Ok, I'm frightened. Now it's lurveeeee. Can you say eeeewwwwwww. Do the icky dance.
Let's just hope there's no procreation involved. They'd have to employ a full time therapist for their fucked up demon spawn.
And someone got to find that out yesterday. Yum. ;)
I stayed home again. I don't know why my stomach is so woosy. I feel good, then I get some weird wave on nausea. At least now I have insurance again. Shitty insurance, and I haven't gotten my card yet, but still, at least I am covered. I don't know how long to make this wait. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. I sure as hell better be.
-------------------------------
My ex is going gangbusters on finding a job. He's trying so hard. I feel really bad for him. A friend of mine is helping him out and giving him a shot at some extra money doing some construction work. It's really hard work though. But at least it's a way for him to get some money. I pray for my ex every day. I know he was a butt to me, but I want so much for him to have peace. For him to be proud of what he does and to finally make some money. He is 44 and has never really made more than $12 an hour. That is just heartbreaking to me. A man can't be a man if he can't earn a decent wage.
-----------------------------
I picked Zoe up early yesterday. I took her to go see Scooby Doo 2 with a new cool friend of mine. It was fun for a kids movie, but Zoe thought it was a little scary.
We then went to the park for a few hours and had the best time. I played with Zoe and we were both super sweaty. It's in the 80s here during the day. Not too humid either. I still miss that cold though.
We've had some awesome days lately. She's looking forward to visiting my parents so much. I can't wait. I'm so happy for them.
My parents are the best.
I still remember their 30th anniversary. We all went to lunch and the kids got together and made them do a game. Like the newlyweds except it was the oldyweds.
The sweetest was when my mom described my father. She said that he went to work every day for nearly 40 years without once complaining about it. That he worked so hard for so long to take care of all of us. She was crying. It was one of the few times I'd seen my mom cry.
I gave them a cruise to Mexico as a present for their 35th. It was actually something I won. I just thought that they'd appreciate it much more than I would. It was the first trip they had taken sans kids since their honeymoon.
They are so amazing. I don't know how I got so lucky.
----------------------------
I've recently gone back to a local personals site and found that I had a ton of messages waiting in my inbox. I answered a few. I still am not ready for anything serious. I'd just like to meet people that live around here. And have enough friends that I can just up and call them to go do stuff. It's hard when you don't have much free time. I've also met a few other single parents. It's cool to be able to relate to someone else's life struggles. And some of them ... the guys. Um, can you say HOT?
When I was in Austin I had tons of friends. Still am friends with some of them. Most have moved on. I have lots of friends here, but most of them have kids and stuff and can't really do things at the spur of the moment.
Anyway, it's all in fun. I'm just checking it out for a bit. I'm sure I'll get bored of it again soon.
----------------------------
My date last Sat with B was too sweet. I've waited so long to meet him, and when I saw him I just wanted to hug him all night. Like an old friend. It was so familiar and comfortable, but I was still kind of shy. I'm so dorky. Anyway, I'm glad we finally met and got it over with. He's one of the best guys I know.
We went to go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It was sweet. We held hands and snugged up the whole movie. My favorite thing to do. Then we went to Denny's for French toast.
Overall it was a great first date.
------------------------------
back to debbitch mode.
Ok. Bitch. You think your hurting my feelings? Well, all it's doing is cementing in my mind the fact that you and he so deserve eachother. You're both mental wackjobs.
I seriously could really give a shit. I actually think it's high-larious.
Can you say dodged a bullet? There are more than a few female IRCers who should be thanking the Baby Jesus that we got out safely.
Cut it out. All it's doing is making you look like more of a cunt.
And man, does it take one to know one.
Off to work. yay for the almighty corporate dollar.
Wow! I vaguely remember writing that last entry. That's a nice one. Very secret.
I'm still sick, so I'm skipping out on work. I feel nauseous is all.
I hate missing so much work, but I am going to enjoy laying in bed all day. More than you know.
It's 9am and Zoe is still passed out. She even went to bed really early. Another 13 hour sleep marathon. My poor child. Waking a sleeping child is so unnatural. Why do parents have to work? Usually Zoe is up by 7am. Daylights savings time is going to kick our asses.
My mom has really bad bronchitis. I couldn't even talk to her much because she kept coughing so much. She's got to get better soon. We are headed there on Friday to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. They are having a huge party.
