically dressed up as a Texans version of Wonder Woman - go go boots and all. She looked hilarious. I hope she makes it through the process cause then they post it on the internet for people to vote on.
Sunday
Slept in a little because I babysat so late. Woke up and took Zoe to see Elf. It's a cute movie. Zoe really liked it.
We then went to the mall to buy Zoe's winter coat. I got her a shearling coat, a brightly colored scarf and matching gloves. She looks so cute, she could model for Gap. We shopped a bit, sprayed on lots of perfume (she loves that part) and I let her go on this indoor playground/castle thing. She also rode the new 2 story merry go round.
Then grocery shopping, dinner and laundry. I didn't even get to sit down to eat until 8pm. Hectic, but we had a sweet time.
----------------------------
I'm not going to go there with Butt Boy. I've decided that I'm just not comfortable with that and that he's enjoying teasing me too much.
I also sent Jailbait an email for being such an asshole. I'm tired of letting losers make me feel bad about myself. Fuck him. And no, I'm not going to explain.
----------------------------
Headed back to the gym tomorrow. Going to meet Soccerboy for a workout. Hope that I can keep it up & and I also hope that he understands that I'm way out of shape & need to take it a bit slow.
Right now, I just wish I could sleep for a few days. I'm feeling run down.
----------------------------
The Thanksgiving-themed supper club made me think. I encourage all of you to participate.
Things I am thankful for:
My Zoe. She's still my heart and my light. She makes me see the world in a different way. She reminds me why life is still sweet and innocent. She also makes me want to protect her from bad things, but I know I never can. I can't imagine my world without her in it. She's been super affectionate lately. She says "I love you momma" in her sleep too. Now we watch Trading Spaces together. She is the coolest kid.
My family - my parents, 3 sisters and 3 brothers and all their spouses, and all their chil-ren. I can't believe I lucked out enough to have them. I'm so glad that my 2 sisters live here too.
Lara - she's my backbone. She's hilarious and lends an ear when I need one. She also kicks my butt when it needs kicking. I don't want her to leave.
My job - I'm grateful to have a paycheck. I'm also still surprised to have one.
My car - it's a piece, but it gets me where I need to go.
My health - it's sucky, but it could be much much worse.
The IRC - my sounding board. They also keep me laughing when I need a laugh, and my off-topic-ers inspire me. (wow, Oldlady, that last broken-faced one spooked me). I'm glad you all are here for me during my lonely days and nights. I love you and you make me feel less lonely, in the internet-addicted-losery kind of way that I am.
Ok, better get back to work before they find out how bad I suck.
they all are letting me down
each one possesses some masterful qualities
beauty, talent, humor, compassion
together they possibly could form one, but doubtful
I can't write this out
it eeks out my head and through my fingers
my feelings muted
and my heart stunted
why such folly from one
and such offense from another
friendship only from him
another just ashamed
the memory of you is like that of a dead lover
but he is not dead
remembering only the good
and forgetting the heartbreak, angst, anger
I'm letting him go. I wonder if he feels it. It's painful, denial, but at least I can admit to it.
------------------------
This poetry is so barf-inducing. But I have a hard time writing when I feel like crying. Generally I'm happy, but I wonder if God is trying to tell me something.
These interludes with men. Meeting them, liking them, then being disappointed by them is what makes me wonder.
*Carrie from sex & the city moment*
Since all these encounters are so completely unsucessful and humiliating, is that God's way of telling me to hold out for my one true love? Is that Dr. E, or perhaps someone else? Or is God trying to tell me that I'm not ready to be with anyone? That I should work on myself?
I feel like I'm trying too hard to distract myself.
---------------------------
Lori, my sunshine girl, I love you too.
Aimee, did you know my cell phone plan does not cover Canada? I didn't. I got hit with a big bill there, but the customer rep felt my pain there and she gave me the hookup. Sorry, funny lady, but we will have to online it. I may change up my plan though to add Way North America. You're a doll. Hope your weekend is fun.
Benor, you are one insighful dude. I appreciate you sharing your introspection. It's always great food for thought.
My friends, keep it up. I still do my daily check in with ya.
-----------------------------
Seems as if I have some random readers (non IRCers) who discovered my gray matter here. Welcome. Thanks for the encouragement.
I may have even found a workout partner. Soccerboy, thanks for making me laugh. Will you have sex with me? No, oh, I thought not. Bahahahaha
--------------------------------
Zoe is fascinated with smells
Mommy, your feet are stinky
Our car smells like mulch
This milk is old. It smells like yuck
That trash smells like Baby Jacks poop
She farted and then made me smell her hand
You try so hard not to laugh, but dangit, sometimes it's funny.
I've noticed that since she had her ear tubes removed, her hearing is more sensitive. She covers her ears a lot. I was running the tub while she was on the potty. She had her hands over he ears.
Mommy, that's too loud. I can't hear myself poop.
Ok, trust me, at the time it was funny.