The invitation to their party made me a bit nostalgic. It was gorgeous - a photo of my parents on their wedding day. Wow. They were so good looking. My mom was so pretty. Now she's still pretty, just very low maintenance. Dad looks the same, just grayer. I told my retreat team to send them email congratulations. So my dad will be getting like 40 email.
Ok, I'm off for coffee and a long hot shower.
P.S. Did you know he stole your idea. He claimed it was his own when we were in bed. Later, at dinner, you started talking about it and I was shocked. He had gone into full detail about the concept. That moment was very very creepy. As would be several others during the weekend.
ah, what a difference a day (or a few days) make(s).
A few days off to chill out and hang out with my kiddo. It was awesome. Awesome. A perfect day. We even got in a big long nap.
Now I'm back at work, avoiding work as usual.
Life is still a little sad, but that's only because I hate it when people are mad at me. I can't blame them one bit, but it still makes me sad. Because I really liked talking to them every day. Because they both are/were really cool guys. And I miss that humor and that flirtation. Different kinds of flirty they were. It was simply flattering. Absolutely. And unfortunately, playing with fire, as it turns out.
[aside]
Although, man, there still is one cutie flirty IRC boy. You're just cute. Adorable. I wish I knew of a cutie pie in NYC for you. And if I were in NYC again. Man, you'd surely been in trouble. It would be worth saving money up for that.
[aside over]
I also have always hated when I meet someone cool, and I really would like it to work and something's off about it. Bad timing. Sex weirdo. Long distance. Idiot. Pompous Intellectual or Pseudo-intellectual. One party isn't available. Or someone just simply isn't interested in me. Not everyone is going to like me, and I can easily accept that.
I know Aim, you want me to find my soul mate, but I really think that it isn't time for me. I'm not ready yet. I'm not the best I can be. And I don't feel even close.
If I were a guy, I don't think I'd want to date me either.
Now fucking me might be a different story ...
But that puts me back where I was before. Fucking someone who has no investment in me. And I have a hard time fucking someone unless there is something there. Even if it is just friendship. I'm a dumbass like that.
But, like someone asked me, would I really want to change that?
And. No.
I don't think I would.
---------------------------
Someone (actually a few people) told me I should start a journal of my poems. So that he could go at night, read them, and have a good jerking off.
I have contemplated that. So that this journal isn't so smutty, lame and perverted.
Although I do kind of like the different sides of me. Slutty, Mommy, Sexy, Sad, Strong, Desirable, Psycho.
Sybil. She lives.
------------------------------
here's one, just for you. I've posted it before a while back, but was too lazy to go find it. "Describe yourself, not by appearance, but by touch." Here is what became of that assignment (from the man who named me deb_u_taunt):
she that does not touch
these touches to the world but not herself
everywhere she goes, no one sees her
invisible, silent, strong, sexy, lovely, sex
her eyes hold her secrets well
as they have seen long before their time
as they know what no other knows will know will ever know
the past and the past and past ancient
no other can fathom what she feels how she feels what she knows
what man has stroked of this dark dark hair
long into the night of sex and sex
they want to see to see the flash of eyes those eyes these eyes
to see the sex to see the secret of her longing her giving her spell
to touch lips to flesh to breasts to touch feel of this mouth
in and so full so giving so knowing and wanting
these lips desire all and every and all and more desire
to ache to rock of this mouth this tongue this kiss this kiss
and more lovingly these breasts hold oh cherished oh daughter
gentle touch to kiss to feel to stroke as much
to ache this must ache this ache so deep so warm
to feel this warmth this wet this warm to touch so wet
knowingly, wantonly this pain's ache
so deep so deep only one only one to seek
these secrets to hide so hidden so hide these secrets
she hides
she hides
she knows
Thanks for this CD. Regardless. For everything you did and especially for this gift I will always totally adore you.
This song has no relevance to anything that has happened in my life, but just is an amazing song. So chill.
Still Too Soon to Know Lyrics
by Elvis Costello
Do you love him
Or is it still too soon to know?
When I think back a couple of days
Before I found you in his spell
Was there a warning?
What can I say
Should I look away
It's still too soon to know
Are you sorry
Or is it still to soon to know?
It didn't take much to break us in two
For it was in the way that he came close to touching you
The look in your eyes
I thought I recognised
It's still too soon to know
And it's still too soon to know
Will you stay or will you go?
It's still too soon to know?
When I think back a couple of days
If I wasn't happy then, I never will be
I wonder was this ignorance or bliss?
It's still too soon to know
---------------------
Getting ready for a late dinner date with B. Am nervous, but not nervous. It's a mommy night off. I'm beyond relaxed and a bit sleepy. A hard hard workout today. 18 miles again. Stretching. This calls for a Starbucks.
It's all calm here. Again a bit of sadness creeps in as I miss my friends. I miss calling when the urge hits me. And laughing often. What void is there that is causing this?
I can't wait to buy that lipstick GDW recommended.
Ok, enough time wasting.
I love this fucking music. I love it and hate it because it makes me think of you and how fucked up it all got. This was not how it was supposed to be. Maybe one day I can hear it and smile. I hope that comes soon. Sooner than soon. I miss you, you fucking ass.
That goes for you too you big damn baby. Snap out of it. I need a birthday present. You better be over this shit by then. You know it would be fun.
Ok, dinner. hunger. date. get into date mood, dammit Deb_u.
Bad day. I'll be fine, but I need to just write it, ok. So skip this part.
a. My mom is really sick. She may have pneumonia. (she's in her 60s). She also got in a car wreck and didn't tell any of us about it - as she's known to do. Her health is bad, but I guess I should be grateful that it's not worse.
b. I feel horrible today. I think it is a stomach bug. But I can't eat and I'm nauseous. And don't even fucking think it. Regardless, this is not good when you are a diabetic. I don't have my insurance set up anyway, and I have no money. So the last thing I need is to be checked into the hospital.
c. They are going to rape my next paycheck. Over half of it will go to healthcare. Apparently when my insurance coverage (from my ex) ran out on the 29th, I have to pay retroactively for my coverage through my firm. And they have to take it out of the next check. So I'm paying for a month and a half worth of coverage on my next check. It's not going to even be enough to cover my bills. Oh well. Something will turn up. Always does.
d. Zoe's behavior since she's been at her new school is atrocious in comparison to what she used to do. Don't know if it's the new "I'm four thing," lack of sleep, or just a new situation, but I can't seem to settle her down. Maybe if I can leave early today (since I can't eat a damn thing), I could get her to bed on time. I still may go workout. It makes me feel so completely awesome.
e. Fuck them. Fuckit. I'll just keep thinking about the sexy Texas men... nother day, nother story.
Anyway, it's just bumming me out a bit.
But the local dating front is picking up. See. Nothing in my life is in sync. Always a bit off in one area.
Ah. Fuckit. I'm not gonna worry about it. That's what this is for.
Therapist = The rapist. Good one.
Who needs one when you have the IRC. Not meeeeee...
Although I could use a stiff drink if I could stomach one right now.
not quite translated correctly. fucking college Spanish.
Cómo puedo duerma cuando lo único que deseo es su beso
------------------------
how could I
not give in to you
with my
nerves of steel
give up give in
get on with it
be with me you say
I want to I'm going to
I will
amazing
that body is amazing
your skin is so amazing
soft and all I want to
do is lick and
taste all of you
that muscle
so tight your arms
so tight and
warm and strong
and your smell
I feel you
pressing against me
makes me want it
makes me want you
in me
your hands all
over me and it makes my
body ache
and I gasp
so slightly
but yet you notice
I like this
you. yes you.
you'll do
Ok, I just smoked one cigarette and am now going to go pick up zoe and work my ass off at the gym. Yeah, fuckers. I played hooky today. I saw Mystic River. I walked outside. It's like 80 here.
so don't think I'm going to go swallowing pills or any of that shit.
but I still could get hit by a bus. I'm sure that some of you wish I would.
Back on schedule
Monday - 16 miles - 45 minutes of hills - level 8.
Tuesday - 17 miles - 45 minutes of hills - levels 9 - 15. Who needs a trainer when I kick my own ass.
I also did some arm weights with soccerboy. yay! he showed! You rock, man. I'll see you on Friday. You'll see yourself before then (I have meetings for the next 2 nights - ug!)
One day I will be brave enough to post pictures of myself instead of just my kid. I still hate the way I look. It's like looking at a stranger.
-------------------
I really wish that cigarettes didn't stink so much. That's the only reason I don't smoke more. Well that and getting a stroke. I'd be smoking one right now.
I'm tired as hell and can't sleep.