---------------------------
too
much
caffeine
and
lame
introspection
is
making
me
not
sleep
----------------------------
Mr. No Pseudonym calls me. He's still adorable and funny. He still wants to give it to my ass. I'm still resisting. Does he really like me or is my ass the challenge? I told him I wrote about him, but he said not to. (although he did say that if there are any anal lovers out there, to hook him up.)
He's crazy, he teases me. I still am in adore with him even though he makes my butt quiver. (and that's in a bad way, but you all knew that). I may pseudonym him Mr. Butt Boy. I bet he'd like that. I still dig him.
I dig them all a little, but just when you think you know someone, you have NOOOOOOO idea.
All the rest are letting me down. How disappointed in the male species I am. Even Jailbait, but that's the neverending story. Fuckly disappointed I am. All but a new man in Lara's life. He's hella cool. But I'm not to write of him as he's not mine to write about. Just that he's the kind of guy you want as a friend for the rest of your life.
-------------------------
Oh, and by the way, George Bush, stay the fuck out of my uterus. I too think it's gross, but I bet if Bush had to raise all the kids that were unwanted he'd think twice before breaking out the pen.
But kiddos, guess what? I STILL SUCK
And you know it, but love me anyway.
humilation of the worst kind
sprinting to the door
my pants weren't even on
I'm not feelin it
I don't have time for you anyway
so I'm braving face and I don't care
but secretly sinking lower and lower
hardens my resolve towards that man in my head
I'll call you Sunday
but we both know you won't
dear readers know you won't
you were happy to hear from me
well I'm fucking glad someone is happy because it's not me
I just want to scoop up Zoe and lay in bed and watch cartoons
I can't hide at work and
I can't lob off my head to get you out of it
the work is neverending this week, this month, this year
my friend, she's my only friend
"mommy, I'm not going to be your best friend anymore"
not even she wants me
paradise is only a paycheck away, away, away and then away
never here you dolt
and the weirdos are out to play today
can't you see I want to be alone
under cover brother
I think I will make them all pay
all of them I say
I want to find someone to be really mean to
why can't I bring myself to make that one be you?
I took Friday off.
I'm supposed to have every other Friday off, but I've been working them instead. I needed this day to myself.
Dr. Vagina. Where to start?
He wants to have the type of relationship that you have after you've been seeing someone for like a month or more.
Um. Sex. Duh, Deb.
I told him I was off on Friday. He wanted me to make plans to see him for a few hours before he went to work. He was going to bring over something to drink and "play and have fun."
Ok, fucker. Sorry. Um. NO!
I don't have a life. I don't get to go out much. I like romantic dates. I like to be taken out. I like flowers.
Dr. E knew about this. He knew how to finesse a situation. Talk to me first. The first time I talked to him was hours and hours online then more on the phone. He listened. He complimented. He heard me and figured out what I liked and didn't like. He wasn't crude or crass right off. And he used this to his advantage, which turned out to be my advantage.
But nooooooooooooooo
This guy just wants me to go... oh, ok, you're cute. Let's fuck. Whatever. That's just not me. I can't turn my body on and off like that. I can if I know you really really well. I love afternoon trysts with someone. But not with a perfect stranger.
Dr. Vagina actually wanted me to agree to:
1. let him come over to my house (which was grossly messy)
2. let him bring some wine
3. have fun and play time
ewwwwwwwww, he actually said play time
We haven't even gone out on a date yet.
Y'all know what to do. Hit the buzzer. REAL FAST!
I had stuff to do. I wanted to clean, cook and just chill all alone.
Needless to say, after I blew him off, I have not heard from him again. I think this will be the last we hear of Dr. Vagina.
----------------------
I feel like the How Much Ass Do I Get Guy (who I wish would update his fucking journal. Oops.... I guess it is the Journal about fucking)
Here's my update:
Dr. E - still no word from this dude. I leave him messages once in a while, but he never calls back. I'm so lame though that if he moved back to Houston, I'd continue seeing him.
Dr. Vagina - ewwwww repulsed now
Cutie McHotster - He was the cute guy that I went to dinner with. He's a busy cat. I'm thinking he's not that into me because he emails, but doesn't really phone or anything. I'd love to have him for a friend because he is really smart and funny.
Mr. no pseudonym - He's adorable. Sexy, funny. He calls me. BUT!!!! He said I'd be the perfect girl except I don't like Backdoor action. Bahahhahaa. (long story recap - we discussed Kobe & my theory about the backdoor. I told him of my aversion to this action and now I think he's determined to show me just how much fun it is. Now it's practically the topic of every one of our conversations. Anyway, he's fun. I'd love to hang out with him because he's hilarious. I'm just frightened of this action)
*newbie update*
Mr. Sexy Jailbait - I receive an IM from, get this, a 23-year old dude. He's really cute. 6'0, gorgeous face, sexy accent. Against both our better judgements (he's never dated someone this old) we decided to go on a date Saturday. Zoe was with her dad, and we were going to go check out a movie.
Poor fellow gets rear-ended on the way over to my house. Car undriveable. It was all a mess. Needless to say, we didn't meet.
*sigh*
This... well Jailbait is to be continued.
ok, well back to work. Duty and paycheck calls.