I'm so sore from my workout, so I know tomorrow will be much worse. I can't play hooky anymore even though I'd like to. I think Zoe is really getting sick, which makes me sad.
I'm sorry that I'm such a freak sometimes. I think it is because I'm a nympho? Or just lonely & I like sex? It's a good thing that I'm not such a spaz all the time. Actually I'm not a spaz most of the time. I was a little spastic in NYC, but that's only because I was so sleep deprived and excited about my vacation.
It's a good thing all the people that know me don't read this. If this was all they had to go on, I'd probably get hospitalized. In my real life, I'm totally a soccer mom.
Remember. Resiliance. I'm good at it. Too bad I am such a psycho in between.
Even IRC boy would probably admit that I was once cool.
------------------------
Actually I should be slowing down around here too. You should never shit where you eat, folks.
I need to go brush my teeth.
Fixin to make breakfast. It's 10am. Yay for real coffee.
Zoe is playing hooky with me. Actually she is getting a bit sick. We both are sneezing like fiends. But not too sick to have FUNNNNN!
I can barely lift my arms, but that was to be expected.
Just when I think I'm sane, I vent like that (#240) and it reminds me that I have such a long way to go. Obviously there is a bit pent up in here. It make me feel selfish as all hell.
This is the only important thing right about now:
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-3/678034/Mar20023.JPG
Today is a day for:
A real homemade breakfast
Going to the gym
Bike riding (Zoe got a new bike for her birthday)
Playing with her new Princess Stylin' Easy (this big Princess head with long hair and all kinds of hair accessories. She actually got the Little Mermaid one too, so we each have one. We've been playing all morning)
Finding another site to post pictures (suggestions?) I got some cool ones back of my trip and of Zoe eating sushi.
Napping with the Zoester. Her favorite.
Painting our nails and toes.
Cooking a nice dinner with flowers and candles. She and I do this once in a blue moon, and today seems like a good day.
Ok, we're off. Sorry you are so shellshocked. (as some of your PMs have said)
Like I've always said, what is here is just to get it out of my head. Much better than therapy. It helps me live as normal of a life as we can possibly have. It's a pretty good life too. I just need to remember that more often.
see her painted nails? (ok, dangit - village photos is only letting me post one pic a day. I need another site) She made me do mine just like hers. So now my toes are hot hot pink with sparkle glitter. Very work appropriate :)
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-3/678034/Mar20025.JPG
wheeeeeeeeeeeee
16 miles - 45 minutes of hills - level 8. A hard workout but it went by pretty quickly and I wasn't as out of it as I thought I'd be (since I haven't worked out since NY).
There sure are some nice looking men at my gym. I'm starting to get looked at a little bit, but I've decided that I need to fly solo for a while now. I'm just too fucked up to be normal right now ... obviously.
I did lose 4 lbs in NYC though. Must have been all the improv.
I am missing the late night phone calls. My phone has been unusually silent. Guess that's what happens when you turn into a big weirdo bitch.
-------------------
Zoe did well at school yesterday. I recognized so many of her teachers and she did get put into the 4 year old class with her best friend. She was also really short-tempered last night with me. And very bossy.
It's paybacks.
I am afraid it is the school though. Her other school was pretty scheduled and strict. This one is like jail. Whoever is the worst teaches all the others how to misbehave. I hope that the other school finds a new home soon. I can't take this bossiness. It makes me want to spank her. Which is something I don't like to do.
I had to sing her asleep last night because we didn't even get home until after 9:00pm. I had to go to the grocery store after the gym. She took a fast bath and I snugged up with her after my shower. She didn't want to go to sleep, but after a few minutes she was a goner. I still feel like we need a day off together. I'm temped to call in sick actually because I don't feel ... well.
Anyway, I'm dragging my ass in. Can't waste any days off.
later for you.
ok, enough of that. I've had a request to stop venting (although they did like the other poems - big perv). It's ok, because I don't like being that person. I can't be that person because of Zoe. It changes me and eventually changes her.
I do have lovely memories of my trip. Funny shows, walking around the city, meeting everyone, looking at all the people and that beautiful snow. You all may hate that weather, but I adored it.
And I do adore him. Still do. Probably always will. He may hate it. You all may think I'm a dick for doing so. But I guess it is because he was so unlike anyone I had been with since college. Creative, wicked smart, funny, and sweet. He may not have tried to be sweet to me, but he was. And I liked him so awfully much before I even met him. I really never even thought that we would end up shagging or anything. It wasn't like that. I really liked just talking to him.
And in the end. I do have regrets. You all have seen it. Since the beginning of my journal. I fall too fast and too hard think too nicely of everyone. Even when they aren't the nicest to me. I don't know how I could change that or if I would even want to. It is nice to be vunerable once in a while.
I don't know if he tried to hurt me on purpose or if I was just overly sensitive and was wanting there to be something that wasn't. Or if I'm just mad that all the men I truly like live so far away and there's never a chance for me to just be, and not to be all strange and sad because I can't relax and just be my normal self.
Either way, I'm sad it all is so weird and that I fucked it up by being a hateful bitch. He was a joy to get to know. He was sweet and lovely to me. And that is what I think I'll choose to remember.
And I just should have kept that in my head and out of here.
-----------------------
Off to the gym. It's the year of the deb, remember.
Soccerboy, if you don't show up tomorrow, I'm going to kick your fucking ass.
How's that for being a hateful bitch?
I apologize to my regular readers for all this crap.
When will I stop writing this shitty poetry about shitty men who don't give a shit about me? Are they really shitty? or are they shitty simply because they don't give a shit about me? I think it is because deep down I am a horrible, ugly, terrible person who deserves to not be happy in this area of my life. I may seem like I expect too much and love too much, but are decency and kindness too much to ask?
"Why am I alone so much? Lady, it's because you're psycho!!"
No. Just sometimes lonely beyond repair. And it's gotten to the point that it's not okay anymore. It's back to the Year of the Deb because I'm just not ready for anyone else.
You say you
are so
fucked up
and not ready for
any type of relationship
([a] easy way of saying I'm not ready for a relationship with you. It's a good one used by many men,and not just on me, just so they can get some ass [b] not that a relationship could happen; I'm hopeless but practical nonetheless [c] did I ever even fucking ask for a relationship? No. Thankyouverymuch)
but dude
you left skid marks
couldn't you have
waited at least
a few days after
we fucked to
tell me all about
your hot date
that lasted
several nights
*heh*
you're the man
what a stud you are
glad I got me a piece
you may not
know me or
owe me but
you knew enough
to know that
it wasn't simple
and that I lead with
my heart
For some strange
reason I thought you
were actually different
you didn't act like a bastard
when we were kissing
and laughing and fucking
but you have testicles
so I will cut you some slack
I will be okay
as I always always am
but it takes a few
a day a week a month
or maybe never
for me to get over
someone like you
I guess that I
am not guarded
enough or jaded enough
or bitchy enough
for it to not hurt
or I guess that
you don't think
my feelings
are
important
or that I'm
really a nice person
I'm sure by now
you are like
whoaaaa
hideous crazy lady
don't follow me
but really
really
I'm just a dumb
girl from Texas
who saw in
someone something
so lovely
and
endearing
I still do
you heartless
fucker
----------------------
Off to Zoe's new school. Her fifth. Does it ever stop feeling like you are fucking up your kid's life?
happy mommy = happy baby
So I can't keep dwelling on my own fucking lame, non-existent, unhealthy personal life. I actually am a pretty good actress. At least in Zoe's world.
There is something wrong with me
intente recordar todo
intente recordar todo
intente recordar todo
antes de que me olvide de cuánto tengo gusto de usted
intente recordar todo
usted era ese misterio
usted era ese hombre del misterio y le dejé ir
tristemente
tristemente
tristemente
Jesus don't cry
I want to remember
it all
that brief time
that short night and
all of you
and all of
the little of us
that kiss
honey kisses
that made me want
to forget my world
and all that is in it
and you were
finally there
and there was finally
a we
alone
so long
so long to wait
and anticipate
so you smile and
this is finally you, you say
why am I shy
I can't breathe
and you are so real
so beautiful
and young
lovely lovely beautiful
and I
can hardly breathe
I'm so nervous
I feel my blush
and am not able to
look at you
demasiado tímido
y entonces
ese beso
this kiss
so long thought about
transcends me
you kiss me
again
and over and
your hands
sweetly
patient hands
slowly figuring it all
out of me
and in again
my breasts
my thighs
your kiss
in and out and all
over me
all of it all of me
all and all of it
and there was a we
I should have
given in
I should have
your hands that
knew just what
to do
and I knew it
I knew you would
be just like that
touch just like that
smell just like that
how I longed and
ached for you
and here
and here
you finally were
and I can't
I have to go and
no please God no
they are waiting
don't stop
don't
stop
and I oh my
don't want to go
but I choose poorly
and
nobody gives a fuck
because regrets are just regrettable
now I fucking know
now I know
but don't want
to say it
to you or me or anyone
I should have stayed
I should have stayed
I should have fucking stayed
phoned it in
and
not let you go
(damn spanish letters not showing properly. oh well. and no. not about Jed, ok? This was the cute flirty boy I was supposed to have a torrid semi-meaningless affair. Not the mean one.)
I took Zoe to see Hildalgo & then to the Mucky Duck to see Ian Moore (early, non smoking show). She was wearing her coral birthday dress with the fabric flowers and ribbon. She really looked so pretty. She danced all around and was spinning so her dress would flair out. I have some pictures we took before we went out, but will post them later.
Thank you all for the adorable Zoe birthday thread. It made her laugh so much. She loved all the pictures and made me show them to her like 8 times.
--------------------------
He's still here. In my head. Every day, and I hate it. It's pathetic.
It's nights
like these that I miss you
Your visits and wine
and candles and
Freida and dancing in
my living room
as you slowly undress
me and take me
into your arms and
kiss me and then I don't know
where I am
because I know
you adore me and that's all
that matters
Even if I never see
you again I will always
own that love for you
as it doesn't go away
I try to forget you
with others and nights
and sex
and I remind myself
of your indifference
yet I still yearn for you
on these cool lonely nights
--------------------
Are other people as lonely as I am?
I have a busy, fulfilling life yet I still feel so awfully lonely. It's rather sad that some of my best friends (even before my IRC friends) all live in other cities.
I should just read that book and go to bed. I can't even listen to music because it's all too fresh and too painful, evoking memories I don't want to have right now.
--------------------------
You don't have to be such dicks, and you know it. :tsk: It's just pussy. It's not personal. Either way. You're hurting my feelings. Fuckers.
"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability."
Yes, this is me.
----------------------
I am greedy greedy
for your
body and for your
body on mine
and in mine
And I want to see your
face when I look
up
I taste
and kiss and kiss
my neck my thigh
and fit snug
as though this
is not the first time
how
you
ache me
and make me
want to get used to this
can't get used to this
and now I think
how I'd like to
be that again
and do that again
and I know
and I know
that this is
temporary solamente
so I
try to feel it as
intensely as I see
the city and then
I lay and lay and
look and lay
and stay awake
because if I sleep it
will be
over
My baby, my Zoe, my heart, my love, is four years old today.
I remember the fear I had that day. 6am at the hospital. Her dad watching tv while I tried to be as calm as I could which was not that calm. This was the day I had waited and planned for. A difficult pregnancy that I felt was not all that difficult, but rather lovely and loving. I would walk out of there with my little. The beginning of a new life.
They didn't use enough meds is the memory that stood out the most. She was a big baby and they scheduled a c-section because with my diabetes I was considered a high risk pregnancy. The epidural hurt and it made me cry. They numbed it up some more and then I was ok. The same would happen when they started the operation.
I didn't feel the incision, but when they started it felt as if they were punching me. I cried again as it hurt and I begged for more meds. (and I really do have a very high tolerance for pain) All I could think of was that women all over the world would not have this operation repeatedly if it hurt that bad. I was panicking and could not breathe with the mask on my face and finally the doctor gave me more meds. I was wild eyed and my husband gently touched my hair and rubbed my face. Sadly, that is the last tender gesture I would get from him for the next three years.
I wanted to see her. I wanted them to hurry. I heard her cry and they put her face next to mine and then she was calm. And I was calm. She was perfect. She was lovely and quiet and looking with her big eyes.
There are days when I wonder where I'd be without Zoe. How my life would be different or if it would be better somehow. The hardest and lonliest of my days make me feel that it would.
But most of the days. Like today. I know I'd be entirely lost without her. She is part of me.
I tell her the story of her birth at least once a week. She asks me to. I keep it to the basics of how they took her out of my belly and then they put her face next to mine. Then Zoe says "and here I am. I'm still your baby."
Happy Birthday, my darling daughter.
http://home.earthlink.net/~debsterc/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/SweetZoe2.jpg
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Ok, we're off. It's a ZoeMommy day and there's much to see and do